Why aren’t you obese?

[Spottyphonecase24]

A bit of a weird one but I have just got off a zoom call with my therapist. We were talking about my weight (I am obese).

Why isn’t everyone else obese? What stops you? I don’t seem to have an off button. I remember going from a 10 to a 12 and thinking that’s it I’m not going to get any bigger but I did and now I am in a size 24 and they are getting a bit tight. I’ve read lots about how people have their light bulb moment to lose weight and that has not happened to me, or maybe it has and I’ve ignored it.

What stops you eating a tub of icecream or picking up a large bar of chocolate instead of a small one or one bag of crisps instead of a family size bag?

I honestly don’t know the reasons why people don’t eat more. Is it will power, feeling full?

Will power. I've put on weight in the past, not a lot but I didn't like it and I just cut down on the treats.

I exercise a lot, everyday, sometimes twice and people think I can eat what I like because of this.

I can't. I still watch what I eat. I track it on mfp etc. I have a treat dinner once a week.

Your body adapts quickly.

If you limit your calories and stop eating processed food, after a couple of weeks that becomes the norm and you don't particularly desire to overeat junk.

Two years ago I was 10 stone 10 at 5 foot 4 and just in the overweight category for BMI (which I obviously dismissed as being outdated!) I ate pretty much what I wanted, averaging about 2300 calories most days, and did very little exercise.Due to the way I carried the weight, hourglass with proportionally slim waist (though still 30 inches) clever dressing and generous clothes sizing that had me believing i was still a 12; I felt, and was considered fairly effortlessly slim. Since going on a health kick, I've lost 2 stone and 6 inches from my waist, and am now genuinely slim. Maintaining it takes a lot of effort. I now gain weight if I go above 1800 calories or cut back on my exercise. So while I think a few people may be lucky in that they are naturally genuinely slim, despite eating what they like, I think slim can also be relative and subjective. Retaining a low BMI and in particular minimal abdominal fat, does take effort for most people I think, and a surprisingly low calorie intake.

I have been obese due to gaining a lot of pregnancy weight, short periods of binge eating during very emotionally difficult times and, the big one, the side effects of antidepressants giving me an insatiable appetite. I also really struggled with food cravings when I ate a lot of low fat food, diets like weight watchers and slimming world just made me feel hungry all the time. I have also lost weight due to being too depressed, stressed and anxious to eat (and then bounced back totally the opposite way on antidepressants) and spent a lot of my adult life underweight due to poor health. So my weight has yo-yo'd all my adult life.

The big changes for me were when I stopped fighting my body and started listening to it. I had become so far removed from my own body that I didn't even know the difference between thirst, anger, misery and hunger. I didn't know the difference between full and over full. I didn't know the difference between a bit peckish and actually starving. So when I was thin it was because I was not listening to my bodies needs, and when I was obese it's because I was not listening to my bodies needs. I gave up dieting completely for a year and I got stuck in to intuitive eating, and a magic thing happened, I stayed exactly the same weight. I didn't gain, I didn't lose, I just stayed the same. I rarely weighed myself, but about once a month when I did I found that I was exactly the same weight, maybe give or take a kilo.

I did reduce caffeine, give up smoking and stop antidepressants, so I think that was massive because one I used as an appetite suppressant and the other gave me an insatiable appetite so that I basically had an eating disorder. I was in a binge/starve cycle and had also started becoming more extreme in these behaviours, over exercising, and intermittently using laxatives and diet pills. I was really in trouble with my eating. Intuitive eating and the body positivity movement (mostly which I accessed via Instagram) absolutely saved me from myself. I started to see food as a way to reward myself and my body not as a method of punishing myself by depriving myself of calories, or binge eating (sometimes combined with other forms of self harm).

I started by not banning any foods. I had a month where we ordered A LOT of takeaways and I ate one hell of a lot of sugar, too. But I never ate this in secret. I shared my joy of bad food with others, and took my kids for a lot of McDonald's. I was like "here kids, let's have some joy in food". And then after about a month I started cooking again properly for the first time in years. Baking with the kids, dinners for family and friends, all the food I had been depriving myself like creamy pastas and loaded nachos. I ate more slowly, savouring my food and enjoying it as something social, and joyful and connected not private and shameful like before. Through that process I started to actually change my taste buds and my kids too, so that we moved away from the takeaways and McDonald's and baked treats, and towards being open to trying new things and having fun with cooking at home.

I hate that over full feeling now. I have got used to listening to my bodies satiety signals, and I love that I don't have to have a sit or Lie down after a meal. For me it will always be an issue I have to keep in check, i have food demons no doubt about it, but I am so pleased with the pay off in my life when I live this way and my kids have a great attitude to food. They eat sweets and cream cakes and have McDonald's sometimes, but they also eat loads of fruit, veg, healthy fats and lean proteins. We don't ever do low fat anything and I cook with cream, sugar, butter, all the things I used to deem 'bad' but because food is about fun, joy and connectedness I can see that my food demons will not be there's. There are no bad foods, no syns, nobody is counting points or calories or carbs in things, we just eat some tasty food and crack on doing more exciting things.

I do love food but I really never want to be fat. When I was young it was a vanity thing now I’m older it’s more of a health thing.

So I eat whatever I want but in small portions. I love cheese and crackers. All cheese types, I love for cheese! I could eat an entire round of Camembert on half a packet of crackers no problem but I don’t. I will have a couple of crackers.

I was also brought up to eat three meals a day and snacking was frowned on. My mother died in her nineties having never been more than a size 8 and she had six dc. She had contempt for anyone who had poor willpower whether that was food, men, whatever. She was a great believer in head over heart and tried to teach us to not be compulsive over choices.

My work paid for us to have health screening recently and realising that I'd moved into the obese range for my BMI was a huge wake up. Listing everything I ate on fitness pal for a month has made a huge difference.It's been that and not having my trigger foods in the house which has allowed me to lose a stone in the last few months.I've another stone to lose and my weight loss has ceased so I'll probably start using the app again for a while.
I've always had a large appetite and know that I would eat crazy amounts of snacks if they were in the house.

Just out of interest, for those who say they snack in the evenings, what time do you eat your evening meal? We have ours at 7.30ish which means there’s no way I could snack in the evening as I’m full from dinner.

Eating until you’ve had enough not full.
Making choices such as porridge with water, no butter on crackers.
Not having empty calories (so only eating it if it’s got some nutritional value).

Not looking at every meal as a really tasty thing to enjoy - some are, but most arent. It’s just a way to stop you murdering people with hunger.

I know what my triggers for overeating/eating crap food are. Eg. I seek high processed sugary or salty foods when sad, tired or frustrated.

I eat mindfully - i always sit down to eat and don't allow myself to be distracted by TV or phones while eating. I have learnt to fully savour flavours and textures so that I really enjoy the food. If we eat too quickly we don't taste the food properly, then feel the need for more of it.

I don't "swap" foods. Eg. If I want some crisps but don't allow myself to have them, I can end up eating 10 other slightly healthier things trying to feel satisfied. In doing so, I've ended up eating more calories and still feeling unsatisfied. So now I just eat the thing I want. But I don't take the pack, I take a handful in a separate bowl.

Vanity. Pure vanity. I'm 5ft 6 and a size 12 and I am simply not prepared to get any bigger. The pleasure and perks I get from being slim and looking this way massively outweigh any pleasure I get from scoffing a huge bar of chocolate.

Another one to say vanity, as I like how I look in clothes and want to stay that way. But also it’s genetics. My dad is 6-feet tall and weighed 9.5/10 stone until he hit 70, and now he’s closer to 11 stone. He’s Italian, so eats pasta and bread on the daily, as well as pastries a few times a week. But he’s incredibly active, walks miles a day etc.

I have also always been thin. I’m 5’7 and 8 stone 9. I’m 44. I still eat 1800-2000 calories a day, but rarely (like, twice a year) have dessert or white carbs. I have always preferred home-cooked food on the healthier side, and I’ve always been sporty, so it’s part genetics, part natural inclination, part willpower.

I think it's knowing when you're full up. I definitely have skinny genes but I watched that programme years ago where they followed slim people around to see why they were slim and a lot of the things were what I did. For example I rarely eat breakfast but might eat a cake at 10am. I might splurge on something for me that would be a happy meal and two extra cheese burgers but then I don't feel hungry at dinner time and would have a sandwich. I think I know when I'm full without thinking about it. I definitely don't have the healthiest of diets but generally my portions are smaller. I started running in lockdown as I'd been meaning to for years, it definitely makes me hungrier but then that's ok as I've burned more calories.

@ThePoisonousMushroom

Just out of interest, for those who say they snack in the evenings, what time do you eat your evening meal? We have ours at 7.30ish which means there’s no way I could snack in the evening as I’m full from dinner.

We also eat late enough not to want a snack in the evening as well.

@Helpimfalling I have an app called Zero on my phone and I set it for a 19 hour fast. Which means a five-hour eating window. But I might do slightly less than 19 hours some days and up to 23 hours on others - depends on what I'm doing really. It doesn't have to be super rigid, it's a lifestyle not a diet. However having the app means I resist the urge to have a bite of something earlier in the day, or a nibble on something before bed, because I don't want to ruin a good clean fast.

Resisting food has become easier the last couple of days though as COVID has taken away my taste and smell... everything tastes of nothing. :-(

Gin Stephens has written some good and accessible books on intermittent fasting: Delay Don't Deny is great and she's released a newer more comprehensive book more recently as well.

I don't always feel full up but I know what is a portion size and try and stick to it rather than eat everything on my plate.

I also think the majority of people find it hard to stay a healthy weight with all the temptations around to eat more than we need.

I think it's really dependent on what you keep in the house. If you have cupboards full of treats of course you're going to want to eat them. I shop a few times a week and don't buy much, just meals really.

We could all eat giant chocolate bars and tubs of ice cream. You have to make a choice not to and keep making that choice everyday in order to lose/maintain weight. It’s not easy, especially if you are an emotional eater. I think you need to get out of your bad habits, introduce some healthy ones and be consistent so that they stick. There’s interesting work on habit formation that’s helpful. It takes about 100 days to from a habit I think. You are more likely to stick to them if you don’t try too many changes at once. Going cold turkey is hard. Can you reduce your treat sizes to start off with?

I don’t really eat between meals and enjoy the sensation of feeling hungry, then eating a delicious meal and filling up. I think if you never feel hungry you never learn your “off switch” either.

I am naturally slim though, so think genetics do play a role too.

I gain 0 satisfaction from eating, it’s just a bodily function. Don’t get me wrong I like the taste of somethings but not enough to binge and binge on them over and over again.
Foods not a reward, if we fancy something I have it. I don’t have the body beautiful that comes with real discipline and a solid exercise regime. Pre pregnancy did functional exercise and weights here and there. There are also times, particularly during pregnancy that I literally do not feel hunger, others (not during pregnancy) that I just don’t fancy anything even though I’m hungry and others that I just can’t be bothered to eat.

I eat what I want. I just don’t actually want a tub of icecream or a large bar of chocolate or a bag of crisps. I might occasionally want (and will have) a bit of chocolate or ice cream (about once a month, if that), but not a large amount and not regularly.

I also don’t snack. At all. The grazing all day thing is not a concept I fully understand. I’m not British, and when I first moved here, I remember being a bit confused by the fact that everyone in my office seemed to be eating all of the time. Just constantly nibbling stuff at their desks. This really isn’t a thing in a lot of the world, particularly non-western countries.

I LOVE food. It’s my thing. I adore cooking it, talking about it and eating it. I just don’t feel the need to constantly be eating it or consider sweet/fatty/processed things to be tastier or preferable to what gets termed ‘healthy’ on MN (what much of the world just considers regular unprocessed food). So, basically, I eat three well balanced (and generous) meals a day. I like vegetables and they are the majority of my diet (not salads, but lots curries and things in spicy sauces). I cook from scratch and I don’t snack. I also exercise 4-5 times a week - cardio and yoga, because I like those things and it’s not a chore.

I think some of it comes from luck of the draw re genetics (I’m from a tall athletic family), but a lot of it comes from the attitude towards food with which people are raised. I mean this in the sense of both how your family viewed/treated food, nutrition and health, but also the societal norms. If, when you were at school, everyone had a chocolate bar and a fizzy drink for lunch every day, that becomes your normal. I’d imagine it’s very tricky to shake all that off. If you’re struggling with it, be nice to yourself.

I gain 0 satisfaction from eating, it’s just a bodily function

This is fascinating to me....I wonder why some people are like this when other people, like me, are obsessed by food?!

I can eat chocolate for ever and a day. I am podgy (BMI 28) but not quite obese.

I don't want to get any fatter so I am trying to control myself - as simple as that.

I don't think I would enjoy a whole tub of ice cream or a large bag of crisps.

It’s fascinating @Comedycook. My colleagues go mad for cake at work and I just don’t get it. In the past I have forced myself to have some to be part of the gang.

@Comedycook

I gain 0 satisfaction from eating, it’s just a bodily function

This is fascinating to me....I wonder why some people are like this when other people, like me, are obsessed by food?!

I don’t know, personally I’ve had anorexia twice (and as an anorexic you are literally food obsessed) it took me a long while to address my food issues and now I can say im really not bothered by it at all. I don’t particularly enjoy eating, meals actually bore me (maybe it’s just my cooking haha!) i prefer snacks. It’s odd to me that people would say ‘I love to Eat’.

My mother is very overweight as were her parents. My father was very keen on minimal eating, especially later in life. So i think how you are raised plays a huge importance in how you view food. My daughter doesn’t have a tremendous appetite either 🤷‍♀️

It's not just the eating for me...i love to cook, read recipe books, watch cooking shows on TV. I'm really obsessed with it!