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Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask your favourite passive aggressive email sayings

409 replies

amazeandastonish · 26/10/2021 18:54

I have irritating colleagues, as I'm sure we all do, and whilst I'd love nothing more than to say something like "fuck off", I obviously have to be more polite and professional.

So what are your favourite passive aggressive email sayings? Are there any I don't already know?

My favourite is "as per my last email"

Also someone in a previous job once signed off with "take care". Neither of us liked each other and I knew she really didn't mean

Apparently 'kind regards' means anything but, yet I'm not sure everyone realises that so I don't think that's really a PA saying!

OP posts:
Gasp0deTheW0nderD0g · 28/10/2021 08:44

@Malin52

'I trust this email finds you well' is so very old fashioned polite but if you analyse it, it basically says:

"Dear Felicity. Social norms mean I have to write something here about being concerned about your general health before I launch into what I need you to pull your finger out and do, but I'm not interested so I'll assume your health is generally fine and if it's not, I don't want to hear about it nor do I care so no need to respond to this bit..:

Send me that fucking file I asked for yesterday. Malin"

Grin Spot on.
ISaidDontLickTheBin · 28/10/2021 08:47

"I was surprised to hear that..." - I was fuming/raging when I found out

"I was surprised and disappointed to learn that..." - I am apoplectic with rage and have just had to count to 100 to calm down enough to write this this email

legalseagull · 28/10/2021 08:48

"I look forward to your response" = hurry the fuck up

Livpool · 28/10/2021 09:38

I put 'regards' rather than 'kind regards' if I want to say fuck off without saying it!

Already said but 'as per my last email' is a good one

AtlanticCityProof · 28/10/2021 09:54

Conversely, threats of physical violence are generally signs of friendliness and camaraderie. Actual aggression is regarded with derision. A financial director who threatened to “aggressively challenge” any unjustified spending took so much flak he left a couple of months later.

ihavespoken · 28/10/2021 09:55

"For the avoidance of doubt" led to the Great Meltdown of 2020 in my team - tears, shouting, the lot!

Team relations have never quite recovered [not joking] Shock

FreddieMercurysCat · 28/10/2021 10:07

With the greatest of respect - before disrespecting someone who is an idiot/arsehole.

Goldfishmountainclimber · 28/10/2021 10:26

Out of interest, what words do you think are ok to use to chase someone.

I have a difficult manager who makes my life a misery if I do not complete work matters very quickly. So when I am waiting on some information from someone else, I want to chase so that I don’t get shouted at by my manager. I have nothing against the person I am waiting on and if it was my decision then I would wait longer.

So how can you chase nicely?

cricketmum84 · 28/10/2021 10:43

@Goldfishmountainclimber

Out of interest, what words do you think are ok to use to chase someone.

I have a difficult manager who makes my life a misery if I do not complete work matters very quickly. So when I am waiting on some information from someone else, I want to chase so that I don’t get shouted at by my manager. I have nothing against the person I am waiting on and if it was my decision then I would wait longer.

So how can you chase nicely?

I tend to forward my previous email and out something along the lines of. Sorry to chase as I know you are really busy but have you had chance to review the below yet please?

(This actually means - I know for a fact you are on Facebook and taking long lunches but please can you just do your fucking job!!)

MadMadaMim · 28/10/2021 10:43

To counter some of the eye opening (for me!) responses on here - some of us (I thought everyone, until reading some of this thread...) simply mean what we say.

When I sign off 'kind regards' it means just that. Same for 'happy to discuss further'. And if I say 'further to previous email', it's because there's additional info to share/discuss etc.

PA behaviour anywhere, but especially in the workplace, is probably one of the most destructive. I don't understand it and it's is completely counterproductive - serves no purpose and gives no possibility of actually what you're being PA about.

If you've explained something and it's not understood, why be sarcastic/PA - maybe it's not being explained very well and even if not the case, maybe some people take longer to understand. Doesn't mean they're stupid /dumb fuck /idiot /dickhead.

Thankfully, I must be oblivious to this unnecessary meanness and childish behaviour as I rarely, if ever, get the negative vibes from these allegedly PA email sayings. And if I do, I ask the person if there's anything to discuss. Maybe that's why I don't get it directed at me - people know if there's a perceived issue, I will ask about it!

Rosesareyellow · 28/10/2021 10:50

‘A gentle reminder if you haven’t already…’ = fucking get it done already

AtlanticCityProof · 28/10/2021 10:55

@Goldfishmountainclimber
“I’m under a lot of pressure to…”
Over the phone after one or two emails

Ratonastick · 28/10/2021 11:06

I recently used “I’m sure you’re very busy but” as a clear instruction to get the fuck on with something that is already 3 weeks overdue.

It gets more amusing when Brits email Americans. They regard a gentle reminder as……. a gentle reminder, ie not the absolutely clear sodding instruction to crack on that the sender intended. Divided by a common language

DaphneduWarrior · 28/10/2021 11:18

I have a senior manager who starts emails with ‘DA,’

I think she’s trying to give the impression she’s too busy to type out ‘Dear all,’

Reader, she is not.

Iloveallofthem · 28/10/2021 11:22

@HeadNorth

Noted, thanks = Fuck you

😆

Iloveallofthem · 28/10/2021 11:23

@SummerHouse

I love a "polite reminder"

Or a ' gentle reminder'

Fuck off to both of them I say.

Iloveallofthem · 28/10/2021 11:27

@legalseagull

"I look forward to your response" = hurry the fuck up

This thread is making me laugh . And I am having such a shit time of it with my appalling mental health at the moment so thank you all.

😆💕

Starlight86 · 28/10/2021 11:51

When someone sends me a passive aggressive email explaining a situation or reasons I respond by copying parts of their email into my email and highlighting them in red then write my response underneath their red copied text.

also

"I await your reply" - I expect you to fucking answer me

Gasp0deTheW0nderD0g · 28/10/2021 12:03

@MadMadaMim

To counter some of the eye opening (for me!) responses on here - some of us (I thought everyone, until reading some of this thread...) simply mean what we say.

When I sign off 'kind regards' it means just that. Same for 'happy to discuss further'. And if I say 'further to previous email', it's because there's additional info to share/discuss etc.

PA behaviour anywhere, but especially in the workplace, is probably one of the most destructive. I don't understand it and it's is completely counterproductive - serves no purpose and gives no possibility of actually what you're being PA about.

If you've explained something and it's not understood, why be sarcastic/PA - maybe it's not being explained very well and even if not the case, maybe some people take longer to understand. Doesn't mean they're stupid /dumb fuck /idiot /dickhead.

Thankfully, I must be oblivious to this unnecessary meanness and childish behaviour as I rarely, if ever, get the negative vibes from these allegedly PA email sayings. And if I do, I ask the person if there's anything to discuss. Maybe that's why I don't get it directed at me - people know if there's a perceived issue, I will ask about it!

I have a lot of sympathy with this, @MadMadaMim. I'm not on the autistic spectrum but I have a close relative who is, and she would struggle with picking up the implications from some of these phrases. I myself prefer plain speaking so we all know where we stand.
KNain · 28/10/2021 12:16

I used to have a manager who would start emails with just the first letter of someone's name instead of typing their name e.g. "L, please can you do xyz..." It would really wind me up (it just seemed so abrupt) because I have a name which can be shortened to a two letter name which everyone uses (e.g. Fiona and everyone calls me Fi, or Emma and Em) so they would only have to type one more letter to make it sound more polite!

I use some variation of "happy to pick this up" all the time. But I really mean "we all know you'll fuck the spreadsheet up Sarah, so just step away and let me do it".

daimbarsatemydogsbone · 28/10/2021 12:19

@Livpool

I put 'regards' rather than 'kind regards' if I want to say fuck off without saying it!

Already said but 'as per my last email' is a good one

I seem to say "fuck off" quite a lot judging by these ridiculous "rules"
daimbarsatemydogsbone · 28/10/2021 12:21

@MadMadaMim

To counter some of the eye opening (for me!) responses on here - some of us (I thought everyone, until reading some of this thread...) simply mean what we say.

When I sign off 'kind regards' it means just that. Same for 'happy to discuss further'. And if I say 'further to previous email', it's because there's additional info to share/discuss etc.

PA behaviour anywhere, but especially in the workplace, is probably one of the most destructive. I don't understand it and it's is completely counterproductive - serves no purpose and gives no possibility of actually what you're being PA about.

If you've explained something and it's not understood, why be sarcastic/PA - maybe it's not being explained very well and even if not the case, maybe some people take longer to understand. Doesn't mean they're stupid /dumb fuck /idiot /dickhead.

Thankfully, I must be oblivious to this unnecessary meanness and childish behaviour as I rarely, if ever, get the negative vibes from these allegedly PA email sayings. And if I do, I ask the person if there's anything to discuss. Maybe that's why I don't get it directed at me - people know if there's a perceived issue, I will ask about it!

Me too.
KeyLimePies · 28/10/2021 12:34

I have a lot of sympathy with this, @MadMadaMim. I'm not on the autistic spectrum but I have a close relative who is, and she would struggle with picking up the implications from some of these phrases. I myself prefer plain speaking so we all know where we stand.

Honestly this thread is making me wonder if I'm possibly on the spectrum? I really, really don't get any of it. There isn't one example given that I would see as PA? People seem to read far too much into email messages. People must get really het up with the number of kisses people put on messages too?

x = i hate you so much right now
xx = we're friends again
xxx = I love you
xxxx = I want to marry you and have your babies
xxxxx = I'm outside your house watching you...

Binkybix · 28/10/2021 12:50

I do loads of these. Sometimes I mean it PA and sometimes it’s genuine. As indicated by the context of the wider message, obvs.

Work a lot with a firm from a different country now now, and got some feedback that I should be more confident recently. Was puzzled until I realised that when I say things like ‘maybe it’s me’ people think I actually mean it. Obviously I actually mean ‘it’s not me, it’s you.’

When I sign off with an initial only it’s friendly.

Dinosaurwoman · 28/10/2021 15:27

Oh dear, I always use regards to people I don’t really know. I’d hate to them to think I’m being PA. What should I use.