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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To leave a 7 year old at home?

175 replies

ooft · 25/10/2021 16:03

In reality, I am not going to, however he is happily reading his book, would be happy for ten minutes while I pick his brother up and both next door neighbours are in. It seems silly that I can't leave him because society says so when I know he would be fine and knows what to do in an emergency. He often stays in the car through choice while I go into a shop - to me that is more risky as we are out and about but he prefers that to being dragged into shops.
So, WIBU to leave him at home for ten minutes while both neighbours are in?

OP posts:
Dillydollydingdong · 25/10/2021 17:38

I think it's fine. Tell him not to open the door to anyone.

Mojoj · 25/10/2021 17:39

The helicopter mammies are out in force! Of course you can leave him for 10 mins. The world won't end😂😂😂

TeaAndToastNameChange · 25/10/2021 17:39

I leave my 7 year old for short periods. I think it's fine! You know your child best Smile

TeaAndToastNameChange · 25/10/2021 17:42

Think of Maddeline

Completely not the same!!! Her parents left her (age 3??) And her 18 month old twin siblings alone at night, for a long time in a foreign country!! (The twins should've been taken I to care and they would have if the parents were not mid/upper class) Madeline was not 7, left alone in her house for 10minutes!

sparepantsandtoothbrush · 25/10/2021 17:44

@Cryalot2

No matter how mature you think your child is, if something happens it's not worth it. Think of Maddeline .
What the fuck has MM got to do with leaving an awake 7 year old for 10 minutes? So dramatic!

OP I know you say people tell you he's mature but they mean he's mature for a 7 year old! He's still 7, all 7 year olds do stupid shit at some point!

ImFree2doasiwant · 25/10/2021 17:45

@ooft I know how you feel. I have DC 4 and 6. I have to go out, early morning, to feed animals. On my own,I could be there and back in under 10 minutes. With children, it takes much longer. I would never leave them on their own at this age but regularly wish I could!

TheVolturi · 25/10/2021 17:50

Nope. It's too young. Just take him!

sunnyzweibrucken · 25/10/2021 18:03

I think it depends on the child. My dd was never the curious type, so I could leave her for 30 mins to run to the store because she would be watching a show or playing a video game.

However my mother couldn't leave my 7 yr old alone as she would always get into something.

mogsrus · 25/10/2021 18:03

I always think people who say,I.know he/she will be fine,do not think of there own mortality,will you be fine in the next ten minutes,you absolutely have no idea,& that's a fact.

MsJinks · 25/10/2021 18:07

Just wondering when it all changed - I used to catch 2 buses to school and back across a city age 8 and was left alone for parents’ shopping Saturday am not much after that - this was the 70s. My kids had less freedom than I but more than today in the 90s and now my grandkids have much less. So I know when but not how/why I suppose. I listened once to a head saying how some kids got very lost and there was a massive panic/follow up through getting on the wrong tube train during a trip, however 30 years before they would all have been able to take themselves about all over London on a tube with no problem. Do you think we are in danger of going too far sometimes? I know a child not allowed into a town centre until age 16, my eldest grandchild won’t be taking himself to senior school, and it does make me wonder how they will manage when they have to do so suddenly instead of gradually.

HerRoyalNotness · 25/10/2021 18:15

10mins yes, if he has a phone. I’m of the opinion that building to independence in small increments is the way to go.

HerRoyalNotness · 25/10/2021 18:17

@mogsrus

I always think people who say,I.know he/she will be fine,do not think of there own mortality,will you be fine in the next ten minutes,you absolutely have no idea,& that's a fact.
But if we all dwelled on that we’d sit on our couches waiting to die, or drive ourselves mad.
csectionmumma · 25/10/2021 18:19

On paper there is nothing wrong with it, but problem is, you might not be 10 mins.

Also, if something happened to him
Or the house (even if he knew what to do, eg call 999) you would still be guilty of negligence.

(Although if the authorities found out in 6 months time you left him on his own but nothing happened, no one would get in trouble retrospectively)

Purely because you might not be 10 mins, and purely because there would be big trouble if something happened, it's not worth it

CatsArePeople · 25/10/2021 18:43

He will be fine. Even if you take longer than 10 minutes.

Bunnycat101 · 25/10/2021 18:47

Thing is the threshold for doing it isn’t based on the 99% of times things would be ok. It’s based on a child not having a clue what to do in the 1% unusual situations. I’m sure my 5yo would be fine just pottering around but I would never leave her because she wouldn’t be able to deal with the out of ordinary.

Stompythedinosaur · 25/10/2021 18:47

There are too many things that could go wrong - what would happen if you were in an accident, for instance?

I don't think a 7yo is mature enough to do the right thing in all situations. There are lots of examples of dc doing things like hiding in a cupboard when there is a house fire - they just can't process info like an adult or older dc can.

CottonSock · 25/10/2021 18:51

My dd would be fine with this, her younger sister likely not. My friend in Germany told me the kids walk to school alone age 5 or 6. What a different society (I wouldn't be happy with that and I'm obviously neglectful).

Comedycook · 25/10/2021 18:55

I'm quite baffled as to why you think he'd be fine? Just because he may sit quietly while you're at home and not cause any huge disasters is no indication whatsoever of how he'd behave if home alone.

Rainbowunicorn76 · 25/10/2021 18:57

@ooft

I didn't expect anyone to come on and say that it's a great idea and that I should be leaving him for a whole day or anything, but I am surprised at the level of outrage at the suggestion. I've had loads of comments about how mature he is, so maybe my opinion is skewed, but if this is too young then what age do you start giving them a bit of responsibility? I walked to school at that age!
But mumsnetters like being outraged!!! Grin I'm surprised nobody has suggested a social services referral yet.

My opinion, 7 is a bit young but I have left ds a few times to pop out for less than ten minutes by 8.5years so I don't find it horrifying.

I think if you allow yourself to give in to every "what if??" Nightmare scenario in parenting, wouldn't you end up completely smothering and overprotecting your child eventually.

ellie21 · 25/10/2021 19:04

I don't know if people are necessarily outraged, but if you ask a question about potentially exposing a young child to risk I think its likely and quite reassuring that most people would disagree with it.

Mamamia7962 · 25/10/2021 19:05

MsJinks - Yes, I too remember at that age me and my best friend would walk to her house after school on our own and let ourselves in (she had her own door key at 7). Then we would amuse ourselves until her mum came home from work at 5pm.

Cupcakeschocolate · 25/10/2021 19:07

I think 10 minutes is fine depending on your child. Only you know your child best. I was regularly left alone at 8 years old in the living room. My mum used to go to bed and would literally be dead to the world. I had to look after my sister when she did this. My grandparents would come round when I was at school.... not saying any of this is right. But some kids are more sensible than others

noblegreenk · 25/10/2021 19:10

I wouldn't leave him for 10min at 7yrs old. I'd consider it at 10yrs old, as I know my mum would leave me for around 10-15mins at that age. You have to make sure they know not to use the oven or other appliances, what to do in case of a house fire and how to get out of the house, not to answer the door to anyone, who to call in case of accident and you don't come home etc. That's a a lot of responsibility for a 7 year old and I just think it's too young.

noblegreenk · 25/10/2021 19:16

Another thing that's just crossed my mind. I had a friend who was at home on his own when he was 11. His mum had left him for 20-30min so she could collect his brother from school, as my friend was unwell and in bed. A burglar broke in and stole a load of stuff. My friend was ok as he hid under his bed, but he was really traumatised by the whole experience at the time.

Beefmeupscotty · 25/10/2021 19:18

I get ya @op. I can have a 30min bath 2 floors away from my youngish child, music on if I wanted so couldn't see or hear them, but God forbid I pop out for 5 mins to post a letter! The house is going to burn down, burglars & murderers will be watching for me to leave, and (probably realistically by the sounds of PPs) SS will be called.

5/10 mins doesn't worry me in the slightest, but I never would because of the judgement, not because its risky. (Its not)