Why aren’t you obese?

[Spottyphonecase24]

A bit of a weird one but I have just got off a zoom call with my therapist. We were talking about my weight (I am obese).

Why isn’t everyone else obese? What stops you? I don’t seem to have an off button. I remember going from a 10 to a 12 and thinking that’s it I’m not going to get any bigger but I did and now I am in a size 24 and they are getting a bit tight. I’ve read lots about how people have their light bulb moment to lose weight and that has not happened to me, or maybe it has and I’ve ignored it.

What stops you eating a tub of icecream or picking up a large bar of chocolate instead of a small one or one bag of crisps instead of a family size bag?

I honestly don’t know the reasons why people don’t eat more. Is it will power, feeling full?

I now watch my weight by eating healthy mostly veg as sadly I cant tolerate much fruit. I'm gluten sensitive and struggle with alot of foods, especially high calorific and sugary stuff. I will always have problems with eating now but still have those bloody chunky legs.

Everyone’s body reacts differently to food. Maybe when you eat sugar, your body has a more extreme reaction. Maybe higher blood sugar spike, maybe your brain produces more dopamine. Everyone telling you that they just have more self control is talking bollocks, a lot of people hardly put effort into not being obese, it’s just their nature!

SOME of it starts in childhood. But let's not assume all fat people fat parents/parents who couldn't cook/ etc.

Neither of my parents were overweight, my mum in particular lived on one meal a day, coffee and cigarettes. My dad occasionally gained a few pounds and did a week of just black coffee and consommé til he was back to his usual weight.

Both my parents were also excellent cooks, my dad in fact worked as a chef for a few years. We used to have icecream occasionally; a Viennetta would be split into 6 or 9 portions.

However love and care was shown through food. If I went to my grandmothers house she'd make me huge plates of fresh crusty bread and butter. If you were happy - have something nice to eat. If you're sad, food will cheer you up. If you've done well at school, lets have a treat to celebrate.

I was a chubby child, not fat exactly but not thin. In my teens I got into a pattern of eating 1 meal a day, and that kept my weight in check.

In my early 20s my parents died, and I ended up in an abusive relationship. where food really was my only comfort. He would abuse me about overeating which in turn made me eat more.

If my parents were still alive, I would never have ended up the size I am now. I know how sad it would make them.

This is going to sound silly, but - while I have always understood that a lot of people struggle with food/their relationship to food - I had no idea it was this widespread. Or this constant.

This has been an eye opening thread, so thank you.

For me I think not becoming overweight is down to:

1. portion control (knowing what is the right amount for me, I don't mean it's dictated by a diet plan or something)
2. stopping eating as soon as I'm full, I have always hated the feeling of overeating
3. having a reasonable amount of treats in one go, eg. three biscuits not the whole packet

I eat whatever I like but nothing to excess if you see what I mean. I deny myself nothing and live by "a BIT of what you fancy does you good".

However if I wasn't so physically active I wouldn't be able to eat as much as I do and get away with it.

I started reading this thread last night and have come back to it now - really interesting reading.

I’m at the top end of “normal” BMI at the moment after 18 months of working from home - I’m about 5lb up on my “fighting weight” and don’t like it. It’s been a mixture of too much wine, sitting at the kitchen table instead of being on my feet all the time in actual work, and food being a “nice thing” during a difficult time.

Usually I operate on a kind of 80/20 basis - no treats except at the weekend. We eat healthy ,eats but have got into a bad habit of something sweet after dinner, and a couple of biscuits mid-afternoon when I have never been a snacker previously.

My DP is away with work for a fortnight next month and I am planning for a bit of a “reset”. Soups, eggs, chicken, veg - no junk. I find it much easier to do this without him here, as he’s 6ft 5 and needs proper meals, and cooking separate things is a faff.

So I guess the answer to the question is vanity. I am not up a dress size, but some of my waist bands feel tight, and I really don’t want to be buying a new wardrobe in the next size up.

Truth is I never could control myself. Never had a lightbulb moment when I stopped over eating and things just gradually got worse until I was 20st.
I made the decision 1 year ago to go abroad after doing a lot of research and have a full gastric bypass. Before bypass I had type 2 diabetes, chronic psoriasis and felt generally sluggish and poorly. 1 year on I don’t crave food, I eat normal amounts that I’m satisfied with, I don’t crave sugar, I no longer have diabetes and don’t take any medication. No skin problems of any kind and after 11 years of trying I’m pregnant.
It was the best thing I ever did and I am so happy I did. It wasn’t easy I did struggle to adjust but when you have no choice and that option to over eating is taken away you adapt quickly.
10at lighter and 100x happier! X

As a naturally slim person who hss always been a 6/8 i find it unbeliveable you went from a 10 to 24. If i started needing a 10 i would take a long hard look at my diet.Personally i dont eat biscuits cake,pastry or fast food..i power walk everyday.Ive always been very self controlled can eat i square of chocolate half glass wine etc in fact if eat too much i feel bloated and unfit, Perhaps thats what has kept me slim.i was an only child so my mum could always afford to give me healthy food in days when suet dumplings and stodge were normal in peoples diets l so i never ate stodgy food ever.She gave me what i wanted the med diet before it was invented.lol
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@JFM27

As a naturally slim person who hss always been a 6/8 i find it unbeliveable you went from a 10 to 24. If i started needing a 10 i would take a long hard look at my diet.Personally i dont eat biscuits cake,pastry or fast food..i power walk everyday.Ive always been very self controlled can eat i square of chocolate half glass wine etc in fact if eat too much i feel bloated and unfit, Perhaps thats what has kept me slim.i was an only child so my mum could always afford to give me healthy food in days when suet dumplings and stodge were normal in peoples diets l so i never ate stodgy food ever.She gave me what i wanted the med diet before it was invented.lol .

Well thank you for being so sneery but yes people can, for whatever reason put on a lot of weight. A lot of people eat to get through bad times or stress or whatever. I went from a 10 to a 22 for a variety of reasons including several close in time pregnancies. and went back to a 8/10 due to stress as I am the opposite of a comfort eater, I lost my appetite completely.

So just because you think it wouldnt happen to you doesnt mean that it doesnt happen to anyone Oh and FYI my size 6 DD is now an 18 thanks to the side effects of the medication she needs for a serious chronic condition, so dont be too smug yeah? There but for the grace of god go us all.....

The only thing that has worked for me is a calorie diary. After every snack or meal I write down the calorie value in my notebook. I know that if I consume more than 1200 calories a day I will not lose weight. Over 1300 and I'll gain. I've heard that, if you can measure it, you an control it, and it works for weight.

I never had any problems with my weight until I met my DH. I'd always seen food as a just a necessity but he is from a family where it's a big social thing. Well, from a country where that's more often the case than in the UK I think. Food is definitely associated with love and comfort in DH's family whereas in mine it was just fuel. We tend to follow more of his family's habits and I started eating more and gaining weight, gradually (over 15 years or so) going up from a 6-8 to 14-16. Hitting 16 was my lightbulb moment. Until then I had kidded myself that I was ok - size 14 is average - despite my BMI being in the obese range. I've lost nearly 3 stone over the last couple of years but put a few pounds back on recently, mainly comfort eating as a lot of stressful stuff has happened. I need to get back on the wagon really. I had managed to re educate myself back into my original healthy eating habits but have slipped back into some less healthy choices latterly.

Haven’t RTWT, seen a few judging posts ..I’m currently very fat. Brought on by medication over the last two years. I’m a size 18-20.

I’ve gained four stone in weight. I don’t snack, eat takeaways, drink calories, eat more than a couple of biscuits a week. Getting fatter has been a real eye opener as to how it makes daily life harder in all respects.

I don’t have an unhealthy relationship with food or an unhealthy diet or problems with portion control, just medication with weight gain as side effects x 2.

The world is a fairly judgmental place when you’re fat.

I don't now if this will help, or hinder. I am naturally a small person. 4' 11" and about 7 stone, wringing wet, on a good day with the wind behind me. I can't help it. My school life was miserable. Apparently, I'm quite active. I am not!! Why walk, when you have a car? My exercise regime is ... I don't have an exercise regime, of any sort. I don't eat processed food. I don't like the taste of McDonald stuff. I don't eat takeaway food, I don't like the taste. I cook, from scratch, so I know what goes into my food. I don't add salt, to anything, ever. Only because, when I first learned to cook, I consistently forgot to add salt.
You would not believe the shit that my poor husband ate! He never raised an eyebrow at my salty rice. Uncle Ben DOES bloody stick! I try to have fresh vegetables, always. And "picky" fruit, i.e. berry fruits.
And here I am. 63 years old.

You can do this! I can't help doing it. I am not being unkind, I promise. My cholestorol level is 2.6. I don't even know what that means. I can only advise, do not eat processed food

I have been an 8 and a 22 in my adult life. My natural size is probably a 14 as I am tall. If I am unhappy I will eat until I pop. I now drink heavily due to stress and bullying at work. I don't do sweets, cakes etc but love cheese and wine. I have just ended up in hospital due to a long term illness and I am going to wfh for the next few weeks and try to get some help. I have never had a therapist but am going to get one privately. I was abused as a child, have a daughter with MH issues and hated people staring at my huge chest when I was a teenager, best be fat and they won't bother me. TBH a bindge makes me feel better. I spend huge amounts on imported designer clothes when I know I can loose weight. Food and drink is an addiction for me. I feel embarrassed every day about my size as I work in the beauty industry. I also have a nutrition qualification. Means nowt if you can't control the urges.

I feel gross if I eat lots of unhealthy food - that stops me and the feeling of it - especially if fried. I also think about the health benefits of healthy food and what benefits it has.

loveyouradvice
Op I think she means Gin Stephens.
But yes l agree IF has really worked for me.
It re-sets your full signal. I fast by not eating until lunchtime.
I really believe giving up sugar really helps with avoiding the pain of food cravings. Yes it hurts to start off with but is easy after a period of about two weeks. Moderation is not always possible for some people that are obese. So just make it easier for yourself and take out sugar.
I was a previous binge eater btw

Some of it is genetics, as I go through stages of snacking a lot and don't really put on weight. I eat very healthy meals and don't go for big portions and I also exercise, so that definitely helps.

It sounds like you need to examine why you are not able to control the urge to eat and what food is fulfilling for you. It could be boredom, using food as a reward, comfort eating or actual hunger. Ruling out any medical conditions, then keeping a food and mood diary for a week, examine links between the situation, how you feel and what you eat can help you see what is going on.
Once you understand the why, you can figure out the how.
My daughter is overweight in part due to medication but she also choosing to eat unhealthy food for various reasons. Unless she addresses this she won't change.
There are websites that offer treated food journals but look at this as a long term thing as it won't be a quick fix. Wishing you all the best.

A couple of things to add to my earlier post:

1. I did IF for several years. I did lose weight and more than I meant to. And I kept it off doing this. But I did bring about some bulimic behaviours which were already present, but latent, if that makes sense. It can be very effective. But the restricting can also bring on eating disorders. Not in everyone obviously. I didn’t know this when I started. Hadn’t really researched it. Just saw my in Laws doing it and seeing it had worked for them. I had some baby weight to lose so I gave it a shot. Like I say I stuck with it on and off for 7 years. I think it created issues for me which have been difficult to overcome. Anyone doing this should research it properly and be quite sure it’s right for them.
2. Someone on page 32 I think said there is no such thing as ‘emotional eating, it’s just eating!’ This is an entirely uninformed and unhelpful thing to say. Emotional eating can be anything from snacking unnecessarily when bored - which is so easy to do working from home all day every day, to stress eating and reaching for comfort food when there is emotional pain. The best way of overcoming this is to understand your triggers so you can recognise them as they are happening, to not have comfort food to hand (although you can emotionally eat any food, it doesn’t have to be comfort food. And you can’t rid your house of ALL food!), to really understand why people emotionally eat (upbringing, thinking of food as “treat” or “reward” and using it to make us feel better when we feel shit), developing strategies which can relieve boredom, stress, anxiety…whatever is your trigger feeling. It isn’t helpful to say ‘emotional eating is just.. eating!’ This has shame attached to it. Like you’re just a gluttonous pig who needs to get a grip of themselves. And shaming isn’t going to help you feel motivated or in control. If anything feeling shame has many people reaching for the comfort food (“it’s hopeless, I’m just a fat pig, might as well cheer myself up with this ice cream”) Please don’t listen to that. You can overcome emotional eating and it certainly does exist!!

Honestly, I'm not partly because although I can graze all day if I want to, I do get full/uncomfortable and don't like that feeling and more importantly it's psychological. I have obese family and cannot let that happen to me. I'm teetering on the cusp of overweight and I hate it. I feel happier when I'm slimmer so I cut out and calorie count to lose which is a struggle.

Sounds mad but use smaller plates. Simple way to reduce portion size.

I could eat what I wanted when younger never even had scales but was told at my age 45 medical I was officially overweight. Spurred me on to lose 2 stone which I have kept off. Bmi 22 happy with that. I love wine crisps and cake but have in moderation. IF works for me. In the week eat between 12 - 8.

I am the opposite of a comfort eater, I lost my appetite completely.

Same here! When I’m stressed or anxious, my central nervous system goes into overdrive and I lose my appetite completely.

I was a size 24-36. I had the "lightbulb moment" after a photo on holiday. Not sure how I hadn't realised how big I got!

I've lost just over 12 stone in 2 years and am in the healthy weight category now.

I was helped along by a diabetes diagnosis earlier this year so eat a very low carb and low sugar diet to manage my sugar levels which has lent itself very nicely to the last bit I needed to lose!

I don't eat particularly healthily but I don't think I generally eat enough to be obese. I don't eat a lot of takeaways and dinners are vegetable heavy if I'm hungry. I do like pudding but I'll eat 1 chocolate bar or a yoghurt rather than a proper dessert.

Most of the replies suggest OPs have found ways of regulating their weight/eating which works for them. I do think this is an individual thing but speaking as a morbidly obese person I haven’t found one yet! I seem to summon up the motivation and willpower to lose 3-4 stone which I have done but I just can’t sustain it long enough to get to a healthy weight and the pounds gradually go back on. So I sympathise, you are not alone but I don’t have any answers sorry