Why aren’t you obese?

[Spottyphonecase24]

A bit of a weird one but I have just got off a zoom call with my therapist. We were talking about my weight (I am obese).

Why isn’t everyone else obese? What stops you? I don’t seem to have an off button. I remember going from a 10 to a 12 and thinking that’s it I’m not going to get any bigger but I did and now I am in a size 24 and they are getting a bit tight. I’ve read lots about how people have their light bulb moment to lose weight and that has not happened to me, or maybe it has and I’ve ignored it.

What stops you eating a tub of icecream or picking up a large bar of chocolate instead of a small one or one bag of crisps instead of a family size bag?

I honestly don’t know the reasons why people don’t eat more. Is it will power, feeling full?

A suggestion my
Nurse made to me a while back was to use a book called carbs and cals to “design” my meals and it helps you to significantly reduce portion sizes and realise where you are going wrong. You can get the book on amazon for £10

Well it used to be willpower but a gradually losing battle. But I feel like I have now joined the ranks of the effortlessly slim.

Sorry if someone has already said this and sorry to the people who get annoyed at seeing it recommended all the time but I think you should read this book.

Why We Eat (Too Much): The New Science of Appetite https://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/0241400538/ref=cmswwrcppapiglttfabc7X9YZX16VHA8DAYVXCZN

I guess I just prefer being slim and well nourished to being overweight and feeling rubbish because the food I eat is bad for me. I feel better in myself when I eat well and exercise regularly.

I feel sick if I eat too much and have on more than one occasion vomited purely due to eating far too much at one meal or in one go. So know to avoid it.
Interesting about the natural set point thing someone mentioned. I’ve noticed that if I’ve had a very high calorie day, like we’ve had a dominos and I also had cake or something at lunchtime then the next day I can go hours before remembering to eat, like my body is just re balancing.

I'm obese (if you go by BMI) but I don't do any of the things listed in the op. I'm the same dress size as I was when I got married in the late 90s but 2 and a glaf stone heavier. I really don't understand it.

It’s not really about moral strength or willpower

Personally I eat what I fancy, I eat at least one unhealthy thing every day

But a tub of ice cream does not appeal to me, I like ice cream but if I’d have more than a quarter tub I’d feel sick of it

Even the nicest food to me becomes disgusting once I feel full. This is not willpower, It is just my body telling me the right thing

I can eat super rich food but then would automatically eat less of it

I also hate the feeling of being “full” as it makes me feel sluggish, so I don’t look for that feeling

When eating at a friends house, politeness dictates I finish my plate and eat the pudding. I hate pudding, I am never hungry after a main course and have to force it down. Then I feel bloated and full

So it may just all be genetics after all. Or this set-point theory. I definitely can relax around food as I know my body will tell me when I’ve had enough, if that makes sense

Always wonder if it actually is diets that fuck up people’s natural instinct to eat the right amount (never done a diet)

I'm the same dress size as I was when I got married in the late 90s but 2 and a glaf stone heavier. I really don't understand it.

Clothes have got bigger but the labels have stayed the same.

I don’t have an off switch either. I do binge eat and have an unhealthy relationship with food. But when I get to a size 16 ish, I get scared of being too much bigger and force myself to abstain from things that are fattening. It is hellish at first, but I get used to it and usually lose some weight. At some point it starts to creep back on the cycle repeats itself. But I can only do all or nothing. There is no moderation with me. I am 47 and have done this all my life. Am sorry you are struggling too. It is a constant horrible battle and I think about my weight non stop, every hour of the day :(

The dislike of being heavy is greater than the pleasure of unhealthy food.

@coogee

I'm the same dress size as I was when I got married in the late 90s but 2 and a glaf stone heavier. I really don't understand it.

Clothes have got bigger but the labels have stayed the same.

I mean I do get that but I have actual clothes from that period that I still wear and I can still fit into my wedding dress 🤷‍♀️

I mean I do get that but I have actual clothes from that period that I still wear and I can still fit into my wedding dress

Could it be muscle mass? I’m heavier than my dress size would suggest.

When I was a teenager my mother decided she needed to lose weight (she was a size 12 then, would probably be a 10 now, but overall people genuinely were slimmer then than they are today). Every month she bought a slimming magazine that was based on calories in and out. I read it avidly and absorbed all the calorie counts, although I didn't need to lose weight.

I'm sure that's the reason I've never been overweight. It became second nature that just because cheese is protein doesn't mean you can wolf down a whole block, that there can be 100 calories in one biscuit depending on type, that sort of thing. And all that awareness has stayed with me, so my eating is moderate without me even thinking about it. I can eat a lot - but I don't do it often, and I don't feel deprived when I don't. I walk past the biscuit aisle and it doesn't occur to me to buy them.

There's been a lot of discussion around mothers going on diets and whether they're setting their DDs up for a lifetime of body image issues and around food. For me, it was definitely a good thing.

I wouldn’t eat a whole tub of ice cream because I don’t need it. It’s just common sense.
Why is eating a massive chocolate bar better than eating a small chocolate bar? It tastes the same. I don’t think I would feel good overeating.

Having said that I am disappointed that crisp packets are getting smaller and smaller but still wouldn’t ever eat more than one bag as that would seem greedy to me! I guess I just have my own personal rules about eating. I tend to like a substantial dinner more than snacking.

Sorry to hear that you are having a problem around food and hope that you can make some good changes.

I haven’t read all the posts, sorry. I have had serious willpower issues which are related to a sugar addiction which has been, at times, uncontrollable. I am not overweight though. I do exercise a fair amount. I try to avoid sugary things completely as once I start I can sometimes find it impossible to stop. I started to develop bulimia as a means to control the weight as I was unable to control the addiction.

Thankfully I have been able to bring it under control these last couple of years and the bulimia is a thing of the past (mostly!).

I am in the fourth week of a 12 week programme on an App called Second Nature. I would really recommend it. The recipes are great. The science is interesting and pitched at the right level (I have tried Noom but it was too dumbed down and I felt overloaded with too much information and too many different concepts to digest in too short a space of time). This app allows you to digest each concept a week at a time and you join a group who are all working through the programme at the same time. There is a trained nutritionist on hand to advise and support at all times. It basically gives you an understanding of why we have developed habits which are not healthy and it works on gradually forming new habits which support a healthier lifestyle. The mantra is “progress not perfection” so it isn’t extreme, but gentle and doable. I’m so glad I found this App. It’s not that cheap, but it is only 12 weeks and it’s been wonderful for me. I feel fantastic, I sleep better, I understand my body, and I’ve lost 6lbs (I only wanted to lose 12lbs so I’m pleased to be at this stage by week 4). I haven’t felt hungry either.

I’m not on commission! But if you can afford it and would like to lose weight and develop a healthier mindset then I would genuinely recommend it.

Good luck on whatever journey you decide on x

I have enjoyed reading other points of view, and have read most posts so, unless I have missed something I'm glad that this hasn't turned into a fat shaming thread.

I am not holier than thou about "unhealthy" foods, but I find that as I get older my appetite has decreased. I have a sweet tooth. I can bake, but I choose not to very often because if I did I would be the size of a house.

I am inclined to agree with the posters who said that they were brought up to eat healthy food. My mum was Cordon Bleu trained, and we had a large garden where we grew lots of vegetables, and a fruit cage where there was lots of fruit. My mum cooked everything from scratch, even bread.

As a result, I have always loved healthy foods as well as not so healthy foods. I love salad - I mean I really, really love salad, and would rather have a salad with lasagne than chips (I couldn't manage lasagne and chips anyway).

People not liking food baffle me. It is one of life's pleasures. That said, people who say they are addicted to chocolate or ice cream also baffle me.

Because I have an eating disorder which doesn’t allow me to even eat a normal amount.

Loving reading these responses! So interesting!

A few years ago I was involved in a study about this. All my exercise and food was tracked for a week- and the findings were really surprising to me. I thought I just had 'good genes' and was lucky, because I thought I ate badly. Here's what it found though:

1. I do significantly more exercise than I think. Basically, even as a teacher I'm really active. I do a lot of random walking around. I would always have done 10000 steps by break time, for example, and probably closer to double that daily. If you don't sit down during lessons (and a lot of teachers don't), you're actually clocking up a lot!
2. Even when I'm sitting down in the evenings I'm restless. So I wriggle my legs, or tap my fingers or something. I rarely actually sit still- which uses up way more calories than you'd think.
3. I don't eat that badly. I would go crazy and have a whole packet of Jaffa cakes in one sitting or something, but that looms much bigger in my mind than the frequency with which I do it. I also under eat on other days without noticing.

Good luck OP (and everyone else! Looking forward to reading more!)

I haven’t read all the posts, so sorry if someone has already mentioned this, but is this a reverse?
I eat 3 good, healthy meals a day. Almost always cooked from scratch and I avoid processed foods as they effect my sleep and general feeling of well being. I don’t snack and I don’t have crisps, cakes, chocolate etc in the house because I really don’t enjoy them. Yet since I hit 40 and then a hysterectomy at 43, I really haven’t been able to control my weight!
I’ve rarely in my life been super skinny, but bounced around between a size 10-14 since my mid 20’s to 40’s and was more or less happy with that, Emotional state effected my weight somewhat ( I loose any appetite when I’m stressed/upset/unhappy and have suffered with bulimia throughout my life).
I’m currently a size 16-18 and have changed nothing in my eating habits (except perhaps having the bulimia under control as I’m in a good place mentally). If anything I restrict more than I used to!
For someone to post that they eat tubs of ice cream and that’s why there obese really upsets me. Do people really eat like that on a regular basis! Your trying to say that all obese people have no self control and eat shit constantly!
Unfortunately I think genes do have a huge amount to play in your weight.

i am now overweight, but wasnt untill i hit 55. I now eat 3 meals a day mostly quite healthy but i do eat too many carbs, which i think is why im overweight.
Previous i only ate when stomach rumbled/ i went lightheaded or realised id not eaten all day. I was a size 8-10 uk.
Ive read/watched something recently that said people over weight tend to eat 3 set regular meals in general, possibly snacks in between.
Those that get used to being hungry stay slim, they just ignore their hunger.
Not sure how correct this is?
Im the opposite to most of previous posters, i HAVE to have things in the house i crave, or i have been known to get dressed and go find them even in the middle of the night, if they are in the cupboard i dont crave them, ive still got chocolate in my fridge from last Christmas, same when i stopped smoking 15years ago, i had over 6 cartons of 200 cigarettes in the house, every time id gone 3 months i gave away a 200 carton, untill i got to the last one, then i opened it and gave each packet away untill last packet of 20 which i opened and gave away a few cigarettes each time, i still have 1 cigarette in a drawer. Odd but works for me. Id say try a few different ways until you find what works for you, dont buy family sized packets buy a single packet and try and spread across 2 days then extend it if you can. There to my knowledge is no stop button the more we eat the more we crave. So just cut down i now eat off a side plate instead of a dinner plate. I also reward myself occasionally with one of my favourite treats just so i dont feel too deprived.
Interesting Seaswell about the carb addition.

I finish eating when I am full; it really is that simple. It was how I was brought up. I never made my children eat all of their meals up - when full stop !!! They are both slim healthy adults. I can't imagine indulging in huge amounts of anything.

I happen to love vegetables.
I only eat when I am hungry. I stop before I feel too full as I hate that feeling.
I don’t eat dinner late.
I do not stress eat- Infact I cannot eat if upset.
I don’t really like cakes. Chocolate, puddings etc- never have even as a child.
I do love crisps cheese and alcohol though.
Food just doesn’t matter much to me . I never think” oh it’s lunch I must eat” if I’m hungry I will, if I’m not I won’t, same goes for dinner.

I crave and eat what I want but physically can't just keep eating. I get full fast. I'm not think but not obese either (size uk 14)

*thin!

I really have to be careful with what I eat. Four years ago I started slimming world and with in 18 months, lost 4 stone. I went from a size 18 and I am now a size 10. I have kept the weight of for over 2 years. It doesn't work for everyone but this diet works for me. I am good all week but at the weekend I will have 1 take-away either on a Friday or Saturday night plus a couple of drinks. It really helps me focus on the other days as I feel I have a treat once a week. Also. I excerise alot with classes, dog walking and my job. I am nearly 50 so have to work hard on keeping my weight down.
When I go on Holiday I know I will put on weight but as soon as I am home I will work hard to get back into shape. Never had to when I was younger, could eat anything and lose weight.

I’m fairly slim, and I eat the carbs, the ice cream, the cake, the biscuits. The difference between me and my obese friends is portions. I’m strict at sticking to two biscuits or one cake or a few squares of chocolate. I weigh pasta and rice before cooking it, so that I only make one serving per person (unless I’m deliberately making leftovers). And then you get used to those portions.
I do think it’s easier psychologically for some people than others though. I’ve been larger (not huge, but gained weight as a side effect of medication) and it made me miserable. It’s not quite “nothing tastes as good as skinny feels” but I suppose it’s close. Whereas other people have other pathologies, or unhealthy relationships with food. It’s definitely a mental health issue as well as a physical health one.