Why aren’t you obese?

[Spottyphonecase24]

A bit of a weird one but I have just got off a zoom call with my therapist. We were talking about my weight (I am obese).

Why isn’t everyone else obese? What stops you? I don’t seem to have an off button. I remember going from a 10 to a 12 and thinking that’s it I’m not going to get any bigger but I did and now I am in a size 24 and they are getting a bit tight. I’ve read lots about how people have their light bulb moment to lose weight and that has not happened to me, or maybe it has and I’ve ignored it.

What stops you eating a tub of icecream or picking up a large bar of chocolate instead of a small one or one bag of crisps instead of a family size bag?

I honestly don’t know the reasons why people don’t eat more. Is it will power, feeling full?

And to answer your second question, yes I sometimes crave things, and then I eat a bit of them, and then I'm done. I snuck in a small slice of cake and a small brownie while the kids were playing this morning - I was hungry and I fancied it and I knew an apple wasn't going to hit the spot. But I didn't keep eating the brownies, even though there were more in the box. And I didn't want to, either. I wonder what it is that makes me not crave more? I've no idea I'm afraid!

For me: genetics, a busy job where I'm on my feet a lot and preferring to eat little but often means I am full easily and don't like large portions. However, I don't have a healthy relationship with food really and have a fear of gaining weight dating back to my teens so that probably has an effect on what I eat.

What stops you eating a tub of icecream or picking up a large bar of chocolate

I don't want to be overweight. I like being within a healthy weight range - it's one of the things about myself I can feel good about. I do associate being a reasonable weight with a good level of self esteem, in me and in others.

I do not have a naturally healthy tooth - I love sweets, cake, butter, steak - and I do have to exercise a bit of self control to stay even at the top of my personally acceptable weight range.

People who say they aren’t obese because they don’t want to be and thus regulate their food intake probably don’t know what’s it’s like for that to be a seemingly insurmountable thing to accomplish

No I don’t, I have no idea. But I wasn’t answering for other people, I was answering for myself. The OP asked my people aren’t obese, and that’s my personal answer.
My best friend is morbidly obese and has just had weight loss surgery. Her weight issues are wrapped up in her self esteem… she had an abusive partner for years and, in her words, she doesn’t think she deserves to be slim. But that doesn’t mean that all obese people are obese for that reason. People are giving their individual stories here.

I'm a long distance runner and I do weight training/PT and horse riding. I hate running but I can more or less eat what I want with the mileage I'm doing plus the other activities. I can indeed eat a family bag of crisps after an 18 mile run and not gain weight. I am a well-proportioned and very fit size 10. I knew I wasn't going to ever be able to stop eating and I'm never going to be slender or skinny but I can be athletic so I just have to exercise a lot. I motivate myself by always having an event to train for and a personal trainer - I need external motivation.

I do crave unhealthy things but I can balance. If I fancy ice-cream or cheese and crackers I eat a portion but then the next day I counter balance with healthy food.

I was BMI 30 after birth of my son and I hated it so I lost the weight. I want to be healthy and feel nice in my clothes. I have a chronic pain condition and health is hugely important to me. I want to live a long healthy life.

There’s nothing that ‘stops’ me from eating a whole tub of ice cream, I don’t have a desire to eat the whole thing.

A large bar of chocolate isn’t preferable to a small one - chocolate’s only nice for the first bites, after that it’s samey and sickly.

I don’t like feeling too full and I don’t like feeling sick.

I particularly dislike junk foods, prefer healthy stuff.

I'm not obese because I have discovered lots of other things tat give me the buzz that food does. Like you I have no off button with some foods. But I love exercise and do that every day - weights, yoga, HIIT training etc. I love walking in nature and stopping to look at spiders webs glittering with dew or mossy trees. I use Youtube songs and comedy sketches to give me a tiny lift when I'm down or cross. I do these so often that they become my go-to comfort things as often as food is.

I also keep a very good variety of my favourite healthy foods in the house - so I always have a big supply of frozen berries and Skyr for breakfast so it's easy to avoid DH's piles of toast or croissants.

I choose healthy substitutes most of the time. I buy bagel thins instead of bagels to have with poached eggs instead of fried with steamed spinach instead of chips.

I am overweight - about 4lb over the top BMI, down from 20lb over the top BMI which was well on its way to obese. And I am well aware I have a much bigger appetite and far less control than any of my friends, who all do things that baffle me, like insisting on going out for afternoon tea then leaving the jeffing cakes. Wat's the point?

It gets me down sometimes that I am bigger than I want to be but I'm better than I was and I absolutely refuse to diet. Food is a pleasure and dieting is joyless. I'd love to be mid-weight BMI but I would rather be chubby and fit than skinny and constantly thinking about food and grumpy.

Most of the time I try to avoid having binge-trigger foods in the house. So no crisps, sweets, chocolates. I encourage DC and DH to buy treats I can't stand. (I will never eat an Oreo or Maryland cookie or salted caramel anything.)

I don’t want to be obese and I only eat when I’m hungry. I feel better, healthier and happier being slim. When I’ve had enough food I stop. I don’t buy snacks and extras and avoid too much sugar.

Im almost 50 and a size 14. My BMI is 31vwgich puts me at obese. I hate the way I look. That’s what stops me. I’ve been a 10 all my life but have gradually over the last 10 years put on more and more weight. I saw a photo of myself online the other day and was horrified by how I looked. I also feel rubbish. My knees hurt all the time. Enough is enough now though I don’t want to be a 10 definitely need to loose a couple of stones.

OP, you said you don't have an 'off' button' but you were a size 10/12 at one time. What was the difference between how you ate then and what changed ?

I'm not obese because i constantly deprive myself of what I want to be eating. I am overweight because I don't deprive myself enough. I am always on a diet of some type - it's currently weight watchers - which works just well enough to keep me from gaining too much more. I've been obese and it wouldn't take much for me to be obese again.

A very interesting question. I'm overweight and used to be obese. Over the past few years I've focussed on changing habits. I used to be a grazer who was never full. I could easily snack through a couple of large tubes of Pringles and a bar of chocolate (family size) over an evening and I'd barely feel full. I decided to move to 3 meals per day and just a small snack in front of the TV after dinner. In order to not feel hungry all the time I ate good sized meals and it was easier than I thought it would be. The biggest challenge was having just a small snack in front of the TV. I'm a couple of years down the line and it doesn't occur to me to eat between meals now. Also my TV snack is usually a small bag of crisps or a 2 finger kit kat whereas previously I'd eat 10 or 20 times that. It's a work in progress for me and I try to steer away from having weight loss targets etc as it doesn't work for me. I'm working on reducing meal sizes or increasing the amount of veg I eat to get more bulk for my buck so to speak in the hope that I'll continue to lose weight gradually over time.

I log what I eat, my exercise and my weight. This allows me to see how food and exercise affects my weight. I find it helps me stop overeating and under-exercising. I can also look at the nutrition of what I'm eating and relate that to how I feel. I plan my meals and exercise for the day.

Regarding cravings, if I feel giving in would not be beneficial look at the time and hold off. After say, 10 minutes has passed I tell myself I would've consumed whatever by now and sort pretend to myself I have. Then I just seem to forget about it. Distraction is good plus building good habits. I don't expect to be eating all day long or all evening so I tell myself to get busy with something else I enjoy.

I'm slim now with a healthy weight. I have been overweight and fat before. I know why. Lack of exercise combined with portions which were just too big for my needs. I live with 2 men whose need bigger portions than me and I had begun to match my portions to their's over time.

Now I’m older it takes constant vigilance. I log everything I eat in mfp and generally try to keep to below 1500 calories. If I do eat more I compensate by eating less the next day. I also exercise every day. When I was younger I just don’t think I ate that much and I probably had a faster metabolism.

Felling too full is an unpleasant feeling. Feeling fat is an unpleasant feeling. Feeling unfit is an unpleasant feeling. Feeling constantly a bit full and never hungry feels unpleasant, messes with other diurnal processes and makes me feel sluggish and unhappy.

I love food, it's delicious, satisfying and enjoyable. But good food, eaten when hungry, is the best.

Feeling fit and physically capable is a great feeling.

My fitness and weight have varied quite a bit over my life, depending on time, inclination, other things going on, so I wouldn't claim to be 'getting it right' al the time at all but it hasn't varied wildly, not outside the healthy BMI range.

To become obese I'd have to change my lifestyle, preferences and personality, I think.

What stops me eating a tub of ice cream? The simple answer is that I have no desire to eat a whole tub of ice cream, and physically could not do it - it would make me feel sick and I’d have to stop eating. Likewise, I don’t want to eat a large bar of chocolate or a family size bag of crisps - it would be too much for me.

We have plenty of snack food in the house (biscuits, chocolate, crisps etc), but if I was snacking (usually mid-afternoon or feeling hungry a couple of hours after dinner), I just would not want more than a couple of biscuits, one small bar of chocolate, a normal-size pack of crisps.

As to why, I suspect it’s genetic. Both parents were slim, all my grandparents were the same, and my sisters and I are all slim. I’ve also noticed that I have a smaller appetite than other people - I struggle to finish portions in restaurants, for example. I also stop eating when I’m stressed, rather than comfort eat.

So I’m not using willpower to stop myself eating - it’s that I don’t want to eat huge amounts to start with.

Have you tried reading The Miracle Pill by Peter Walker? It's about being active in daily life, and how important it is, and how activity and excersise are not the same thing.

I'm not obese because I'm active. I also can't eat loads in one sitting any more. I could as a teen, but now I just feel full and a bit sick if I eat a large pizza instead of a few slices etc.

A lot of it is about reconditioning your body to feel full after less food, which will only happen if you consistently eat less than you do now. And conditioning your body to expect activity. I feel like I actively want a walk, or want to take the stairs, or choose to cycle even if I could drive.

New habit take time, but they are achievable.

The Fast 800 or 5:2 diet by Michael Mosley is a very interesting read and is based around intermittent fasting. Discusses how our obesity levels have sky rocketed due to a badly informed but hugely effective marketing campaign back in the 50's that told people eating low fat was good for their heart health and that a large proportion of daily intake should be carbohydrates, where in fact recent studies have shown the reverse to be true.
Bad fats such as processed foods and sugar etc not great as increase insulin resistance and cravings.

It's very interesting and works very well for me as I find if I eat breakfast I generally eat more throughout the day but if I abstain I can keep going until the afternoon and eat within a certain window.

Self control I guess and maybe pride. Hope that isn’t rude. I am 54 and gained 2 stone in lockdown bringing my BMI to 26. I am on the bootcamp weight loss thread now and determined to lose the 2 stone. I cook from scratch and don’t buy biscuits or junk. I gained the weight in lockdown mainly due to getting a bread maker and baking and eating bread daily with butter so the bread maker has been put in the garage.

I don’t want to wear really big size clothes, I want to fit in at least some of my old clothes.

I want to feel well and for me this means getting rid of fat rolls.

If I had a tip it would be it starts with your grocery shop, simply don’t buy junk and feed your body with proper nutritious food. Try to take care of yourself and retrain your body to eat less but in a kind nurturing way. Best of luck.

Feeling overfull makes me feel sick and often does make me sick. Or gives me dreadful diarreah.
I also don't have a sweet tooth.
I am definitely overweight, but only just. I be also started calorie counting to help me keep track of what I'm eating.

A lot of these responses relate to self esteem. Posters esteem themselves enough to self care; to keep themselves healthy and treat their body well, to not engage in "destructive" habits.

Compulsive over eating can often be classed as a form of self harming. I would try to explore your issues with self esteem with your therapist Op.

Do you think this thread has been helpful?

Vanity, plain and simple.

I don't want to be fat so I don't allow myself to buy any "treats" and I go to the gym fairly regularly.

I could go on explaining that I believe in good diet and exercise etc etc. Reality is I am also lucky, as I have been slim my whole life with no extra special effort.
I have cravings but my body stops me from eating too much on a regular basis. I feel full/sick after I eat, and that stops me.