Why aren’t you obese?

[Spottyphonecase24]

A bit of a weird one but I have just got off a zoom call with my therapist. We were talking about my weight (I am obese).

Why isn’t everyone else obese? What stops you? I don’t seem to have an off button. I remember going from a 10 to a 12 and thinking that’s it I’m not going to get any bigger but I did and now I am in a size 24 and they are getting a bit tight. I’ve read lots about how people have their light bulb moment to lose weight and that has not happened to me, or maybe it has and I’ve ignored it.

What stops you eating a tub of icecream or picking up a large bar of chocolate instead of a small one or one bag of crisps instead of a family size bag?

I honestly don’t know the reasons why people don’t eat more. Is it will power, feeling full?

I think about food all day every day. If 10 minutes pass and I haven't thought about food I feel a kind of jolt when I remember it.
So I need waaaaay more will power than someone who's just not bothered about it. It's frustrating when people who aren't obsessed with food say they use will power because different amounts are needed for different people I think

you can gradually shrink your stomach

I've seen that mentioned three times on here. It's a myth, you cannot shrink your stomach by eating less. It continually expands and contracts but it doesn't shrink unless you have surgery.

I just don't buy it, food doesn't make its way into the house unless I bring it in.

We have young children so have some snacky stuff in the house (not too much because I don’t really want them eating too much junk either). I don’t eat those things because I’ve compartmentalised them in my head as being ‘for the kids’. If I ate it, there would be less for them. Obviously I know I could just buy more but it works in my head (and we also work to a food budget).

I like exercise and I don't like eating too much. So, luck, I guess.

I have one blow out night a week. Always after a day of hiking. The one blow out night a week means I don't feel too deprived when I'm eating healthily during the rest of the week and the day of hiking prior to the blow out means I've burnt off most of the blow out calories before I eat them.

Plus I like healthy foods - happy to snack on an apple or banana or hard boiled egg.

I think a large part of it is genetic, the next biggest part of it is psychological.

To an extent it's will power but I eat what I want and I'm now a size 16 and I need to lose a stone and a half but I know I could if I wanted to. A bad back has really curtailed how much exercise I can do but that's on its way to getting better.

I couldn't eat a whole tub of ice cream. I just wouldn't enjoy it. I'd feel full and I'd also worry about the consequences.

Was there ever a time when you felt full and could stop? If not then I'd look at biological causes. If so, then I'd look at psychological.

I seem to be responding with this message on lots of different threads of late, but I used to be far less controlled about my eating before I was diagnosed with and medicated for adhd. I think my brain was always chasing a dopamine hit and food was one way to get it. Now it’s like my sweet tooth has been turned off and I can tolerate being hungry, which I never could before. Just a thought OP.

I strictly control my food intake when I am alone then eat wtf I want in company. That's the only way I am a normal size.

I don't like to eat all of something, like a packet of biscuits or a tub of ice cream. I like to 'save some for later' and put things back in the cupboard. I don't know why, it's not willpower anyway. I'd rather have two biscuits a night for a week than a whole packet in one day. My DH on the other hand prefers to finish the whole packet in one.

We are both slim and active people who love food, it's definitely not that we live on salad. We joke that both approaches are responses to keeping precious treats away from siblings!

I definitely don't keep eating a main meal past the point where I'm full though. That's easier if you have the time to eat slowly and relaxed. If you only have time to shovel it in I find its all inside before you even realise you were full.

I don’t want to be obese. I don’t want to get diabetes, heart issues, strokes etc.

However, I still over eat and am obese.

People who say they aren’t obese because they don’t want to be and thus regulate their food intake probably don’t know what’s it’s like for that to be a seemingly insurmountable thing to accomplish.

Apart from my evening meal I only eat when I'm hungry. I can ignore a rumble quite easily. If I start feeling a bit weak, I know I NEED to eat. It's not a forced thing, it's just natural to me. I'm busy doing stuff, so a rumble one minute is ignored because I'm absorbed in something.

I don't eat quickly. I noticed my Partner (who is overweight) eats so quickly. The faster the eat, the more you can shovel down in one go. I know this because if I'm super hungry and shoving it down, I can shock myself how much I eat compared to a normal evening meal.

I stop the moment I start feeling full. I don't want to feel stuffed, I will not clear my plate just because.

Other than that I eat a ton of shit apart from my healthy evening meal. I have a sweet tooth and eat chocolate most days.

I'm 5.1 and 49KG.

I'm not that interested in food, I suppose. I don't like being full up, and I rarely drink, not in any way to control my weight, but just because I don't like those things.

Acid indigestion every time I eat cream, so I start to think is it worth it and don't eat cream laden cakes or puddings.

The bloated feeling when I've eaten too much, I really hate that.

Stopping when I feel full and waiting 15-20 mins. Usually the trigger switches in my brain after this time and tells me I'm full I don't need to eat anymore. Then I'm not tempted to have anything else. Or I have a drink which gives me something to do and stops me thinking about food. I guess I've started to learn to listen to my body.

Not drinking my calories! switching to sweetener in tea and coke zero has had a significant impact on my weight.

I've got 1 stone left to lose (lost just over 2 doing the above) and can see this being a long term sustainable approach.

I'm not super slim, my bmi is about 24.

But, to answer the question ...

I don't actually like the sensation of being too full, so that helps self regulation. I don't particularly have a sweet tooth, a few bites of dessert would be enough. I can't conceive of eating a whole packet of biscuits, it would do nothing for me.

Savoury snacking is an exception though. I love crisps especially and could eat the family sized bag. But I understand this urge and I try not to give into it. I don't buy the family sized bag and I stop after a small portion.

I pull back when I've gone too far, though I don't find this easy either. I don't love feeling hungry, particularly when I've a lot on in work. I'm fond of a glass of wine. It is a balancing act.

I feel sick if I eat too much sugary stuff in one go. I couldn't eat a whole tub of ice cream in one sitting because I would start feeling headachey and shakey.

I definitely eat more chocolate than I should, but it's usually in small amounts spread over a day - I might eat a couple of squares in the morning and another three or four in the afternoon. And yes, I do consider that quite a lot. Sometimes I binge a bit more - like half a 100g bar, but it usually makes me feel sick if I do that, which puts me off!

I also don't like the feeling of having eaten a load of unhealthy food. I end up feeling all overloaded and bloated and yuck. I tend to balance myself out - if I've eaten badly one day, then I'll eat less fat/sugar and more veg/salad the next. I do really enjoy the taste of healthy food, which helps.

I have a huge appetite, eat a lot, never let myself go hungry, but have never been bigger than a size 8. I honestly believe it's more about eating lots of the right food rather than starving yourself. I couldn't cope with being hungry! I'm sure it also helps to have a fast metabolism. A lot of people I know comment that they couldn't eat as much as me and stay slim.

I eat whatever I want but I seem to stop when I've had enough. So I'll happily buy a big bar of chocolate, eat a bit and put it back in the fridge. We eat pretty healthily but we do have a take away once every 2 weeks, again we don't eat it all so it gets frozen or if its pizza we have it for lunch the next day. We aren't restricting our eating we love food I guess we just stop when we are full. I'm a size 8 and my husband has always been normal size (not fat, not really thin). I will add that pre children a few years ago we were very into keep fit, running marathons and playing sport so I'm not sure if that helps with metabolism. Although we don't run at the moment we both easily do 10,000 steps a day, so we are moderately active.

I'm not so lucky to be naturally slender, I have to work at it too.

A few things that help me:

• Motivation to be slimmer. If I'm actively trying to lose weight (even if it's just 6lbs) I ignore the cravings and hunger pangs between meals. Drink more water. Make more effort to go for a walk or do some other exercise. Doing one of those things tends to feed into the others. If I exercise more, I drink more water. Then I drink less tea, coffee, sugary drinks.
• Developing habits or personal rules that help me manage my diet in a better way, without obsessively calorie counting:

• Totally given up sugar in tea and coffee. If I'm served a very bitter coffee somewhere that needs sugar, I might put sugar in that one time but then I just wouldn't order it again. I'd go for tea.
• Given up fizzy drinks nearly completely - only have them once in a blue moon. Don't order at meals out and don't order with takeaways.
• Won't eat anything sweet before dinner.
• Won't eat after brushing teeth in the evening. This definitely helps curb late night snacking...

-If we cook a big family meal, make a point of going for a walk before or after.

• Try and make sure I'm active in the evenings two to three times a week, doing something I enjoy, whether it's the gym, swimming, racket sports, running, walking... whatever. As long as it gets my heartbeat raised a bit.

-Try and take a break from the screen for a few minutes each lunch time.

• Batch buy or cook my lunches for work, to avoid making bad decisions when I'm hungry in the week. It's non negotiable then, otherwise it's wasted food. Means I'm not popping down Greggs or the local bakery.

• Realising that if I ignore the craving, the world hasn't ended and I'm not going to wither from lack of food. And not beating myself up if I do give in. Just keep going.

• Not buying things that I know are not satiating i.e. Pack of pringles will never make me full, and I WILL want the entire tube. Doesn't matter how many I eat, I want more! Same with Jaffa cakes! They are designed to make you want more, it's not your fault.

• Habit changing. Do you always get coffee in town? Do you always grab a snack for watching TV? Try and find healthier options or replace the habits with something else if you can. (some people find knitting helps for watching tv!)

-Stop eating when I'm full, leave the rest for leftovers. Doesn't matter if I don't clear the plate.

• Although I don't calorie count, or macro count, or any kind of snack or meal count, I think it can be helpful to write a diary if you're picking up food without thinking. I personally, try to do things like, make a mental note of the last time I went out for a meal or takeaway, and if it's getting more frequent, try to cut the number of times down. This week I've had a takeaway meal, I'm craving another different one, but I'll wait til next week - if I remember, I'll treat myself. If I've forgotten, I obviously didn't want it that much. Or, if I have to go out for a meal (socially obliged), I'll try and opt for a healthy option.

It's just a series of small behaviours to try and alter to change your reactions to and around food. It's difficult,

Definitely the trick for me is to only have healthy foods in the house so no temptation. If I really crave something I'll have it when I'm out so the Intake is far less

I don’t eat a whole tub of ice cream because I know that I’m not meant to.

Carbs and sugar are the (delicious) enemy for me.

If I stay away from them I can eat whatever I want and be a good weight.

So steak, roast chicken, cheese, roasted veg. Lots of salt/ pepper and fresh herbs.

@Interrobanger

Without outing myself too much, I work with people who struggle with their weight and body image. In my experience people who over-eat do so because of deep rooted emotional reasons - childhood abuse and/or neglect, trauma, sexual trauma, undiagnosed neurodiversity, bereavement...

The reason is never that they simply like cake too much.

I look at over-eating as being under the same umbrella as addiction. It's another way of self-medicating to manage emotional pain. Just as an alcoholic drinks to self-medicate, or a workaholic uses work to distract themselves from feeling emotional pain.

I've seen people with binge-eating disorders make amazing progress through therapy. Once they start addressing the cause of their pain, the need to over-eat diminishes. But it's painful work - not everyone is ready or able to do it. And it can be slow progress, which is frustrating when you want to see quick results.

how do you do it? It’s just impossible to me. Overeating is part of me.

Have you ever had anybody who has a full recovery

Because I've had a gastric sleeve.

Yeah some of the diets outlined on here seem quite extreme to me! I don't restrict anything really, I do eat quite a lot of chocolate alongside a broadly otherwise healthy diet, I also snack. How much I drink varies, I handle it much less well than I used to so rarely would drink more than half a bottle of wine in a night and only say once a week. Normally don't drink anything at all.

Had a look at my activity statistics over the last year and I averaged 12236 steps a day - while it's true that isn't going to make any difference if you are overeating every single day, it's also true that having a relatively high baseline of activity means that your diet doesn't have to be perfect to maintain a "normal" BMI. I know my diet is not perfect although I'd say it's probably 60-70% healthy.