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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Getting married 3 days after a birthday

132 replies

Skinnymuffins · 27/10/2021 20:00

So we've today booked our wedding for a date in the UK - summer 2023.

We checked that nobody had any birthdays on that day. The best man's daughters birthday is 2 days after and one of the bridesmaids birthday is 3 days before.

So we thought we were in the clear.

Best man was fine, but the bridesmaid has had a bit of a moan for having the wedding in her "birthday week".

She said (first time I've heard of it) that she had planned to go away for her birthday as it's a big birthday.

She then moaned and said "what is it about birthdays in that month" (a very popular summer month!) and I said I think it's a case of people wanting the best chance for sun on their wedding.

I'd never have booked a wedding on anyone's birthday but I thought 3 days clear was fine? AIBU to think that was ok?

OP posts:

PurpleDaisies · 27/10/2021 21:30

What’s wrong with having a wedding on a birthday? We sang happy birthday to my sil at our wedding.

Yafilthyanimal · 27/10/2021 21:31

Tough Titties!

Enjoy your wedding without her!

nixso29 · 27/10/2021 21:32

We got married the day before my dad's 60th birthday, at midnight I got the DJ to play happy birthday and I brought out a custom made cake while everyone sang to him. He absolutely loved it and was so touched that I had marked the occasion with everyone he loved there

Saoirse82 · 27/10/2021 21:33

What? This is bloody ridiculous, I've never heard of such craziness. It was my cousins 50th on the day we got married and my SILs 20th, was I meant to move my wedding date according to your bat shit bridesmaid? My best friend is getting married on my birthday next year, I didn't bat an eyelid, it barely registered and I'm bridesmaid and it's my 40th!

GirlWithAGuitar · 27/10/2021 21:35

I don’t really get the problem. If it’s a big birthday like she says and was planning to go away, then she can choose to do that and miss the wedding. It’s up to her, no drama required.

Amberflames · 27/10/2021 21:37

If she's being such a pain in the arse already, I'd be dumping her as a bridesmaid and go ahead with the date you want.

This.

Didn’t even cross my mind to check birthdays when we set the date. Turned out it was FIL’s birthday. OH didn’t even tell me at the time.

godmum56 · 27/10/2021 21:41

well lucky her, she gets to choose {grin}

Strokethefurrywall · 27/10/2021 21:44

My best friends got married on my birthday and it was one of the best days ever.

I loved having a ready made party that I didn't have to organise, haha! Your friend is being a dickhead. Tell her to do one.

Fourfantasticfrogs · 27/10/2021 21:53

She's nuts
We got married a day after my husbands birthday

It'll be your celebration in the future not hers. She needs to get over herself.

Ginger1982 · 27/10/2021 22:17

One of my friends text me a few years ago and said, 'what are you doing on X date?' I said, 'turning 30!' She said, 'oh, we're getting married.' I said, 'brilliant!' We went to her wedding, I got a brief mention in the groom's speech and we treated ourselves to a night in the posh venue. It was fab! I had a birthday party the week before so it was win-win.

Your bridesmaid is a drama queen and a dick for expecting a 'birthday week.'

Smarshian · 27/10/2021 22:20

2 of my wedding guests had their birthday on our wedding day, by total chance.
My friend got married on his own birthday.
It’s fine.

PieonaBarm · 28/10/2021 06:41

I got married the day after my SIL 40th. She didn't bat an eyelid. Your bridesmaid is bonkers

RichTeaRichTea · 28/10/2021 06:44

I’m impressed that you put that much thought into avoiding birthdays in the first place. It didn’t even cross my mind to do that when we decided when to get married.

ThinWomansBrain · 28/10/2021 06:54

ridiculous - she doesn't have to be a BM if she doesn't want to.

Once had a friend complain that I always celebrated my birthday on a bank holiday weekend - well duur! - that's when my birthday is. She didn't get invited again.

ThinWomansBrain · 28/10/2021 06:55

& my mother got married the day after her birthday - twice.

Original poster

Skinnymuffins · 28/10/2021 09:14

Thanks for replies everyone. She's left me a voice note this morning to clear things up as she thinks I might be annoyed.

Said as it's a big birthday she is going to be selfish as she's always wanted to go to this particular place for her 40th so she might not be there. So just wanted to warn me in advance.

Seeing as it's almost 2 years away and nothing has been booked by her yet, I did think she could still go away and come back in time for the wedding.

Almost 2 years to go and a baby currently on the way so I'm just not going to give that any more thought. With that much notice (we've sent out save the dates yesterday), the people who will be there are the ones that really want to and anyone that doesn't want to come, we wouldn't want there.

Thanks for everyone's responses xx

OP posts:

GirlWithAGuitar · 28/10/2021 09:29

I think the voice note she left is fair enough to be honest. Her plans for her 40th sounds like they're important to her. My friend planned to go to New York for her 40th from when she was about 35 ! If I had planned something for so long, I don’t think I’d change my plans either. You’ll still have a great day so I think you’re right not to give it anymore thought. Concentrate on yourself like she is.

reluctantbrit · 28/10/2021 09:30

One of my best friend's birthday and our wedding was on the same day. She didn't say anything but we made a bit of a fuss about her (she is a childhood friend and most of my relatives know her).

Fair enough if she made arrangements but hasn't said anything, I had to say something about my birthday next year as I had to tell a colleague I wasn't able to change work days with her.

But it feels she is just making it up.

Notaroadrunner · 28/10/2021 10:28

You need to tell her now that she won't be bridesmaid so. That way you don't have to care whether she'll be available to attend the wedding or not.

blubberyboo · 28/10/2021 11:57

I agree with @GirlWithAGuitar

It does sound like she has had a dream of her own that she wants to pursue and if she had started a thread asking “AIBU to not go to a wedding because I want to go to my dream destination for my big birthday”
We all would have told her to go for it.

It also sounds like she may have had to change her birthday plans frequently in her life for other people’s weddings

You are not being unreasonable to carry on with your wedding regardless.
She is not being unreasonable to follow her own dreams even if it means not coming to your wedding

Your last comment OP is a bit unreasonable in that you wouldn’t have wanted her there anyway for declining your invitation because it’s a bit huffy and you have to realise your wedding is your dream and your day and sometimes other adults can’t fit in with it so it is very unreasonable to hold a grudge

Rosesareyellow · 28/10/2021 12:04

It wouldn’t have even crossed my mind to care about whether it’s someone’s birthday. Maybe if I had DCs I would have avoided there’s so that anniversary and birthdays don’t all fall on the same day. I’d happily go to someone’s wedding on my birthday. Bridesmaid needs to grow up. I personally couldn’t be friends with someone as pathetic and self involved as that and I definitely wouldn’t want them to be a bridesmaid.

Merryoldgoat · 28/10/2021 12:04

It never even occurred to me to check birthdays. A good friend’s birthday was the actual day of my wedding.

Birthday week? I’m so over this shit.

MeredithGreyishblue · 28/10/2021 12:06

Big birthday as in she's 6? Because if she's a grown up, she needs to get a grip!

BaronessBomburst · 28/10/2021 12:08

is 40 not really a bit too old to be a bridesmaid?

LemonSwan · 28/10/2021 12:13

This birthday week thing is such self indulgence. Its narcissistic.

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