Wedding guests

[Neapwind]

My granddaughter is getting married and only has one female cousin. She is not inviting her to the wedding as she is only 11 and they want NO children there. This has hurt me and surely one little girl who thinks she is going to the wedding will be very upset. Asking her to be a flower girl would be wonderful.
Other peoples thoughts please.

In that case your son in law stays home, or him and daughter stay home, and you go. why should she miss having her grandmother there and why should you miss going?

I understand why your hurt up.
A lot of emotions going on for you right now

Thank you for all your replies although some were strange. My husband and I will have a mini wedding with granddaughter while we look after her. Her own parents will be at the main wedding.

Can’t her other grandparents look after the little girl so you can attend the wedding too?

@LlamaTime

In that case your son in law stays home, or him and daughter stay home, and you go. why should she miss having her grandmother there and why should you miss going?

Absolutely this! You don't miss your granddaughters wedding to babysit. Whichever parent isn't related to the bride stays home to look after their own child.

Bride and groom decide guest list and if they don't want children, that is fair and reasonable.

@Neapwind

Yes she is the only female child in the family and her autism does not affect her behaviour. Just makes her quiet.

Are there other children in the family who are male? Why does her being female mean you think there should be an exception for her?

Tbh I doubt she cares, most kids don’t enjoy weddings much, especially if there’s no other kids there for them to play with.

@Neapwind

I am not asking them to get my granddaughter to be a bridesmaid. This means I cannot go to the wedding as my daughter and husband will go so I will need to look after GD as she is mildly autistic and will only stay with me or her parents. Sorry Mumsnet for asking this question but some of the replies were unnecessary. I

CALLED IT CALLED IT CALLED IT Massive dripfeed OP. You deserve every single reply you've gotten.

Especially as your OP was about the little girl who'd be 'disappointed she wasn't invited', not about this.

You realise that inviting one child and not others open up the floodgates if they're not immediate family? No matter the excuse everyone else will throw a hissy fit about why their little darling wasn't invited, and having to pay for childcare.

@Neapwind

Thank you for all your replies although some were strange. My husband and I will have a mini wedding with granddaughter while we look after her. Her own parents will be at the main wedding.

Are you trying to push your disappointment on her by having a ‘mini wedding’ - why can’t you just have a nice day out?

It sounds like you’re trying to project your feelings onto a child who most probably doesn’t care about the wedding at all.

@HoundofHades

My daughter's planning her wedding right now - and is adamant that she wants NO children there. Problem is that her partner has a 3 year old little girl whose grandmother has automatically assumed that the little darling is going to be a flower girl...

My future SIL couldn't give two shits as to whether his daughter (who's a sweetheart, to be fair) attends or not - all he cares about is keeping out of the row between my daughter and his mother. In other words? He's picked his battle. Not every bride wants her vows drowned out by small children screeching, her dress potentially touched by sticky fingers, or everyone "ah..."ing over cute toddlers carrying flowers and/or looking terrified. Your older granddaughter is probably wiser than you about these things, @Neapwind

I'd be so ashamed of my DD if she was that spiteful to a 3 year old and I'd be worried about her marrying such a spineless man. Do you worry for any potential GC with him as a father?

Who has put the idea that she's going to be a flower girl into the 11yo's head?

Why are the feelings of your 11th at old granddaughter more important than your grandchild who's actual wedding it is?!
I'd find it a bit insulting if my grandmother was reacting like this about my wedding plans. You're not the main character here.

[quote Crunchymum]@HoundofHades

What kind of nasty bastard excludes a step child from their wedding.

Your DD should be utterly ashamed of herself.[/quote]
Yup.

My future SIL couldn't give two shits as to whether his daughter (who's a sweetheart, to be fair) attends or not
What a prize of a man. You must be so worried for your DD HoundofHades

Is it your wedding? Are you paying for it? None of your business and no the bride / groom don’t want to know your thoughts

What is it with child-free weddings these days, even when the children are family members?

Why do so many people shun their young relatives?

@cuttlefishgame

What is it with child-free weddings these days, even when the children are family members?

Why do so many people shun their young relatives?

Not everyone likes children. Weird eh!

there is no such thing as 'mildly' autistic. Sounds like you have done a quick bit of research between posts as you werent getting the response you wanted. Zero behavioural issues and just going quiet wouldnt even trigger an assessment. 11yrs old is a bit old for a flower girl and your GD clearly has no relationship with her cousin.

You are being incredibly unreasonable. The guest list is absolutely none of your business, so you choosing to be 'hurt' is just ridiculous.

not your wedding not your choice. No need to be hurt.

If you are also invited to the wedding I don't understand why your daughter and son in law get to go and you don't. Just accept the invite and tell them you can't babysit as you're going to the wedding. It's then up to them to decide whether your son in law stays at home with her or both of them, or get someone else to babysit.

Why do they trump you?

@Neapwind

Thank you for all your replies although some were strange. My husband and I will have a mini wedding with granddaughter while we look after her. Her own parents will be at the main wedding.

A mini wedding?! For who?! Who'll be the bride and groom? Is this about the younger girls parent really and how she is therefore more important to you? You're actually going to miss your granddaughters wedding for this? Will you miss every social occasion any grandchild is not invited to?

@Neapwind

Thank you for all your replies although some were strange. My husband and I will have a mini wedding with granddaughter while we look after her. Her own parents will be at the main wedding.

Does your granddaughter actually care? I can't imagine an 11 year old being that excited about going to a wedding.

@cuttlefishgame

What is it with child-free weddings these days, even when the children are family members?

Why do so many people shun their young relatives?

Because you can't invite 'family' children and not others. Especially as people may not even see said family as much as they do their friends, it wouldn't come across well to not invite their children but invite a cousins' kids whom they only saw during Christmas.

This isn't an issue if most the the couple's circle aren't parents but with people getting married later these days many find themselves with the dilemma of having friends with multiple children. Invite 5 people (and partners) whom the couple know, or 3 families? When children don't care for weddings anyway? Wedding food is expensive

It's fairer to not allow any children except for immediate or close (in relationship) relatives.

Is it possible for her to attend the church but not the reception? This way she will see the wedding but not be subjected to the noise/crowds that would be difficult for a child with autism

I know it's up to the bride and groom to have the wedding they want. But it still seems a bit sad when children are excluded. So I feel as you do, Neapwind. I hope someone's planning a treat for the little cousin on the day, so she doesn't care about the wedding.