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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Lateral flow testing before visiting my new baby

207 replies

Neleh91 · 28/10/2021 13:07

Hello, I’m thinking ahead I know but lots of people I know just seen to be getting covid recently.
My partner and I have decided that once baby is here ( due dec ) that if anyone wants to visit, we would ask them to do a home test first just to protect baby. My family and his would have NO issues with this but some of my friends are a bit strange about the vaccine.. testing etc.. I mentioned to one of them and she thinks it’s not fair to ask people to do that. Just wonders what everyone thinks? Is it too much.. I just feel like it’s safer for baby.

OP posts:
Chloemol · 28/10/2021 13:53

Your choice, and if your friend don’t want to, then they don’t visit, that’s their choice

megletthesecond · 28/10/2021 13:55

Yanbu.
TBH it's probably safer for you and your DH. You're the ones who need to stay on top form.

GraceandFrankie · 28/10/2021 13:55

I had a baby in March - we did the exact same thing. But we framed it in the sense of “oh just to check, have you taken a lateral flow? Oh would be great if you can take one before you come, just in case”.

Seahawk80 · 28/10/2021 13:56

I would do it without being asked! And totally wouldn't think it was weird. I'm also due in December and will probably ask people to do the same. I always test before seeing my CEV sister. I also won't have any unvaccinated visitors and have already told in laws that they can't come to our house within 10 days of spending time indoors with unvaccinated SIL (if it means they stay away that's fine by me!) . Everyone has a choice about whether to vaccinate / test but it's totally up to you what the rules are in your house!

Original poster
Neleh91 · 28/10/2021 13:57

Tbh if they aren’t willing to take a small step to protect my baby; I’d rather they just waited until the risk was less.

OP posts:
Original poster
Neleh91 · 28/10/2021 13:58

That’s a great idea. My mum is having a small baby shower for me and she has no issues posting on the event asking people to test before attending.. she’s doubled jabbed, had it and struggled so very careful.

OP posts:
NellieBertram · 28/10/2021 13:59

@newmumwithquestions

Honestly I’d think you were a little pfb as Covid is not high risk in newborns. That said I’d do it happily as I think we should all be doing more tests and I wouldn’t want to bring Covid to any new parents. One thing is that I’d wrap it into a request that no one come if they’re ill at all. Even colds can be a nightmare with newborns due to lack of sleep.
Trying to avoid your newborn getting covid is PFB but yet even a cold is a nightmare Hmm
justasking111 · 28/10/2021 14:01

My neighbor had a baby in January only close family have met him until now grandparents and siblings. It's a bit sad but their choice

GetTheStartyParted · 28/10/2021 14:01

My DSis had a baby in summer and asked this of visitors. Most were happy to do it, some did it begrudgingly and some didn't visit. The only one that upset DSis was BIL, he took a test, visited and was rude about it to her. My DH chose not to visit and she was fine with that.

After a couple of weeks DSis felt comfortable enough to let people meet the baby, though mainly outdoors. As I see it, it's her baby, her rules.

whatswithtodaytoday · 28/10/2021 14:01

I'd happily do this, we do anyway before visiting anyone vulnerable.

I don't really understand how anyone could object?

flatvimto · 28/10/2021 14:01

Perfectly reasonable request, my friend works with CEV children and asked us to test before visiting her in her garden and to wear a mask. I guess people who have to test regularly for work will be fine with this.

Anyone who refuses something so simple clearly isn't that interested in seeing you and baby or keeping you safe, so not worth bothering with.

Original poster
Neleh91 · 28/10/2021 14:02

I’d take their word for it but I’d never not do it if asked for something.

OP posts:
SayMumOneMoreTime · 28/10/2021 14:03

I would have absolutely no problem with a friend asking me to test - I would do it anyway. I test before visiting vulnerable people because it's courtesy these days, just like wearing a mask. If you have mask/vax/test avoiding friends just don't let them see your baby until you are happy with their level of risk.

SickAndTiredAgain · 28/10/2021 14:05

I mentioned to one of them and she thinks it’s not fair to ask people to do that.

It’s not something I’d personally do, but I don’t think you’re unreasonable and I don’t understand why your friend thinks fairness comes into it at all. It’s not like meeting your baby is a right that you are unfairly depriving people of.

BrilliantBulb · 28/10/2021 14:06

@Anothernamechange3

Are you going to ask to see proof of a negative test or take their word for it that they’ve done one?
It would take a pretty odd sort of person to lie about it? I would probably reevaluate being in contact with those family/friends in general if I felt I had to worry about trusting them over something so simple.
SickAndTiredAgain · 28/10/2021 14:06

When I say it’s not something I’d do, I mean I wouldn’t ask it of others. I would absolutely take a test if asked.

User527294627 · 28/10/2021 14:07

I think it’s fine. If your friends are weird about it to the point that they would refuse then I don’t think they can be that close to you anyway! It’s not an unreasonable ask with a new baby at all.

daisypond · 28/10/2021 14:09

Really? You haven’t heard of them?

Yes, of course I’ve heard of them. I didn’t know you could just go and pick them up from pharmacies and that they were free and that they were something people could just get, unless you worked in healthcare or social care, or for children at school. I don’t work in those areas, and I don’t have school-aged children. As I’m ill, I don’t go to any “events” that might require them. I go to work, on public transport, or go to hospital. Otherwise, I’m at home. I didn’t know that I could / should ask my friends to do a test before they visit me. They do wear masks.

WutheringTights · 28/10/2021 14:11

@NellieBertram

I’d do one before meeting a newborn anyway - the kind of people who would refuse are not the kind of people you’d want your child to have a relationship with.
THIS
Chsudhariraju · 28/10/2021 14:12

This reply has been deleted

This post has been hidden until the MNHQ team can have a look at it.

Yogawankonobi · 28/10/2021 14:13

We have a new baby in the family and have been testing before each visit without being asked.

StayOrGoOrWhat · 28/10/2021 14:14

@daisypond

Really? You haven’t heard of them?

Yes, of course I’ve heard of them. I didn’t know you could just go and pick them up from pharmacies and that they were free and that they were something people could just get, unless you worked in healthcare or social care, or for children at school. I don’t work in those areas, and I don’t have school-aged children. As I’m ill, I don’t go to any “events” that might require them. I go to work, on public transport, or go to hospital. Otherwise, I’m at home. I didn’t know that I could / should ask my friends to do a test before they visit me. They do wear masks.

Ah, fair enough. Yep, available to anybody that would like to do them.

OP, I think it’s a reasonable thing to ask.

Shmithecat2 · 28/10/2021 14:15

Not odd at all. I did an LFT before visiting my 4wo nephew at my brother's request. Why would I say no? It takes seconds to do and gives everyone a little bit of peace of mind.

appleturnovers · 28/10/2021 14:18

I wouldn't have any problem at all doing this, and if I had a newborn baby right now I would probably ask the same. A lot of my friends and family have already been doing lateral flow tests before social events, before visiting grandparents, etc., without having to ask. I've been doing them before seeing my grandparents.

They are free from pharmacies or you can order them online for free. They are quick and easy to do. I can't see why anyone would rather stay away than do a simple test, and if they would rather stay away then I'd say you're probably best off not seeing them.

fiftiesmum · 28/10/2021 14:20

I would do a test before I visited if asked but would also ask the parents of the PFB if they had done a test as well as I don't want to have to isolate after a positive test result (fully vaccinated so I am not over concerned about getting ill)