Why aren’t you obese?

[Spottyphonecase24]

A bit of a weird one but I have just got off a zoom call with my therapist. We were talking about my weight (I am obese).

Why isn’t everyone else obese? What stops you? I don’t seem to have an off button. I remember going from a 10 to a 12 and thinking that’s it I’m not going to get any bigger but I did and now I am in a size 24 and they are getting a bit tight. I’ve read lots about how people have their light bulb moment to lose weight and that has not happened to me, or maybe it has and I’ve ignored it.

What stops you eating a tub of icecream or picking up a large bar of chocolate instead of a small one or one bag of crisps instead of a family size bag?

I honestly don’t know the reasons why people don’t eat more. Is it will power, feeling full?

I am very middle-aged but have never been overweight, mostly bordering on underweight if anything. I have no emotional connection to food whatsoever, although I struggle to eat when stressed. I rarely eat until full as I hate the feeling and hardly ever have pudding, apart from when eating out.
If I fancy something though, I'll have it, I don't think about it. I probably eat too many takeaways and never exercise so not a healthy lifestyle really.

I've eaten whatever I want today too. Porridge for breakfast, egg salad for lunch, pot of natural yogurt mid afternoon and chilli with rice for tea.
I think there is a big difference between people over what constitutes whatever they want.

I’m obese. I’m utterly ashamed of how I’ve let myself get this way. Issues with eating started in my teens and was wrapped up in family issues and low self esteem. Depressed has tracked me through most of my life and mentally I’m quite wrapped up with food to the point now that I don’t know what healthy foods I should eat. Obviously not crisps and biscuits etc. I have two children who are both severely disabled and life is very limited (one also has a medical condition meaning they cannot eat certain foods). I’m very aware I need to get a handle on things as being fat will limit my life and could bring about medical issues. I’m interested to see what people who are slim eat. It sounds for a lot of people that they don’t think about food whereas I think about it a lot.

I am obese but slowly losing weight.

I took up intermittent fasting and now only eat within a 2 hour window every day, although I do drink milky coffee which would generally be frowned on with fasting.

I also don't have proper hunger and full signals so having that simple rule of when I can eat makes a big difference. I let myself eat whatever I want during that time, sometimes it is healthy and sometimes it is a take away.

I also make sure I no longer buy the big bags of crisps or chocolates since I don't have self control around them. If I buy a family sized bag of M and Ms I will graze on them, if I buy the small bag I will eat that in one sitting but there is nothing to go back too.

What stops you eating a tub of icecream or picking up a large bar of chocolate instead of a small one or one bag of crisps instead of a family size bag?

I don’t buy it. I have had anorexia which turned into binge eating disorder so I have had quite a lot of therapy around my eating and understand my triggers well. If I know there’s crisps/ice cream/ chocolate in the cupboard then I can’t rest until I eat it. Obviously we have it as a treat but on those times I will probably eat the whole tub so it’s better for me to just not have it in the house.

I'm not actually that interested in food which I suppose helps. I don't enjoy shopping for food or cooking and having had an eating disorder I get anxious at the thought of any kind of gluttony. I do enjoy going out to a restaurant but more for the social aspect than the food.

I think there is a big difference between people over what constitutes whatever they want.

Exactly. I have truly eaten exactly what I want today, but in quantity that's very little -- because I'm only eating when I am physically feeling hungry, and only until that feeling is gone.

The bottom line is that MOST (not all) slim people work at it. Genetics have a hand when younger, but maintaining a healthy size takes work. You have to prioritise it and eat consciously, I guess. My DH thinks I eat a lot, but whereas he’ll eat fatty, creamy foods
and carbs, I’ll eat veg and lean protein. Also, I don’t eat meat.

What do people think of Cambridge diet? I followed it a few years ago and got down to a decent weight but piled it back on. Do people think it’s a sensible way to lose weight?

@Fadingout

What do people think of Cambridge diet? I followed it a few years ago and got down to a decent weight but piled it back on. Do people think it’s a sensible way to lose weight?

I don't think any "diet" is a sensible way to lose weight, unless you intend to maintain that style of eating forever.

I'm not obese but I am overweight (working on it).

I am not obese because I have to exercise a huge amount of self control when it comes to food, but not enough (which is why I'm overweight).

I also exercise, but again not enough.

I don't think any "diet" is a sensible way to lose weight, unless you intend to maintain that style of eating forever.

I don’t know anything about the Cambridge diet in particular but I’m not sure I totally agree with this. If I’ve put weight on, I’ll eat pretty strictly with hardly any junk type foods until I’m back in my happy window. I don’t need to eat that eat forever.

Diets don’t work long term for most people.

I don’t know anything about the Cambridge diet in particular but I’m not sure I totally agree with this. If I’ve put weight on, I’ll eat pretty strictly with hardly any junk type foods until I’m back in my happy window. I don’t need to eat that eat forever.

If the diet worked, you wouldn't need to do it multiple times.

@Nomorefuckstogive

The bottom line is that MOST (not all) slim people work at it. Genetics have a hand when younger, but maintaining a healthy size takes work. You have to prioritise it and eat consciously, I guess. My DH thinks I eat a lot, but whereas he’ll eat fatty, creamy foods and carbs, I’ll eat veg and lean protein. Also, I don’t eat meat.

I dont work at it all. I think its a myth that slim people are either not interested in food or starve themselves. Feeling hungry before a meal is normal. I LOVE food but I dont really put junk food into that category. Its processed chemicals mostly. Its designed so that you keep eating and paying more. Eating whole foods actually limits your intake naturally

I don't have much processed food in the house. I only really snack on fruit. I eat lots of veg. I stop eating when I feel full.

I also exercise regularly, which I think helps my metabolism.

If the diet worked, you wouldn't need to do it multiple times.

It isn’t a diet. I just cut back on snacks and focus on healthier eating with more exercise. Sometimes when life gets stressful and busy, that slips a bit. My call to action is if I’ve put 4kg on. That still is within the healthy bmi range.

I will also choose the smaller / healthier portion if I can when eating out. Eg I will have burger and salad rather than burger and bun.

I am obese but only just. I have been overweight all my adult life and obese for about 10 years of it. My mum is not and is the same weight at 75 as she was at 25 albeit a different shape. She is bmi of 23 so medium.

I have an emotional reaction to food - I stress eat. I am quite carb sensitive and I struggle with my off switch. The men in my family growing up had huge appetites but were not overweight. I ate in tandem with my gannet of a brother but didn't have the same metabolism.

My mum is moderate. She eats whatever she likes but never much of it. She can say no and eats for enjoyment and fuel but not comfort. She is insanely active.

I feel like I could write an essay. I have been both very overweight at size 18 and slimmish at size 10. I am a size 10 currently.
I am not overweight because I deny myself things. I set myself a calorie limit for the day and don’t generally exceed it. This sadly to me means not eating the odd slice of cake or pizza.
I maintain weight by exercising daily at the gym, which in turn would make it more pointless to gorge myself.
I guess I turned my own path around. At 18 I weighed 13.5 stone and wouldn’t run for a bus, at 44 I exercise roughly 6 times a week, cardio at gym, spin, running.
The thought of going back to how miserable I was keeps me on the straight and narrow however I put weight on easily and still fluctuate.

@Fadingout

What do people think of Cambridge diet? I followed it a few years ago and got down to a decent weight but piled it back on. Do people think it’s a sensible way to lose weight?

You need to find a sustainable way of eating - that is, affordable, compatible with your lifestyle, and not something you'll get bored with.

IMO a diet based on meal replacements isn't sustainable in the long term. Meal replacements might work to kick start a diet or quickly shed a few pounds after a short-term over-indulgence; or even as an occasional no-effort meal when you are busy, but not as your rest-of-your-life way of eating.

@PurpleDaisies

If the diet worked, you wouldn't need to do it multiple times.

It isn’t a diet. I just cut back on snacks and focus on healthier eating with more exercise. Sometimes when life gets stressful and busy, that slips a bit. My call to action is if I’ve put 4kg on. That still is within the healthy bmi range.

OK so let's go back to the original comment.

I don't think any "diet" is a sensible way to lose weight, unless you intend to maintain that style of eating forever.

But you maintain that what you are doing is not a diet. And when you stop maintaining it, you put weight back on, so you have to do it again.

So either you are talking about yo-yo dieting and demonstrating it doesn't work, or you are not dieting, in which case my original comment wouldn't apply to you to begin with.

I am a celiac so many nice tasty foods are off the eating list anyway. I’m also one of those people who like crisps and sweets so I purposely don’t buy them or I would eat them all. I’m never hungry until midday either so I don’t eat until then.

To lose weight and then stay at BMI normal when I get there is hard work. I have to give up potatoes, rice and pasta almost completely, bread (aside from wholemeal). I can't eat cream or butter anyway, so that's all out. And I drink alcohol maybe twice a year.

At 11st I was running 20k a week and to maintain weight/ lose maybe 0.5lb per week a typical day was 2x eggs and beans, chicken breast or other meat and either veg or salad (no dressing), and a 75 cal 'snack' in the evening. Never more than 2 meals per day, and some days one of those meals would just be fruit/ yoghurt.

Eating like that, limiting my food intake is hard work. I did it for a year, and most days I was hungry. But when I stop, I gain weight.

I don’t think I’ve explained myself very well.

Lots of diets are great for losing weight but once you’ve lost it, there really doesn’t seem to be as much guidance on how to maintain a healthy weight. One way to lose weight is to do a modified, stricter version of how you’ll eat forever. If you’re very obese and suffering health complications due to that, it might be that you do something ultra strict for a short time on medical advice and then move on to something less extreme.

I wonder if some people like the prescriptive ness of a particular diet and then struggle when that becomes “eat healthily” when they’ve hit their target.