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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Getting married 3 days after a birthday

132 replies

Skinnymuffins · 27/10/2021 20:00

So we've today booked our wedding for a date in the UK - summer 2023.

We checked that nobody had any birthdays on that day. The best man's daughters birthday is 2 days after and one of the bridesmaids birthday is 3 days before.

So we thought we were in the clear.

Best man was fine, but the bridesmaid has had a bit of a moan for having the wedding in her "birthday week".

She said (first time I've heard of it) that she had planned to go away for her birthday as it's a big birthday.

She then moaned and said "what is it about birthdays in that month" (a very popular summer month!) and I said I think it's a case of people wanting the best chance for sun on their wedding.

I'd never have booked a wedding on anyone's birthday but I thought 3 days clear was fine? AIBU to think that was ok?

OP posts:
Spidey66 · 27/10/2021 20:19

@Pandaly

A birthday week?! Even the Queen only gets 2 days.
Grin
Bonbon21 · 27/10/2021 20:21

Oh well if she is busy... you can ask some random stranger... they will probably be more supportive about your wedding that she is...
Its only a birthday.. she will probably have another one next year.. whereas you hopefully will only have ONE wedding day!

BeaLola · 27/10/2021 20:21

Wow she sounds a peach , not , I would tell her not to worry and that you will find another bridesmaid so that she can go away undisturbed

shouldistop · 27/10/2021 20:24

She's bonkers. I've been to 2 weddings on my actual birthday. It wouldn't have crossed my mind to even think about it. Actually quite a nice way to spend my birthday actually.

itsallgoingpearshaped · 27/10/2021 20:30

She's being ridiculous and frankly you were beyond nice to check it wasn't anyone's birthday when you picked a date. That wasn't actually necessary, but it was nice.

Tell her if she's going on a trip to let you know asap so you figure out if you need to replace her in the bridal party. Don't cater to it.

MissAmbrosia · 27/10/2021 20:31

I presume she actually didn't make any concrete plans 2 years in advance?

LivingNextDoorToNorma · 27/10/2021 20:31

A very good friend had her wedding the day before my 30th. I’d already booked a trip away, which I couldn’t change.

I apologised for the fact we couldn’t attend, she said it was a shame and I’d be missed. I sent her a wedding gift, she gave me a lovely bottle of champagne. That was it. We then met up for drinks after her honeymoon.

We were both adults and understood that sometimes things clash. Your bridesmaid either changes her trip, or sends her apologies and doesn’t come to the wedding. Honestly give it no more thought, she’s being ridiculous.

GirlWithAGuitar · 27/10/2021 20:33

She’ll have to not be bridesmaid then. 🤷🏻‍♀️

SirensofTitan · 27/10/2021 20:36

Who wants such a birthday-zilla as part of their wedding party. Let her crack on with her plans and find a replacement

Original poster
Skinnymuffins · 27/10/2021 20:36

@MissAmbrosia

I presume she actually didn't make any concrete plans 2 years in advance?
No she hasn't made concrete plans, but she does plan to go away for her birthday
OP posts:
gofg · 27/10/2021 20:40

She's being ridiculous, and if it upsets her so much she should bow out of the wedding party. Not sure I would want such a brat as my bridesmaid.

neededafart · 27/10/2021 20:41

I genuinely wouldn't have even thought to check if it was someone's birthday. Absolute madness she is getting in a strop about it

jamandmarmalade · 27/10/2021 20:46

The best man's daughter doesn't have to attend does she?

BlackAmericanoNoSugar · 27/10/2021 20:53

I would point out to her that every week of the year is likely to be someone's birthday week who has been invited to your wedding. Tell her she's more than welcome to go away, you won't be offended if she misses your wedding. Hmm

My wedding day is on my DS's birthday. He was absolutely fine about it and hasn't ever mentioned it in the 30 years since.

spookysoul · 27/10/2021 21:05

She’s got plans for her entire ‘birthday week’ in two years time Hmm

Original poster
Skinnymuffins · 27/10/2021 21:08

@LivingNextDoorToNorma

A very good friend had her wedding the day before my 30th. I’d already booked a trip away, which I couldn’t change.

I apologised for the fact we couldn’t attend, she said it was a shame and I’d be missed. I sent her a wedding gift, she gave me a lovely bottle of champagne. That was it. We then met up for drinks after her honeymoon.

We were both adults and understood that sometimes things clash. Your bridesmaid either changes her trip, or sends her apologies and doesn’t come to the wedding. Honestly give it no more thought, she’s being ridiculous.

This is the difference I guess - you had already booked and that's different again. Disappointing like you said, but life happens.

She hasn't booked anything yet and not that I'd ever expect her to book it around the wedding, but if she's that disappointed she could book it the week before her birthday, she would be there for her birthday and just come back in time for the wedding. I'd never expect this but it could be a solution if she's disappointed.

I would be disappointed if she couldn't make it but I don't know why she's moaning that people always have weddings a week or so around her birthday 😬

OP posts:
853ax · 27/10/2021 21:10

Can't believe she would think you should consider her birthday date when booking wedding. Would never cross my mind that a birthday date would impact wedding planning.
Feeling when she said this to you she has some issues and if not birthday would be some other drama on run up to wedding.

CloseYourEyesAndSee · 27/10/2021 21:11

YANBU!!
Two friends got married one on my birthday and one the day before on different years. It's in the middle of summer so to be expected! I enjoyed them as got to spend the day with my beloved friends. What's not to like!

Skiptheheartsandflowers · 27/10/2021 21:15

'Ah well, we've booked it now. If that means you can't be a bridesmaid we totally understand'.

user1000000000009 · 27/10/2021 21:26

Wish her a great birthday and tell her you'll see her when she gets back from her trip.

You can't plan a wedding around a birthday, you would never get a date.

BeStillNowColin · 27/10/2021 21:26

I know someone who does this. The clue is in the event name, it is a birthday not a fucking week long celebration of when you were popped out. Why on earth does someone feel the need for a week of celebration? I just don't get it.

Frazzled2207 · 27/10/2021 21:27

Yadnbu.
Batshit.
I have been to two weddings on my actual birthday. I certainly don’t remember complaining about it.

Buttons294749 · 27/10/2021 21:29

I thought you were going to say it's her 10th birthday in which case fair to have a moan. But She s an adult?

LettertoHermoine · 27/10/2021 21:29

Absolute fruitcake she is.

DBI78 · 27/10/2021 21:29

How old is she turning five? I got married on one of my husbands best friends birthday and we gave him a cheer in the speech's.

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