Why aren’t you obese?

[Spottyphonecase24]

A bit of a weird one but I have just got off a zoom call with my therapist. We were talking about my weight (I am obese).

Why isn’t everyone else obese? What stops you? I don’t seem to have an off button. I remember going from a 10 to a 12 and thinking that’s it I’m not going to get any bigger but I did and now I am in a size 24 and they are getting a bit tight. I’ve read lots about how people have their light bulb moment to lose weight and that has not happened to me, or maybe it has and I’ve ignored it.

What stops you eating a tub of icecream or picking up a large bar of chocolate instead of a small one or one bag of crisps instead of a family size bag?

I honestly don’t know the reasons why people don’t eat more. Is it will power, feeling full?

Hi OP

So much of your original post resonated with me and prompted me to register. I have discovered that I have an addiction to sugar and other ingredients and the compulsion to eat those foods is different and out of my control, similar to anyone addicted to alcohol/drugs etc. So unlike the posters who say they are not obese and eat less that I would have, I did not have the power to stop using that knowledge alone.

I entered a programme for people with food addiction last year and have recovered. I no longer use food the way that I used to, where once I started I could not stop and could not stop myself from starting.

If it is something you want to explore, google OA.org and it might be for you.

Because after a while I’d feel sick. Also if I eat too much crap for days on end I start to crave veg and salad. And also, I don’t buy tubs of ice cream. If they aren’t in my freezer I can’t eat them. My down fall is crisps, so I just don’t buy them. I’m currently on holiday and eating a lot of unhealthy food as we’re out and about, lots of treats. Next week I’ll eat normally again out of choice.

Food allergies limit me a lot but also make me more aware of what I'm eating, I check the packaging for allergens and I do notice calories and fat/sugar content.

I don't buy stuff like biscuits, ice cream, crisps regularly. Most of the time it's not in the house so it cannot be eaten. If it was in the house, it would get eaten in large quantities, probably with no 'off' button.

I don't eat anything at all after dinner (so after about 6:30pm)

I don't drink alcohol regularly.

I'm not exactly slim, am a size 14, but these are the things that I feel stop my weight from spiralling out of control.

I weigh myself daily, if I put on more than a kilo I cut back. If I fall below a certain weight, I have a few extra treats.

I rarely drink anything with more calories than a cup of tea. I don’t have many treats in the house. I choose to be the shape I am, I want to wear the clothes I have and not need to find new ones. I exercise a lot more than many people my age.

BMI 22.

I was obese ( size 20 and 5 ft tall ) now I'm a size 12 and its definitely will power that's stopped me so far from slipping back, I would eat the multi packs/family packs looking back I was comfort eating alot so changing my mindset and feeling happier/confident decrease the need to eat like that

What stops you eating a tub of icecream or picking up a large bar of chocolate instead of a small one or one bag of crisps instead of a family size bag?

I genuinely don't want them. In fact, the idea of eating all that makes me feel a little bit sick.

Don't get me wrong, I have my weaknesses and I wish I weighed a little less, but for me it's more like eating 2 mini chocolate swiss rolls instead of none.

Also, I really really love savoury food. I am more likely to overdo it on, say, pasta smothered in pesto and cheese, or sticky barbecue chicken thighs, or a lovely garlicky, creamy, winey sauce with rice, than something sweet.

Another thing though, which my mum always did and now I do and it definitely works, is don't keep snacks in the house! You can't eat it if it's not there. If you're so desperate for a Mars bar that you're willing to put on your coat and go out into the drizzle and dark at 9pm to grab one before the Co-op shuts then you obviously really wanted it, (and at least you've walked off some of it), but most of the time when you reach for snacks it's just habit, or a fleeting fancy, and it'll fade in a few minutes if you can't give in to it.

Corollary to that is never go shopping on an empty stomach. Otherwise you'll grab aaalll the snacks in spite of yourself.

What a great question..... and the answer is I have been - just the lower edges of Obese but yes my BMI did get there. Like you I had no Off switch and life was stressful.

I am now a healthy BMI having lost 28lbs over the last few months.... What worked for me was:

Positive Eating
Intermittent Fasting

I hadn't heard that term positive eating before this thread... but it describes what I did. I wanted to be as healthy as possible and worked out what to have in my diet ... the 10 portions of veg (just two being fruit), the protein, nuts, seeds, olive oil, 85% chocolate.. and once I'd put it all in and started intermittent fasting there wasn't room for other stuff.

And yes, Intermittent Fasting is great... a few posters have mentioned it - four reasons 1. it gives you an automatic off switch 2. it helps you heal and lose weight 3. My cravings vanished in three weeks... very occasionally resurface but satisfied by one bowl of ice cream not a tub! 4.There's a great community for support - just look on Facebook: Gin Murphy Delay Don't Deny.... Many on there have lost 100lbs or more, while there are others like me where the goal is 20-40lbs

So yes, I'll echo this poster:

The Obesity Code by Jason Fung is really worth a read if you are very overweight and serious about losing it permanently. Just going on Weight Watchers i.e. a reduced calorie diet will only work temporarily and you will feel very hungry and ultimately you will put the weight back on and more. You need to deal with the problem of insulin resistance rather than just forcing your body to exist on less fuel. Because although at first you will lose weight, your body will adapt to the lower calorie intake by slowing your metabolism and weight loss will cease.

Good luck OP ... just asking the question shows you are already at the beginning of your own journey. It's not easy losing weight but there are things that make it easier.... and for me, that was the key: finding these and deciding it was my number one priority if I wanted to feel good and be healthy... and yes, get back into my favourite clothes!

So suddenly losing weight was more important than anything - and that was fine, because I knew that was the reality too and it wouldn't be forever ..... Immersing myself in online support groups and reading endless books really helped: seeing these 1-2 hours a day as a good investment, knowing they kept me on track.

In my case l think it is to do with genes. I am very tall and have always been naturally slim, no one in my family is, or ever has been overweight.
I am in my early 50s now, l am active but l don't have to watch what l eat. l tend to eat little and often. To be honest l don't give food a lot of thought l have never been on a diet.

Obesity is a chronic disease with a genetic component. Evidence suggests that many of the genes associated with obesity impact the part of the brain that controls appetite regulation, and these genes are expressed as eating behaviour. People’s differing interest in food, their ability to know when they are full, and emotional eating all have some genetic basis. This will account for some of the differences between individuals.

I am obese. Losing weight, slowly but steadily, now - I was diagnosed with ADHD a few years ago and decided finally to try meds, and the one I'm on has been used to treat binge eating disorder (which occurs with ADHD sometimes, too, although I think I can blame my mum's eating disorder for a big chunk of my weirdness with food).

It's so weird - the mindless drive to eat all the time, especially sweet stuff, is just gone. Trying to explain it is odd - my doctor said a lack of appetite could happen, and it did at first, just a general lack of hunger where I couldn't tolerate food even when my stomach was growling, but now I can eat when I'm hungry and I just ...stop. When I'm full. And I notice that I'm full - before, I was done when the food was gone. Now it's like the craving feeling isn't there so I can notice what my body is actually saying.

I know this might not sound useful, but it's slowly teaching me what my body does and doesn't want and that's something that can be learned over time. A lot of people are overweight because something else is overriding that ability to determine the difference between "my brain wants this because it'll feel good" (sensory input, sugar, emotional attachment to eating) and "my body needs this right now".

I'm not saying all food should be eaten for fuel purposes only, food should be absolutely be enjoyable, but I'm coming to realise how fucked up my relationship with food is and that my primary reason for eating was comfort, not fuel. That meant high fat, high sugar, 'treat' feeling food, and lots of it, because more food = more (temporary) comfort. And that kind of food is addictive, and then it's a downward spiral. Now I don't get the same kind of emotional kick out of eating, I'm learning even on days I don't take my meds to dissociate food with happiness, and it's doing me the world of good.

(Also, don't think for a second I'm a preachy, 'look at me I lost all this weight!' person - I'm still fat, and still have a disordered view of food in a lot of ways. I know all too well how hard it can be to look back at an empty biscuit packet and not even feel shocked at the amount you ate, even though you probably should. I know buying 2 pastries from Co-op and eating one before you get into work so people see you just eating the one at your desk. But almost all of that was the misinterpreted view of comfort food would give me, and that can be tackled with the right therapy - not meds).

If I eat too much I feel sick so I try not to. Just been to the beach with family, for lunch I had a tray of chips, they were lovely the sea breeze and a 2 hr walk made me hungry but I feel sick now as I managed to down the lot.

I am obese
I was 10lb when I was born and my mum said 'even as a baby you were lazy'. I am also not good at deferring gratification. When I want something; I want it NOW.

I was exclusively breast fed for 6 months which is supposed to help avoid obesity but I suffered a lot with tonsillitis as a kid and probably had at least 2 lots of penicillin a year from very young until I was about 12 when it just stopped. Frequent Antibiotic use is known to be linked to an increased risk of obesity.
I also had and have many markers for ADD but as I am mid 60s this has never been diagnosed.

My younger sister was nearly 12lbs at birth and, on the advice of the midwife (late 1950s) had farex (baby rice) mixed into her first bottle.
She was very active right from the start and also had a fierce determination not to be beaten by anything. She would stick at things for hours, whereas, apart from a few things that I became fixated on, I lost interest very quickly in anything that was 'too hard'.

She has been an effortless size 8 /10 all her life.

Obviously diet plays a part but I believe there is a huge genetic component involved as to the foods we prefer to eat and the amount of physical activity we do as well as our natural body shape and 'set point' for weight.

The other thing that is a big determining factor is our gut biome which it is possible to do something about.

My children are a big motivation. I want them to be healthy so I never EVER buy junk food and we always eat healthy meals.
Treats are treats, not daily food options.
I don’t agree with drinking alcohol every day to “relax”.
I do like chocolate, but what I do is buy a weekly bar of 90% dark choc which is good for you and you only need a couple of squares a day.
For pudding during the week we have natural yogurt with a bit of fruit or low sugar muesli which we all love. It’s all about training your taste buds.

Not me, I am obese, but members of my family who are not and never have been overweight. They all recognise when they are 'full' and as soon as they reach that point, they stop eating immediately - whether it's 3 bites into something, halfway through or with a mouthful left - and they chuck away that last spoonful or whatever. They don't just finish it because it's a waste.

I only wish I could recogise that myself.

It's leptin. The only only way to comfortably lose weight and remain slim is not to feel hungry.
Reducing carbs and increasing protein and good fat stops the hunger. You feel full until you are truly hungry.

And an overweight person with lots of extra fat to burn just won't feel hungry. It's a strange sensation.

You don't lose weight consciously, you just forget to eat. Having gone from obese to normal BMI I was amazed at how easy it was. I lost 4 stone without trying and felt a fraud when people congratulated me.

I keep my carbs to within 40 a day. I use low carb bread, low carb noodles and celeriac instead of potato. Small changes make the difference.

If you rely on will power you'll always feel you are failing. I can't not eat if I'm hungry, that's why I was obese size 20 for a decade. Why should this be down to willpower when so many others just maintain a low weight with no effort!

I have bulimia and have done for around 20 years now. I eat too much and I eat the wrong foods but I throw them up afterwards so my weight is in the normal range, if I didn’t make myself sick after bingeing I think I would definitely be overweight and likely obese.

@BlibBlabBlob

I don't have an off button either. So I gave myself an actual on/off button by taking up intermittent fasting.

I don't make good food choices. Prone to bingeing and not being able to stop once I start eating.

So (except for right now, because I have COVID and it doesn't feel right to fast so much) I have an eating window of 4-6 hours per day. Outside of that, I'm Not Eating. Black coffee and water only. So I don't have to make any food choices at all and there is literally a button on an app on my phone that says I am Not Eating.

Then, in my eating window (which I have in the evening), I don't have to restrict at all. I eat what I want. Sometimes I make good healthy choices, sometimes I don't. But it's enough to keep me reasonably healthy, and a healthy BMI too.

I am convinced that if I didn't have this particular lifestyle, if I tried to start eating every morning with a 'healthy' breakfast etc, I would just keep eating all day and I would become obese eventually.

What I do probably isn't entirely healthy either (not the intermittent fasting - that's been proven to be very good for people, but the fact that I have to hit the 'stop' button on all food instead of eating intuitively). But it's the best way I've found to not think about food all the time and not eat all the time. Because actually, eating all the time and especially eating a lot of junk food just makes me feel rubbish.

Would you mind sharing the app?

'don't want to come across as an arsehole but in blunt terms. I don't eat those things because I don't want to be obese. I would love to eat a huge lasagne with garlic bread on the side and a lovely desert, but I know its too many calories and I don't want to gain weight.'

This.

I don't know anyone that doesn't love food, it's a mn myth that those with healthy BMIs live on lettuce and are food phobic. Many obese people enable their unhealthy habits by diagnosing 'addictions' or eating disorders etc. Yes a minority may have those but the majority do just gorge on crap.

I just like being a size 12. When I've stuffed my face and gone up to a 14 even a tight 14 I hate it. If isn't so much the weight it is the flab.

It astounds me how many obese people we see around every day, it's become the norm. Why? It can't be pleasant or easy carrying all that excess weight about.

The reason I am not obese is because every time I get more overweight than I would like I go on a diet. I've been up and down the same stone for years now. I'd love to have natural self-control around food but I don't. And when I'm stressed I eat. Some people go the other way. But for me I get to a point where I feel really uncomfortable (and don't like the way I look), so do something to address it. Then I relax and the cycle starts again. It's not the best approach, but it is why I'm not obese. I also don't keep crisps, chocolate, ice cream, biscuits etc in the house, and we live rurally so it would be a real effort to go out and get them.

Just naturally slim, have always eaten and drunk what I want. Have an “always on the go” type personality as well. So a lazy day at home still somehow equates to minimum 12000 steps a day according to fit bit/apple watch. So I eat a lot but fidget a lot/find things to do. Was always back in size 8 jeans 2-3 months after giving birth 4 times. So I think in my case it is more of an urge to move that keeps weight off. I don’t really like sitting much.

I don't have a sweet tooth - I'm not one for chocolate, ice cream etc. That definitely plays in.

And tbqh, I don't want to eat constantly. I'm happy to watch TV with nothing (maybe a cup of tea) or be a bit hungry and wait for dinner instead of get a snack. I'm perfectly happy to leave a half full plate when I'm full - in fact, I hate the feeling of being too full. I prefer the "that's enough" feeling. I think little things like that add up.

What stops you eating a tub of icecream or picking up a large bar of chocolate instead of a small one or one bag of crisps instead of a family size bag?

I do sometimes but not everyday. Sometimes I only fancy a bit of chicken salad or a boiled egg so I guess it balances itself out calorie wise. I'm pretty active to so that helps keep me a steady size 10-12.

@Mnusernc

Look up set point theory. Everyone has a weight set point, which is affected by genetics and environment. Processed western food raises it higher and causes obesity. Dieting slows your metabolism so you're in a vicious cycle.

People who are slim are not virtuous they just have a combination of diet, genetics and environment that makes their set point lower.

The answer for you would be to lose weight very gradually, eschewing processed food, wheat and sugar and building up muscle.

It's not your fault

I find this theory interesting, however one thing that doesn’t sit right with me is the notion that it is not up to the individuals at all, which I find a bit simplistic. Let’s say you have a gorgeous buffet, with sweet and savoury «treat» foods. Most people will be tempted to eat, even if they had a meal shortly before, ie they’ll eat not because of hunger. A minority won’t be tempted (lucky ones!), a handful will binge eat, but the majority will be able to decide how much they eat, ie how much they allow themselves to indulge in something they want even though they know it is not good for them. I mean, most people have this internal debate, right? I really want one more… no, you need to loose weight… oh well one won’t make a difference… this dress you bought for the xmas party won’t fit… etc Basically what I am saying is that the difference is how good you are at convincing yourself, but really it is hard for everybody, even the ones who manage to stop!

I am quite all or nothing. I think the thing that is saving me is currently breastfeeding and also being busy.
I also live in central london and it’s easiest and quickest for me to walk almost everywhere and I’ve usually got the double buggy with me which I guess helps. I rack up around 15000 steps a day on average without meaning to.
I’m going back to work next month and I’m on my feet a lot there.
I really find it hard to stop eating once I start. I’m by no means thin, BMI is 24 so could be a lot better.