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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Getting married 3 days after a birthday

132 replies

Skinnymuffins · 27/10/2021 20:00

So we've today booked our wedding for a date in the UK - summer 2023.

We checked that nobody had any birthdays on that day. The best man's daughters birthday is 2 days after and one of the bridesmaids birthday is 3 days before.

So we thought we were in the clear.

Best man was fine, but the bridesmaid has had a bit of a moan for having the wedding in her "birthday week".

She said (first time I've heard of it) that she had planned to go away for her birthday as it's a big birthday.

She then moaned and said "what is it about birthdays in that month" (a very popular summer month!) and I said I think it's a case of people wanting the best chance for sun on their wedding.

I'd never have booked a wedding on anyone's birthday but I thought 3 days clear was fine? AIBU to think that was ok?

OP posts:

DottyHarmer · 28/10/2021 12:13

Mil was like this. Her birthday was a Huge Deal. Such that she started fretting over when gc might be born with stern warnings to her dil to avoid 17th March…. I can’t imagine how she would have reacted if someone had picked that day as their wedding date. (She was badly enough behaved at weddings anyway….)

VeganCheesePlease · 28/10/2021 12:14

Yanbu. If you had to take into consideration having your wedding nowhere near anyone's birthday, you'd never get a date set!
Her birthday is still free to plan the trip on!

REP22 · 28/10/2021 12:15

She sounds selfish and cruel. I don't think you have anything to feel bad about. I hope you have a lovely wedding. x

Snowdropsandbluebells · 28/10/2021 12:15

It's a sign of things to come.
She's very selfish

Eilatan2018 · 28/10/2021 12:16

@Skinnymuffins

So we've today booked our wedding for a date in the UK - summer 2023.

We checked that nobody had any birthdays on that day. The best man's daughters birthday is 2 days after and one of the bridesmaids birthday is 3 days before.

So we thought we were in the clear.

Best man was fine, but the bridesmaid has had a bit of a moan for having the wedding in her "birthday week".

She said (first time I've heard of it) that she had planned to go away for her birthday as it's a big birthday.

She then moaned and said "what is it about birthdays in that month" (a very popular summer month!) and I said I think it's a case of people wanting the best chance for sun on their wedding.

I'd never have booked a wedding on anyone's birthday but I thought 3 days clear was fine? AIBU to think that was ok?

She’s being a diva. Tell her not to bother coming then!

tcjotm · 28/10/2021 12:32

My sibling was born on my birthday! How rude is that? Messed up my birthday week I can tell you 🤣

I’ve been compromising since I was a toddler. She’ll cope this once 😂

QueeniesCroft · 28/10/2021 12:38

Say something like, "Oh, that's a shame, but I'll understand if you can't make it" then never mention it again. She will either have a massive strop and refuse to come, or realise that she's being a tit and it's not all actually about her.
It sounds like your wedding will end up being all about her anyway, so if she's offended and refuses to come/be a bridesmaid then it might save you a lot of hassle later.

Lasair · 28/10/2021 13:09

She’s being childish

Original poster

Skinnymuffins · 28/10/2021 13:42

She's sent a message today saying that my news of a new baby and engagement in the same month has been overwhelming for her (she's also not been very supportive of either news) because she's jealous (her words). She's single and would love a baby.

I have a few friends who don't have babies and are single and one admitted it does sting when friends announce these things but that she understands that's her issue and that friend has been really supportive and happy for me.

So I guess on the back of the text saying she's jealous so admits she hasn't shown much support for my news, the going away on her 40th (even though she can come back in time for the wedding) isn't surprising.

OP posts:

DottyHarmer · 28/10/2021 13:46

Well, at least she’s been honest. It was quite brave of her to admit that all your good news is “overwhelming” . Sometimes even the best of us feel a bit fed up inside when a friend is living the dream.

Aurorie11 · 28/10/2021 13:47

Our wedding was a few days after one of the guests 10th birthday, we bought him a cake and had everyone sing happy birthday. She's being ridiculous

jamandmarmalade · 28/10/2021 13:50

she sounds a pita.

appleturnovers · 28/10/2021 13:56

Don’t overthink it as she maybe is just voicing out loud that she’ll have to rethink.

I definitely agree with this. She might not have been moaning per se, just thinking out loud.

There's absolutely no way you can completely avoid anyone's birthday when choosing a date. It's hard enough choosing a date for a wedding without having to think about that too.

Aroundtheworldin80moves · 28/10/2021 14:02

We not only got married on my cousins first wedding anniversary, it was also another cousins birthday (10th i think).

We toasted the anniversary and sand happy birthday to the child (and his parents had bought him along a birthday cake which we knew about!)

With the wedding anniversary... cousin and I booked our weddings at the same time without knowing of each others plans. The while family response was amazement at the coincidence.

I also gave birth on my mothers birthday. My mother said it was the best birthday present ever.

SusieBob · 28/10/2021 14:08

I gave zero fucks about whether my wedding fell on anyone's birthday. If people can't make a given date because it's their birthday then they are welcome not to attend.

tcjotm · 28/10/2021 14:40

Oh poor thing, that does change it a bit. She was brave to share that with you. I’d let it go, she knows she’s being unreasonable and that particular big birthday will be especially hard if she’d really love a baby herself.

smoko · 28/10/2021 14:44

Ah yes

The insufferable “Birthday Week” people

It’s a day. A DAY. There is no week of celebrations

She could have just said “oh no have a holiday booked as that’s the week of my bday”

But it sounds like there isn’t actually a holiday even booked yet

So she could easily book it the week before or after !

Has she always places such importance on her bday?

Original poster

Skinnymuffins · 28/10/2021 14:49

@smoko

Ah yes

The insufferable “Birthday Week” people

It’s a day. A DAY. There is no week of celebrations

She could have just said “oh no have a holiday booked as that’s the week of my bday”

But it sounds like there isn’t actually a holiday even booked yet

So she could easily book it the week before or after !

Has she always places such importance on her bday?

Not booked yet no but has been her plan to go away to this particular place for her 40th.

Maybe I'm not as precious about the actual birthday day, for example for the big birthday I have coming up next year I'm having it 2 weeks after my birthday and 2 weeks before my other halfs birthday so we can just have a joint one. That'll be just in our garden with friends and family but not on the actual day just to get a good party going for us both.

She did moan yesterday and said "what is it with weddings in August"...

Errrr the potential for a UK summer maybe 😬

OP posts:

HelenaJustina · 28/10/2021 15:00

Well done her for being honest with you about how she is feeling.

My sister’s wedding (at which I was a bridesmaid) was the day before my birthday. The after party hosted by my parents was on my birthday. Whilst it would have been very lovely for it to have been acknowledged at the after party in some way, I have a birthday every year and my sister is only getting married once!

TheGoogleMum · 28/10/2021 15:00

It's impossible to please everyone. I think it's fine, as its 3 days different couldn't she celebrate the weekend the other side of her birthday instead?
I got married 4 days after one of my bridesmaids boyfriends birthday (not a special year) and had to hear complaints about that! I didn't feel very sympathetic. My DH went to a wedding of one of my family members on his birthday in the early days of our relationship and he was fine about it

AryaStarkWolf · 28/10/2021 15:02

It wouldn't have even occurred to me to check peoples birthdays before i booked my wedding

Stickyblue1987 · 28/10/2021 18:22

I think birthdays are a bigger deal to some people than others. I have a big birthday in 2 years and am already planning it. My good friends know about it and my best friend wouldn't book their wedding around that time (they're already married btw). I wouldn't want to go to a wedding 3 days after my birthday as I'd want to be out of the country doing what I had planned.

csectionmumma · 28/10/2021 18:58

@Skinnymuffins hang on have I read this properly? Your bridesmaid is miffed you've planned your wedding the same week as her birthday? She's not well.

Original poster

Skinnymuffins · 28/10/2021 19:15

[quote csectionmumma]@Skinnymuffins hang on have I read this properly? Your bridesmaid is miffed you've planned your wedding the same week as her birthday? She's not well. [/quote]
Yup 😬 she's going away for it but as it's not booked yet I thought maybe she could come back in time for the wedding but today sent texts to say she's jealous of my news and it's making her act in a non supportive way.

@Stickyblue1987 I think some people are way more precious about the actual day than others. I love celebrating my birthday and next year is a big one - but I'm having a big party at the house 2 weeks after my birthday and 2 weeks before my DP so we get everyone in one place and not have to ask everyone twice in a short space of time.

It doesn't bother me celebrating it 2 weeks after, it's more important that I'm with the people I love than what day I celebrate it.

Plus she can still go away and be away for her actual birthday... It's a Monday. My wedding is a Friday... She could if she wanted to, come back in time.

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Original poster

Skinnymuffins · 28/10/2021 19:23

Correction her birthday is a Tuesday, wedding is a Friday. She could fly back in time.

OP posts:

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