Why aren’t you obese?

[Spottyphonecase24]

A bit of a weird one but I have just got off a zoom call with my therapist. We were talking about my weight (I am obese).

Why isn’t everyone else obese? What stops you? I don’t seem to have an off button. I remember going from a 10 to a 12 and thinking that’s it I’m not going to get any bigger but I did and now I am in a size 24 and they are getting a bit tight. I’ve read lots about how people have their light bulb moment to lose weight and that has not happened to me, or maybe it has and I’ve ignored it.

What stops you eating a tub of icecream or picking up a large bar of chocolate instead of a small one or one bag of crisps instead of a family size bag?

I honestly don’t know the reasons why people don’t eat more. Is it will power, feeling full?

@AndTime

I don't want to come across as an arsehole but in blunt terms.

I don't eat those things because I don't want to be obese. I would love to eat a huge lasagne with garlic bread on the side and a lovely desert, but I know its too many calories and I don't want to gain weight.

So mostly I choose healthily and occasionally indulge or have a blow out but within a usually healthy controlled diet.

It’s that link though that I can’t seem to put into practice.

I don’t want to be overweight.
I don’t want to eat crap.
But somehow I still do.
I’m an intelligent woman, I’ve spent £££ on counselling to explore my eating issues.
I understand them better. But I’ve not been able to make it translate into any lasting change in my behaviour.

For me it’s like a party in my mouth when I eat certain things.
And a compulsion to reach for them and keep reaching for them.

Not having it in the house does work but is pretty impossible with a young family since there are many foods on my ‘not safe’ list far beyond just junk eg. Bread etc.

Going low carb is the only thing that has helped as it’s hard for me to overeat on pure protein/fat. But j find it hard to stick to and after a period of time off carbs I tend to go carb crazy if I have one taste.

I do allow myself to eat several biscuits at once, or eat a big dinner and have ice cream, but I don't eat most days until around 2pm or even later. I think feeling hungry all morning and part of the afternoon allows me to eat more later in the day, when I know I need the food more. I have much stronger willpower in the morning.

I would also add that I've learned a lot over the last few years (through a friend, who is working through her obesity) about 'diet privilege' - I had the great good fortune to grow up in a safe, stable environment with no childhood trauma, parents who knew how to cook from scratch and had the time and money to buy fresh, quality ingredients, and involved my siblings and I in meal choices and taught us how to cook, as well as encouraging us to take up outdoor/physically active pastimes.

I've also inherited good genes - no family history of diabetes or heart disease, no propensity to overweight. We are, as a family, tall and relatively slim, with an athletic type of build.

I have also been lucky enough to be able to travel widely, read extensively and meet people from other backgrounds and professions, all of which has helped develop my dietary choices and knowledge.

Food is inherently caught up with emotion for many, many people (even those with 'normal' eating habits) and, while you can't deny the laws of physics, CICO is, in many instances, not sufficient to explain away the obesity epidemic we're experiencing in the west.

Really good question OP and I'm taking very good notice of the answers! I'm also fat and it's good to read the range of replies and strategies.

For me (not overweight, middle of the normal BMI range although i was at the lower end in my 20s):

I enjoy eating healthy food for the most part, like a lovely colourful salad with loads of different components feels nourishing to me and is probably my favourite sort of food to eat. It's hard to over eat if there's quite a lot of this sort of stuff in your diet.

I also treat exercise as a form of self care. I don't always have the motivation to exercise tbh but i force myself because I know that afterwards I will feel good. I exercise quite a lot (25 or so miles a week of running, sometimes more, plus cross training and dog walking) which does give me more latitude to eat unhealthy food as well, although it's definitely true you can't out exercise a bad diet.

I like the feeling I have when I'm eating healthily and exercising well- like a feeling of fitness and strength. Although i don't always want to exercise I know that that feeling is worth it and it's the thing that gets me out of the door.

I do think a lot of it comes down to upbringing. It's scary some of the things parents do with the best intentions.

In my childhood there was no snacking ever "it will spoil your dinner", but having a healthy appetite was a good, celebrated thing. There was none of this "naughty but nice" nonsense, all food was good, but only at mealtimes. I wasn't brought up around women who pretended to eat like sparrows or were obsessed with weight. Food was a good thing that we needed to live life to the full, not a bad thing that makes you fat.

Also every meal had vegetables and no processed food. I actually don't like a lot of the things others see as treats. I love real food but not processed "treat" food.

An aunt of mine always said that you should stop eating before you feel full and I think she had a point. That way you give your stomach a chance to shrink little by little.

1. Physical fullness - I can eat past the point of being full but it’s not enjoyable and it upsets my stomach so I’ve learned not to push myself over a comfortable fullness.
2. vanity - I don’t want to be fat(ter)
3. health - over consumption of processed fats and sugars is likely detrimental to our health in the long run and I want to be healthy for my kids as they grow up. I don’t want cancer and lifestyles can contribute to some cancers ( I am not saying all fat people will get cancer or are unhealthy- but that excess processed foods are detrimental to health)
4. balance - I am not and have never been someone who is all or nothing. I enjoy salads and fruit and I enjoy chocolate and pizza, I like to balance it all out. I don’t eat takeaways during the week for instance.

I fast in the day (which manages insulin spikes and reduces appetite) and avoid having irresistible foods in the house. I never ever ever buy biscuits and i buy chocolate as a treat but my rule is I can only buy it the first time that month I'm in the supermarket, and only one thing. It has to last month. I can eat it in one go, but there's no more until next month rolls in. When my blood sugar is low, all efforts at self control go out the window. However I am able to eat only some of something and put the rest back, usually. DH can't. He's like a labarador: see food, eat the lot as fast as possible.

I've been thin, now fat. The difference is that if you're not obese you do eat the tub of icecream or large pizza but you do it once in a blue moon. I got this way by making loads and loads of small bad decisions over the course of months and years.

It's consistency that achieves a certain situation. Whether bad or good.

I've never been naturally slim but those who are seem to detach food from emotion and have a clear idea of what being hungry is and satisfy that then stop.

I've never been overweight. Honestly, I dont want to be short and overweight, that is my driver. But I feel lucky because I think I have the tools to achieve that. I regulate well. I eat a high plant based diet naturally without having to think about it. If my intake goes downhill for a few days I can feel the difference in energy, sluggishness etc. and I dont like that feeling. I can also feel hungry but it doesn't always register that I then must eat. I just feel hungry and know i'll be fine waiting till my next meal.

I think it must be like an addiction. Alcohol, codeine, etc is. Why not food?

I’ve found that being logical over food helps. A bit bag of crisps is fab at the time but could easily be 800 plus calories and more if you have dip. However, once I started realising I was always hungry again within an hour or so, I realised I’d just ‘wasted’ those calories. Now I wait until meal times and drink water to fill myself up. I also don’t keep treats in the house.

I'm obese, I've been losing weight and just got below 28 stone and I'm a size 28. I want to be buying size 22-24 for my holiday next summer.

I've just cut stuff out for the last month. No sugar, no fruit, no bread, no pasta, I'm allowing myself a little rice, no potato except in soups. No sweets,ice cream, biscuits, breakfast cereal.

I'm basically eating protein and veg. I'm starving a lot of the time. But I'm going to kill myself if I don't lose weight.

Even cut out the wine!

I don't buy sweets, chips, biscuits or chocolate so it not a temptation in the house, but I don't crave them either.
I have a fizzy drink when out for a meal but otherwise its tea, water or milk to drink.
By not having "snacks" in the house I eat three meals a day and don't pick in between.
Personally I don't want to ruin my health and wish to enjoy my old age and retirement so concentrate on maintaining a healthy weight and being active.

Dh is overweight because he eats too much, and the wrong type of food because he wasn't taught any different

I would say that in this case, your dh is aware he's eating too much "wrong" (fatty, sugary ) food. It's likely he was taught an unhealthy attitude to food as a child, food was used by his parents as a comforter, to show love, to soothe or to treat and that has been ingrained in him since he was a child.

It's another form of emotional eating; comfort eating.

I’m a bit overweight. Size 14 probs ought to be a 12.
I’m convinced the stomach and appetite are highly trainable ….for better and worse. So you start eating more, the stomach actually stretches and expects more in order to be satisfied. You start eating less, then it shrinks back and is satisfied with less. You see this on programs like “I’m a Celebrity” whereby after several weeks of next-to-nothing, the celebs win a fairly small camp meal…eat it up and are feeling full and happy, sleep well. In their normal lives, probably that small meal wouldn’t even touch the sides.
I’ve noticed when I return from a catered holiday that I’m starving at breakfast, lunch and dinner times….because my body and mind have been trained to anticipate and expect.
I think the system is really flexible and you can with effort and commitment and a full and busy life retrain your system quite quickly.

It’s a number of things.
Genetics - on my dads side it’s a long line of tall slim people
Exercise - I run a lot, yoga, gym now and again. I don’t do any of that to keep the weight off but it certainly helps
The off button - I can eat till I feel like I’m going to explode, so I don’t start. I don’t have just one biscuit because I know I can’t. I treat myself once a week to whatever I like. I also don’t drink during the week.

Vanity - I like being a size 12. I didn’t like being a size 16

@Ohpulltheotherone

1) Physical fullness - I can eat past the point of being full but it’s not enjoyable and it upsets my stomach so I’ve learned not to push myself over a comfortable fullness. 2) vanity - I don’t want to be fat(ter) 3) health - over consumption of processed fats and sugars is likely detrimental to our health in the long run and I want to be healthy for my kids as they grow up. I don’t want cancer and lifestyles can contribute to some cancers ( I am not saying all fat people will get cancer or are unhealthy- but that excess processed foods are detrimental to health) 4) balance - I am not and have never been someone who is all or nothing. I enjoy salads and fruit and I enjoy chocolate and pizza, I like to balance it all out. I don’t eat takeaways during the week for instance.

This, basically.

My brain does not work as well on the days I feed it crap. My body will deteriorate sooner if I feed it crap.

I am capable of eating a big plate of chips and cheese nuggets followed by a whole tub of ice cream, but I only do it occasionally. I don't make it a habit or I will end up obese, unhealthy, and more tired/depressed.

I go through binge-eating periods but after a few days I feel sick at the thought of food. That's enough to stop eating for half a day and then go back to fresh fruit and healthier meals, I feel so much better after that. I don't want to ever become complacent with binge-eating and let it not affect me.

For me I just cannot have them in the house, if they aren’t there I won’t go seek them out. I am overweight though but I know I would be even more overweight if I allowed biscuits or snacks like that in the house. So now I literally have the choice of, have something healthy or don’t have anything!

I do realise though that it’s easy for me to say this because we do not currently have any children so it’s easy for me and my husband right now to not have unhealthy snacks in

@Coyoacan

An aunt of mine always said that you should stop eating before you feel full and I think she had a point. That way you give your stomach a chance to shrink little by little.

This ^^ is 100% true.

@weegiemum

I'm obese, I've been losing weight and just got below 28 stone and I'm a size 28. I want to be buying size 22-24 for my holiday next summer.

I've just cut stuff out for the last month. No sugar, no fruit, no bread, no pasta, I'm allowing myself a little rice, no potato except in soups. No sweets,ice cream, biscuits, breakfast cereal.

I'm basically eating protein and veg. I'm starving a lot of the time. But I'm going to kill myself if I don't lose weight.

Even cut out the wine!

See, i'm not convinced that cutting everything enjoyable out of your diet is sustainable. Moderation is surely the goal.

My appetite is tied to my emotions but it is also unpredictable - so I have some days where I will binge to try and fill something and others where I won't eat at all because I can't be bothered frankly. I'm not obese because for me the days where I eat less outweigh the days that I binge, so I suppose its luck if you could call it that?

Also, like some PP’s, I think about my health when I’m older. I don’t want to be immobile and unhealthy in old age, and the best way to try and avoid that is to look after my body properly now.

My friends are all slim (size 8-10) and quite honestly the difference in attitudes between myself (size 14) and them is very obvious when we are together.

They are constantly conscious of what they are choosing to eat and drink and make effort not to have too much. They choose the healthier options and would never have a starter and a dessert if out to eat.

So I think for most slim people it's just a genuinely conscious effort not to have too much.

@weegiemum you need fruit and all the nutrients and vitamins it provides. 3 bananas and two slices of melon a day are full of sugar, sure. But having an apple and a grapefruit gives your body vital nutrients and doesn't prevent you from losing weight. I wish people would stop saying natural, fresh foods are fattening or incompatible with a diet.