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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think it’s fine to spend lots of time in bed!

328 replies

Thatsthewaytis · 27/10/2021 12:57

I spend lots of time in bed and starting to feel like my DH thinks it’s lazy or that it’s not right to do so.

For context we’ve no DC, both WFH full time since March 2020. He is up at 8, out walking the dog, cooking his breakfast and at his desk working for 9.

I get up at 8.30, make a coffee and breakfast, back to bed, switch on laptop and do admin type tasks for the morning (reading work documents, review and comment on people’s work, organise meetings etc etc) then usually get up around 12.30 get dressed, lunch and spend my afternoon at the desk doing data parts of my work that need two screens.

Sometimes DH will walk past and say ‘still in bed’ ‘are you getting up soon’ etc - not in a mean way but just in a way that implies he thinks I’m still in bed.

I mean I am physically but I’ve done a full mornings work same as him.

Also in evenings if he’s heading out for example my preference is usually to get into bed with a cup of tea and watch tv there instead of on the couch - it’s comfier and warmer! He also seems to think I’ve gone ‘back to bed already’. Again technically true - I could be out of bed at 12 and back in bed by 8 when this happens.

Anyone else spend lots of time in bed or would you also think it’s not right? For more context as well, I suffer with back issues and I have an amazing firm mattress so I’m just more comfortable in bed than on a chair or couch.

OP posts:
lostinthoughts · 27/10/2021 20:24

I love lying in bed! I'm up at 7.30 and have a busy job as a nurse so am on my feet all day plus ferrying kids to and from school/clubs etc so by the time they go to bed at 7 I am ready for bed myself! I usually eat, shower then head up to bed at 9pm. My husband stays downstairs watching tv for much longer.

I would suggest though that if it's turning into a habit of staying in bed until 12 on a daily basis then I'd try and alter your pattern. Could you go out and walk the dog together then come back and start work?

Rainbowheart1 · 27/10/2021 20:37

I would see it as laziness if I’m honest, it’s just not right to be in bed for that amount of time!

Others will think it’s fine, it’s just preference. I couldn’t be with someone who spent so much time in bed as we wouldn’t be compatible

Marvellousmadness · 27/10/2021 20:41

Sounds like you hide in your bed. and sounds like you wouldn't get any exercise at all. I wouldn't like it if my partner did this it would alter the way I look at him as it is not particularly inspiring. I would grow to loathe him for sure...

TheBlackHeart · 27/10/2021 20:43

@Marvellousmadness

Sounds like you hide in your bed. and sounds like you wouldn't get any exercise at all. I wouldn't like it if my partner did this it would alter the way I look at him as it is not particularly inspiring. I would grow to loathe him for sure...
Did you skip the part where OP said she does pilates and walks the dog?
LolaSmiles · 27/10/2021 20:46

It doesn't sound right to me, but then I don't understand the appeal of waiting until lunch time to get washed and dressed.

I'd find it a bit off putting if DH was regularly unwashed and in his sleepwear until lunch.

TracyBeakerSoYeah · 27/10/2021 20:47

Well Op wakes up, goes downstairs to get coffee/tea breakfast & do whatever else she needs to do before she goes back to bed & then completes a morning of paid work.
Then gets showered/dressed & gets on with the rest of her day.

Some are saying she is lazy & should have her shower/get dressed etc then either go into another room to do her paid work.
This is completely bonkers as it's just location & doing things in a different order to the usual.
People can be so intolerant of other people doing things differently.

TheBlackHeart · 27/10/2021 20:52

This is completely bonkers as it's just location & doing things in a different order to the usual.
People can be so intolerant of other people doing things differently

Totally agree. So many bizarre people on here.

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 27/10/2021 20:59

You’ve basically described the Wolf chronotype from this:

casper.com/blog/chronotype/

I think it’s important to accept that people work differently.

icelolly12 · 27/10/2021 21:02

Are you overweight op? Staying in bed so much is probably not helping your back or overall physical health. Sounds lazy to me.

TheCanyon · 27/10/2021 21:03

What time do you get up at the weekend?

Original poster
Thatsthewaytis · 27/10/2021 21:10

@GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing

You’ve basically described the Wolf chronotype from this:

casper.com/blog/chronotype/

I think it’s important to accept that people work differently.

That is super interesting! I haven’t come across it before. I do find if I’m busy in work and putting in some hours after dinner I’m usually at my most productive in that time.

@icelolly12 no I’m not overweight at all. Again not sure why working from bed instead of a desk for the morning would mean I’m overweight.

@TheCanyon usually get up around 10 on the weekend, same time as DH.

OP posts:
Fetarabbit · 27/10/2021 21:11

@TracyBeakerSoYeah

Well Op wakes up, goes downstairs to get coffee/tea breakfast & do whatever else she needs to do before she goes back to bed & then completes a morning of paid work. Then gets showered/dressed & gets on with the rest of her day.

Some are saying she is lazy & should have her shower/get dressed etc then either go into another room to do her paid work.
This is completely bonkers as it's just location & doing things in a different order to the usual.
People can be so intolerant of other people doing things differently.

I suspect people aren't arsed, it doesn't affect anyone who has posteds life one iota; but OP asked a question and people have answered.
Original poster
Thatsthewaytis · 27/10/2021 21:19

Thanks for the comments all. Makes more sense now why DH seems to think I’m only getting working after lunch when I’ve actually had a busy productive morning. Most people here seem to be similar. I suppose pre covid there wouldn’t really have been a subset of ‘productive from bed’ people as we would’ve been in the office so I totally get why people could view it negatively as the norm was up dressed and at desk for 9 when the commute was involved and you had to be somewhere physically.

OP posts:
midnightpopcorn · 27/10/2021 21:20

I think a lot of people have been on autopilot for a long time and have never questioned it. There's a lot of "it's just wrong" on this thread which I expect is because until only a few years ago you had to get out of bed to earn a living.

Youve just found a better way. It's smart and obviously suits the way your brain and body works Grin

Darbs76 · 27/10/2021 21:26

I have been doing a lot of overtime recently and always do it from my bed in the evenings with a laptop tray. I don’t understand why people think you’re not doing as much if working in bed as if you’ve got a non customer facing laptop job it makes zero difference where you do it. In the day I work at my desk in the annex in my bedroom (in the office 1 day per week), but I don’t get less done in bed

moita · 27/10/2021 21:32

It would affect my sleep at night personally

Skatastic · 27/10/2021 21:33

I LOVE my bed. We paid such a lot of money for it and it is so so comfy. I sometimes just go lay in it and feel happy.

LolaSmiles · 27/10/2021 21:34

I suspect people aren't arsed, it doesn't affect anyone who has posteds life one iota; but OP asked a question and people have answered
Exactly this.
The OP asked people's thoughts. People gave them.

Even on weekends I'm not in my sleepwear until lunchtime. WFH or otherwise, it matters to me to get up, washed, and dressed for the day. If other people want to stay unwashed and go back to bed until lunch that's up to them and it doesn't affect me, but it is a set of behaviour that I would find annoying if DH started doing it.

maddiemookins16mum · 27/10/2021 21:35

I think it’s odd and something that before Covid/WFH people would never do. We’ve had an email from HR this week reminding people that WFH means getting dressed, sitting at a desk (that money was provided to every employee for) etc, not slobbing on the sofa/in bed, laptop in one hand and the TV remote in the other.

TracyBeakerSoYeah · 27/10/2021 21:35

@Thatsthewaytis you need a big sign to put on your bedroom door (just remember to remove it at bedtime)

To think it’s fine to spend lots of time in bed!
GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 27/10/2021 21:36

If I didn’t have children I’d definitely adjust my working life so that everything was done later

MiniPumpkin · 27/10/2021 21:39

I’m in bed right now.. and at any given opportunity but two kids aged 4months and three years so I’m tired.
When I was wfh I wouldn’t have spent half the day in bed as too uncomfortable and I wouldn’t feel organised, I like routine. That said when I was pregnant I was fully engaged in i phone conference calls completely horizontal 🤣

Looubylou · 27/10/2021 21:40

It's your choice and business at the end of the day. From a work perspective, it seems to work for you, however your back will not thank you. Do you at least get of the bed and move around on a regular basis?

midnightpopcorn · 27/10/2021 21:44

@maddiemookins16mum

I think it’s odd and something that before Covid/WFH people would never do. We’ve had an email from HR this week reminding people that WFH means getting dressed, sitting at a desk (that money was provided to every employee for) etc, not slobbing on the sofa/in bed, laptop in one hand and the TV remote in the other.
But why? If the productivity is the same who cares? No ones paid for getting dressed or the position they're sat in... they're paid to sell a certain number of pens, or complete a number of clients tax returns or whatever
TracyBeakerSoYeah · 27/10/2021 21:49

Just out of curiosity (not having a go just trying to understand other peoples way of thinking) if it doesn't affect you or impede on you in anyway then why do you find it annoying @LolaSmiles

Years ago I asked one of DSil's this as she used to get really wound up if her DH occasionally had a short nap in the day on his days off (He had a very physical construction job & this was pre kids) if she was out whether that be at work or out with friends.
She couldn't explain why she thought it was lazy only that she would feel lazy if it was herself doing it as she would worry that other people would think her lazy. She was more put out about him having a nap in case it interfered with them doing something together even though she was already out doing something else that was arranged beforehand.

Since having kids she's changed her mind & now they share the naps/lie ins when they manage to grab one.

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