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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Why aren’t you obese?

961 replies

Spottyphonecase24 · 26/10/2021 14:11

A bit of a weird one but I have just got off a zoom call with my therapist. We were talking about my weight (I am obese).

Why isn’t everyone else obese? What stops you? I don’t seem to have an off button. I remember going from a 10 to a 12 and thinking that’s it I’m not going to get any bigger but I did and now I am in a size 24 and they are getting a bit tight. I’ve read lots about how people have their light bulb moment to lose weight and that has not happened to me, or maybe it has and I’ve ignored it.

What stops you eating a tub of icecream or picking up a large bar of chocolate instead of a small one or one bag of crisps instead of a family size bag?

I honestly don’t know the reasons why people don’t eat more. Is it will power, feeling full?

OP posts:
WTFCanIDoAboutThis · 26/10/2021 19:28

My weight has fluctuated my whole life and I can probably be described as having an unhealthy relationship with food. I'm a healthy eater (don't eat much junk) but if I allow myself I just eat too much. What stops me being obese is that I don't allow myself to buy a larger size of clothing. So if I put on too much weight that my clothes start getting tight I won't buy anything until I can fit back into the clothes I already own. That's how I control it. As I've got older (menopausal) I now control my weight and health with intermittent fasting - it works for me and I don't have to restrict what I eat.

secretbookcase · 26/10/2021 19:28

@beautifullymad

It's leptin. The only only way to comfortably lose weight and remain slim is not to feel hungry. Reducing carbs and increasing protein and good fat stops the hunger. You feel full until you are truly hungry.

And an overweight person with lots of extra fat to burn just won't feel hungry. It's a strange sensation.

You don't lose weight consciously, you just forget to eat. Having gone from obese to normal BMI I was amazed at how easy it was. I lost 4 stone without trying and felt a fraud when people congratulated me.

I keep my carbs to within 40 a day. I use low carb bread, low carb noodles and celeriac instead of potato. Small changes make the difference.

If you rely on will power you'll always feel you are failing. I can't not eat if I'm hungry, that's why I was obese size 20 for a decade. Why should this be down to willpower when so many others just maintain a low weight with no effort!

@beautifullymad - what started you off? Is there a book or diet that you followed to make those changes? Sounds good to me.
AramintaLee · 26/10/2021 19:29

I've learned to stop eating as soon as I feel full. I've found if I eat to excess, I end up in physical pain and I pay the price.

I also find that when I have junk food, I dont feel great afterwards. Its tasty at the time and really hits the spot, but that sluggish feeling afterwards? No thanks. Therefore I only have junk food very rarely as a treat.

So yeah, stopping when I'm full, eating healthy, resisting junk food and exercising daily keeps me slim.

CombatBarbie · 26/10/2021 19:33

I have/had a very fast metabolism despite not being very active and have a sedentary job role. Luck I guess..... It is slowing though, I have crept from a 10-12 in last year or 2 and cannot shift 1/2 a stone.... I'm at peace with it now. I always joked it would catch up with me one day. I was the person who's desk you'd come too if you were peckish or fancied chocolate or sweets.... My desk was always covered in tubs of it.

MadKittenWoman · 26/10/2021 19:39

Don't have the stuff in the house. Our addictions are chocolate and savoury snacks, so we just don't buy them.

We have a low carb diet (occasionally going full-on keto) and weigh ourselves every day with body composition scales to track what's going on. Usually have a BMI of 22.5 - 23. Some up or down changes day-to-day are entirely normal, but if the weight goes up and up and up over several days, then it's time to do something about it.

We've just got back from a long weekend away so we ate what we liked. We did a lot of walking but have still put on a bit so it's time to go easy for a few days.

Violinist64 · 26/10/2021 19:44

I have a couple of medical conditions that make it very difficult for me to lose weight and all too easy to put it on plus a genetic component. The biggest l have been was size 18-20 but I have mostly been between sizes 14-18 depending on whether or not I have consciously been trying to lose weight. Last year I discovered 16/8 intermittent fasting and found it easy not to eat until 12/1 pm. I usually have porridge at this time as it has a lot of nutritional value and is very filling. I love vegetables which helps too. I generally drink sugarless tea or coffee with a little milk. I don’t much like fizzy drinks or alcohol so rarely have them. I like chocolate and ice cream but could not eat a whole tub or family size bar as l would feel sick, guilty and disgusted with myself. Difficult though it is when you have got into a habit self-discipline does play a part. I am now a size 12-14 or medium and happy with this. Like this others, I think vanity does play a part as, like others, I like wearing nice clothes and looking good in them. Also, covid is still around and we know that obesity is a factor in it. If I were you, OP, I would try to start losing weight now and let your size 24 clothes become looser and fit you rather than buy ever larger sizes. Also, I have recommended this book many times but Why We Eat (Too Much) by Dr. Andrew Jenkinson is very readable and helpful.
One other thing. Several posters have mentioned having treat food around for their children. Why? Although not completely banned, my children rarely had such things when they were growing up and as a result do not crave them now and are very healthy.

GettingItOutThere · 26/10/2021 19:46

i have weight to shift but im not to overweight but i do not snack between meals.

I walk, swim, cycle when I can.

I have 3 meals a day (small), and yes i still eat chocolate (my weakness!), every few nights, not even sorry about it,.!

Violinist64 · 26/10/2021 19:48

Also, congratulations to the posters who have been brave enough to talk about having bariatric surgery. It is certainly not an easy option but a tool to help make the right choices to lose weight. Well done on the weight you have lost.

pompomsgalore · 26/10/2021 19:52

Also I used to eat because I felt a pang of hunger. I know now that I don't have to act on that pang every time. I just acknowledge it and carry on.

NeverChange · 26/10/2021 19:54

A few reasons but I realise they are different for everyone.

Denying myself some of the junk I want to eat is worth it because if I don't watch my watch it impacts my self esteem.

I eat healthy Mon-Thursday so I can balance what I want at the weekend.

I don't keep a lot of unhealthy food in the house so have to make a conscious decision to go out and get it or order it if I want something that's not good for me. Usually the craving disappears before I make the effort.

I do not buy multi packs. I know you pay as much early for one chocolate bar as some multi packs but if I have the multi packs I will get the all.

My skin breaks out if I eat a lot of bad food so I am conscious of that.

I also have a built in correction action weight. I have 3 weights in my head. My current/usual weight, my ideal weight which is a stone lighter and my max weight which is a stone heavier than my typical weight. This is where it impacts self esteem and how positive I feel about myself and if I see it on the scales (typically I know I'm there before I step on it),then I cut back and cut out all junk and do more exercise to get me back to normal.

NeverChange · 26/10/2021 19:56

Also if I drink fizzy drinks, I tend to crave more rubbish food so I just cut them out completely.

TheCategoryIs · 26/10/2021 19:57

From where I am, I don't want to have to buy new clothes. I have a nice wardrobe of carefully acquired stuff and can't face the idea of starting again. My clothes fall better when I am lighter.

pucelleauxblanchesmains · 26/10/2021 19:58

Uh in my case I have a chronic illness that makes me feel too sick to eat much most of the time.

littleburn · 26/10/2021 20:02

Really reducing carbs and sugar and eating more protein, plus only eating in an 8 hour window (the 16:8 rule). I don't get the insulin peaks and troughs and generally don't feel that hungry that often. And I'd characterise myself as an emotional eater.

DemBonesDemBones · 26/10/2021 20:03

I think a lot of the time it's lucky genes. Until I got really ill last year I could eat and eat and eat and remained a toned size 6/8-I definitely didn't do enough exercise to deserve to be toned and I definitely ate too much to deserve to be a size 6/8. I was always busy and on the move, but no conscious effort to do 'proper' exercise.
Since I've started getting better I am full much quicker but have also put on 3 stone that I can't shift. I could have done with some of the extra weight but I don't feel like 'me' so much now. But, I'm alive, and I spend more time upright than not so that's a bonus!

Chipsahoy · 26/10/2021 20:05

It’s genetics isn’t it? I am naturally slim and don’t gain weight, I struggle to keep it on.
My dh is opposite and gains very easily so has to be careful.
I would say his diet is healthier than mine and he has no sweet tooth. His positions are significantly bigger than mine. We just shared a pizza. I had two slices, he had the rest. I am full…

gofg · 26/10/2021 20:07

I do eat a tub of ice cream or a whole big bar of chocolate etc at one go

So do I - but I know that I can't control myself so I try not to buy them in the first place. Every now and again I weaken, but it's not too often. If I have treat food in the house I just can't make myself ration it out, so it's easier not to have it in the first place.

SuperbFoolish · 26/10/2021 20:07

Sometimes I binge all day on things like a whole tub of ice cream, a slab of chocolate, loads of toast with real butter etc.. But when I feel my trousers getting tighter after a few days, or my belly fat roll feeling bigger, I feel heavy, sluggish and disgusting and eat very little for a while to feel better again.
When I'm at my normal weight, I feel light on my feet, energetic and bubbly. If I'm heavier I feel introverted, grumpy, ashamed and want to hide away. So I choose light over darkness 😜

kowari · 26/10/2021 20:13

What stops you eating a tub of icecream or picking up a large bar of chocolate instead of a small one or one bag of crisps instead of a family size bag?
I don't like icecream that much. I like some icecream but after my local Tesco stopped stocking the Carte Dor chocolate, I just stopped buying any. I will occasionally buy a cone. I only like 85% cocoa or higher dark chocolate, it doesn't come in huge bars, I don't usually eat more than 50g a day as I just don't want more. I don't like crisps. It's mostly that I just don't like a lot of junk foods or they make me feel ill. I only like homemade cake and it can't be sickly sweet for example. Many supermarket junk foods give me headaches.

daffodils123 · 26/10/2021 20:13

@Spottyphonecase24

Thank you for replying. So do you not crave it at all? Have you always been like this or is it willpower?

I think it's more to do with

  1. type of food you eat.

Lots of processed foods are extremely fatty & full of calories, low in nutrition and you won't necessarily feel v full for long (e.g. I could eat three bags of crisps in a row and 1500 calories later would feel hungry within an hour or two)

  1. Basic self control

Based on my friends who are overweight, I notice they seem to snack a lot more or have a weird relationship with food (often talking about it, or what they "shouldn't/should eat or comfort eat). Generally don't think about food between meal times much, don't snack much & purposely don't buy unhealthy food at home to stop me eating it

Flouryfleur · 26/10/2021 20:17

Sugar is addictive. I've always been a healthy BMI but am prone to emotional eating.

I've gradually weaned myself off empty calories, eat wholefoods, lots of veggies and rarely snack.

That and keeping active by walking, cycling and housework.

Peaplant20 · 26/10/2021 20:18

Reasons I’m not obese:

  1. I don’t have the time to eat more than I do, I struggle to maintain my weight so would like to find time to eat a bit more!
  2. Money - my food bill is expensive enough
  3. I don’t really like alcohol and rarely drink it
  4. My back hurts if I eat to the point my stomach feels too full and it’s incredibly uncomfortable
TacoTues · 26/10/2021 20:18

I was obese for the last 15 years. Until this year.

I'm not obese now due to only eating lunch and dinner and no snacks.

To lose the weight I did the Fast 800. And now intermittent fasting and exercise keeps me at a healthy weight.

Insulin resistance is what made and kept me obese. And learning about it and how to reverse it is what means I'm no longer obese, or even overweight.

Peaplant20 · 26/10/2021 20:20

Oh and 5. I never because I’m bored, if I’m bored I’ll find something to do, eating wouldn’t make me less bored

RowanAlong · 26/10/2021 20:23

I couldn’t eat a tub of ice cream to myself without feeling sick, frankly. That’s for a family of four. I try to stop when I’m full otherwise my stomach feels awful. Also, I want to be happy with the way I look. I feel good about myself if I can fit in nice clothes, so try to eat healthily most of the time which includes watching portion control. Chocolate I could happily binge on but it gives me a headache so I know to stop.