To ask your favourite passive aggressive email sayings

[amazeandastonish]

I have irritating colleagues, as I'm sure we all do, and whilst I'd love nothing more than to say something like "fuck off", I obviously have to be more polite and professional.

So what are your favourite passive aggressive email sayings? Are there any I don't already know?

My favourite is "as per my last email"

Also someone in a previous job once signed off with "take care". Neither of us liked each other and I knew she really didn't mean

Apparently 'kind regards' means anything but, yet I'm not sure everyone realises that so I don't think that's really a PA saying!

My boss is a bit of a smarmy bastard and when he makes an unpopular ruling on something he will always put 'happy to discuss'

Which I assume means 'you can call but you'll be wasting your breath'

My lazy colleague was recently hoist by his own passive aggressive petard when he rolled over on doing something that actually is his job in any case but wrote that he would 'welcome a discussion' with me about it

I decided the best course of action would be just to not reply. I mean if you want to have a discussion then you can send the meeting request or call me or whatever but why would I instigate a discussion that I don't want to have?

Many years ago when I was a course administrator in a university, I worked very long days when we had teaching on, and in an effort to get some of that time back I came in slightly later on Mondays when we had no teaching. Every single Monday without fail I would arrive in the office at a little after 9.15 and my colleague would say 'Student X phoned, I took a message and explained you're not in this early on a Monday'. Then I'd open up my email and sure enough there would be an email from X, sent a minute or so after the phone call. If I didn't reply immediately X would be on the phone again before lunchtime. 'I just wanted to check you'd got my email ...' Aargh!

oh god im loving these

'Kindly' do X Y Z.
Please can you

**basically dripping with politeness

when im happy however

its one word

do this

@lastrolo10

You could read this thread and frankly become a paranoid wreck.

I don’t know how people have the time to read into such commonly used sayings such as best wishes.
It’s just a sign off.
Blimey

It gets even better when you throw in international colleagues

I have one guy who always has a massive go in his emails and signs off with :

MAKE IT A GREAT DAY

But no, you just ruined my day you twat!

My favourite ever occasion was when I received a bizarre, very detailed
complaint letter from a clients friend. This person was retired from the industry and clearly had too much time on their hands and had written a pages long blow by blow critique of my management and what they would have done differently. It made me very cross.

It turned out the client did not know this person well, had not seen the letter nor given their permission for it to be written and did not know it had been sent and they were mortified about it and did not condone it.

Thus I had the pleasure of writing back
'Thank you for your letter of x date which has been duly noted and filed (I wanted to put 'in the appropriate place' but I didn't)
Regards.

I imagined them rubbing their hands together with glee at the prospect of getting into some detailed debate and getting that.

God I hate this shit.

I used to put ‘regards’ cos you have to put something to sign off and ‘yours sincerely’ is for letters. Then I found out that ‘regards’ is apparently PA so changed to ‘kind regards’ which I hate because I really don’t mean kind regards, I just want you to read the email and act on it. Now I generally don’t sign off at all, I’ve taken my cue from the director of HR who doesn’t sign off with niceties either. It’s so freeing.

Our CEO (Chancellor of a large University) often responds with ‘noted’ in emails because they are busy as fuck and one word will suffice. What’s to get upset about?

I’ve had emails containing most of the offending examples above and can’t say I’ve ever been offended or about any of them.

@Sofiegiraffe

"Thank you for your prompt response" with W everyone copied in when someone replies to an email with multiple recipients. In other words, the rest of you are taking too long, get your arses in gear and reply to me goddamit!!

Yes, that's a fave of mine. Usually works well.

Apart from the convulated 19C type of I beg you to accept in French, I now wonder if the standard informal ending of 'Cordialement' has also many sub-meanings like fuck off English bitch!
Brexit has hoiked up anti-British sentiments where I live.

@newtb

Apart from the convulated 19C type of I beg you to accept in French, I now wonder if the standard informal ending of 'Cordialement' has also many sub-meanings like fuck off English bitch! Brexit has hoiked up anti-British sentiments where I live.

My French friend doesn’t put xx’s at the end of letters or messages. She says it’s what illiterate English peasants put. I think it’s historical. I still love her though. She sends me bisous’

'Dear Kate, I have discussed this with Laura, who is minded to go with my original proposal...' = 'sorry, Kate, Laura is the organ grinder, you're the monkey, & I got to her first so ner ner ner ner, ner.'

Bonus points if Laura has never heard of either of you OR your proposal.

Cannot bear as per my last email...I agree with @stillonthattightrope

This thread is hilarious 😂

See table.

'Gentle' reminders make me homicidal. 'Quiet word' also. Both make think of the famous MN headtilt.

Very British Problems? That table is wonderful!

I love that table too. I saw it a couple of years ago and it led me to realise that I could use ‘with all due respect...’ to my US boss’s face without him realising it was barbed as hell. NB I did not respect him.

“Regards” then full name whereas I usually sign off with just my first name.

“If you need any further assistance I can arrange a call this discuss this further” = if you’re too thick to understand what I’m saying I’m going to have to talk you through it like a baby.

I always sign off with “Regards” But then again I only use xx with close friends and family.

“As I’m sure you are aware” was one I used on an estate agent recently when they were bugging me about someone else’s file.

Hope you're well ? Irks me atm. Usually someone chasing g up an email after no reply in 2 days.

When you read these you realise a lot of people confuse use of formal language in a work context with pissyness. It's not a surprise there's so many office dramas if so many are assuming tone from three words

'I trust this email finds you well' is so very old fashioned polite but if you analyse it, it basically says:

"Dear Felicity. Social norms mean I have to write something here about being concerned about your general health before I launch into what I need you to pull your finger out and do, but I'm not interested so I'll assume your health is generally fine and if it's not, I don't want to hear about it nor do I care so no need to respond to this bit..:

Send me that fucking file I asked for yesterday. Malin"

Read receipts are definitely PA

"For the avoidance of doubt"
Usually after a few of the others in the thread.
This is the last step before copying in a grown-up (their boss)

@AlcoPop

"For the avoidance of doubt" Usually after a few of the others in the thread. This is the last step before copying in a grown-up (their boss)

Oooh yes I'd forgotten this one - so useful and so very PA!