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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To get friends kids second hand presents

135 replies

OnceuponaRainbow18 · 29/10/2021 12:45

I’m a big fan of buying second hand; try to get my kids presents and Christmas stockings from charity shops or free Facebook groups. I can afford new but don’t like buying new, mainly for environmental reasons.

I usually get my kids friends new presents but was thinking of getting them from charity shops this year, obviously would only do it if the present suits the kids, like one friends son loves trains and found a great Thomas puzzle in a charity shop.

What do people think about this?

AIBU- buy new if you can
YANBU- charity shop it

OP posts:
StarfishDish · 30/10/2021 08:41

@OnceuponaRainbow18 I would LOVE you as a friend! I'm a huge fan of charity shops and second hand things. Our baby's toys/clothes/books are mainly from Facebook/the local charity shop.

However, some people are really snobby about second hand things so I guess it depends on people individually?

halloweenqwueeeen · 30/10/2021 13:01

@SleepingStandingUp

I just don’t like the idea of it, you don’t know what kind of life second hand items have had

Those horrified at second hand, so you seriously bin everything or is it OK for it to go to the serving hand shop for the poor?

Well if it wasn’t for those who buy new and donate it on, like me, you wouldn’t be able to get your second hand bargains! It wouldn’t work for us all to be the same Smile
quitefranklyabsurd · 30/10/2021 13:12

I bet if you replaced secondhand with vintage/antique people wouldn’t bat an eyelid.

We are far too snobby about buying secondhand. As long as it’s in good condition the. What’s the problem?

TabithaTiger · 30/10/2021 13:12

I think it really depends on what the items are like. The charity shops where I live are full of tat, so I wouldn't buy gifts for others from them. I hate waste though, so I would just say to friends let's not exchange gifts for DC and do something together instead. I'm sure most people would be relieved to have less stuff to store and less gifts to worry about having to buy.

Anoisagusaris · 30/10/2021 13:15

It would be better to cut out presents for friends’ kids abc perhaps do a day out or meet up instead.

BananaPB · 30/10/2021 13:19

I would talk to your friend.
Personally I wouldn't mind second hand jigsaws but if you've spend 50p and I've spent £20 on a new item then I wouldn't be too impressed.

FlowerArranger · 30/10/2021 17:06

I think it's good that more people are becoming aware that 'buying stuff' is bad for our planet and our children's future. I've had discussions around this subject with my family and everyone agrees that they don't really need more 'stuff', but a second-hand book or toy, or something consumable*, is always welcome.

(* I include art materials under 'consumables' for children. Books and art - no one should be without them Wink)

Maybe if we start talking about this more with friends and family, we'll find a way of reducing waste and instilling the importance of re-using items, be they books, toys or clothes, in our children.

I also recognise that not all charity shops are created equal. I am lucky to have loads of those that look more like boutiques in my neck of the woods, but some others I've come across are full of what is mostly tat. Faha have some shops specifically for children's clothes and toys and I get a lot of things for my GD there. Stuff that is high quality and/or designer. Often same price or not much less than new stuff from high street retailers, but much higher quality, so everybody wins.

VeganCheesePlease · 30/10/2021 17:08

I think it's fine! DH and I are saving for a house so to cut spending we've been looking round charity shops and there's some absolute bargains

londonrach · 30/10/2021 17:14

I do already as better for environment but careful what I buy so they look new. Yanbu

StardewMelons · 30/10/2021 23:52

I think it depends what it is. Clothes or soft toys for example no.. But an immaculate plastic or wooden toy, don't see why not.

EmeraldShamrock · 31/10/2021 00:03

The chance of finding them something they'll like is slim.
It also pushes the prices up for the people who can't afford to buy new.
Now that recycling and buying seconds is good for the environment the whole charity shop circle is broken.
It was a case of supporting the charity and the community, now charity shops price off eBay maximising profits.
I don't give to them anymore and usually give to free cycle with a person whose in genuine need in mind not someone who doesn't like buying new.

Notjustabrunette · 31/10/2021 00:06

I buy lots of second hand toys, and once my kids have out grown them I either return to the charity shop or pass on to friends. I’m totally open with everyone that I do this. I wouldn’t buy someone else a second hand gift though. You could always buy consumables like art and crafts materials or an experience voucher if the didn’t want to to buy something new.

Yetano · 31/10/2021 00:10

I'd love this, but plenty of people would not.
I floated the idea one Christmas and it went down badly with some. I'd have a chat first.
It also depends on how good the charity shops in your area are. Near me they're amazing and I rarely buy anything new, but not all area are the same.

SleepingStandingUp · 31/10/2021 00:24

@halloweenqwueeeen so yes it's good enough for others, but not you. At least you're not binning it. I'm more horrified by pointless landfill.

EmeraldShamrock · 31/10/2021 00:45

In your situation I'd buy them vouchers for the cinema or a fancy burger bar, adventure day trips.
There's plenty of gifts without buying tat if money is not a problem.

Sometimeswinning · 31/10/2021 01:14

Personally I wouldn't mind second hand jigsaws but if you've spend 50p and I've spent £20 on a new item then I wouldn't be too impressed

You're kidding right?? What is wrong with these entitled parents??

HappyDays40 · 31/10/2021 03:42

Id live you if you spent money in a charity shop for my son. My mum an dad did it fir his birthday a d bought him 50.00 worth of charity shop toys. He got new lego bat cave and about four other presents. I lovecthe fact that they did this.

DockOTheBay · 31/10/2021 05:26

I just don’t like the idea of it, you don’t know what kind of life second hand items have had

Oh I know, those toys could have been... played with by another child 😱
/s

You can tell what kind of life they've had by their condition. If they're in good condition, they have been well looked after. What else could possibly have happened?

DockOTheBay · 31/10/2021 05:30

I don't give to them anymore and usually give to free cycle with a person whose in genuine need

How do you know someone in free cycle is in genuine need of something? I've had stuff from free cycle i could really have afforded but why would you pay if someone is offering it for free.

NeverForgetYourDreams · 31/10/2021 05:38

[quote OnceuponaRainbow18]@halloweenqwueeeen

Why wouldn’t you? I couldn’t imagine buying everything new- expensive and terrible for the environment.[/quote]
If No one bought new then there would be nothing used for you to buy

I buy new. We aren't frivolous proper without expensive hobbies and so I do like to buy brand new stuff fir myself.

Offmyfence · 31/10/2021 05:39

@BananaPB

I would talk to your friend. Personally I wouldn't mind second hand jigsaws but if you've spend 50p and I've spent £20 on a new item then I wouldn't be too impressed.
Why? If someone had bought a present that is ideal for your child, what has cost got to do with it?

I mean

DS loves Lego, friend sees a fabulous set in a charity shop (worth maybe £30 new), but it costs £5 in charity shop. She buys it DS loves it, the friend had benefited, the charity has benefited, the environment has benefited but you'd be pissed off because you'd spent more?

You'd rather a £20 gift that your DS would not necessarily enjoy as much, but it means friend has spent the same amount?

Really?

OP YANBU and it's not about cost, it's about thought. If the gift is one the child would like, then good on you. I'd not be bothered at all, wouldn't give it any head space!

Tilltheend99 · 31/10/2021 05:43

YANBU as it’s good for the environment but I have a few relatives who do this and three times out of five I am given something hideous that I would never use so ends up back in the charity shop again. If you are just buying for kids it is probably easier as is much more kids stuff around.

UnsuitableHat · 31/10/2021 05:47

Sounds fine to me - kids aren’t going to care. I’ve bought 2nd hand books for friends’ children a few times, because the book looked like something they’d really enjoy.

StTherese · 31/10/2021 05:50

I've donated lots of things to our local hospice charity shop, and DH has had a few 'rare' vinyl records from CS.
I wouldn't buy gifts from there - I find CS all have a certain smell that seems to permeate everything. (Not being judgey, I do have a very sensitive sense of smell.)

I do recycle/regift unwanted presents though. Particularly toiletry gift sets!

allthegoodusernameshavegone · 31/10/2021 06:00

More people should have your attitude and both parents & children be grateful for any gifts given. A secondhand gift is a wonderful idea.