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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think it’s fine to spend lots of time in bed!

328 replies

Thatsthewaytis · 27/10/2021 12:57

I spend lots of time in bed and starting to feel like my DH thinks it’s lazy or that it’s not right to do so.

For context we’ve no DC, both WFH full time since March 2020. He is up at 8, out walking the dog, cooking his breakfast and at his desk working for 9.

I get up at 8.30, make a coffee and breakfast, back to bed, switch on laptop and do admin type tasks for the morning (reading work documents, review and comment on people’s work, organise meetings etc etc) then usually get up around 12.30 get dressed, lunch and spend my afternoon at the desk doing data parts of my work that need two screens.

Sometimes DH will walk past and say ‘still in bed’ ‘are you getting up soon’ etc - not in a mean way but just in a way that implies he thinks I’m still in bed.

I mean I am physically but I’ve done a full mornings work same as him.

Also in evenings if he’s heading out for example my preference is usually to get into bed with a cup of tea and watch tv there instead of on the couch - it’s comfier and warmer! He also seems to think I’ve gone ‘back to bed already’. Again technically true - I could be out of bed at 12 and back in bed by 8 when this happens.

Anyone else spend lots of time in bed or would you also think it’s not right? For more context as well, I suffer with back issues and I have an amazing firm mattress so I’m just more comfortable in bed than on a chair or couch.

OP posts:
TrufflesAndToast · 27/10/2021 17:32

To add, as a PP says it’s just not nice to use a shared space as a permanent hang out with all your stuff, good and drink etc. I like a clean and fresh bed to get into at night, not feel like I’m crawling into my partner’s work den that has been sat on all day including in outside clothes.

pigsDOfly · 27/10/2021 17:38

Personally I'd find that horribly depressing.

I'm retired but I couldn't be happy if I didn't get out of bed in the morning, shower and get on with my day.

You say, your back is worse if you're sitting on a chair but that could very well be because your posture is poor and sitting in a chair is pushing your back into a straighter position, which would probably cause some discomfort initially.

Sitting scrunched up in bed working on a computer for hours is going to play hell with anyone's posture and cause back pain.

salviapages · 27/10/2021 17:38

Some of the replies here I find so weird, I know it's not for everyone but some people seem to think you're a lazy slob for working from your bed instead of from a desk, as if the outcome is any different?

Maybe some responses are from people older than me so they won't understand, but I'm mid 20s and am totally used to working from bed. I live in an expensive city and until recently had housemates. I didn't have the privilege of a nice home office or even a private living room to work from, so I didn't really have a choice but to work from bed. It makes literally no difference to my work and there's nothing wrong with it.

I recently moved into a place with my partner where we no longer share with housemates, and sometimes I'll work from the living room and sometimes from bed, makes no difference. I get the worries about posture and back pain but there's nothing lazy about sitting in a bed vs sitting at a desk! As long as you get done everything you need to get done, your house is clean and your back is okay, who cares! Sometimes mumsnet posters do sound like judgemental old ladies

TracyBeakerSoYeah · 27/10/2021 17:43

@Enwi

I’m confused by some of the responses calling it lazy… it’s just a choice of seating surely?

I love my bed. I am most comfortable when sat in it, and I have an old and cold house so enjoy having a duvet to hand. I can’t do my job from bed but if I could I’m sure I would.

Those who say it would really annoy you if your partner did this… why? Confused I’d think my partner was a right controlling twat if he dictated where I sat to do my work each day, especially as he isn’t there anyway!

Completely agree
fournonblondes · 27/10/2021 17:44

Have you put on weight?

pigsDOfly · 27/10/2021 17:46

As long as you get done everything you need to get done, your house is clean and your back is okay, who cares.

The OP's back isn't okay, she said she has a painful back. Working from bed will generally make back pain worse.

winterchills · 27/10/2021 17:46

I often lay on the bed instead of downstairs too!

Defeatedbylife · 27/10/2021 17:47

Hi op,i was thinking of starting a somewhat similar thread.for the past three weeks every morning after kids have gone school i climb back into bed and dont get up sometimes until 2!ive been on anti depressants for two years.i realise its not healthy, normal and a waste of life,but i cant snap myself out of this.im a stay at home mum,i have a severely disabled child and working isnt really an option,plus with lack of sleep and constant vigilance of watching him to keep him safe,im exhausted. I just feel now,i cant get enough sleep.

stingofthebutterfly · 27/10/2021 17:52

No chance. Makes me depressed just thinking about still being in bed after 9am. Feels like I've wasted the day.

And I hate getting up early.

midnightpopcorn · 27/10/2021 17:52

I think I love you!

It's not normal but why the hell not? I don't understand the unquestioning way so many people subscribe to the belief you must be up and dressed and vertical in order to be functioning.

Like you say, you've done a morning's work. Tell him to leave you alone

TrickOrTreat21x · 27/10/2021 18:09

I'm up early 6-7am but I'm always in bed by 7pm. I don't care what anyone says - it's warmer, cheaper on the gas bill and so much more cosy. Smile
Wish I could stay in bed in the mornings but have DC so needs must lol.

Barton10 · 27/10/2021 18:23

I love my bed and would happily do the same as you but DH doesn’t understand it. I am back to work from the office full time now so am up at 7:30 in the mornings. When he goes out in the evenings I prefer to go to bed to watch tv. He used to work evenings 7 - 11 and I would go up as soon as he went out. I love my bed it’s my happy place! Now the DC are grown up I often stay in it until lunchtime on a Sunday! By 9 at night I am itching to get back in.

Duchess379 · 27/10/2021 19:24

I love my bed! I've been medically retired so spend a lot more time at home. You're being productive from your bed so I wouldn't worry about it. More power to the bed!

Bluntness100 · 27/10/2021 19:31

@fournonblondes

Have you put on weight?
Actually I’m curious about thAt too, with such a sedentary life style. Well such a “laying down” lifestyle. You obviously eat in bed too, are you a healthy weight?
theleafandnotthetree · 27/10/2021 19:34

@Lilolily

It’s nobody’s business! Bed is my favourite place in the world. You do you.
Well it is kind of her husbands business if it bothers or irks him. And he wouldn't be unreasonable to feel that way in my view
Justheretoaskaquestion91 · 27/10/2021 19:38

I take the baby to bed at 7 and often stay there with him. It's easier in case he wakes but also comfier and don't have that annoying thing of having to tear yourself away from the sofa to go to bed

So glad it’s not just me who does this! Not sure I could ever return to the sofa tbh

NerrSnerr · 27/10/2021 19:42

When I lived alone or in house shares I'd prefer to be in bed watching telly. I'm still the same in the evening if my husband is away and children are asleep I'll go to bed and sleep and watch instead of staying up. Just a preference.

Original poster
Thatsthewaytis · 27/10/2021 19:42

@Bluntness100 my weight is totally normal. I’m not overweight and it hasn’t changed pre and post covid. I mean office jobs are sedentary anyway.

I wouldn’t think there’s any difference in calories expended if I was to walk to the office and sit at my desk in the next room vs walking into the bedroom and lying on the bed.

OP posts:
Original poster
Thatsthewaytis · 27/10/2021 19:44

I don’t think my lifestyle is massively sedentary anyway to be honest. How many people spend their evenings working out? I do Pilates several times a week, long walk with the dog every evening and my back exercises daily. I would’ve thought that’s pretty normal for an office worker.

OP posts:
MolyHolyGuacamole · 27/10/2021 19:54

@ShirleyPhallus

I’d honestly absolutely make the most of this while you have no kids. Cos when you do, you’ll spend about 5 hours a night in bed asleep and the rest of the time is up / awake / staring obsessively at the monitor etc etc

BUT this is Mumsnet so I’m opening up bingo for:

  • it’s a waste of the day
  • oh I could never do that, I do my best work at 5am
  • anyone who isn’t out of bed by 6am absolute latest is a lazy wench
  • do you think you have depression / other mental health issues

Etc etc

This is excellent Grin

I also have no kids or partner, but also sadly do not WFH. I will spend an entire day in bed at the weekend though, love it and feel no regret. Sometimes it will be both days Halloween Wink

Original poster
Thatsthewaytis · 27/10/2021 19:57

I guess my curiosity is also satisfied from this thread of what others might think and it is clear that many also think being in bed = lazy/bad. Like wondering if I’m overweight / don’t do my share of housework / don’t take care of my house / have a untidy bedroom with cups everywhere etc. None of that is true. I just like to work from the bed in the morning and if I’m on my own for the evening my preference is to relax in bed instead of on the couch.

OP posts:
midnightpopcorn · 27/10/2021 19:57

@Thatsthewaytis

I don’t think my lifestyle is massively sedentary anyway to be honest. How many people spend their evenings working out? I do Pilates several times a week, long walk with the dog every evening and my back exercises daily. I would’ve thought that’s pretty normal for an office worker.
You're way more active than many people. There's no difference between laying in bed and sitting on the sofa. I don't know why people assume you're fat and lazy. I am actually fat, but when I was thin I still hung out in my bed
Bluntness100 · 27/10/2021 20:11

I was curious about weight but I didn’t assume you were over weight, becayse you do lay down a lot.

To me spending half to two thirds of your day in bed every single day I’d assume Ill health in some way, either mentally or physically as opposed to lazy or whatever.

RacketeerRalph · 27/10/2021 20:13

DH and I share an office so if I need to take confidential calls, I use our bedroom. If I know I'll be making a few I'll work from the bed. The dining table is uncomfortable for long periods and the sofa the wrong height for working.

I'll often choose to read in bed of an evening (or Mumsnet as I am now), sometimes if DH is in the living room watching or doing stuff and sometimes just because I want to be warm and snuggly.

I don't see the difference between reading on the sofa under a blanket and reading in bed, just do the one you prefer!

RacketeerRalph · 27/10/2021 20:18

Bluntness100

Why is sitting in bed more sedentary than sitting on the sofa?

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