Why aren’t you obese?

[Spottyphonecase24]

A bit of a weird one but I have just got off a zoom call with my therapist. We were talking about my weight (I am obese).

Why isn’t everyone else obese? What stops you? I don’t seem to have an off button. I remember going from a 10 to a 12 and thinking that’s it I’m not going to get any bigger but I did and now I am in a size 24 and they are getting a bit tight. I’ve read lots about how people have their light bulb moment to lose weight and that has not happened to me, or maybe it has and I’ve ignored it.

What stops you eating a tub of icecream or picking up a large bar of chocolate instead of a small one or one bag of crisps instead of a family size bag?

I honestly don’t know the reasons why people don’t eat more. Is it will power, feeling full?

@InPraiseOfBacchus

It's a good question.

I struggle with a huge number of obesity risk factors - chronic pain with limited mobility. PCOS and hormone imbalances which make me put on weight extremely easily. Along with this, I live with our good friends Depression and Anxiety. I'm also pretty sure I've inherited my family genes of having zero self control when there's food around.

However, I'm a size UK8-10 and 65kg (5' 10).

It's CONSTANT work to maintain my current weight, but it's work that I decided to do. I spent months counting calories, and now have the knowledge and planning to eat around 1200 calories a day, as I discovered this was my metabolism's "magic number" whether I liked it or not. I go to the gym twice a week. I walk everywhere when I can. I treat sugar like poison. I make this choice every day. There's no magic wand and, yes, some days it sucks!

Basically, I stopped making excuses. I decided I was going to be responsible for being overweight, or responsible for being slim. For me, the impact on my mobility, overall health, and appearance was/is worth the work.

Some people have different priorities regarding their weight/food habits, and they are no less valid than me.

PCOS creates cravings with IR or high prolactin. That’s why it might seem like you have no self control. Once you eat good fats / proteins / avoid processed carbs they do go away. I have pcos and hashimotos and can eat 1800-2100 cals per day (depending on how well I exercise) but most of that is fruit and veg and natural stuff. The processed carbs are restricted hard.

I was obese, was verging size 24 but in the last two years have lost 6 stone through diet and exercise. I don't have a healthy relationship with food and don't have an off button either. I lost weight by only buying what I was allowed to eat and nothing else. I'm an all or none person, if it's in the house I will eat it. I'm down to a size 12-14 now and really want to lose another stone but I'm finding it difficult and some bad habits are slipping back in. I need to knock them on the head pronto!

@BlibBlabBlob

I don't have an off button either. So I gave myself an actual on/off button by taking up intermittent fasting.

I don't make good food choices. Prone to bingeing and not being able to stop once I start eating.

So (except for right now, because I have COVID and it doesn't feel right to fast so much) I have an eating window of 4-6 hours per day. Outside of that, I'm Not Eating. Black coffee and water only. So I don't have to make any food choices at all and there is literally a button on an app on my phone that says I am Not Eating.

Then, in my eating window (which I have in the evening), I don't have to restrict at all. I eat what I want. Sometimes I make good healthy choices, sometimes I don't. But it's enough to keep me reasonably healthy, and a healthy BMI too.

I am convinced that if I didn't have this particular lifestyle, if I tried to start eating every morning with a 'healthy' breakfast etc, I would just keep eating all day and I would become obese eventually.

What I do probably isn't entirely healthy either (not the intermittent fasting - that's been proven to be very good for people, but the fact that I have to hit the 'stop' button on all food instead of eating intuitively). But it's the best way I've found to not think about food all the time and not eat all the time. Because actually, eating all the time and especially eating a lot of junk food just makes me feel rubbish.

Ooh, what app is that? Intermittent fasting has worked well for me in the past.

It's hard work, I've found over time that I can eat around 1300 - 1800 calories a day (depending on exercise level that day) and I work out 3 times a week doing CrossFit and hike once a week.

I find walking one of the best ways to burn calories, particularly when you first start, because it's low enough impact i.e. no injuries and good return.

It's will power to answer your main question, I love food (who doesn't) and I am hungry a fair bit if I'm dropping weight, maintenance is a little better.

I think not having the cravings/appetite for it plays a big part for me. Unless I'm due on my period soon; then I want all the treats. I do have to control myself in this week as my appetite grows and I'm always craving the wrong foods so I eat my dinner first, and then see if I still want something sweet or junkie. If I do, I'll take a limited amount such as a single bar of kinder bueno or one stick of twirl (I'll give the other half to my 12 yr dd who's ever ready to eat chocolate ), or a cake bar - all averaging aorund about 100-120calories. The trick is to make sure to have these sensible treats available in the house and not so much the family sized bags and bars of things.

What stops you eating a tub of icecream or picking up a large bar of chocolate instead of a small one or one bag of crisps instead of a family size bag?

I love both these things, but there is just no way I would want to finish a whole tub of ice cream by myself, the thought makes me feel sick. DH and I are sitting here having a cup of tea and a packet of biscuits. I have had one biscuit and that's enough. I enjoyed it but I don't want another one and I won't think about the biscuits until tea time tomorrow.
Maybe I am lucky in having some sort of natural appetite off switch , but I can't explain it better than that.

I don't know if it's luck or my upbringing, when I was a child you filled up on proper 'food' and then crisps, chocolate and snacks were an extra treat afterwards, but because you were full up from lunch you got used to having just a bit of chocolate, or only one biscuit.

It is a very interesting question OP but I don't really know the answer.

I also make far more sensible choices. My family member is obese and we recently spent the weekend together.

We had coffee and cake - I had a black coffee and she had a hot choc with cream and extra marshmallows. I shared a bit of cake. She had a whole piece. I skipped pudding after our large Sunday meal. It had been a very sedentary weekend, unlike my usual busy ones and I was not prepared to eat the extra calories.

Except for alcohol and occasional fruit juice I would never have drinks with significant calories, it’s such an easy way to cut out calories.

I eat healthyily most of the time. My body has got used to good healthy food. Processed junk food makes me feel crap,hence I now avoid. I eat maybe 2 sqaures of dark chocolate thats enough. If I ate say a whole biscuit I would get a massive headache from the sugar. White carbs bloat me and give me constipation hence I try to avoid pasta,pizza,baguettes etc.if I eat rich creamy food physically makes me feel sick. I do love good bread and butter a
olive oil,still eat fried food eg fish and chips. I do agree with the poster that said we have a set point. I feel out of sorts if go much above mine and generally then cut back or exercise more. And I also normally do loads of exercise. At least something every other day. This really helps with feeling well overall and of course burns energy.

I got up to 13stone 5, when I had my lightbulb moment. I think to me it sounded like a bloke's weight, not a 5' 6" small-framed woman.

Then when I started dieting my stomach shrank and I couldn't stuff it all in anymore. Sometimes - when I had a cheat day, usually involving booze too - I'd get a definite sensation of not being able to eat one more mouthful. Never had that before.

I think it's hormonal though. When I get PMT I have no off-switch, and think about food all day..I also never get full.

Your body releases hormones - one is gherlain (so?!) and the other is lecithin - that tells your body whether you're full or hungry. I do believe those signals can get messed up.

I couldn't eat huge quantities of sweet stuff without feeling sick and I hate the over full feeling too. I eat high protein meals so I stay fuller for longer. I don't eat highly processed savoury foods very often, maybe once or twice a month at the most. We cook almost every day from scratch, takeaways are very occasional. If we eat out it is at a high quality restaurant rather than a chain where they serve the same bland stuff. Couldn't tell you the last time I had fast food. I just don't like it.
Also I walk every day, even ten minutes, and try to run 3 times a week although some weeks it's only twice if I'm busy.

Hi OP. I'm not as big as you but have struggled with my weight my whole life. My current BMI is 26.3 so not bad but I am working on reducing it into the healthy range. What I have learnt is that keeping yourself hungry triggers binge eating. You should not actually try and use willpower to stop yourself eating when you are hungry. Rather have good choices around (butternut, onion and red pepper soup is my current favorite). On top of that I need to not eat many carbs as if I do, I get into a very hungry cycle (and the hunger than can't be sorted out with some tasty soup). I find that when things are going well, my stomach shrinks. This means I can have some days where I don't worry as much about what I eat (e.g. going out for a meal) but then I genuinely don't want to eat as much. Being genuinely full is a novel experience!!

In addition I'd say ignore all the fat shaming which you will be getting. Ignore people who naively think they just have more willpower than you or think that being an unhealthy weight is some sort of indicator that you are inferior to them. The hunger you get when you're eating right is less ferocious then when you're not. Good luck OP. Brave question - therefore I expect it has come from a brave person.

Oh and bread and crisps give me heartburn so I tend to avoid those.

What stops you eating a tub of icecream or picking up a large bar of chocolate instead of a small one or one bag of crisps instead of a family size bag?

Because I don’t want to be fat. Simple really. I’m not slim by any means, I have spent my entire adult life about half a stone overweight except at the moment (thanks lockdown weight!) but I’m not yet obese. However I know that if I pick up that sharing bag of crisps, I will eat them all because I love crisps. I’d happily munch an entire tub of Ben and jerrys in front of the tv. I love food and I love eating and I’m amazed in myself that I’m not obese really. But I don’t want to be, I hate my current size 16 arse (my “normal” size is a 12/14) and knowing how disgusted I am at the moment with myself is enough to say “no” and just go for the small bag.

This thread is quickly turning into a competive under eating thread. A whole biscuit makes a poster feel sick.

I easily could be, I love food and comfort ear. However when my BMI slips into overweight I give myself a stern talking to, count calories and up my exercise until I'm back in the healthy zone again. I am very committed and stick with it until I have achieved my goal. I find the health worries set in when I get overweight, breathing is harder etc and that's my trigger to do something about it.

@Spottyphonecase24

A bit of a weird one but I have just got off a zoom call with my therapist. We were talking about my weight (I am obese).

Why isn’t everyone else obese? What stops you? I don’t seem to have an off button. I remember going from a 10 to a 12 and thinking that’s it I’m not going to get any bigger but I did and now I am in a size 24 and they are getting a bit tight. I’ve read lots about how people have their light bulb moment to lose weight and that has not happened to me, or maybe it has and I’ve ignored it.

What stops you eating a tub of icecream or picking up a large bar of chocolate instead of a small one or one bag of crisps instead of a family size bag?

I honestly don’t know the reasons why people don’t eat more. Is it will power, feeling full?

What stops me eating a big bar of choc or a whole tub of ice cream?

(1) I wouldn't want to as I would feel quite sick before I got there (though I do love an ordinary size bar or ice cream!)

(2) I would worry about the effect of a large sugar hit like that on my metabolic health. I would visualise all that sugar in my blood and my pancreas etc going mental to try to cope with it.

Everything tastes so much better if you're hungry so I try not to eat unless I am properly, physically hungry not just bored or sad or peckish etc. And then I eat whatever I want the most, yes whatever it is. And I hate feeling overfull so try to stop eating when I'm no longer hungry, before I feel full because if I wait until that point then a few minutes later I will feel too full, which is unpleasant. I've been overweight in the past and this way of eating is the only thing that has worked for me and doesn't feel like deprivation and lead to binging. Your body doesn't want to be obese, if you can listen to your hunger and fullness cues they'll lead you to a healthier weight. It's simple but not easy and rakes a lot of practice and unlearning of bad habits, I really think overeating should be categorised as a form of self harm, diets don't work, willpower doesn't work. Most slim people don't think about food all the time unless they're hungry, it's dieting that makes you obsessed with food.

@BlibBlabBlob

I don't have an off button either. So I gave myself an actual on/off button by taking up intermittent fasting.

I don't make good food choices. Prone to bingeing and not being able to stop once I start eating.

So (except for right now, because I have COVID and it doesn't feel right to fast so much) I have an eating window of 4-6 hours per day. Outside of that, I'm Not Eating. Black coffee and water only. So I don't have to make any food choices at all and there is literally a button on an app on my phone that says I am Not Eating.

Then, in my eating window (which I have in the evening), I don't have to restrict at all. I eat what I want. Sometimes I make good healthy choices, sometimes I don't. But it's enough to keep me reasonably healthy, and a healthy BMI too.

I am convinced that if I didn't have this particular lifestyle, if I tried to start eating every morning with a 'healthy' breakfast etc, I would just keep eating all day and I would become obese eventually.

What I do probably isn't entirely healthy either (not the intermittent fasting - that's been proven to be very good for people, but the fact that I have to hit the 'stop' button on all food instead of eating intuitively). But it's the best way I've found to not think about food all the time and not eat all the time. Because actually, eating all the time and especially eating a lot of junk food just makes me feel rubbish.

Please could you let me know what the app is? Sounds useful!!

It might sound weird but I only like to put food in my mouth if it tastes amazing - or has a taste! so I'll happily polish off a creamy prawn cocktail/avacado with a vinagrette/hard boiled egg sandwich with a sprinkle of salt/ juicy perfect steak/squidgy smoky burrito/fresh oranges etc but a pile of bread or potato or pasta or rice just seems really bland pointless filler so I just naturally swerve most carbs which probably helps. I even find sandwiches too bleh - why have twice as much pointless bread as filling?! My mum would be so disappointed that I leave my crusts all the time And i definitely just stop when I'm full - even if I've only had a few bites. Maybe some people have that off switch and other people just don't...

Quite honestly, my self esteem is on the floor when I'm heavier and I isolate myself/refuse to go to events and meet up with people. At my heaviest I was 16st about 12 years ago, and I definitely had that lightbulb moment which started a calorie controlled diet and I lost 7at. I'm now about 9st 5lbs and 5'7" and this is a good healthy weight for me. I definitely still fluctuate but if there's an event coming up or a holiday booked, I get insanely strict before it and lose a lot quite quickly. I realise I do not have a healthy relationship with food and my weight but only in the way I think about it, not what I eat - that's not a problem.

Another reason is that around 18 months ago my partner of over 10 years and I split, and that prompted a bit of weight loss to feel better about myself and more confident again. I've been going out every weekend (where he goes too, and have gone with him to events etc) and the fact that I still adore him motivates me to stay on top of my eating as I want him to think I look good.

I know how pathetic this sounds but you asked for honesty!

@Noavocado

This thread is quickly turning into a competive under eating thread. A whole biscuit makes a poster feel sick.

Who has said that please?

I don't overeat for the same reasons that I don't smoke, take drugs, eat junk food. I don't want the physical and mental health problems that come with these things. And I don't want to eat a tub of ice cream or burgers or greasy food - it's rubbish and marketing, it's not food.

I lived before in a country where most people are slimmer than here and we just don't do the grazing, processed junk food, greasy take-aways, boozing and sedentary lifestyles that my colleagues here think are normal. I guess it is what you are used to.

1. Genes
2. Feeling fuller more often - that’s almost certainly a combo of genes in terms of feeling full hormone and also my stomach being ‘used to’ a certain amount of food
3. Actively denying myself things I would like every day

I’ve never been overweight but it would be totally unfair of me to claim some sort of superiority since 1 & 2 are mostly luck. I do do lots of 3 but I suspect it’s still easier for me because of 1.

Hope you find a way that works for you.

@AndTime

I don't want to come across as an arsehole but in blunt terms.

I don't eat those things because I don't want to be obese. I would love to eat a huge lasagne with garlic bread on the side and a lovely desert, but I know its too many calories and I don't want to gain weight.

So mostly I choose healthily and occasionally indulge or have a blow out but within a usually healthy controlled diet.

This. It’s just willpower. I don’t want to get obese. I’ve been there and it honestly feels so so much better to be a healthy weight in so many ways. If I want ice cream I make it a rare treat. I don’t eat pasta or bread very often or hardly ever. I just try to steer away from sugar and crappy foods. Of course if I didn’t gain weight I would be eating them all the time. Would love to dive into chocolate every night or big bags of tortillas but I just know that I will feel shit afterwards / the next day.

@Noavocado tbf one or two biscuits would have me feeling a bit sick. Unless they were homemade, biscuits have changed so much now and are filled with additives and sweeteners and all sorts of crap that I hate the taste, and aftertaste of.

Crisps and pizza on the other hand, absolutely no off switch