Trigger warning - my child was sexually abused

[CanIMoveOn]

How do you get over this? The abuse was a one off carried out by an older child (they knew exactly what they were doing, groomed my DD somewhat, tried to cover their tracks and are above the age of criminal responsibility).
It’s pulled our family apart.

The only way I feel it can be better is by ruining his life too.
He won’t be prosecuted as I won’t put my DD through interviews etc.
How can I tell people in his street or at his school what he did and what a monster he is?
Would you want to know if this ‘child’ was sitting next to your daughter in class?

My parents did pretty much nothing. When I told them what the neighbour had been doing my mother went and spoke to him and told him not to approach me or attempt to make contact. That was it.They said I could have counselling/therapy if I wanted and they’d pay but I told them I didn’t need it. They said I could report it if I wanted to but I told them I didn’t want to.

I ended up deciding to report him years later and they said I was brave, I think. Tbh I don’t remember them being involved in this process at all. I did it alone. Two cousins were very supportive, I remember that much. Charges were dropped because it was my word against his but I know I did the right thing because if one other person comes forward and makes a statement he is done for- but until/unless that happens I don’t have to go through the stress of appearing in court etc.

Some years later my mother made a reference to her reputation having been damaged by my involvement with this man. When I was a child. After she had been warned by a different neighbour (a GP…) that I should not be left alone with him for reasons that he could not go into, but chose to ignore the warning because to listen would inconvenience her. I absolutely lost my shit and a lid was briefly blasted off a box that had been and needs to stay firmly closed. After she tried denying it and this - obviously- made me even more furious, she rather pathetically said she thought I’d dealt with it and it was all in the past now. I said that had been the case eventually after a huge amount of effort on my part and now she’s undone everything and how DARE she insinuate that I should be sorry for HER suffering. Lid went back on box where it has remained ever since.

I digress, sorry. In shirt: Don’t pressurise her into doing anything but do let her know you are absolutely on her side whatever she decides and never let her think you in any way blame her or judge her for what happened. I think my parents were right not to force me to make a statement, and instead to remind me I could do it any time I wanted to (which I eventually did), and went very badly wrong when my mother decided that she was the chief victim of the situation and I should be sorry. I suppose they raised me to be tough enough to handle it myself so that’s something…