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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Lateral flow testing before visiting my new baby

207 replies

Neleh91 · 28/10/2021 13:07

Hello, I’m thinking ahead I know but lots of people I know just seen to be getting covid recently.
My partner and I have decided that once baby is here ( due dec ) that if anyone wants to visit, we would ask them to do a home test first just to protect baby. My family and his would have NO issues with this but some of my friends are a bit strange about the vaccine.. testing etc.. I mentioned to one of them and she thinks it’s not fair to ask people to do that. Just wonders what everyone thinks? Is it too much.. I just feel like it’s safer for baby.

OP posts:
Santastuckincustoms · 28/10/2021 14:42

My cousin tried this, and then demanded people babysat and wanted them to have full PCR tests to do so despite the fact they were out and about in cafés most days. You can ask but people will probably just not bother coming to see you.

LaikO · 28/10/2021 14:43

Yanbu, not at all odd and I wouldn't mind doing it. Plus, you dodge a bullet when you don't have to see all the people who kick up a fuss and refuse to do it. 😉

Angel2702 · 28/10/2021 14:44

@Franca123

I don't get this at all. We had a baby a while ago during the pandemic and never asked anyone to test. No one mentioned getting tested. My friends who had babies in the last year have never once mentioned testing either. Babies aren't in anyway at risk as far as I have read. I'm not sure what the concern is? Please correct me if I have missed something massive?
Even if babies aren’t at risk why would you want to risk giving them a potentially serious illness. Even if baby doesn’t get it I wouldn’t want to be infecting new parents either.
BrilliantBulb · 28/10/2021 14:45

@wasthataburp So say your best friend or sister or your daughter had a baby and their worry could be easily alleviated by you doing a LFT... you’d still choose not to do one?

I’m assuming you have some huge personal anxiety around the tests.

Hankunamatata · 28/10/2021 14:45

Your choice but are you also not planning to go out to shops, supermarket, eat out?

Strangevipers · 28/10/2021 14:45

@Angel2702

Your spot on

Basically, if there's an option to minimalise the risk of spreading /catching Covid then don't be selfish and just do it

Summersdreaming · 28/10/2021 14:49

I wouldn't because I was getting negative LFT's when I had covid so I don't trust them. Plus I've had covid so unlikely to have it again for a while. I probably wouldn't visit until your anxiety wears off a bit - and it's normal to be anxious with a brand newborn! So I wouldn't add to your worries by visiting.

wasthataburp · 28/10/2021 14:49

[quote BrilliantBulb]@wasthataburp So say your best friend or sister or your daughter had a baby and their worry could be easily alleviated by you doing a LFT... you’d still choose not to do one?

I’m assuming you have some huge personal anxiety around the tests.[/quote]
There would be zero chance that any one in my family or any of my friends would ask such a thing so it's not even something I would need to consider.

It's just not feasible to ask everyone to test all the time indefinitely, where do we draw the line.

Each to their own and it's totally op to OP to do it but I really do not know a single person IRL that would consider asking anyone to do it.

LuaDipa · 28/10/2021 14:49

I think this is perfectly fair. I wouldn’t want to put a baby or anyone at risk. My teenage kids have been in the habit of taking a lft prior to meeting friends and dh and I do the same before we go into the office.

Lesserspottedmama · 28/10/2021 14:51

I wouldn’t do this personally although I can see why you want to. Tests aren’t needed to know you don’t go and visit the home of a new baby of you have any symptoms.. that’s common sense and has been way before covid. Your baby is not at risk of covid. But you are all at risk of picking up a cold which is awful for a new baby or you and your partner getting any virus inc. covid which will make your first weeks much harder than they need to be. We are one of the only countries in the world where it is the norm for everyone to come round and visit new babies and I find it odd! You likely won’t feel like having half the people around you think you will when baby is here. I personally wouldn’t bother with stipulating about tests etc but just put people off for visits (other than grandparents if you are close with parents/in laws) and even then you can meet people outside. It’s just not great in winter season for loads of people to come piling round, lateral flow nonsense doesn’t stop people coming who are on the brink of a cold or flu, just makes more money for all the companies cashing in on people who are becoming reliant on tests as a standard pre requisite to human interaction. Just cosy down with your baby for a few weeks and shut the world out OP - other than who you need for support. And don’t even get me started on people who pass the baby round and round for ‘a cuddle’ - awful! Just baby wear and then you’ll save the baby from a lot on unnecessary exposure including being swathed in everyone’s awful perfumes and aftershaves and silly amounts of fabric softener, all of which are extremely toxic for babies. That being said, if you insist on tests then those who really care will just do it or be happy to wait, if anyone gives you are hard time over it then they are a bit awful.

LaikO · 28/10/2021 14:51

It's not anxiety, it's wanting to minimise risk. I don't think LFTs are that accurate, but if there was a chance they could pick up someone's asymptomatic covid it's worth trying.

ratspeaker · 28/10/2021 14:52

I'd have no problem doing a lft before visiting.
Seems sensible and polite thing to do.
We recently went to a wedding and everyone did lft beforehand, seems good etiquette tbh.

Franca123 · 28/10/2021 14:54

@Angel2702 I think it comes down to your appetite for risk. I know some parents of a young child who have decided to lock themselves away. However I feel life is inherently risky and risks need to be balanced against benefits. I feel with healthy parents who are likely below the age of 40 and a healthy baby, the risk is so low. That's my attitude and that of nearly all the new parents we know. Having said that, I do think it's up to the parents to decide. But let's not over egg the likelihood of serious illness and panic people.

toomuchlaundry · 28/10/2021 14:55

I find it strange that people would need to wait to be asked to take a test before visiting vulnerable relatives/friends and I include babies as vulnerable. I would do it automatically.

We met up with friends the other day and one of them has just completed cancer treatment. Wouldn’t have occurred to not test before meeting up with them, we still mainly stayed outside and no hugging. So was just an additional mitigating measure

Rosesareyellow · 28/10/2021 14:56

I wouldn’t ask people to do that, I agree it’s a bit odd. But each to their own, it’s hardly a great inconvenience. Many people do them for work anyway so I don’t see why it would be a problem.

Rosesareyellow · 28/10/2021 14:57

Your choice but are you also not planning to go out to shops, supermarket, eat out?

That’s a good point…

Method · 28/10/2021 15:02

@daisypond

Do people regularly do lateral flow tests? I’ve never done one. I’m double jabbed and had the booster jab, though. I’ve had a few PCR tests, though.
Yes, they do. It's kind and respectful to do so.
Original poster
Neleh91 · 28/10/2021 15:02

Well.. I’m not demanding people babysit or take pcrs. I’ve had loads of “ I’m dying for baby cuddles” so if they want to cuddle my brand new baby.. surely to protect him, a 30 second cotton wool up the nose test isn’t too much to ask?

OP posts:
Starcaller · 28/10/2021 15:03

In a supermarket people aren't going to be sitting next to you/in a confined space for upwards of an hour or touching/holding your baby. The comparison doesn't work.

I'm quite surprised anyone would have a problem with this tbh. I'm very relaxed about health stuff and not precious at all about my own babies, but it just seems like a good manners and common sense thing at this point 🤷‍♀️ and such a minor thing to do when going to see a newborn.

Method · 28/10/2021 15:05

I probably wouldn't ask people to, but as a visitor I would absolutely offer to do it as I would be horrified to have exposed a brand new baby to covid.

I find it so strange that an adult would tell you it's "a bit unfair to ask me to do a LFT". Many people do them regularly for work or school. I can't see what their issue is, but then people whinge about having to wear a face covering so...

kitkatsky · 28/10/2021 15:06

It's not up to your friends. Your baby your rules. DD was born in Feb this year before LFTs were easily available and so we kept it to parents only holding her and my sister went mad about it but tough, we have to protect our babies

Original poster
Neleh91 · 28/10/2021 15:07

Of course but I’m not planning on letting folk in the supermarket etc hold the baby?

OP posts:
kateg27 · 28/10/2021 15:11

@Lesserspottedmama that may have been right for you but it isn't right for every new mum.
I loved people coming round to see my babies and I loved people giving them a cuddle. My last was born in April. People were only allowed to see her outdoors bs I hated it.
I also cannot stand being shut up at home. I get out for a walk at least, this benefits my mental health. I'm not saying your way is right or wrong, I'm saying all mums are different.

OP, it's your baby so I personally think it's up to you. I didn't when people met my last baby but I know plenty who did and I wouldn't say no if you asked me too as it's your choice

godmum56 · 28/10/2021 15:17

Its simple....your babe, your house, your decision. Visiting you and your new born is a privilege not a right.

HopingForOurRainbowBaby · 28/10/2021 15:19

Just to warn you. I know 2 people who both had negative LFT's but both tested positive on the PCR ones. One had no symptoms at all