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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

DP obsessing over bouncer, weird bully behaviour?

483 replies

SweetMaryHell · 26/10/2021 08:10

This has been bothering me since weekend. Been with “dp” for 7 months. On Saturday night we went out for a few drinks. DP nudged me at one point and told me to look at the bouncer stood near the door. I looked, turned back to Dp and said “what about him?”. He burst out laughing and said “look at his crotch” 🤔 so I looked … slightly unusual but as a nurse I know there are many conditions that could present like this so shrugged my shoulders and said something like “so what”. DP continued laughing at kept telling me to look again. I was getting irritated and told him to stop being weird so he said “he must have socks stuffed down his trousers!” I asked him to stop going on about it. He then told me to look at bouncers face. Getting really bored of this now I asked what his problem was with this guy, he replied “he looks like Gru from Despicable Me!”. Ok … tried to change the subject and saw that he was taking photos of this bloke. I swear he paid more attention to this guy than he did to me during the whole evening. He just wouldn’t stop banging on about him, even suggested he ask him for a selfie. I told him I was leaving in the end as he just wouldn’t talk about anything else. Kept going on and on about his crotch and nose.
Long story short, we got back to my place and I went to bed. Heard him giggling, turned out he’d taken numerous photos of this bloke as well as zoomed in photos of his crotch. I told him he was out of order and went to sleep.
Next morning I thought maybe I should give him some leeway as he was drunk but still wanted to say something. I asked him why he kept going on about the bouncer night before and why he’d taken photos. He burst out laughing and started asking if I thought he’d stuffed something down his trousers. I said something along the lines of “I think you’re a bit of a bully to be honest and I don’t like this side of you”. He acted shocked and gave it the whole “woah! Where is this coming from? Did you fancy him or something?” So I reminded him that I wasn’t the one staring at his crotch all night!!!

In hindsight he’s shown signs of this bullying attitude in the past. One time loudly whispered that my hairdresser had a massive nose (loud enough for her to hear if she had good hearing) and then kept going on about her looking like Alice Cooper. On another occasion he loudly “whispered” taking the piss out of the way a caretaker had said a certain word. Again loud enough for him to hear if he had good hearing.

After the whole bouncer thing I’m thinking of calling the whole thing off. He made me feel really uncomfortable and I felt he was cruel to this bloke (he’d also said he was going to upload the photos to Facebook).

He thinks I’m totally over reacting and looking for something to argue about. AIBU?

OP posts:
TopCatsTopHat · 27/10/2021 07:39

Hahaha, you are handling this brilliantly.
Crying and heartbroken then giggling at South Park on your doorstep. He doesn't sound entirely... stable. Let's hope the fact you were more heartless than he thought has put him off you a lot so he leaves you well alone. 😏
Out of curiosity what did you say to school gate mum?

FOJN · 27/10/2021 07:41

I appreciate this is not pleasant for you but I have laughed at his latest antics, bonkers. At least there will be no doubt in your mind you've dodge a bullet, what an arse.

As for the gossip, ignore and do not give any further information. If she fakes concern and asks if you're OK, tell her you're fine and walk away before she has the chance to ask anymore questions.

SweetMaryHell · 27/10/2021 07:44

I text school mum and just said “oh god sorry he’s turned up there, I’m absolutely fine - we have broken up and he’s just being a drama queen about it. If he comes back just tell him to piss off :-) x

OP posts:
LynetteScavo · 27/10/2021 07:46

What an unpleasant man.

I wouldn't want to be in a relationship with him. I wouldn't even want to spend an evening out with him.

He sounds like a deranged year 8 school boy.

TopCatsTopHat · 27/10/2021 07:47

Love it, very cool and no extra dirty for her to savour. 😆
Well on the plus side, you won't be sadly ruminating over the one that got away, and you now have a crazy ex anecdote. Grin

TopCatsTopHat · 27/10/2021 07:47

Dirt not dirty

SweetMaryHell · 27/10/2021 07:53

To be honest I was tempted to tell her that I suspected he was gay but then I thought about how much she’d LOVE that little detail 😂

OP posts:
GoIntoTheLight · 27/10/2021 08:17

Jesus, just ready your whole thread. Lucky escape OP!!

JingsMahBucket · 27/10/2021 08:17

@SweetMaryHell I’d contact the police about him. He’s nuts.

FlippinFedUp21 · 27/10/2021 08:29

The thought of a fully grown man sat on your doorstep, crying and then deciding to watch South Park videos and laughing his head off is an image I can't get out of my head. Just utterly bizarre! Does he not feel embarrassed about his behaviour? He's clearly very immature. Love that you turned your wifi off. I would definitely phone the police if he comes back.

PassTheDutchyUpYrLeftBackside · 27/10/2021 08:32

@SweetMaryHell

To be honest I was tempted to tell her that I suspected he was gay but then I thought about how much she’d LOVE that little detail 😂
🧐 Are you sure you're a nurse, OP?
SweetMaryHell · 27/10/2021 08:35

What’s that supposed to mean?

OP posts:
TopCatsTopHat · 27/10/2021 08:47

@SweetMaryHell

To be honest I was tempted to tell her that I suspected he was gay but then I thought about how much she’d LOVE that little detail 😂
Hahaha yes, you don't want to encourage her, she was so busy being thrilled it was her shoulder he'd chosen to cry on (why wouldn't you go to your mates instead!?) she didn't pause to think she was putting the kettle on for a loose cannon. 🙈
RampantIvy · 27/10/2021 08:49

Excellent text. It tells her everything, yet nothing.

TacoTues · 27/10/2021 09:05

This guy is a crazy one for sure!

If he comes back I'd contact the police.

Also change your WiFi password. And warn your friends.

Your text reply to the school friend was good. But I'd expand on it now saying you're worried he could be dangerous.

TheSquashyHatOfMrGnosspelius · 27/10/2021 09:17

Holy crap, that's some update.

If you hear anything at all from him, contact the police. His behaviour is so weird I think you need to consider he is stalker potential.

Anyone that continues to sit on another's doorstep after they have been told to go away has no concept of boundaries.

JingsMahBucket · 27/10/2021 09:21

@SweetMaryHell I’d also change your locks.

EishetChayil · 27/10/2021 09:25

He sounds like a bloody sociopath. Get rid, and fast.

Justmebeingme245 · 27/10/2021 09:39

I used to live with one of these, unfortunately. They’re quite difficult to get rid of. I would get a ring doorbell so when he turns up, there is evidence of his behaviour. I call these narcissistic loons andy’s. He is definitely an Andy.

whymewhyme · 27/10/2021 09:41

God he's a right man child!!! You've done the right thing lol

cushioncovers · 27/10/2021 10:18

Op he sounds vile, I would stop all contact with him. Literally don't answer the door, block all contact numbers and all social media. He will get bored eventually.

impossible · 27/10/2021 10:23

Sounds like you're well rid of him. He is cruel, manipulative and distorts things. Sorry he's got the school gate mum involved. I hope you texted her.

JellyTotCat · 27/10/2021 10:23

He doesn't sound very bright

TheGirlCat · 27/10/2021 10:50

You obviously didn't tell him you found him to be a bully and nasty. I read what you said you sent him, but it seemed to weak and wishywashy to me. You needed to be direct; that he is nasty and a bully to other people and women aren't attracted to those men. You also should have said to him you think he's gay (even if you don't). That's the only way to get through to men like that. He needs to be told his bullying and nastiness is a turnoff.

TheGirlCat · 27/10/2021 10:51

Or, send him a link to this thread.

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