Why aren’t you obese?

[Spottyphonecase24]

A bit of a weird one but I have just got off a zoom call with my therapist. We were talking about my weight (I am obese).

Why isn’t everyone else obese? What stops you? I don’t seem to have an off button. I remember going from a 10 to a 12 and thinking that’s it I’m not going to get any bigger but I did and now I am in a size 24 and they are getting a bit tight. I’ve read lots about how people have their light bulb moment to lose weight and that has not happened to me, or maybe it has and I’ve ignored it.

What stops you eating a tub of icecream or picking up a large bar of chocolate instead of a small one or one bag of crisps instead of a family size bag?

I honestly don’t know the reasons why people don’t eat more. Is it will power, feeling full?

I also think I have an innate calorie/balance thingy. So I rarely ever eat breakfast and don't eat lunch until around 1.30pm so regularly fast for over 12 hours. And, tonight we're going out for dinner so I only had a very small lunch to compensate. I weigh myself 2-3 times a week and if I notice a gain of more than 3-4lbs I immediately cut back for the next few days.

Interesting question. I think I have a fairly healthy relationship with food and I was brought up on 'a little bit of what you fancy does you good' so I'm not restrictive at all. I definitely don't tend to binge ever, and we meal plan because things are tight. I rarely have puddings, only really when we eat out. We do have some treats in the house but not many so once they are gone that's it. I really enjoy food but tend to stop once full. Some days I don't really fancy dinner so will just have some cereal or toast, especially if I'm late home from work. I do think it's variety of factors that contribute to weight, genetics definitely play a part. I also tend to sway towards not feeling hungry when stressed or upset too, whereas some comfort eat in those situations.

I go through phases of eating loads of rubbish but don't eat much when stressed, and am often stressed 😂

I think for a lot of people i know it is alcohol or drinks that add in extra calories.

A mix of will power, habits and vanity.
I am 5,7' and weigh 8'8lbs. (I'm in my 50's) 20 years ago I weighed 8 stone.
I like being slim. I have got into the habit of refusing puddings etc.
If I have a big lunch I won't have dinner. If I have a late breakfast I won't have lunch. If I have a snack like a bar of chocolate or bag of crisps, that will be instead of lunch.
I have balanced my food intake carefully for most of my adult life.
I eat whatever foods I want, always in moderation though. It's just what I do

@badg3r

I go through phases of eating loads of rubbish but don't eat much when stressed, and am often stressed 😂

I think for a lot of people i know it is alcohol or drinks that add in extra calories.

Yes, it’s the wine calories I have to watch. If my weight creeps up I cut out the wine and snacks for a month or two and that gets me back on track.

OP have you looked at interoception and being aware of fullness and what’s happening inside your body. It might not be of interest but I think often meeting sensory needs to help self regulate would go a long way to tackling food issues of all kinds.

I think some people probably have good inbuilt self control or low appetite and there's perhaps not a huge amount you can do about it (and credit to those who have!). I'm always amazed that people can't have crisps, chocolate etc in the house - I always have these in but it would rarely occur to me to eat them, in the same way I wouldn't randomly cook some baked beans from the cupboard or left over curry from the freezer or whatever. I understand I'm lucky in that way. I also think I like smaller portions. I'd never say it to someone but I often see at buffets people with plates piled high - I'm honestly not judging, I just sort of notice and think about the fact its probably double the amount I'd naturally put on my plate. The question of why I wouldn't eat a family sized chocolate bar is intersting - it really wouldn't occur to me that that's a portion, so I just wouldn't think to do it. Again, I know for a lot of people this is a real struggle and I'm not claiming I'm the way I am by anything other than luck.

Put two photos on your fridge or snack cupboard one as you are now and one when you were 10/12 or join a slimming club a weekly weigh in may help

Will power here, but far from easy.
Had to say goodbye to my favourites, blueberry muffins and croissants (would eat all four in a day)
I have managed to lose weight to where I want to be despite moans from DH 🤷🏾‍♂️😊

Spottyphonecase24 I can totally relate to this, it doesn’t stop. In April I was a size 28/30 then went to Turkey for a gastric bypass, not easy and only a tool but I’ve lost 5 stone and need to lose another 5. I would have been dead in 2 years if I’d carried on eating they way I was.

I had a light bulb moment, lost 3 stone, now a UK size 4. (I'm only 5"2)

It was about health for me, and wanting to be more confident in myself.

I also became knowledgeable about calories in Vs calories out which has been a game changer for me, it means I still get my big chunk of chocolate cake or apple crumble if I want! ( I have a sweet tooth!)

I am size 8, 1DC.
I eat 3 reasonably sized meals. But i don’t snack, if i do, i graze on grapes/crackers/etc.
I don’t like feeling overly-full. I get a bit nauseous, but I also have no boobs. I’m bitter about it, but i do a lot of walking (especially chasing after toddler with no sense of danger) .. I’d love nothing more than to be a bit bigger. But one thing I will add - Im not confident in my body, i am very very self conscious. I can’t seem to seek any comfort from food. Sending

I haven't seen all the answers but my take on it is,
I've been on a watch what I eat diet for most of my adult.life. my biggest 13 stone smallest 10 1/2.. I'm.5ft7.
I love food but look at it in what is actually worth calories. What will I enjoy most, a doughnut/ chocolate or a big glass of wine. Wine will win. I understand I can't have both as much as I'd like them.
It.has to be a control thing or I will get bigger.
I also started using a smaller plate. X

I have no off switch with food. I can put eat most men - except my farmer husband and son. My son and husband are like rakes but they never stop.
If I didn’t have the physical job I have I wouldn’t be as slim as I am, however I now have to watch my weight to ride horses so I switched to keto - as being menopausal meant the weight doesn’t melt off like it used to.

My weight yo-yos and at the moment it's at the top end. The only thing that works for me is Slimming World, I lose weight successfully with them but as soon as I give myself a break (Christmas twice will I never learn?) the weight just piles back on. The longest time I've kept it off was when I started swimming three times a week. I got more body conscious and that really worked for me until Covid came along.
Is there any form of exercise you could get into? I know it takes guts to go swimming when you're big, but walking, dancing, even Tai Chi?
And I agree with all those who've said don't have it in the house. I could eat a whole box of cornflakes so haven't bought them for years. Good luck op.

@FooFighter99

I'm the same as you *@Spottyphonecase24*

I'm morbidly obese: 25 stone and a size 28

I know I need to lose weight and how to go about it, but I just can't seem to get started. I definitely think it's a mental health issue combined with genetics, for me anyway, as I know I can lose weight (lost 3.5st in 2019) but I just end up sabotaging myself

I wish I had more willpower

Come and join us on our LOSE IT! Threads. We do one a month and they are great for support, tips, hand holding, ideas, friendship, no judgement. I've been on them since before April last year. Really great. The threads. Not me. I'm not doing so well atm as been ill. No longer one of the poster girls but I'll get there.

(Disclaimer: I am a 37-year old male, so my metabolism may be different)

I don't have the healthiest relationship with food. I love sweet foods; to the point that I was buying the 2.5kg sweet jars that you see in the shops, and demolishing them in a week, over and above my normal diet. I eat a lot.

Despite this, I am not obese - For me, it is a combination of two things. Firstly, I recognise that when my trousers start to get a bit tight, I need to do something (I hate shopping and don't want to have to buy trousers if I don't have to), and eat less until they are loose - and I combine that with then upping my exercise. As I don't let myself get too big for my trousers, it usually only takes a week or two to drop my waistline back down.

For me, it's about catching it early, and then reversing any size increase before it gets beyond my control. I've used this method since my early 20's and still fit into my clothes from 12 years ago.

I was up to 16 stones, and signed a new shop lease for 15 years, and thought if I didn't lose weight i wouldn't see the end of the lease. So I stopped buying biscuits, cheese, beer, ready made pizzas - you know, all the nice stuff, started walking 10,000 steps at least everyday, and the weight started to come down. I got down to 12 and a bit, but have crept back up to 14 stone over lockdown. so am just starting again to get a stone off. The only way I can stop eating what I shouldn't is not to have it in the house.

not becoming obese matters very much to me.

How I feel about myself matters to me and I do not feel happy with myself if i gain weight. so I work hard to ensure I do not. I do blow out sometimes. but I compensate for the next few days ...

I do eat a tub of ice cream - every other Saturday night. All to myself. I also eat chocolate treats occasionally but in large quantities. Desserts are my downfall and I have a very sweet tooth. I know that this isn’t great for me, but it works for me at the moment!
I was obese. Im not now because I workout. Daily. I have one night off per week and I do it regardless of how tired I feel or how little time I have, I make time. I use a Fitbit and my fitness pal to keep me on track. Im not on a diet. I eat what I want when, but, it took me a long time - over 2 years to get to this point and it’s hard to stay motivated. I have to keep going because if I stop for even one night and let that thought of “I can’t be bothered tonight” creep in, it’s so easy to just not bother ever!
I joined groups on Facebook for accountability and I am very goal driven so I set goals daily / weekly / monthly / yearly to keep me on track. My fitness membership (at home - I hate the gym!) offers monthly challenges which I have to achieve to get rewards and I love a reward!! It’s hard but you just have to find what works for you.

Don’t keep treats in the house, eat tons of veg and meat and a bit of carbs. Eat one square of choc with coffee after dinner everyday to curb cravings. Some days just have big bowls of fruit. Drink loads of water. Walk everywhere, don’t drive. Don’t deprive myself of treats of special occasions.

I have ADHD and binge eating is a terrible side effect for me.

It was helped marginally by medication but it wears off at bedtime and I can eat the entire kitchen.

I bought divided plates that come in three sections and it not only helps with portion control but also makes my brain feel I'm having a really big variety of food.

I also need to be very regular with my eating and drinking and need home cooked food as much as possible. My body goes a bit booloo if she doesn't know what's coming next or remembers outside food exists.

I manage that by eating four times a day at regular intervals, but smaller meals so I eat breakfast, lunch, tea and supper. Even if I'm not hungry, I make my meal and then sit AT the table. We've stopped eating on the settee at all. It's less about the food and more about the structure. With my binging it wasn't about the food itself it's the lack of control that spirals.

For breakfast I'll either two slices of toast, porridge, a homemade muffin etc with chopped fruit and usually some kind of dip - almond butter, low sugar chocolate spread, peanut butter, jam etc. I will also sometimes have cooked breakfast - avocado on toast, a sausage or bacon sandwich, pancakes etc. I also follow the rule of three though.

I hate cold food so I always take a thermo for lunch. I take leftovers or soup/pasta dish with fruit/veg/carbs.

For lunch we have very normal dinners but again smaller and in the three - so I'd have maybe 2/3 a portion of pasta but some garlic bread with salad or veg.

For supper I'll have a slice of toast with an apple and a 90 cal packet of crisps.

I, of course, have weeks when this completely falls by the wayside. We eat out too much/get takeaways/cook normal meals on normal plates/open a bottle of wine and it all goes tits up but on the whole it's the regiment for me that stops me binging.

These are the plates and they're brilliant. We also have bowl inserts for them.

www.ikea.com/gb/en/p/ikea-365-plate-with-compartments-white-80429903/

www.ikea.com/gb/en/p/uppvispad-plate-white-20321081/

It's self care. I want to be healthy, and live the best quality of life I can, and I can't do that if I'm over weight. I do love food though, and have a tendency to binge on sweet things, or stodge, so I changed my eating habits to stop that. However I hate feeling deprived or hungry, so can't deal with calorie counting etc. I now eat a keto style diet, it's actually much harder to over eat fats, but very easy to keep eating sugary things. So I don't buy the sugary things.

So, to be honest, speaking as someone who has been pretty overweight in the past, the honest answer is self care. Be accountable. You are buying these foods, and eating these foods, even though you know they are making you obese, and until you are ready to look yourself in the eye and acknowledge that your health and quality of life is completely in your hands and no one else's, you will continue to do this. Over eating is as much of an eating disorder as under eating, so the fact that you're discussing it with a therapist is a huge step in the right direction.

I tend not to eat between meals. It’s healthy to feel hungry and it feels nice when you eat a proper meal that satisfies you. I used to snack but didn’t like how it took the edge off hunger so I didn’t look forward to a nice dinner. I have a bar of chocolate every day after dinner. My dh finds it hard not to snack if he’s had a stressful day-once he starts he can’t stop.

I’m in the same place as you. Was a size 12 for years then a 14. Always vowed I wouldn’t get bigger than a 14. But here I am. Size 18! I know what happened. I eat a lot! I think it stems from hating my job. I’ve noticed I don’t eat as much when I’m off work. You may have something you’re comfort eating over.