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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To get friends kids second hand presents

135 replies

OnceuponaRainbow18 · 29/10/2021 12:45

I’m a big fan of buying second hand; try to get my kids presents and Christmas stockings from charity shops or free Facebook groups. I can afford new but don’t like buying new, mainly for environmental reasons.

I usually get my kids friends new presents but was thinking of getting them from charity shops this year, obviously would only do it if the present suits the kids, like one friends son loves trains and found a great Thomas puzzle in a charity shop.

What do people think about this?

AIBU- buy new if you can
YANBU- charity shop it

OP posts:
Notaroadrunner · 29/10/2021 13:45

I'd rather you didn't buy anything tbh. Why are you even buying for friends kids? Isn't that's just still adding to the shite that accumulates in people's houses and ends in landfill, regardless of whether it's 2nd hand or not. Just agree not to buy for each other's kids.

purpledagger · 29/10/2021 13:54

That wouldn't be the done thing in my circle.

I wouldn't mind something new from the charity shop, but wouldn't like to be gifted something that has already been used/opened.

TractorAndHeadphones · 29/10/2021 13:57

Don’t you know your friends’ views?
Mine

TractorAndHeadphones · 29/10/2021 13:57

Are all into the environwmr and stuff so would love it

HereWeGoAgains · 29/10/2021 13:58

Does it look new? Are all the pieces in it and is the box bashed?

My DM loves a charity shop and wanted to give my DC some lego she found with bits missing for Christmas. I had to refuse it, I don’t mind second hand lego but don’t give the DC lego with half the pieces missing as a present.

Stompythedinosaur · 29/10/2021 13:59

I personally don't buy second hand presents for school friends, bit I do within the family. It is one of those things people feel differently about, and I don't think it would always be well received.

I'm also particularly hesitant about secondhand puzzles - nothing worse than a missing piece!

TheGirlCat · 29/10/2021 14:01

It reminds me of a saying that I can't remember exactly, something like the richer they are the tighter the penny. Or the more money the meaner or something. I cannot imagine you have a good reputation (but of course they wouldn't say it to you) and are seen as the mean and stingy relative. Christmas is not a time for second hand cheap garbage. Just don't bother buying any presents at all, that is a better look than what you are doing and using the environment as an excuse for your mean and tacky behaviour.

minimecantrollerskate · 29/10/2021 14:02

YANBU. There is often brand new stuff in Charity Shops or in excellent untouched condition, and several of our family members gift this way.

You can often get nicer gifts buying this way as you can get more for your money and if it's brand new then how does anyone know what you spent on it or where you bought it from?

If it looks like second hand tat, then that's a different story.

Also, why does anyone need to know what you spent? It's none of their business, and you have to be pretty grabby to say well they only spent £5 so I am going to spend the same. Spend what you can afford and what you want to.

AuntieMarys · 29/10/2021 14:02

Just don't buy presents for them!!!

notanothertakeaway · 29/10/2021 14:11

@TheGirlCat

It reminds me of a saying that I can't remember exactly, something like the richer they are the tighter the penny. Or the more money the meaner or something. I cannot imagine you have a good reputation (but of course they wouldn't say it to you) and are seen as the mean and stingy relative. Christmas is not a time for second hand cheap garbage. Just don't bother buying any presents at all, that is a better look than what you are doing and using the environment as an excuse for your mean and tacky behaviour.
Wow, that's quite harsh !
GoodGrief100 · 29/10/2021 14:13

@TheGirlCat

It reminds me of a saying that I can't remember exactly, something like the richer they are the tighter the penny. Or the more money the meaner or something. I cannot imagine you have a good reputation (but of course they wouldn't say it to you) and are seen as the mean and stingy relative. Christmas is not a time for second hand cheap garbage. Just don't bother buying any presents at all, that is a better look than what you are doing and using the environment as an excuse for your mean and tacky behaviour.
What a stupid post.
CatsArePeople · 29/10/2021 15:50

If its a specific thing they desire but too expensive to buy new (like a games console) - second hand will do.

Otherwise its just rude.

Charley50 · 29/10/2021 15:55

I agree it's best to do a deal not to buy friend's kids presents, especially Xmas.

LanisHouseLot · 29/10/2021 16:00

I think I would avoid although totally agree that it should be acceptable. What about sticking to things that you always eventuality need more of, such as decent colouring pencils and colouring books? Or something like a cinema gift voucher. Both avoid the wasteful tat issue but also are new presents.

NerrSnerr · 29/10/2021 16:00

There are so many people who think the way they feel about things is the way everyone should.

Some people on this thread have said that they welcome second hand gifts and others are saying there's a blanket rule that it's rude and it shouldn't be done. If the person receiving the gift welcomes second hand gifts how can that be rude?

OP if the family you're buying for welcomes second hand gifts then go for it!

Original poster
OnceuponaRainbow18 · 29/10/2021 16:03

@Charley50

Yea we don’t with most but a select few we do for Christmas! As as eldest has just started school we seem to be invited to lots of parties so have to take a present! Wish they’d just say no presents please like we do!

OP posts:
AudTheDeepMinded · 29/10/2021 16:05

I frequently buy second hand gifts for friends and family. They are usually in pristine condition and often still in sealed packaging. I also encourage the same in return. For example, my son is enjoying a particular series of books at the moment. Godmother asked for birthday ideas so I told her some of the titles he hasn't read and said nearly new just fine. I mean why spend £14 when you can spend £4 and help prevent the mountains of shite that people chuck away everyday. I also have a relative who I bought a silver charm bracelet for, every year I send a different charm, They are all secondhand, but how the heck would you know (other than they are much better quality than a lot of modern ones). Disclosure I might not always let on that something isn't new....

RedMarauder · 29/10/2021 16:06

Only buy second hand stuff for people whose views you know.

Bananasandevap · 29/10/2021 16:06

I buy second hand things for my own DC and me, and the house.
I also wouldn’t have any problem at all with others buying second hand for my DC.
Yet I’m not sure I would buy second hand for other peoples DC, I’m not sure why.

RickJames · 29/10/2021 16:08

I used to have a friend that gave us second hand books for my DS' birthday. Really quite bashed ones. I knew her partner was mean with money and controlling so I was fine with it. Actually thought it was really sweet of her to make the effort. And they were good books, just a bit worse for wear. We moved away and I know now she's back at work and I'm so happy for her. She was a nice woman, she didn't deserve her idiot partner.

Depending on circumstances I think its fine.

Chocolatewheatos · 29/10/2021 16:11

Fine for your own, I buy second hand for DS. Not fine for others unless they share your preferences.

gospelsinger · 29/10/2021 16:15

A second hand bag of a branded toy eg lego, playmobil is a good way to go with this.

2bazookas · 29/10/2021 16:17

Second hand , upcycled, charity shop finds etc are all happily accepted in our family, especially by the grandkids who are even more green than the rest of us. I'd say go for it.

CatsArePeople · 29/10/2021 16:18

if someone who was financially well off bought me second hand and I could tell, then id be a bit surprised.

it just says something about the giver really. PILs seem to be the worst offenders.

FateHasRedesignedMost · 29/10/2021 16:21

I buy lots of secondhand for my DC but wouldn’t dream of it as a gift. It implies you don’t think the birthday child is worth buying something new for. And many people are fussy about secondhand, especially toys that may have chips or marks or just look a bit grubby and used.

They may think you’re passing off your DC’s own outgrown toys as Xmas and birthday presents?