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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

DP obsessing over bouncer, weird bully behaviour?

483 replies

SweetMaryHell · 26/10/2021 08:10

This has been bothering me since weekend. Been with “dp” for 7 months. On Saturday night we went out for a few drinks. DP nudged me at one point and told me to look at the bouncer stood near the door. I looked, turned back to Dp and said “what about him?”. He burst out laughing and said “look at his crotch” 🤔 so I looked … slightly unusual but as a nurse I know there are many conditions that could present like this so shrugged my shoulders and said something like “so what”. DP continued laughing at kept telling me to look again. I was getting irritated and told him to stop being weird so he said “he must have socks stuffed down his trousers!” I asked him to stop going on about it. He then told me to look at bouncers face. Getting really bored of this now I asked what his problem was with this guy, he replied “he looks like Gru from Despicable Me!”. Ok … tried to change the subject and saw that he was taking photos of this bloke. I swear he paid more attention to this guy than he did to me during the whole evening. He just wouldn’t stop banging on about him, even suggested he ask him for a selfie. I told him I was leaving in the end as he just wouldn’t talk about anything else. Kept going on and on about his crotch and nose.
Long story short, we got back to my place and I went to bed. Heard him giggling, turned out he’d taken numerous photos of this bloke as well as zoomed in photos of his crotch. I told him he was out of order and went to sleep.
Next morning I thought maybe I should give him some leeway as he was drunk but still wanted to say something. I asked him why he kept going on about the bouncer night before and why he’d taken photos. He burst out laughing and started asking if I thought he’d stuffed something down his trousers. I said something along the lines of “I think you’re a bit of a bully to be honest and I don’t like this side of you”. He acted shocked and gave it the whole “woah! Where is this coming from? Did you fancy him or something?” So I reminded him that I wasn’t the one staring at his crotch all night!!!

In hindsight he’s shown signs of this bullying attitude in the past. One time loudly whispered that my hairdresser had a massive nose (loud enough for her to hear if she had good hearing) and then kept going on about her looking like Alice Cooper. On another occasion he loudly “whispered” taking the piss out of the way a caretaker had said a certain word. Again loud enough for him to hear if he had good hearing.

After the whole bouncer thing I’m thinking of calling the whole thing off. He made me feel really uncomfortable and I felt he was cruel to this bloke (he’d also said he was going to upload the photos to Facebook).

He thinks I’m totally over reacting and looking for something to argue about. AIBU?

OP posts:
Spidey66 · 26/10/2021 08:58

Not often I say LTB but it's a brief relationship and he's a prick. Bin him.

girlmom21 · 26/10/2021 08:58

You don't need to look for something to argue about when you're with such a nasty man.

SweetMaryHell · 26/10/2021 08:59

@Ugzbugz

He sounds gross. Does he have a tiny penis and was jealous this bouncer didn't? I doubt he's any bloody Brad Pitt either. Ugly personality makes a very ugly person. RUN!
It’s funny you should mention a tiny penis … he does take the piss out of his own penis all the time but he’s like he’s looking for reassurance about it constantly so maybe that is where this stems from
OP posts:
MrsColon · 26/10/2021 08:59

Oh yuck, he sounds like a school bully who's not grown up. Bin him off immediately, how embarrassing!

MrsColon · 26/10/2021 09:00

Re: the bouncer, some of them wear a cup to protect them in case someone gets violent and tries to knee them in the crotch.

BertramLacey · 26/10/2021 09:04

I’m very much an introvert and I live in constant fear of someone catching on to what he’s doing and confronting him.

that's not an introvert thing, it's a human thing. Nobody decent, extrovert or introvert, wants to be associated with that sort of behaviour. Just dump him.

DarlingFell · 26/10/2021 09:06

Straight in the bin with him

TheSquashyHatOfMrGnosspelius · 26/10/2021 09:07

@MrsColon

Re: the bouncer, some of them wear a cup to protect them in case someone gets violent and tries to knee them in the crotch.
Yes, this. I knew a bouncer years ago and he used to wear a cricket box. It doesn't matter if he's got a shoe box down there. Your DP is showing you that he has a deeply unpleasant personality.

Wait until he is out of the house and text him goodbye. A text is all he's worth.

Merryoldgoat · 26/10/2021 09:08

He sounds really unpleasant.

LadyGAgain · 26/10/2021 09:08

Total deal breaker. I'd be saying a permanent goodbye. He sounds vile.

PussGirl · 26/10/2021 09:10

Ugh - my XH was rather like this

mooloop · 26/10/2021 09:10

God he sounds awful. You'll be well rid of him, OP.

GenderAtheist · 26/10/2021 09:11

@BertramLacey

I’m very much an introvert and I live in constant fear of someone catching on to what he’s doing and confronting him.

that's not an introvert thing, it's a human thing. Nobody decent, extrovert or introvert, wants to be associated with that sort of behaviour. Just dump him.

This. You are making the right decision OP.
thisplaceisweird · 26/10/2021 09:13

There's a great saying "when someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time"

You've made a very smart decision OP. Thank god you only spent 7 months with him!

Nomorepies · 26/10/2021 09:13

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ on the poster's request

Kuachui · 26/10/2021 09:14

regardless of the bullying its a bit creepy that he got so obsessed....

OneTC · 26/10/2021 09:17

Yeah fuck that. Bin it

darklady64 · 26/10/2021 09:19

So I reminded him that I wasn’t the one staring at his crotch all night!!!

Dump him. You don't want to spend any more time cringing or being anxious about other people hearing him and not reacting well. And he's already started on you too. But may I congratulate you on the excellent reply above Grin

nothingcanhurtmewithmyeyesshut · 26/10/2021 09:20

I cannot even express how unattractive I would find that. This would be the end of the relationship, I wouldn't be with a bully.

Menofsteel · 26/10/2021 09:21

Bin him 🗑

ThePlumVan · 26/10/2021 09:21

I couldn’t be with someone so unkind.
You sound lovely, so I really don’t think this is a good match.

Bin him now.

onlysomany · 26/10/2021 09:21

Two deal breakers here.

  1. he's a nasty bully
  2. when challenged on his appalling behaviour, he doesn't know how to have an adult conversation, he makes up a reason to blame it on you instead

Both are irredeemable. Run!

LoveGrooveDanceParty · 26/10/2021 09:22

Wow, what a stone cold loser he is.

Cringing hard.

Justcashnosweets · 26/10/2021 09:23

After 7 months, I would text him and tell him he's binned for being a bully. He sounds horrible OP.

kissmelittleass · 26/10/2021 09:24

I know someone who's heard shit like this from nasty bullies like him whispered loud enough for victim to hear or sometimes not even bothering to whisper and this beautiful person was depressed because of it and had thoughts of not wanting to be here anymore she was damaged because of people like your nasty prick of a boyfriend.
You sound like a nice person your worth so much more just send one text ending it and block that scum from your life he's toxic he doesn't deserve a reason karma is a bitch what goes around comes around.