To ask your favourite passive aggressive email sayings

[amazeandastonish]

I have irritating colleagues, as I'm sure we all do, and whilst I'd love nothing more than to say something like "fuck off", I obviously have to be more polite and professional.

So what are your favourite passive aggressive email sayings? Are there any I don't already know?

My favourite is "as per my last email"

Also someone in a previous job once signed off with "take care". Neither of us liked each other and I knew she really didn't mean

Apparently 'kind regards' means anything but, yet I'm not sure everyone realises that so I don't think that's really a PA saying!

Last email I sent to my manager...

Hi x,

"In the politest terms this is absolute nonsense".... further waffle and attached 3 emails, outlined the content of the most pertinent in italics as he struggles to understand that when I send attachments they are supposed to be looked at

Please take note that... (pertinent point relating to emails)

In summary I struggle to understand how in light of the above x can still be so falsely maintained by y.

Hope this helps"

My boss is an absolute moron who three times this week has not properly read my emails and then come to discuss with me, or someone else. I've only sent him four this week in total for fucks sake

I just want to send any work emails with Dear Name and Yours sincerely My Name - I'd sign a petition.

My favourite was when I used ‘with all due respect’ which for some reason I didn’t realise everyone knew was passive aggressive for ‘I have no respect for you whatsoever in this context you fucking imbecile’, and got bought a drink that night (Work drinks) by the recipient who thought it was hilarious and congratulated me on calling him out on being a total blagger. The team (who had all been cc-d) all thought I was brilliant and someone saved it for years and read it out at my leaving do.

Still works a treat.

I got a 'best' today

Still don't know what I did wrong!

I have used 'read but not understood' as a reply on more than one occasion to verbose and rambling emails.
No matter how much of a bollocking I've doled out in an email, my sign off is always 'Cheers'. Keeps the buggers guessing 🤣

Not even nothing to type ‘kind regards’ and instead going for ‘KR’ is the ultimate put down in my organisation.

I also like to throw in an ‘as per our policy’ ie. ‘do your fucking job’.

Office 365 has a thumbs up /like ….I use that to be PA when sender clearly wants something but doesn’t ask outright ….eg…HI Stuckhere. Not sure if you were aware that the photocopier should be filled with paper after use????

Me: 👍

I got a 'best' today

Still don't know what I did wrong

Wonder if was a MNer

Thanks for letting me know (often followed by again)

“Bumping to the top of your inbox ” = I’ve asked you at least 16 times, and now your manager is in bcc

@rslsys

I have used 'read but not understood' as a reply on more than one occasion to verbose and rambling emails. No matter how much of a bollocking I've doled out in an email, my sign off is always 'Cheers'. Keeps the buggers guessing 🤣

Brilliant. I wish you could switch on ‘read but not understood’ receipts!

My best one is to go for a full name. Steve always goes by Steve, but when he’s pissed me off I go straight in with ‘Dear Stephen.’ No need to really type the rest of the email. He knows he’s annoyed me

@iwishiwasafish

“Bumping to the top of your inbox ” = I’ve asked you at least 16 times, and now your manager is in bcc

Haha! I have a colleague who does this to me. He is a controlling prick. It never occurred to me that anyone might be in bcc on all the emails I cheerfully ignore.

Gentle reminder

About as gentle as a right hook. Fuck off

@Fiftythreepercent

When I say Happy to discuss i mean Come and have a go if you think you’re hard enough

@HeyMicky

Thanks in advance - I expect this done immediately and without argument

Help me understand - explain what the fuck you were thinking

A former boss used to use "help me to understand" in exactly that way. You knew you'd fucked up.

He also used to use 'forgive me for being blunt' while still being perfectly polite. Same sort of meaning. I learned a lot from him

You could read this thread and frankly become a paranoid wreck.

I don’t know how people have the time to read into such commonly used sayings such as best wishes.
It’s just a sign off.
Blimey

I once had a colleague who used to sign off with "best, Alison" when she was pissed off, which was most of the time 😂

Ha ha!

Reminds me of this list

www.angmohdan.com/48-things-british-people-say-and-what-they-actually-mean/

Only on page 2 and I think I need to get my notebook out, my colleagues know that I don’t waste words and that my emails are short and to the point, better check I haven’t offended to many over the years

I have a client who, if I don’t reply within 15 minutes of her emailing, then sends me the same email but with ‘RESEND’ at the top. Yes in caps. She doesn’t event bother with the passive bit just the aggressive 🤣 she isn’t from the UK. Obvs! Xo

Apologies for not being clearer = let me re-write this in dummy-language you thicko!!

There we are then (acronym)

@sjxoxo

I have a client who, if I don’t reply within 15 minutes of her emailing, then sends me the same email but with ‘RESEND’ at the top. Yes in caps. She doesn’t event bother with the passive bit just the aggressive 🤣 she isn’t from the UK. Obvs! Xo

I have one a bit like that (non-UK also). She sometimes follows up with a chase-up text message! Pincer movement.

You will no doubt appreciate that = you are obviously too thick to have thought of this