@Spottyphonecase24
A bit of a weird one but I have just got off a zoom call with my therapist. We were talking about my weight (I am obese).
Why isn’t everyone else obese? What stops you? I don’t seem to have an off button. I remember going from a 10 to a 12 and thinking that’s it I’m not going to get any bigger but I did and now I am in a size 24 and they are getting a bit tight. I’ve read lots about how people have their light bulb moment to lose weight and that has not happened to me, or maybe it has and I’ve ignored it.
What stops you eating a tub of icecream or picking up a large bar of chocolate instead of a small one or one bag of crisps instead of a family size bag?
I honestly don’t know the reasons why people don’t eat more. Is it will power, feeling full?
Been morbidly obese, been underweight and all in between.
It's about how you feel.
What is the perceived benefit to you of being larger?
Is it that it helps you swallow down feelings of resentment, fear, loneliness? Is it better to look 'less attractive to men' because they've been the source of a load of trauma in the past?
Is it because you've been told since you were little that nobody would ever love you because you're fat, stupid and ugly and there seemed little point in denying yourself anything/you wanted to tell yourself that actually, you did deserve the things you were forbidden?
Could it be that the physical response to carbs/high fat and sugar foods - the calming, the insulin spike, the feeling full is a substitute for an absence of human touch or affection?
Have you experienced extreme poverty and not being able to guarantee where the next meal is coming from, so you're making up for it in advance?
Could it be that you're craving things vaguely connected to what you actually have deficiencies in? So whilst you're, say, tired because you're anaemic, you're having larger quantities of chocolate because the sugar and fat and cocoa content gives you a slight boost?
Is your fight/flight/freeze response stuck because you can't see your way out of a stressful situation, so the answer is to eat those high fat/carb foods to soothe and convince you that there's not really an intolerable situation that you need to get out of - because you are currently paralysed by fear?
Once you identify the benefits your mind sees in being larger and eating those additional foods, you can challenge them with the benefits of not being larger or having the extra food/snacks.
For example:
Eating to squash down feelings of being trapped and hopeless. That's your fight/flight/freeze response. What it's telling you is that you want to escape. Well, what's the best way to escape - cake and crisps in front of the TV whilst your mind is still screaming at you RUN AWAY - or actually running?
To protect your joints, actually running could be risky in terms of injury right now - but physical activity, moving your body safely, feels the same to your unconscious brain; swimming, for example. Can't eat whilst you're swimming. It strengthens the large muscles in your legs and torso, which makes it easier to move around on land. Gives an endorphin hit. Get a bit lighter, bit stronger, bit happier, perhaps you find that running feels really good after the initial oh shit I'm dying here feeling. Fight/Flight/Freeze is fulfilled by the physical actions, so you feel calmer.
Satisfy that basic survival impulse by action, have some freebie endorphins, lose a little stress - ah, I don't really fancy buying biscuits today; Oooh, those strawberries look lovely - they'd be a real treat!
What are the benefits to you of being slimmer?
Not the overarching ones of saving taxpayers' money or being viewed as a better person, they're bollocks. The specific benefits to you - what exactly is it that you want to do that being this size makes harder or impossible?
I love running. To be able to run, run further, run in more challenging and attractive terrain, run faster and not permanently damage myself in the process, I need to be lighter. So I make choices that support that, choices where I eat what I love rather than what has a sedating effect upon me, choice that support bone and muscle repair, the transport of oxygen around my body, foods that don't more than cancel out the energy I've expended.
I overtook DP for the first time yesterday. That felt damn good. I taught him to do bridges and he found it really difficult, whilst I can do them easily. That made me feel good. I foam rollered my calves this morning. Ow. Still feel good, even though I'm not entirely convinced I haven't gone completely mad at the time I'm doing it - because I will feel much better next time I go for a run or reach down to pick something up.
In short, the benefit to me of being slimmer is that I am able to do things that really make me feel happy, confident and more able to cope with physical and mental stressors. Which far outweighs the benefits my brain believed I had from eating too much or foods that stifled my emotions. So I eat fewer calories, I eat more healthily, I eat the foods that I enjoy without guilt or self recrimination. And I lose weight.