Getting married 3 days after a birthday

[Skinnymuffins]

So we've today booked our wedding for a date in the UK - summer 2023.

We checked that nobody had any birthdays on that day. The best man's daughters birthday is 2 days after and one of the bridesmaids birthday is 3 days before.

So we thought we were in the clear.

Best man was fine, but the bridesmaid has had a bit of a moan for having the wedding in her "birthday week".

She said (first time I've heard of it) that she had planned to go away for her birthday as it's a big birthday.

She then moaned and said "what is it about birthdays in that month" (a very popular summer month!) and I said I think it's a case of people wanting the best chance for sun on their wedding.

I'd never have booked a wedding on anyone's birthday but I thought 3 days clear was fine? AIBU to think that was ok?

OP it’s not always easy to be happy for other people when you’re sad yourself.

I would have given anything to be happy for my pregnant friends, but the truth was I was broken by my situation, and sometimes I was just too exhausted to fake joy for them.

OP I think you’re being very selfish and self centred, and lacking in empathy. You can be happy for yourself and your family and your good fortune, but you can’t expect everyone else to dance with joy if they don’t feel like it.

@Bagamoyo1

I completely sympathise with her.

She’s 38 and single. You’re engaged, and as far as I can gather you’ve got one child, and you’re just pregnant with another. Life is pretty rosy for you.

She’s been looking forward to going to a particular place for her 40th birthday week. Maybe she was even thinking of inviting people from your friendship group.

And suddenly you, who (to her) have everything, have decided to get married that week. So now she’s stuck between a rock and a hard place - she either sacrifices her plans for your wedding, or sacrifices your wedding for her plans.

In her position I think I’d be feeling pretty put out as well. She probably knows that on some level she’s being slightly irrational, but she’s hurting. If you can’t see that, then you’re not a very good friend.

And she’s not a very good friend for voicing these feelings and trying to make her friend feel bad.

I say this as someone who had a little cry in private when many of my friends got engaged when I was single and honestly pretty miserable. I wouldn’t have dreamt of making it about me. I said my congratulations, sent some bubbles and a card, had my cry and then had a bloody good time at the weddings.

@Bagamoyo1

OP it’s not always easy to be happy for other people when you’re sad yourself.

I would have given anything to be happy for my pregnant friends, but the truth was I was broken by my situation, and sometimes I was just too exhausted to fake joy for them.

OP I think you’re being very selfish and self centred, and lacking in empathy. You can be happy for yourself and your family and your good fortune, but you can’t expect everyone else to dance with joy if they don’t feel like it.

Maybe I'm different in my responses to friends news than the last few posters.

There are other things in life that people have that having a baby doesn't fulfil and could make even a mother of two jealous (soon to be mother of 3).

Friends and I (apart from the friend mentioned) are always supportive and honest. I'll often say how jealous I am off certain things in their lives and vice versa but that's said in a positive "I'm so jealous but so happy for you" kinda way.

I'm a bit tired of the news turning to all about her as I think that's actually rather selfish. Something she has admitted herself.

It would be nice to announce some news and not to have it tainted with having to think about how something positive has affected her. Jealousy doesn't have to be negative and friendship is two way.

When she wasn't responsive about the can't I let that go and thought ok I'll give her some time.

The wedding on top as soon as she received the save the date it was all about her whereas other single friends were excited and congratulated.

Just because you have 2 children and one on the way doesn't mean you have "everything" at all. It doesn't mean your life is perfect and that you too don't get jealous of other people.

That would suggest that the only people that can be happy for me are married couples with children which is ridiculous. Like I said she's not the only one from our friendship group in her situation yet the only one that's making the news about her.

Unbeknown to me until today, a mutual friend of ours who actually introduced us, cut her out for 6 years in they're early 20s due to her 'entitled' attitude (mutual friends words) so I don't think this a new trait based on my circumstances either.

I can be happy for her going away to celebrate her 40th and wish her a wonderful time and have a little celebration of our own when we can meet up after the wedding, in return (as friendship is two way) it would be nice for her to also be happy for me.

Friends and I (apart from the friend mentioned) are always supportive and honest. I'll often say how jealous I am off certain things in their lives and vice versa but that's said in a positive "I'm so jealous but so happy for you" kinda way.

In another thread you said other friends were being distant too and that only one friend was being supportive.

Honestly, these threads make me so glad most of my life was pre internet.

Get married, enjoy your day.

We all have ups and downs in life- ultimately you realise that no ones life is perfect - and we are all just doing our best.

You don’t seem to like this ‘friend’ at all. You have also posted lots of info that may reveal this person.
You seem to only see your own point of view, but maybe you are coming across as self centred as this person clearly irritates you.
So I would let the friendship go and move on with your life and she can with hers.