Why aren’t you obese?

[Spottyphonecase24]

A bit of a weird one but I have just got off a zoom call with my therapist. We were talking about my weight (I am obese).

Why isn’t everyone else obese? What stops you? I don’t seem to have an off button. I remember going from a 10 to a 12 and thinking that’s it I’m not going to get any bigger but I did and now I am in a size 24 and they are getting a bit tight. I’ve read lots about how people have their light bulb moment to lose weight and that has not happened to me, or maybe it has and I’ve ignored it.

What stops you eating a tub of icecream or picking up a large bar of chocolate instead of a small one or one bag of crisps instead of a family size bag?

I honestly don’t know the reasons why people don’t eat more. Is it will power, feeling full?

I love food and I love eating. I have to restrict myself because I could just eat and eat. Like a PP, I have a really good understanding of calories in the food I eat and keep a rough tally in my head so I don’t overeat. I usually have the same low cal breakfast and snack every day (Weetabix and fruit), a small portion of packed lunch (usually the night before’s healthy leftovers or soup - I try not to buy lunch as I end up eating lots more) and then a hearty dinner. I cook from scratch roughly five nights a week and fill up on lean protein, veggies and wholegrains. I make these meals really exciting so I look forward to them - lots of strong herbs and spices. I allow myself one ‘treat’ after tea - maybe a small choc bar, or some ice cream. I weigh crisps, ice cream, etc. to ensure I stick to a recommended portion. If there is food to be shared in the staffroom, I mentally weigh up how much I fancy it and I have it if I really want it.

I try to be mindful of how much I enjoyed what I ate. For example, I often crave a doughnut, but find when I eat it, it’s not all that amazing. It means if I fancy one again, I think a little harder before cramming it in. I tend to buy less quantity and more quality. So I’ll have a couple of squares of Chocolonely instead of a whole bag of Cadbury’s buttons.

At the weekends I am much more free and eat out several times. But I still have rules, I limit soft drinks to one per day. If I ate a takeaway pizza on Friday, I might choose to have something like sushi for lunch on Saturday instead of a pub burger. If I knew I was going out drinking or eating in the evening, I’d eat lightly during the day. DH and I try to ‘earn’ our food at the weekend - we make cycling, running or hiking together part of our regular weekend activities.

I exercise a lot and I push myself to ride my bike to work on days when I’d rather drive. I like being slim and wearing nice clothes, but I also love being active and feeling fit and capable - which I don’t if I eat too much rubbish. I also pay attention to my weight and adjust habits if it starts creeping up.

It all sounds like a lot of work. I was unfit and overweight a few years ago and I worked hard to build these habits, but they are second nature now and I rarely feel unsatisfied or like I am denying myself.

[quote frumpety]@midnightpopcorn was there something that triggered it ?[/quote]
Yes absolutely. Domestic violence - PTSD. Comfort eating and honestly if I really think about it I think I wanted to get fat to repel men because they've brought me nothing but misery! I'm losing now, slowly, because Ive decided I don't want to live like this anymore.

I limit what I eat and I’m very fidgety. I don’t sit still and would rather be doing something, even if it’s washing up, than sit lounging around. I do however have an eating disorder and body dysmorphia so don’t take my answer as a good suggestion!

@BigButtons

I happen to love vegetables. I only eat when I am hungry. I stop before I feel too full as I hate that feeling. I don’t eat dinner late. I do not stress eat- Infact I cannot eat if upset. I don’t really like cakes. Chocolate, puddings etc- never have even as a child. I do love crisps cheese and alcohol though. Food just doesn’t matter much to me . I never think” oh it’s lunch I must eat” if I’m hungry I will, if I’m not I won’t, same goes for dinner.

I could have written this, it all applies to me. I'm around 14 stone though. I guess though it means I've put on an average of around a pound and a quarter each year of my adult life (am 45). On the face of it that's no so bad but if I keep going at the same rate I'd be over 18 stone by the time I'm 90 which sounds far from ideal!

I'm not excusing myself but I do think genetics and hormones play a big part.

Some people are slim because of genetics and good luck. Socioeconomic status has a massive impact on people’s weight

Weirdly I was slim when I was on the bones of my arse financially, when I could afford lots of food I got fat.

Dieting, restricting, monitoring calories or doing lots of exercise don’t work either.

Show me a fat athlete or a fat jockey ? All these people monitor their calorie intake and what those calories are made up of and they do lots of exercise. Are they all genetically lucky ? I very much doubt it. That doesn't mean everyone who is fat has the time or headspace to commit to that level of dedication, but let's not pretend that it doesn't work if you can.

The will to be slim, needs to out weigh the will to over eat.

Weirdly I was slim when I was on the bones of my arse financially, when I could afford lots of food I got fat

I was at my slimmest when I was broke too. Skipped meals because I couldn’t afford to eat. When I got a well paying job I put weight on as I could afford to eat out/drink alcohol etc, when I couldn’t before.

I don’t understand this calorie thing at all.

I’ve managed to stay thin (and when necessary lose weight) without ever having counted calories. I tried doing it once for one day when I was 17 and it was so boring I decided never again.

It’s perfectly possible to balance your diet and calibrate it without getting involved in that. Absolutely no way am I spending my life weighing food.

Well, you are very lucky @TatianaBis

I was you. Seriously when my size 24s got tightI thought ENOUGH. I tried shitty juicing diets, slimming world, etc but I had/have PCOS. Ie insuline sensitive. It wasn't till I tried keto busting out of my size 24 leggins that something clicked. I mean the sugar withdrawels were horrendous, I didnt balance my electrolytes but my hunger (the ravenous cravings part) vanished. In 18 months I lost 110 stone effortlessly, sometimes even forgot to eat so added IF to the mix. It was so freeing. My health issues improved. My life goteasy (being big is hard, just tying my shoes, going up a few stairs etc had me panting). Find something that works for you and comit. Its worth it!

It doesn't occur to me. I would no more eat an entire tub of ice cream than I would lick a door handle or burst into song on a crowded train. I don't deem it a normal thing to do.

10 stone 🙈

I’m not lucky I’m lazy and there are other ways of balance your food intake without going anywhere near calories.

@Ddot I’m sad to read about your shorts! All that negative thinking about your body :( those legs might seem chubby to someone enmeshed in diet culture and ideals of thinness but they have served you well since birth and carry you from A to B! Marvel in them and give yourself some love!

@Idony

It doesn't occur to me. I would no more eat an entire tub of ice cream than I would lick a door handle or burst into song on a crowded train. I don't deem it a normal thing to do.

That’s the same for me. I can sit down with a pint of ice cream and have some and think oh this is nice, eat some, get bored and put it away for later.

Same with a big bag of crisps/ chocolate (although I’ve never bought a big bag of crisps or family bag of chocolate In my life with the intention of eating it alone ). Wouldn’t finish a pack of biscuits, might have 3/4 rich teas with a cuppa here and there or 2 chocolate digestives but I’d never want to eat the whole pack. Controversial but I also don’t think commercially bought snacks actually taste that good.

I think the binge mentality comes from the value put on foods, ie chocolate is a naughty food and must only be a treat, so it sort of triggers this binge mentality and then when you’ve started down that path it’s v easy to think oh well, I’ve eaten a lot now might as well carry on.

Tbh binge eating at the level you’re describing is a mental health/emotional issue and you’re not going to solve this with dietary advice. You need to understand what function food is fulfilling in your life and then find ways to replace it. Trying to diet and it not working out puts you in that vicious cycle of feeling a failure and emotionally eating more for comfort. This isn’t your fault, nasty junk food is marketed everywhere and, culturally, we’re not great at healthy living. And bollocks to anyone who berates you for being overweight, says more about them than you! Good luck 💐

Losing weight is easier than keeping it off.

3 years ago I lost 7st. I was BMI normal for the first time in nearly 20 years.

I put 6 stone back on since March 2020 because of working from home and not being able to exercise. And eating all the foods I have to avoid in order to lose weight.

I'm now again trying to lose it but I'm too fat to do much exercise at the moment.

I eat a lot of sugary food as snacks - but I don’t eat big portions at main meals, which is probably why I get away with it calorie wise.

Also, I don’t eat meals at set times or think I need three meals a day. Sometimes I skip breakfast and just have two bowls of cereal as my food that day. Other times I’ll have days where I am really into cooking and eat lots and lots or go out for lunch dinner and eat a couple of courses and way over my daily calorie needs - but then have days of not being hungry again really. When I’ve used my fitness pal to track calories I can see the pattern there.

And it doesn’t always have to be a proper meal - if I fancy just a steak on its own mid morning then I’ll have it, in the same way I’ll have a cream tea for dinner if I fancy it. Sounds a bit haphazard but it seems to work as I have also been what people describe as “naturally slim”, although since 40 the weight has started to creep on, meaning I am currently a size12 and know I need to move more and cut down on the sugary stuff if I want to lose weight. I’m not motivated enough at the moment but I won’t get any bigger as I will cut down if I need to.

And no “diet” foods. Full cream milk, butter, cheese etc, as it’s nicer so I am much less likely to crave something else afterwards as I feel like I’ve had treat already.

For me it's two things.

The first is that I have a kind of "buffer" range for my weight, where I know I'm happy and comfortable. If my weight goes outside of that range, I take it as a sign to sort it out. Sorting out can take ages. But it just makes me aware. It's so easy for me to gain weight when I'm not paying attention and making less than stellar lifestyle choices.

The other thing is eating whole, unprocessed foods. No processed foods, refined sugar, etc.

When I do this, I lose all cravings for junk food within a few weeks.

When I fall off the wagon / "treat" myself, the cravings come back.

Basically, the only way I eat healthily is to not have junk in the house, period. If it's there, I'll eat it.

I don't think it's as simple as a choice, though. If obesity was just down to making the choice to eat healthily and be aware of your weight, nobody would be obese. I think it's more complicated. But I hope some of the comments help you.

What stops you eating a tub of icecream or picking up a large bar of chocolate instead of a small one or one bag of crisps instead of a family size bag?

Nothing… I do some of those things. But I’m not obese because I don’t do them regularly. Because I don’t want to get obese. Or overweight. That’s what stops me 🤷‍♀️ I’m generally also satisfied by a small bag of crisps and the like - I know a massive portion of indulgent food will make my stomach feel like crap.
I understand most people don’t want to be obese but I’m guessing in that moment of binge eating you have the ‘fuck it, I don’t care’ moment? I don’t have that moment. I’m guessing if you’re obese you also don’t feel fullness in the way you should - massive bag of crisps would make me feel full and bloated. If you don’t have that feeling it must be very difficult to get on track.

Eating too much makes me feel sick, heavy, sluggish and bloated, so if I really want something sweet/fatty/'bad' I'll have a bite not a bowl. Then I dont have to deal with all the above, plus weight gain, muffin top, back fat, tight waistbands etc.. I also dislike how I look when I'm overweight as I get square, not curvy.

I suppose I just hate feeling uncomfortable so I do everything I can to avoid feeling like that.

I think so much of how you eat and attitudes to food start in childhood. Sweet ‘treats’, having to finish everything on your plate, having a mother who could cook or not cook ( always the mother usually). I was brought up eating three meals a day and no snacks. We never had biscuits or cake in the house. No desserts. My mother was an awful cook. So I ate far too much at school even though the food was awful, because it was better than the food I had at home.
As a teenager I became obsessed with calories, and lost a lot of weight. I then had iron clad control over what I ate and stayed slim . Then it all went to pot gradually with pregnancies, as I didn’t apply the same rules to what I ate.
I realise now that I eat far too much. What I eat is generally very healthy. I don’t like fatty foods or junk food. I’m not bothered about crisps and chocolate. However my portion sizes are far too big and I’m greedy. In our society we have lost sight of what a normal portion size is. We have food on tap and we don’t recognise hunger. Everything has become very disordered.
Better to eat small portions and not snack. Eat un processed food and lots of veg and fruit. Drink loads of water. Cut out alcohol as much as possible. Exercise daily and don’t sit on the sofa too much. That’s the recipe for being slim and staying that way. We’ve lost the ability to live like that , most of us.
Food is also not the same as it once was. It’s filled with additives and sugar and grown in unnatural ways. It’s imported or shipped long distances and stored for long periods. We don’t eat seasonally, and what we eat is not fresh or unadulterated.
Wheat has been messed around with so that it isn’t digestible and causes bloating and allergies.

People used to grown their own veg and sometimes fruit much more often. They bought small amounts of food from the corner shop which weren’t stored for long periods. They cooked from scratch and ate smaller meals. They walked more and moved around much more. Women didn’t drink alcohol nearly as often, if at all. Our whole culture has changed.

I dieted for thirty odd years, I am an emotional eater or was! I managed to keep it in a ball park area. I ranged from size 10 to 12 from the age of 14 to 46.
I became Ill and was sent home, with instructions to put as much weight on in three weeks as I could.
10 pounds! Hows that for greedy.

This thread is exactly what I need right now to help thank you

I have always been self conscious about my weight. I remember being 12 years old thinking my thighs were too big. But I have a very sweet tooth and go through stages where I think "fuck it" and don't have a lot of willpower. Being pregnant and having babies didn't help. After DS2 was born 3.5 years ago my BMI was 32.7, so in the obese range. The first 2 stone came off fairly quickly and I've battled and just about got another 1.5 stone off. My BMI is 24 now and I'm sort of average, a size 12, not thin or fat. I'd like to lose another stone then I'll be slim, I think.

Several reasons I guess. Vanity, health, but also I run now and that's a huge incentive because I feel much fitter and more able to look after my children as a result. I can run after them if they run off, i don't get breathless playing with them in the garden etc. When I was fat being a parent was much harder. I got breathless more easily, I was more tired. I sleep better now. I might not be thin but I'm definitely fitter than I ever have been, an example being one day last week I'd only had 5hours sleep but did a 5k run.

What has helped me not put weight back on is partly accepting that I will have to be aware of it for the rest of my life and keep an eye on it, and not overindulge too often. Once I finally accepted healthy eating is a lifelong thing rather than just a temporary thing to lose weight then it becomes much easier I think.