Why aren’t you obese?

[Spottyphonecase24]

A bit of a weird one but I have just got off a zoom call with my therapist. We were talking about my weight (I am obese).

Why isn’t everyone else obese? What stops you? I don’t seem to have an off button. I remember going from a 10 to a 12 and thinking that’s it I’m not going to get any bigger but I did and now I am in a size 24 and they are getting a bit tight. I’ve read lots about how people have their light bulb moment to lose weight and that has not happened to me, or maybe it has and I’ve ignored it.

What stops you eating a tub of icecream or picking up a large bar of chocolate instead of a small one or one bag of crisps instead of a family size bag?

I honestly don’t know the reasons why people don’t eat more. Is it will power, feeling full?

I’m obese, 13 stone 9 at 5ft 4.
Four months ago I was 14.5 stone (but lost weight due to the stresses of a new job/moving house all the same month!!).
The main reasons I am obese.
Portion size
Lack of exercise
Poor food choices.
I was 8stone until I hit my mid/late 30s and the weight has piled on.
I could do something about it if I really tried hard enough.

Always wonder if it actually is diets that fuck up people’s natural instinct to eat the right amount (never done a diet)

It's partly diets and partly childhood stuff related to "finish your meal before you get pudding" and "there are starving children in the world, eat it all up", and partly being rewarded with "treats" which builds up fatty and sweet foods as desirable and linked to self esteem. They all fight against the body's natural instinct to eat the right things in the right amounts.

I think some people have larger appetites and it’s unfortunate if you are afflicted with one.

I've been slim most of my life but put on weight after having children and more now that I am approaching the menopause. I was size 8/10 and now am 12/14. But my weight is still in the normal range for my height.
I think the reasons of not overeating is that I just don't have a very big appetite and I can even forget to eat if busy with something else such as work.
But I do comfort eat. Eat lots of chocolate, cheese etc if stressed, pre menstrual, etc. But I naturally I stop myself. So for example I eat lots of chocolate today but tomorrow or next meal I will eat less. I've been always like this. Is kind of automatic. I just don't feel like eating rubbish for too long. It feels as if I am abusing my body. For example If I eat pizza today, tomorrow I will crave some greens. I eat everything. But a regular portion usually satisfies me. So I guess is the way I am built. My sister who struggles with my weight once commented while we were eating together and I had stopped eating " Aww you are feeling full, right? I've never have that feeling. I could always eat more." So maybe that's it. It is not hard for me to stop eating. Even if I am not quite full.

@ShirleyPhallus

I can now wear the size 12 and size 14 Per Una bootcut jeans I've had for about 30+ years

While this is impressive I’d strongly urge you to burn the bootcut per una jeans lest the fashion police come looking for you

I’m not fat but not particularly skinny either. I’m active - very active. I cycle everywhere, go to the gym, go jogging on the weekend. I easily walk 10k steps a day without thinking about it. I have a car but would much rather get from A to B with my own legs.
Just always have been like that. I think that’s what’s kept the weight off.
I also feel sick if i overeat sweet things. Never been one to eat a tub of ice cream all to myself, or a whole pack of biscuits.
Savoury on the other hand…
I just try and eat healthy in the week and enjoy whatever I want on weekends. I don’t put too much emphasis on diet. I think when you do, that’s when it becomes a chore.

Some years ago I read a study about weight issues in children.
Turns out we all have an off button but some people’s is a firm off button ( I’m full, no more food) and in others the off button has got stuck and doesn’t work. We’re also born ready programmed to prefer sweet or savoury foods. Wish I could remember where I read all this tho.

You might find Cognitive Behavioural Therapy helpful. You could try hypnotherapy. There are some excellent hypnotherapies on YouTube.

I am in the same club as you in that I will eat the whole packet of biscuits, the whole tub of ice cream.

Aww OP .. I'm the same!!! I uses to be obsessed with my weight as a teen and early 20s... was no more than a size 10-12 .. (looked good IMO) never wanted to be 'fat'... I'm now size 20 and don't recognise myself .. I hate it.. but just can't seem to stop reaching for the choc or wine! .. I dont think i eat ridiculous amounts but could eat better.. it makes me so sad as it's hard.. I think it's a mental thing.. some people take drugs, some drink, some spend money... I eat 😑

@LoisLane66

Oh but I do scoff whole 500ml tubs of Waitrose 1 ice-cream or whole M&S family trifles or a 3 pack of Magnums or a pk of Viscount biscuits, strips of 6 iced finger buns and yes, 3 large M&S apple turnovers from their bakery. Not ALL that at once, but devouring each of the items mentioned at one sitting, usually watching MAFS. I write my weight in a notebook every week. Weight, BMI and body fat. From say, 17-50 I stayed at a size 12 then moved up to a 14. I was quite happy as I still fitted comfortably in the others I had as most were laws 12/14. In summer of 2020 I had moved to a 16 and 178 kg so decided to buy a weighted hula-hoop, a pair of 3kg hand weights and a skipping rope. My bike got more airings and I only eat 2 meals a day on 5 days, at 10.30am and 6.30pm. I only have 1 smoothie on the other two days and just water, pressed juice or the occasional glass of milk. No food and less exercise on those days. On the 5 eating days in the morning about 06.30, I have a glass of boiled water with 1/2 a squeezed lemon, go for a bike ride while roads aren't busy and do some stretching exercises when I get home. Nothing drastic. Have brekkie - porridge, blueberries and a whole sliced medium banana with a small drizzle of honey plus whole milk (usually M&S gold top) Nothing but water or pressed juices to drink (not from concentrate) and no eating until 6-6.30 which might be home-made veggie stir-fry (I bought a Wok) or baked potato plus beans/ cheese or drained tinned tuna plus a big salad or quiche, or omelette with spinach or fresh food with veggies. I don't eat meat of any sort or shellfish or drink alcohol anyway so they are not temptations. Everything is home-made. I might have a smoothie for breakfast with a combo of apple pear banana raspberries blueberries spinach kale yogurt and a drizzle of honey. My cupboards and fridge are empty of anything other than the food I eat every day and I buy fresh 4 times a week. Dairy is important for bone health in later life so I have cheese and a FEW grapes or figs for pudding. No bread. I miss it and miss my coffee plus the 2-3 sugars but needs must. You have to be strong willed and note your weight regularly. It gives you a boost to see the digits dropping. I'm now 64kg = 10st 8lbs which is less than I weighed in my 20s. I can now wear the size 12 and size 14 Per Una bootcut jeans I've had for about 30+ years. No more muffin top and had to buy slightly smaller bras. Don't go drastic as it shows in your face. I'm happy with anything up to 11 stone. Learn the weight that suits you but please don't think that the occasional binge will be ok if you eat less the next day. Stick to a plan and you CAN do it. Good luck 🍀💐 and chill. Don't get anxious. Your body won't like it at first but it does adapt quite quickly.

Wow. I really admire your commitment and willpower. Do you live alone? I found it much easier to lose weight when I did. For instance, I thought I'd had quite a healthy meal last night. Put it in a small bowl so I had lots less than my OH. Then I was lying on the bed watching MAFSAUS and he brought me apple pie and ice cream. A great big portion of both. And I know I could have left it but I didn't, I scoffed the lot. I'm very very overweight.

What stops you eating a tub of icecream or picking up a large bar of chocolate instead of a small one or one bag of crisps instead of a family size bag?

Ocasional binge but everyday or even regularly? Just don't feel the need. If I was pigging out I might eat a whole bag of toffee popcorn, or a twinpack of cream cakes. And that would be it - I'd probably skip the next meal. Some days I skip meals anyway because I just don't feel hungry.
I could not finish a tub of ice-cream in one sitting at all. Don't really like chocolate that much either though I do have a sweet tooth.

@Newbabynewhouse

Aww OP .. I'm the same!!! I uses to be obsessed with my weight as a teen and early 20s... was no more than a size 10-12 .. (looked good IMO) never wanted to be 'fat'... I'm now size 20 and don't recognise myself .. I hate it.. but just can't seem to stop reaching for the choc or wine! .. I dont think i eat ridiculous amounts but could eat better.. it makes me so sad as it's hard.. I think it's a mental thing.. some people take drugs, some drink, some spend money... I eat 😑

You can't reach for what's not there! Don't buy it!!! I bit my finger nails really badly until my 50s (and I got used to the disgusting taste of the stuff I painted on). It was really hard to stop biting them because your nails are always on the ends of your fingers. But if you don't buy calorie laden food and only buy what you need for the day, surely that would help?

Will add that it definitely helps not having bad food in the house.. I like slimfast diet as I feel in control when I stick to it.. but once you finish you have to stick to a 1400 cal diet to keep it off xx

@Mnusernc

Look up set point theory. Everyone has a weight set point, which is affected by genetics and environment. Processed western food raises it higher and causes obesity. Dieting slows your metabolism so you're in a vicious cycle.

People who are slim are not virtuous they just have a combination of diet, genetics and environment that makes their set point lower.

The answer for you would be to lose weight very gradually, eschewing processed food, wheat and sugar and building up muscle.

It's not your fault

This ^

I think for me especially it's to do with my relationship with food. I am currently a size 12 and over the past couple of years I have gained weight going from a size 8-10, which i know is due to a family bereavement, I am fairly self aware to the reason why I eat lots - I am an emotional eater - I eat when I'm sad, happy, bored, anxious, excited. I think for me there is no bigger motivator than "nice" food as a treat after doing something! Food has been a constant thing that has always been there when I have felt sad and I've found comfort in eating my feelings which is very hard for me to undo! I think I need some counselling to help me get through it so it doesn't go really out of control but I would definitely look at your relationship with food and your triggers for eating! That may help a lot!

I really don’t like the feeling of being full/stuffed so I don’t overeat, and I don’t really think about food much - I sometimes miss meals because I don’t notice it’s lunchtime/dinner time or because I’m not hungry. We’re all different, I suppose.

How long did it take you to go from a 12 to a 24 @Spottyphonecase24 ?

For me it was a long process, so over the course of 18 years.

PurpleDaisies
My weight is mainly on my legs, I wear shorts alot in summer and in the house.
I reach for that cake, look at my chubby knees and put the cake away

@frumpety

How long did it take you to go from a 12 to a 24 *@Spottyphonecase24* ?

For me it was a long process, so over the course of 18 years.

This wasn't aimed at me but I'll butt in! I went from 12-20 in 2 years

@midnightpopcorn was there something that triggered it ?

What stops you eating a tub of icecream or picking up a large bar of chocolate instead of a small one or one bag of crisps instead of a family size bag?

…honestly? I think it will kill me and I worry the damage it will do to my body. I want to prolong how long I’ll live and I don’t want my husband to enjoy retirement without me. I’m not a health freak but if I ate these foods in massive amounts I would feel so shit physically, mo energy etc etc. Life is for living! I don’t want to be ill or feel shit. For me it’s that simple. X

I’m tall, so can eat more than an average height person.

But really: it’s because I’m lucky. Maybe gut flora, maybe hormones, I dunno but I’ve always been slimmer than I “should be” based on the traditional calories in/ out model.

I find some of these comments offensive and upsetting. You cannot have an addiction to carbohydrates, willpower doesn’t exist, emotional eating is just eating. Dieting, restricting, monitoring calories or doing lots of exercise don’t work either. Some people are slim because of genetics and good luck. Socioeconomic status has a massive impact on people’s weight.

I just can't physically eat that much. If I ate a large chocolate bar in the afternoon then I would only manage a tiny dinner. And there's no way I could eat any more than 2 scoops of ice cream in one go.

I have been overweight all of my adult life, but managed to lose 50 pounds a couple of years ago - and to keep it off.
I still eat two large meals a day and at the weekends have treats such as toast with butter, wine and puds.
I exercise for 60 - 90 minutes most days, but fast walking or swimming. I don't get on with classes or the gym.
My 'secret' weapon has been fasting. I don't have an off button with food, but can do one or two 36 hour water only fasts per week. I didn't go straight into it. I started slowly with the 5/2 diet and gradually worked out what worked best for me. I also like that it doesn't cost anything! No special equipment or foods, no weekly fees; not being ripped off is a big plus. I recommend watching Jason Fung on YouTube. It's not for everyone, but it has changed my life.
Good luck

What stops you eating a tub of icecream or picking up a large bar of chocolate instead of a small one or one bag of crisps instead of a family size bag?

Nothing stops me but I eat them because I think I could die tomorrow so I may as well enjoy my life. Ironically I've eaten so much it may shorten my life.