Why aren’t you obese?

[Spottyphonecase24]

A bit of a weird one but I have just got off a zoom call with my therapist. We were talking about my weight (I am obese).

Why isn’t everyone else obese? What stops you? I don’t seem to have an off button. I remember going from a 10 to a 12 and thinking that’s it I’m not going to get any bigger but I did and now I am in a size 24 and they are getting a bit tight. I’ve read lots about how people have their light bulb moment to lose weight and that has not happened to me, or maybe it has and I’ve ignored it.

What stops you eating a tub of icecream or picking up a large bar of chocolate instead of a small one or one bag of crisps instead of a family size bag?

I honestly don’t know the reasons why people don’t eat more. Is it will power, feeling full?

Part of it is genetics I think, some people are predisposed to being bigger. It’s not a moral failing!!

One of the things that helps with not eating the family sized bar I’d say is eating the small bar when you fancy it. If you deny yourself all day the cravings will grow and grow until that doorstep sized dairy milk is the only thing that will work.

I disagree with those saying ‘just don’t snack’. If you refuse to snack you’ll end up on a binge.

This is what I ate today. I am nearly 50, so don't have a good metabolism any more like I used to, and I do not need to eat like I used to. Also menopausal.

Breakfast: Bowl of oatmeal with blueberries and a coffee with no sugar.
Lunch: 2 chappatis with paneer and peas curry, and stirfried cauliflower, all made at home
Afternoon snack: 2 Rich Tea biscuits, a satsuma and another coffee.
Dinner: Homemade vegetable soup with a small sourdough roll.

This is probably less than some would eat, but remember I am menopausal! Would be a little more relaxed on weekends.

I hate that full feeling. It makes me feel gross. I like feeling like I've had enough to be satisfied, but the whole overly bloated heavy feeling is ickk.

Also the idea of eating a full tub of ice cream makes me feel a bit sick as I know how bad it is for my body! I guess thinking a lot before you actually eat and using other things.

You'll get there op.

I do think there is a genetic element. Obviously no-one is obese in a place like a concentration camp but some people do lose and gain weight more easily than others. Look at different isolated tribes where some are very tall and thin and some are stocky. I am overweight but not obese (according to BMI chart). I don't think much about what I'm eating at all and just eat what I want. I just don't put on weight above a certain point, like I have a set point where it settles. I can lose weight if I watch what I'm eating but go back to the same set point if I relax. I will never be a size 8 but I will never be a size 20+ either. I do think some people can naturally eat more than others without gaining weight and other people need a lot of discipline if they don't want to be obese. I also think some people's metabolism is affected by dieting then over eating.

@Spottyphonecase24

Thank you for replying. So do you not crave it at all? Have you always been like this or is it willpower?

I have sweet cravings. I will have a piece of toast with marmalade or Greek yoghurt with honey, fruit and nuts instead which satisfies my sweet cravings. I try to make healthier choices. I allow myself cake/chocolate /sweets/ice-cream twice a week.

Agreed that I also have less willpower if there are things in the house. If they're not there, I can't eat it.

Also it WILL be ok if I dont eat it. They will be there tomorrow.

And low mood.

I don’t gain or lose weight, I’m just fat.

My father was in the army. He is still at his “uniform weight”, and every day (even in his 80s) he weighs himself and if he has put on 2lb he will restrict what he eats. It’s just what he has always done.

I do the same, but at a much higher set point. My BMI is 30. It doesn’t really vary. Every so often I think it would be an idea to lose 30kg and then maintain my weight in exactly the same way at a lower level.

But then I think I have a wardrobe full of clothes that I like, and I am quite a comfort weight for me. I’m a physically fit. I exercise well. I can maintain a handstand, climb a rope, do a cartwheel. My V02max is good.

I am just fat. And that’s OK

Liking other foods.

I do eat the big chocolate bar or bag of crisps, but not too often because on other days I eat different healthier foods. I like cake but it would get boring if I ate it all the time, sometimes I just want to crunch on a carrot. Having healthy foods I enjoy is vital, I think I would be in a very different position if I considered healthy eating a punishment or deprivation.

I think many people don't realise that junk food really plays a trick on your cells and mind to stop you feeling full - your body is not nourished so it craves more (better) food, your dopamine is fired so you crave more (of the same junk) food and so you over eat. Its so easy to consume huge and un-nutritious calorific meals in minutes.

Eating 'clean' is often seen as a diet or as being prohibitive but what has CHANGED MY WORLD is cutting out processed food. I even mean sliced bread. Nothing highly processed passes my lips. Nothing. By that I mean : large home made pizza is a YES but shop bought pizza is a no.

It takes effort only because of convenience but I'm used to it now and I feel full. I never diet and I hate diet culture because (as I am proving with this post tbf!) it makes everyone think they know all about nutrition and dieting and that "all they need to do is diet" or "I have dieted before I can do it again" type stuff - bullshit. Every obese person I know thinks they are dieting experts but that they have 'failed' at food but the reality is: food has failed them.

I fucking adore eating food. So on the weekend I eat absolutely anything I want and then weekdays I carefully count calories and don't eat anything that counts as a treat. I have the willpower because I know that at the weekend I can eat what I want. I know it's not healthy and I do have a negative relationship with food but it's the only way I've been able to lose weight and keep it off.

I just know that I don't want to be overweight. The highest my bmi has been is 24.9. As soon as I realised that I was on the threshold, I started calorie counting and being more active. Lost a stone gradually over 6 months. I don't have "naughty" foods stocked in the house (I.e. biscuits, cake, ice cream, crisps) and this helps. It means that if I have a craving of an evening, I'd have to get changed out of my pj's and go to the shop. Usually I can't be bothered. I also don't drink fizzy drinks. I tend to have one black coffee with 1 sugar in the morning and the rest of the time drink tea without sugar or water. I also don't drink a lot of alcohol

'not a case of eating a smaller bar of chocolate or less ice-cream.Most slim people rarely eat those things. they are an occasional treat. they are not real food.'

Most slim people eat those things just not in massive quantities daily. There's so much defensiveness from overweight people, no one is mocking anyone or fat shaming just pointing out people are fat because they eat far too much. Slim people eat less but the same stuff. I've just had a half a bar of 100g chocolate, I fancy eating the rest but if I do that every day the pounds will pile on. Its a simple calories in/energy used thing.

I’m a size 12, so pretty average. Not skinny, not fat.

I do eat crisps, chocolate and ice creams etc but I eat them in single sized portions (one bag of multipack crisps / a crunchie bar or a 1/5 of a pot of ice cream like Ben & Jerry’s). Not for virtuous reasons, I just don’t want any more than that. I feel sick and trigger migraines if I overdo sugary foods and the grease from crisps gets a bit much after a while.

I love food and sometimes crave certain things.

But I know if I ate it all the time I would be obese and that would make me unhappy and unhealthy.

My weight fluctuates but I give myself a 'talking to' when it gets too much and then cut back but not restrict myself in that I need to eat healthy for vitamins and minerals etc but the odd cake won't kill me.

OP, I think it’s a combination of willpower and forming new habits/tastes and letting go of old habits/tastes. I did the 5:2 diet a while back and it really got me thinking about whether certain calories were worth it. Before the diet, if I bought a cake from a shop and it was a bit dry and tasteless, I would still eat it. However after the diet, I’d take a bite and if it didn’t taste amazing I would bin it. Same goes for ice cream.

Also, I’ve cut down massively on sugary/processed food and I now notice how sugary things like tubs of ice cream are. They almost burn your tongue. It took a while to form this habit, I still slip up and am over weight since having a baby but am working my way back.

Also, the best weight loss advice anyone gave me was to eat less and move more!

When o need to get back on track I stop all morning snacking for a week but eat what I want for the rest of the day.

Week 2 I stop morning and afternoon snacking but evenings I'm free to eat what I want.

Week 3 no snacking at all just three big meals.

On Saturdays and Sunday's I go what I like. I can live like this. The Christmas or birthdays happen and I let my hair down and then I get back on track.

Lots of people don't like eating too much. I LOVE eating but don't want to be fat, so have to not eat everything in sight. It really is as simple as that.

I eat a healthy diet, but that does not mean that i don't eat chips, take-aways etc. but it's all in moderation. I also enjoy exercising , especially road cycling, spin classes and gym.
I also have to also make a conscious effort not to over eat.
Another factor for keeping slim, is that I like fashion and I won't let myself get to a situation where I need a larger size.
I also enjoy cooking so I'm pretty much in charge of what and how my family eats.
Probably my unhealthiest obsession is that I weigh every day, but that is the way I keep control. I am 57 and on HRT so for me it is ever more important to control my weight.
I have a couple of obese friends, and the things I am most aware of with them, is that they don't cook. Their whole food consumption seems to come from ready food, take-aways, crisps, fizzy drinks and chocolate and they also despite being quite intelligent people, are very uneducated about food and health.

I also find it really interesting that as long as food is plentiful, animals don't vary in weight unless they're domestic animals. Animals eat until they're full and don't apply emotion to the whole thing. You don't get a thin cow with great metabolism who eats more than another cow who restricts themselves but is really over weight.

@midnightpopcorn

I'd be really interested to see a week of food for the thin people who say they eat loads of unhealthy food but dont gain weight. I just don't understand it scientifically... I'm convinced they're actually not eating much or they're really active.

So for example if I'm unchecked, not in the zone diet wise and eat what I like, I'd say it's: bacon, eggs, sausage and buttery bread, crisps x 2, 3 portions cereal (looks like nothing in the bowl), chocolate bar, tuna Mayo sandwich (whole tub of sandwich filler meant for 3 sandwiches), then a takeaway (pizza or curry), or a meal from the freezer like pie, chips, beans. Then maybe a bottle or 2 of wine and another bar of chocolate.

This kind of thing every day for weeks.

That's not how the thin people are eating is it?

To be honest no it's not.

Even when I was in my 20s and could eat to my heart's content without gaining weight I don't think I could manage that.

I'm now having to watch what I eat not to gain out of "my" acceptable zone. I don't care what anyone else thinks but I know what size is right for me and I work hard to maintain it.

It does help that I am not a fan of chocolate, ice cream, pizza or most takeaways.

I'd be really interested to see a week of food for the thin people who say they eat loads of unhealthy food but dont gain weight. I just don't understand it scientifically... I'm convinced they're actually not eating much or they're really active.

So for example if I'm unchecked, not in the zone diet wise and eat what I like, I'd say it's: bacon, eggs, sausage and buttery bread, crisps x 2, 3 portions cereal (looks like nothing in the bowl), chocolate bar, tuna Mayo sandwich (whole tub of sandwich filler meant for 3 sandwiches), then a takeaway (pizza or curry), or a meal from the freezer like pie, chips, beans. Then maybe a bottle or 2 of wine and another bar of chocolate.

This kind of thing every day for weeks.

That's not how the thin people are eating is it?

I have eaten ‘whatever I want’ today. I had a bowl of bran flakes for breakfast (probably 2 ‘portions’), and a satsuma.
I had a mini kinder bueno bar mid morning.
Lunch was a bowl of broccoli and Stilton soup with a slice of wholemeal toast and butter, then a strawberry yoghurt (activia one).
Apple mid afternoon.
Haven’t had dinner yet but it’s pork, chorizo and butterbean stew with cous cous.
I haven’t denied myself anything, and probably eaten more than my calorie requirements today.

I am overweight/obese but maintaining weight.

I drink too much alcohol but don't usually eat in the day until early evening (have about 300 calories from coffees in the daytime)

I think the only reason I am not much bigger than I am (size 18) is that I am not a big eater, I like food and I do eat junk food but I couldn't eat eg a lasagne, garlic bread, and dessert, it wouldn't fit in my stomach.

Because I have accepted that in order to be healthy and to live life fully I have to place restrictions on what I choose to put in my mouth. I could very easily return to being obese, but I wouldn’t be happy if I couldn’t walk up hills or play tennis or wear nice clothes etc etc.

Maybe upbringing to some extent:

I never consider eating more than 2 biscuits at a time or 1 slice of cake because those were the rules I was brought up with.

I don't buy family sized bags of crisps or chocolate bars because I am not a family. It's obviously too much for one person so why would I even consider buying or eating that?

It's not even really a preoccupation with not putting on weight it's more just that I would consider eating 'too much' to be sort of morally wrong/ against the rules except on special occasions like Christmas where it's condoned.

Also I don't necessarily find eating a huge bag of crisps or chocolate bar a pleasant experience. I will often voluntarily stop and not actually want a whole tub of ice cream. I like ice cream, biscuits, cake, chocolate a lot but I have a stop point even for my favourite things

What I find helpful and I know this sounds awful daft but I think about how I'll feel after I eat the food in question. After some rice and veggies I'll feel good, but after a big bag of crisps I'll feel greasy and lethargic. And if I've been sensible with my daily calories, I'll have a treat if I want it.