Why aren’t you obese?

[Spottyphonecase24]

A bit of a weird one but I have just got off a zoom call with my therapist. We were talking about my weight (I am obese).

Why isn’t everyone else obese? What stops you? I don’t seem to have an off button. I remember going from a 10 to a 12 and thinking that’s it I’m not going to get any bigger but I did and now I am in a size 24 and they are getting a bit tight. I’ve read lots about how people have their light bulb moment to lose weight and that has not happened to me, or maybe it has and I’ve ignored it.

What stops you eating a tub of icecream or picking up a large bar of chocolate instead of a small one or one bag of crisps instead of a family size bag?

I honestly don’t know the reasons why people don’t eat more. Is it will power, feeling full?

The problem is that for most of us who are overweight or obese we can't eat until we're full because we rarely or ever feel full. We just don't recognise that stop point.

This is interesting @Fatflump. So you don't feel full, but do you still, genuinely, feel hungry? Or just not 'hungry', but not 'full' either?

Sometimes it's like your brain is hungry. There's no tummy rumbling kind of hunger after you've already eaten plenty but more a feeling of a general emptiness. Like a bottomless pit.

That's my experience anyway

I don't understand people who don't enjoy eating or never feel hungry.

I'm slim, but I love my food. I live to eat, I don't eat to live. I just eat in moderation.

DH & I are both slender.
We love our food.
But only until we're full.

@N4ish

I think it must be willpower for me - sometimes I really, really want to finish off the whole pack of biscuits but somehow I make myself stop at 2. Doesn't always work but I can usually manage it.

Recognising eating triggers also helps - so being able to differentiate real hunger from just boredom or comfort eating

I can not have the biscuits, but if I start them I eat the whole packet. I wish I could do 2, I try but then 2 more and 2 more.

I think genetics are on my side, but i don't take it for granted. I want to nourish myself well and take care of myself so i can have as long and as healthy a life possible. There are so may horrible unexpected health things that can creep up, so why deliberately do harmful things? I like wine, chocolate, crisps etc but in moderation.

I think people are drawn to different ways of eating. I hate being hungry so I tend to eat a lot of food but no sweet things. Some of my friends seem to eat hardly anything but still eat cake/ sweet things. We all need to make decisions about how and what to eat and it's a constant minefield!

I have an intense job wfh that needs a lot of concentration. When I would take a break I'd want a snack for something 'to chew'. Sounds weird but it was like it would get my brain going again. I tried to keep it healthy ish with crunchy things like celery or a few nuts but I was definitely eating too much. When I moved over to 16:8 I got out of that grazing mindset. Also crap carbs like white bread make me ravenous!

The problem is that for most of us who are overweight or obese we can't eat until we're full because we rarely or ever feel full. We just don't recognise that stop point.

To be fair I hadn't thought about this until the thread. I (ignorantly it seems) assumed that people pushed by it because they were either enjoying their food/comfort eating or had larger appetites. I find it intriguing that some people dont have that uncomfortable bloated feeling as it such a noticeable feeling to me. That said my friend diesnt understand how I am not hungry in the mornings, I just dont feel it and my appetite doesnt start up until around lunchtime. So I suppose it's the same.

I've hardly ever eaten set meals as an adult like breakfast, lunch,dinner etc.. I only ever eat when I'm hungry. So some days I'll eat absolutely loads and other days I may only have a few bites of something. I don't restrict myself of anything so I don't really crave much as I can have it whenever. Always been between a size 10 or 12 (5ft6), but if a size 12 ever starts feeling tight I exercise daily for a few weeks

Obviously I don't speak for all fat people...but for me, I feel hungry almost all the time. When I have a meal, once I start eating then of course the initial gnawing hunger abates after a few mouthfuls but after that I very rarely reach a point of 'oh I've eaten enough' or that I couldn't manage another mouthful and push my plate away, with a few forkfuls left, for example.

If I've eaten a LOT of carbs in one sitting, or on Christmas Day after I've had a huge roast dinner I do feel full. But that's probably the only time.

Hence why if I want to lose weight I have to very carefully limit what I eat, because I can't trust myself to eat until I'm full.

I try not to buy stuff I can binge on. If I do, for example in the weekly shop, it's gone within 24 hours so I do binge then, but then it's gone.

I'm also starting to realise that I feel shit when I eat unhealthily.

Having said that, I definitely still eat way too much sugar and carbs - I am just lucky to have a fast metabolism. Even when I was heavily bingeing regularly probably like you are I was only a size 14-16. I'm now a size 10.

@Fatflump I think this is an alien concept to a lot of 'naturally slim' people. Like my immediate response reading your post is, 'are you actually hungry all the time, or just not "completely full up, can't eat another bite"?' Which is out of order of me to think of course. I do know that when I eat, when I finish I could probably eat 'more', 'fit more in', but I'm not physically properly hungry anymore iyswim. If I go out to eat or get say a chippy takeaway, that's the only time I come out feeling like I couldn't eat another bite (large cod and large chips, yes please, oh just a few more chips, they taste so good...) but is that the end goal for some people all the time? To completely 'fill up' and anything less is 'still hungry'?

I sound so ignorant, sorry.

I worked out a long time ago I don't have normal hunger and full signals, part of it stems from autism where body awareness is poor. I would eat out of habit, graze or because it was mealtimes and I was expected to eat then. I also don't experience a feeling of fullness until my belly is literally bursting with food and painful.

I have mostly solved that by eating in a 2 hour window every day. I am actually feeling hunger when I go 22 hours without food and try not to let myself get to the belly hurting phase when I eat.

It involves a lot of willpower at first. When I finally reach the point where I feel “fat”, I cut down. All sweets and snacks out of the house. Then it takes about five days of seriously watching my intake to adjust and lose cravings. Keep all junk food out of your house. Then get into a new eating routine and commit to walking once or twice a day. For me it’s about eliminating extra carbs and replacing them with healthier snacks.

Stressful job, 2 young DC and a busy schedule. I rarely have lunch, when I snack it's something healthy like a salad doing my marking at break/lunch time. I also try to make most my weekend activities "active" eg walk, trampoline park with the kids, swimming etc.

@InPraiseOfBacchus

It's a good question.

I struggle with a huge number of obesity risk factors - chronic pain with limited mobility. PCOS and hormone imbalances which make me put on weight extremely easily. Along with this, I live with our good friends Depression and Anxiety. I'm also pretty sure I've inherited my family genes of having zero self control when there's food around.

However, I'm a size UK8-10 and 65kg (5' 10).

It's CONSTANT work to maintain my current weight, but it's work that I decided to do. I spent months counting calories, and now have the knowledge and planning to eat around 1200 calories a day, as I discovered this was my metabolism's "magic number" whether I liked it or not. I go to the gym twice a week. I walk everywhere when I can. I treat sugar like poison. I make this choice every day. There's no magic wand and, yes, some days it sucks!

Basically, I stopped making excuses. I decided I was going to be responsible for being overweight, or responsible for being slim. For me, the impact on my mobility, overall health, and appearance was/is worth the work.

Some people have different priorities regarding their weight/food habits, and they are no less valid than me.

I've also got PCOS and ADHD. It's a constant struggle to be a healthy weight, but I keep to a BMI of about 24 in a few ways:

1. 16:8 fasting, or sometimes 20:4 or OMAD if I feel like it.

2. I live in a city where I walk everywhere. Plus there's just a general culture of "thinness" - I'm one of the largest people I know and am regularly the fattest person in meetings at work etc. I wear a size 8-10

3. Exercise - dog walking, spinning, yoga, lifting twice a week. I've put on 12lbs of muscle over the last couple of years and though I'm not lighter I look so much better.

4. Dumb luck that I don't have a sweet tooth and don't like junk food. I'm also not a snacker. My dad is Greek, so I generally stick to a Mediterranean diet - lots of lean meat and good fats and veggies. Oh and bread - I couldn't quit toast forever.

I eat smaller portions because I remember how uncomfortable it is to feel full. I exercise even when I don't want to. I also set rules for myself, such as certain foods at certain times, limiting 'treat evenings' to only once or twice a week, otherwise not eating in the evening. I don't eat breakfast just vitamins and an actimel but that cuts me down to two meals a day and my lunch is small.

I also cut out unhealthy habits years ago when I was overweight. So weaned myself off squash to just water, no fizzy drinks which I never crave now, cut down to no sugar in tea, no white bread etc or extremely rarely. Dessert not an everyday thing. Oh I also use a locked safe for treat foods like crisps and chocolate. Because it's not in sight, it's in another room from the kitchen. I'm not reminded I have them every time I open cupboards. So I genuinely don't think about the treat foods I have until I have reason to open the safe (eg I'm about to watch a film or something)

I understand cravings though. When I was in the habit of eating sweets chocolate every evening, it was super hard to cut that out. Same with sugar. Same when I used to eat 3 decent meals a day, but once you get over that initial hump of readjusting, you lose that hunger and cravings, which I think are largely habit based

I am not obese for these reasons

• vanity

• health , I want to live as well and as long as I can so I generally choose healthy food
• I am an older mum so want to look after my body
• I am lucky because I like veg and fruit
• I exercise most days
• my will power I reasonably strong . Don't know if this is genetic or not .
• I love chocolate , wine and ice cream but have in moderation

[quote Sparklfairy]@Fatflump I think this is an alien concept to a lot of 'naturally slim' people. Like my immediate response reading your post is, 'are you actually hungry all the time, or just not "completely full up, can't eat another bite"?' Which is out of order of me to think of course. I do know that when I eat, when I finish I could probably eat 'more', 'fit more in', but I'm not physically properly hungry anymore iyswim. If I go out to eat or get say a chippy takeaway, that's the only time I come out feeling like I couldn't eat another bite (large cod and large chips, yes please, oh just a few more chips, they taste so good...) but is that the end goal for some people all the time? To completely 'fill up' and anything less is 'still hungry'?

I sound so ignorant, sorry.[/quote]
My goal isn't always to feel like I am stuffed, but I only ever feel like that very rarely. I think many posters are saying they would always feel like that if they ate certain meals, or a large bar of chocolate, or several slices of bread. I don't feel like that in any of those situations.

For me, the immediate hunger stops after a bite or two. I don't feel desperately hungry after a couple of mouthfuls, but there's nothing after that unless I'm eating the one or two meals I've mentioned where i do feel full. No other feeling really.

I remember at uni a friend telling me the key to losing weight was to eat when you were hungry. At that time I maintained myself between 10 and 11st by eating 1 meal a day plus either a cup a soup or an apple. I had no idea how to only eat when I was hungry because I was always hungry!

interrobanger could you direct me to anything helpful for ND people in the area of food, please? Any books or you tubers or tips? Thanks

@MissCruellaDeVil Just to give an alternative perspective - lots of overweight people (including me) are in similar circumstances to you (busy, kids, active weekends etc). But that doesn’t stop me from overeating. For some of us, stress and busyness makes us eat more.

The 'naturally slim' people I know just aren't into food. They eat for fuel, not because they particularly enjoy eating. They can leave half a sandwich.
That is true.
My Dsis day dream's about her lunch while eating breakfast.
Food isn't a big thing for me.
I've experienced the hunger when I started new medication, I put on 13lb.
I lost it again once the medication settled another thing with naturally slimmer people is they rarely sit down they're fidgety.

@Anoisagusaris
Sorry my previous post could come across like that. I too am prone to overeating so have to keep busy to distance myself from the food. Online shopping helps as well as I'm less likely to pick up unhealthy snacks like chocolates and sweets whilst I'm there. During lockdown I did put quite a bit of weight on as had unlimited access to food and felt a bit like what's the point with eating healthy.