Getting married 3 days after a birthday

[Skinnymuffins]

So we've today booked our wedding for a date in the UK - summer 2023.

We checked that nobody had any birthdays on that day. The best man's daughters birthday is 2 days after and one of the bridesmaids birthday is 3 days before.

So we thought we were in the clear.

Best man was fine, but the bridesmaid has had a bit of a moan for having the wedding in her "birthday week".

She said (first time I've heard of it) that she had planned to go away for her birthday as it's a big birthday.

She then moaned and said "what is it about birthdays in that month" (a very popular summer month!) and I said I think it's a case of people wanting the best chance for sun on their wedding.

I'd never have booked a wedding on anyone's birthday but I thought 3 days clear was fine? AIBU to think that was ok?

My brother got married two days before my birthday. It was no big deal.

I think you need to leave it now. Her holiday for her birthday is her priority just like your wedding is yours. Neither is wrong and everyone is allowed to prioritise themselves.
It sounds like she feels like she has to justify herself and that’s why she’s saying she’s jealous. I’m not sure how many people would realistically be jealous of a friend in this situation. I’d just leave it, it’s 2 years away anyway.

It was one of my friends birthdays on my wedding day. She didn’t bat an eyelid. We got her a cake and everyone sang her happy birthday 🥳 your friend is bonkers

I like to have a birthday week but I dont't expect anyone other than DH to indulge me. Mostly it consists of eating a lot of cake and refusing to do random bits of housework. I can't see how a friend's wedding would prevent any of that and also I love weddings so it would be an extra birthday week treat for me.

Correction her birthday is a Tuesday, wedding is a Friday. She could fly back in time.

Maybe she doesn’t want her birthday at the end of her holiday. My friend booked a 2 week holiday for her birthday, she deliberately booked it so her birthday was in the first week as that’s how she wanted it.
In the nicest possible way, your wedding isn’t as important to others as it is to you.

@GirlWithAGuitar yes I left it after a long message from her this morning. She said baby and engagement news from me has been overwhelming for her and she's jealous. That's why she hasn't been supportive of either news apparently. So today I just revelled in the happy news this afternoon as I think I should be able to. With both announcements this month it's all been turned to how it makes her feel and all about her. No more.

I think she just wants to go on holiday guilt free so she’s saying it’s ‘overwhelming’. Honestly sounds like bollocks to me.
If you’ve been in a relationship for a while, it can’t be unexpected to get that you may get married and have a baby, it’s a pretty common path. Why wouldn’t she have been expecting it? I’d just leave her to it.

Is your friend my SIL she HAS to go on holiday for her birthday! I’d just let her moan, if it’s such a big deal to her she can decline the wedding invite to be a bridesmaid.

@Sunshine1235

It was one of my friends birthdays on my wedding day. She didn’t bat an eyelid. We got her a cake and everyone sang her happy birthday 🥳 your friend is bonkers

This seems to be the norm. Surrounded by friends too... But there we go everyone is different I guess. The whole wedding birthday thing i think has been her avenue for telling me today that she's jealous of the news (same month I told her about me being pregnant) and she hasn't responded well to either so maybe it's come to a head with this.

She's admitted today she's not showing any support and me getting married and having another baby is difficult for her.

But it's such a positive time for me and my partner that it's unfair that with both news it becomes about how it makes her feel.

I have other friends who are single and can be supportive and happy and she's admitted today she's not being those things.

We actually agreed (in a nice way - we always speak respectfully) to maybe have some cooling off time so that I can revel in the positive news of baby and wedding and that she can deal with the jealousy (her words again) and maybe regroup when she's had time to process my news

yes. maybe re-group in 3 years time. when you are on your 3rd.

She sounds bonkers.

Yanbu.

My brother got married on my uncle's 60th birthday. During the speeches they produced a birthday cake and got everyone to sing to him.

You don't get to block out a whole week on the calendar for your birthday 😂

The whole wedding birthday thing i think has been her avenue for telling me today that she's jealous of the news (same month I told her about me being pregnant) and she hasn't responded well to either so maybe it's come to a head with this.

So do you not believe she had planned to go away for her birthday?

Does she like your partner? How long have you been together?

Oh my days, she's such a drama queen! She can have her party the weekend before her birthday, then attend your weekend after! I'd be chuffed to bits to be spending 2 weekends getting battered! 😆🍸

She’s crackers 🤣

@GirlWithAGuitar oh god I totally believe she wants to go away. It's just brought on a conversation about a bigger issue so maybe a blessing in disguise.

@ChocChipPancake she's a teacher so will have 6 weeks off around that time 😬

I completely sympathise with her.

She’s 38 and single. You’re engaged, and as far as I can gather you’ve got one child, and you’re just pregnant with another. Life is pretty rosy for you.

She’s been looking forward to going to a particular place for her 40th birthday week. Maybe she was even thinking of inviting people from your friendship group.

And suddenly you, who (to her) have everything, have decided to get married that week. So now she’s stuck between a rock and a hard place - she either sacrifices her plans for your wedding, or sacrifices your wedding for her plans.

In her position I think I’d be feeling pretty put out as well. She probably knows that on some level she’s being slightly irrational, but she’s hurting. If you can’t see that, then you’re not a very good friend.

It wouldn’t have occurred to me to even check. I’d love to go to a wedding on my birthday… good chance for a knees up. If it’s in August invite me!!

And as for not being happy enough about your pregnancy - well anyone who has suffered infertility (or at least the very real fear that babies will never happen for them) will be familiar with the absolute body-blow that each friend’s pregnancy announcement is. I used to dread that line “I have some news”.

Tell her you're going to wherever it is she wants to visit on your honeymoon.

@Bagamoyo1

And as for not being happy enough about your pregnancy - well anyone who has suffered infertility (or at least the very real fear that babies will never happen for them) will be familiar with the absolute body-blow that each friend’s pregnancy announcement is. I used to dread that line “I have some news”.

I understand that. But she's not the only one either. Most of my friends are single to be honest and most would love kids too as time is going on.

She's the only one that hasn't been happy for me.

I have said to our mutual friend how much I know it might be a blow and she admitted it stings, but our mutual friend said herself that this is her hang up and for her to be a friend too (as it works both ways) then being supportive and happy for me is something she would always do. I'm not doing this to her.

And frankly I'm going to celebrate the news.

@Peace43

It wouldn’t have occurred to me to even check. I’d love to go to a wedding on my birthday… good chance for a knees up. If it’s in August invite me!!

Haha in the post! 🤣

My sisters wedding was on one of our brothers birthday.
He didn't care and we allsang him happy birthday burning the reception.
Your bridesmaid is being a bit precious

@Bagamoyo1

I completely sympathise with her.

She’s 38 and single. You’re engaged, and as far as I can gather you’ve got one child, and you’re just pregnant with another. Life is pretty rosy for you.

She’s been looking forward to going to a particular place for her 40th birthday week. Maybe she was even thinking of inviting people from your friendship group.

And suddenly you, who (to her) have everything, have decided to get married that week. So now she’s stuck between a rock and a hard place - she either sacrifices her plans for your wedding, or sacrifices your wedding for her plans.

In her position I think I’d be feeling pretty put out as well. She probably knows that on some level she’s being slightly irrational, but she’s hurting. If you can’t see that, then you’re not a very good friend.

I agree with this. I think it is quite hard to say what she has said out loud, even if she hasn’t managed to be diplomatic about it all. If there are still feelings of friendship between you in a couple of years’ time I would try to find a really nice present for her 40th, to show that you care about her milestones even if she has found yours overwhelming.