Why aren’t you obese?

[Spottyphonecase24]

A bit of a weird one but I have just got off a zoom call with my therapist. We were talking about my weight (I am obese).

Why isn’t everyone else obese? What stops you? I don’t seem to have an off button. I remember going from a 10 to a 12 and thinking that’s it I’m not going to get any bigger but I did and now I am in a size 24 and they are getting a bit tight. I’ve read lots about how people have their light bulb moment to lose weight and that has not happened to me, or maybe it has and I’ve ignored it.

What stops you eating a tub of icecream or picking up a large bar of chocolate instead of a small one or one bag of crisps instead of a family size bag?

I honestly don’t know the reasons why people don’t eat more. Is it will power, feeling full?

It was harder for me to stay slim before I had kids, I had to plenty of downtime to slob out on the couch and snack! So my advice would be keep busy. I try to make healthy lunches in advance (like a huge pot of lentil soup for the week) otherwise I don't have time to make something so I'll overeat once I'm starving. Then rushing around until dinner, then pretty early bed because my youngest barely sleeps.

Lockdown ruined me. I was fit and well on the way to my target weight. And then suddenly I had to work the worlds most stressful job at home with a then 2 and 5 year old under my feet. It all went to shit and I’ve never been able to claw it back.

I don’t want to stop eating. I don’t want to cut down on wine (not that I overdo it often but I know it’s empty calories). Because sometimes I feel like it’s the only thing to look forward to of an evening.

I am DESPERATE to find the motivation.

I also lack the imagination to eat healthily on a budget.

Main thing for me is vanity.

I look about 7 years younger and my face looks so much better at a healthy weight. I look ruddy and homely at a size 14, at a size 8/10 I look sexier and more glamorous. Life is easier like that.

Plus all the good stuff about being healthy, clean eating, not eating shit food with crap e numbers, sugars etc etc.

I have been obese, now for the first time in my adult life I am at a healthy weight.

1. getting over that a lot of slim people will always be slim and this may be unfair but that's life. Yes Pauline on the desk opposite me can eat three meals a day, plus snacks and wine and stay a size 8. Knowing this doesn't make me any thinner!
2. intermittent fasting is the only way I could reset my idea of what full is. Also meant I didn't have to limit what I ate when I ate. Life is too short to eat lettuce taco rolls, I'd rather wait to eat until teatime and then eat proper corn tortillas with a side salad.
3. I also never felt full and never really felt hungry. I will probably always feel that way. My earliest memories are of feeling hungry, of dreaming of food, of sitting through church with a rumbling stomach waiting to get to the drafty lounge for a stale custard cream. Food is a massive part of life and enjoyment for me. I don't ever want to lose that.
4. the reason this country struggles with weight is that crap food is way way too cheap. Chocolate is a treat in other countries but here it is at five different parts in most shops and is always on offer. Try to see it as a con and don't buy into it. Once I saw resisting this stuff as part of 'sticking it to the man' it became easier.

I don’t really like those kinds of foods. My Mum cooked very healthy food, nothing processed, due mainly to the fact we were poor, so she made everything herself.
As I get older, I like sweet stuff even less.
I wouldn’t have an off button, and if I liked that food, I’d eat it too. I love liquorice and can’t control myself, and eat the whole bag in one sitting. So I just don’t buy it.
So to answer the question, I put it down to how I was raised and the foods I was given. I have developed a taste for fruit and vegetables (genuinely love them) for example. What did you eat growing up?

I’ve not read the full thread
I am obese,I use food to cope ,with what I didn’t realise was undiagnosed autism and ocd ,and quite possibly adhd..I’m just now going through the assessment process..food has always been my coping mechanism…
Need to find a new one ,will read the full thread later ,hoping there ‘might be some good ideas on here x

rarely ever buy rubbish food or takeaways. I eat what I like, but I definitely pay attention to how much sugar and calories I'm taking in. I avoid mindless eating. I don't snack in front of the telly, I don't eat after dinner, and I rarely snack during the day. I don't drink my calories, aside from the smoothies I have for breakfast a couple of days a week. I only drink tea or water, which is great for me because I don't like soda or squash.

Pretty much the same here although I do snack. I enjoy nicer quality foods anyway. E.g. a nice meal out for my wouldn't be hunters chicken or a Nandos. I would rather sea bass, potatoes and samphire.

However, I do have a relatively big appetite. I could buy the large chocolate bar but I don't as I think I just want a little treat and I wouldn't want the calories of the big bar.

I run, swim and do yoga to combat the fact that I eat a bit more and like to feel fit.

I don't buy junk foods for the house. We don't have crisps, chocolate and ice cream just lying around to be eaten as to me thats pointless calories. I buy ice cream if we are having guests over and it's part of the dessert but that's it.

I quite bluntly don't want to be fat either. If I have a couple of weeks where I eat more junk or exercise less I make a decision to stop and curb it. If I put a few pounds on I make sure they go again.

I love the feeling of feeling good from eating well and exercising and can't bear the sluggish feeling after days of junk food.

I've no willpower at all and the only way I can manage my weight is to not have any indulgent food in the house. If I have one chocolate, cake or biscuit, the pack will be finished in hours and I'll be looking for more. So I buy food that has to be made into meals and rarely eat pasta, bread, rice, potatoes or sugar and I don't drink alcohol. You must imagine I'm a slender sylph. Sadly not, could definitely benefit from losing a stone or two.

I’ve recognised that I find it relatively easy to avoid starting eating something I crave, but almost impossible to stop, so I don’t start.

I’ve also realised that I get the most joy from thinking about/ ordering/ buying food and not from actually eating it. This realisation has made it much easier to rationalise with myself that whatever I’m planning on eating really isn’t worth it and I would be, overall, much happier if I eat a healthier meal.

I also try to consider that healthier foods make me feel much better physically; when I’m eating unhealthy foods it’s clear after a short while that my body really doesn’t appreciate it.

You have a carb addiction. Not everyone does. You should check out the carb addiction doc on YouTube

What stops me is the fear of getting fat outweighs my craving for food.

During first lockdown I put on 2 stone - eating/drinking too much and not exercising. It was the biggest id been and none of my clothes fit so I started to cut back. I lost a stone and am now working on losing the next stone. Whenever I fancy a donut or an extra portion of pasta I remember that feeling of not having anything to wear and it stops me.

Yes agree, it's a kind of addiction you get a high from certain foods, I don't crave foods much although I'd probably have a glass of wine than a cake but even then not much

Of course one good point is NEVER to go shopping when you're hungry because you'll buy the whole shop. Try not to buy the bad stuff in the first place, or if you know you'll get a craving, only get a small one and ration yourself. Drink much much more water, even before a meal. I think I'd feel sick eating a whole tub of ice cream or bar of chocolate. However, there are these M&S biccies that are heavenly and I had 5 in one go the other day

Because I don’t eat that much above my calorie needs for the day & if I’m getting a bit bigger I try to cut down. I have always hovered within the same 10lbs or so, but I’m def the higher side atm!
I have a relative like you who was slim as a young adult, but is now obese (possibly morbidly) and has a multitude of MH and physical health issues. They are late 50s and less mobile than relatives in their 80s. It’s sad.
I was a v slim child & teen, never been above a 12, (apart from Post/pregnancy), I haven’t got a massive appetite, but I do like crap so have to be mindful esp as I’m entering the menopause.

A combination of things.

The main one is probably that I just don't have the appetite to eat a whole tub of icecream. I would feel sick and stop. That has nothing to do with willpower - it's just how my body is.

Exercise is the other big one. I put on a bit of weight after DC3 and it wasn't until I started exercising properly - regular running - that it shifted. I can put on weight if I'm ill or injured and can't run for a few days, but don't adjust my food intake, but it tends to only be by 3 or 4 pounds and then it comes off again once I'm back running.

I also tend to get 'stuck' on a particular type of food for a while. I'll only want a particular meal or crave a single, specific snack. It might be a particular flavour of biscuit or crisp or a specific type of chocolate, but it means that there's a limit to how much of it I can eat before I get bored of it. I'll want it again later, but a bar of chocolate or a tube of pringles or whatever can last me several days, eaten in mini-binges. It also means that when I run out of whatever it is, I won't start on something else - I'll just wait until I can pick up another bar/tub of that particular thing. So slightly addictive cravings I suppose, but for something very specific - usually with a strong or unusual flavour - rather than for food generally.

Just had a thought. OP, one doesn't consciously choose to eat everything in sight without good reason. Your brain has no food sensor to put it in another way. Are you on any meds that you think might be contributing to the cravings ?

I have to limit food in the house, easier now no kids live full time with us. I don't buy cakes, biscuits etc. I buy quite a lot of preportioned carbs eg mash, rice which means we only eat one portion each. We do drink which means I'm overweight but it's under control

I’ve found meal planning really helpful. Batch cooking is also great for those nights where I might eat a pizza or a take away. Having something healthy and easy in the freezer makes it much easier to avoid that lazy option.

Yesterday:
B:9 am poached egg on granary toast(no butter as I’ve never liked it,) black coffee(no sugar,) tsp of ketchup.
L:1pm handful of almonds(20,) apple, banana and satsuma.1 rye bread toast from IKEA with humous.
D: 6pm. egg noodle and veg stir fry with a baked salmon fillet with 5 spice and lime.
Several cups of tea with skimmed milk(done like taste of other milk) and lots of water all day.
Walked for an hour and a half with dog in two walks.
This morning was first thing I’ve eaten since dinner. I’ve had half a hass avocado mashed onto a piece of granary toast with a drizzle of hot sauce, plus a cup of tea.

Half term this week so times are different. Normally breakfast at 7 and lunch at 12. Usually take a salad with tuna or feta to work with fruit.

I am different with ice cream than I am with chocolate.
I can't resist milk chocolate and will quickly demolish any that is in the house. So I don't buy it any more. DH prefers dark chocolate and I can't binge on that.
I like my ice cream in a pretty fruit bowl. I may add other sugar- based products to my portion and them some fruit to try to alleviate some of the guilt! I'm not interested in eating it from the carton, and although my portion is not in any way satisfying I may follow it with another dessert, perhaps cake, rather than more ice cream.
You will see that I eat too much sugar.
However, some things in my favour are that I don't eat takeaways or ready meals as I prefer home cooking from scratch. I'm vegetarian and dislike fried food. I eat breakfast as late as possible and try not to snack in the evenings (rarely works completely but I do keep trying).
Both DH and I are at the upper end of a healthy BMI so could do to lose a stone apiece, but we aren't (technically) overweight.
This thread had been great. Thanks, OP. Such a variety of insights and it shows how different people are. It had inspired me to try a bit harder to cut back on sugar.
Now I'm off to do some baking with the granddaughters.
None of us are perfect. Just keep smiling and trying, OP. Never give up!

I have to have cast iron willpower to avoid becoming overweight. I gain weight incredibly easily, always have. And now I'm over 40 it's even worse. Unfortunately I also love food and wine. Ive learned I have to be incredibly disciplined. The only think that works for me is planning. So knowing what I'm going to eat in the day for all three Meals, and sticking to it.
I allow myself some leeway-if I'm going out for dinner or for drinks or whatever, I don't say no to what I fancy- but whereas in the past I would have woken up on the day of and thought 'sod it I'm out for dinner this evening so I might as well have a full English, a lasagne for lunch, snacks and whatever else because the day is already a write off in dietary terms', I now limit that to the event itself and eat more lightly around it.
When I first started this I would plan the weeks eating actually on paper which made me more accountable. Now I don't need to do that as it's become more habitual, but I can easily fall off the wagon if I don't pay attention.
I'm currently a 12 whereas my ideal weight for me is about half a stone lighter, so lately I haven't been quite as Strict with myself and I need to get it in check.

My friend had a gastric sleeve. The surgeon removed part of her stomach I don't know the correct terminology, something about hunger hormones from her gut, she doesn't feel hungry anymore, she battled hungry with yoyo dieting for years.
She has lost 6stone.
If I was in your situation and could afford it, I'd have surgery.

It just wouldn't occur to me to eat a whole massive bar of chocolate or a whole tub of ice cream. In fact the thought of it makes me feel quite sick.

I am overweight so not perfect in any way. My vice is wine rather than food.