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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To leave a 7 year old at home?

175 replies

ooft · 25/10/2021 16:03

In reality, I am not going to, however he is happily reading his book, would be happy for ten minutes while I pick his brother up and both next door neighbours are in. It seems silly that I can't leave him because society says so when I know he would be fine and knows what to do in an emergency. He often stays in the car through choice while I go into a shop - to me that is more risky as we are out and about but he prefers that to being dragged into shops.
So, WIBU to leave him at home for ten minutes while both neighbours are in?

OP posts:
rubyslippers · 25/10/2021 16:29

@ooft

I didn't expect anyone to come on and say that it's a great idea and that I should be leaving him for a whole day or anything, but I am surprised at the level of outrage at the suggestion. I've had loads of comments about how mature he is, so maybe my opinion is skewed, but if this is too young then what age do you start giving them a bit of responsibility? I walked to school at that age!
He’s not mature at 7 no matter what people have said Confused
worriedatthemoment · 25/10/2021 16:30

My 12 year old came home in the day to find our house had an attempted break in
It happened just before he came home
May be rare but happens , fires can start suddenly and escalate quickly
Adults struggle in these situations ,

MrsTulipTattsyrup · 25/10/2021 16:30

His walking to school would be different because you’d know what to do if he didn’t arrive.

I think parents are sometimes overprotective but I had a friend who went out for milk leaving her 12 year old at home for ten minutes, and had a brain haemorrhage in the shop. The child was at home alone till her partner got back from work, and was completely distraught. She has been clingy ever since and has some mental health problems that her mum definitely ascribes to that experience.

Crazycakelady17 · 25/10/2021 16:30

I wouldn’t but had to years ago when DS1 was sent home from school he was 7/8 and he got worse through the afternoon I had to go out to get DS2 5 mins across the road at school no way could ds1 walk plus hammering with rain so I took DD (baby) and ran there and back nothing happened but i felt awful

Comedycook · 25/10/2021 16:31

Definitely too young. What if you were unexpectedly held up?

OLLIEEEB · 25/10/2021 16:31

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icedcoffees · 25/10/2021 16:31

I was left home alone for short periods from the age of 8 or 9, and children here walk to school without adults from the end of year 4.

I actually don't see a problem with leaving a 7yo in the car either.

Cloudyzebra · 25/10/2021 16:31

He'd have to be a pretty exceptional 7 year old to know what to do in an emergency and stay calm enough to actually do it. It would probably be fine 99 times in a hundred, but the one time it wasn't he'd likely panic and do the exact opposite of the right thing.

Original poster
ooft · 25/10/2021 16:32

@MrsTulipTattsyrup goodness that's terrible. Very extreme and tragic thing to happen. Poor girl. X

OP posts:
TunnelOfGoats · 25/10/2021 16:33

Ive got a 7 year old and would absolutely not leave him unsupervised, whether in a house, car or any public place. You asked, and are getting peoples opinions, so maybe you're wrong on this matter, considering most other posters also think your idea is illegal and irresponsible

FilledSoda · 25/10/2021 16:34

I think you should rethink leaving him in the car as well TBH. He's very young .

Beautiful3 · 25/10/2021 16:34

I would at age 9 but not 7, that's too young.

MrsTulipTattsyrup · 25/10/2021 16:36

[quote ooft]@MrsTulipTattsyrup goodness that's terrible. Very extreme and tragic thing to happen. Poor girl. X[/quote]
She recovered! But her daughter hasn’t been herself since, and her mum feels sure it dates from that experience.

Dixiechickonhols · 25/10/2021 16:38

It’s too young and if the unlikely happens you risk being prosecuted as it’s outside what is usually deemed acceptable in England 2021.
Neighbour thing is a red herring unless you knock on their door and say can Adam sit with you/you sit in our house with Adam for 10 mins.
Year 6 seem to walk to school locally but no roads it’s just across park from an estate and they walk in little groups.
It’s your judgment there’s no legal age but guidance in nspcc website.

Original poster
ooft · 25/10/2021 16:39

@TunnelOfGoats I am not wrong as I asked for a discussion on it and said I had no intention of actually doing it. I was just interested in others opinions of when to give kids a bit of independence and responsibility.

I don't go and do the supermarket shopping leaving the kids in that car btw. I am talking outside a local shop for a minute or two.

OP posts:
SantasLittleHoHoHo · 25/10/2021 16:40

I think the concern is, no matter how mature you think your child is (or what you did at that age as a child!) it's just not sensible to expect someone aged 7 to be home alone and responsible enough to deal with every single eventuality that could occur.

There's so many things (fire / break in / injury / strange person at the door / choking / boredom and doing something stupid etc) to consider, that I don't think a 7 year old could be reasonably expected to deal with.

PumpkinsandTea · 25/10/2021 16:40

@FilledSoda

I think you should rethink leaving him in the car as well TBH. He's very young .
I've done this with my 6yr old but ONLY when I can see her the entire time AND she's either been asleep or poorly. I'm an entirely single parent with no support and during the first lockdown, had no delivery services available. On a couple of occasions it was either that or we had no bread/milk. When she had COVID symptoms (but a negative PCR test) it was quite literally a case of either I parked outside the co-op window with car window down (within shouting distance) whilst I grab one of the very, very few foods she will actually eat (Autism) or she went hungry!
bimbodoc · 25/10/2021 16:41

Having your mother have a brain haemorrhage in front of you may actually have been more traumatic than what did happen.

SundaysinKernow · 25/10/2021 16:41

I’m surprised at the level of outrage at this too! It isn’t illegal to leave a 7 yr old for 10 minutes. I was left at that age as were my siblings with no problems. We also used to ride our horses without adults with us - far more risky than sitting reading in your house. I think it depends on the child & the situation around you. As a kid I’d have gone to my relatives next door if needed and in this case it sounds like he could just pop around to the neighbours. If you had a big garden you could potentially be further away from the house than your neighbours are. Should you therefore never let them out of your sight in case they should choke??

NewMum0305 · 25/10/2021 16:41

If your neighbours are happy to keep an eye, could you not leave him at theirs, rather than in the house alone?

SevenZebrasDancing · 25/10/2021 16:42

I wouldn't. But then again I left my 11 year old (slightly developmentally delayed, so operating at about 9 years I think) alone for 5 minutes for the first time just before the summer holidays while I walked to the post box a street away.

In that time our disabled elderly dog fell off his dog bed and landed upside down and started wailing. And DS had no idea what to do so ran out into the street screaming 'help me help me' and our male neighbour tried to come to his aid but Ds knows not to talk to strangers so went absolutely hysterical. Which cued the other neighbour trying to call me (I left my phone in the house because- 5 minutes you know-) and when I got home there was a huddle of beside themselves neighbours and the child and an upside down disabled dog.

It's funny in retorspect but was not at the time and gave me an insight into what can go wrong in the space of literally minutes.

(Not gotten over it yet either).

HalfShrunkMoreToGo · 25/10/2021 16:42

@ooft while I actually do understand your point, and often look at my 7yo and think, she wouldn't even notice if I nipped to the Co-op for 10 minutes.

The reason we don't do it, is the 'what ifs'! I've done stupid things like lock my car keys in the car and had to wait 3 hrs for someone to liberate them in the past so know it's not outside the realms of possibility that what seems like a simple trip could turn into an absolute nightmare.

I'll be comfortable leaving DD home lone when I know she could deal with the abrupt change from 10 mins alone to several hours alone, and would know to contact someone for help if she didn't hear from me.

PumpkinsandTea · 25/10/2021 16:44

@SevenZebrasDancing

I wouldn't. But then again I left my 11 year old (slightly developmentally delayed, so operating at about 9 years I think) alone for 5 minutes for the first time just before the summer holidays while I walked to the post box a street away.

In that time our disabled elderly dog fell off his dog bed and landed upside down and started wailing. And DS had no idea what to do so ran out into the street screaming 'help me help me' and our male neighbour tried to come to his aid but Ds knows not to talk to strangers so went absolutely hysterical. Which cued the other neighbour trying to call me (I left my phone in the house because- 5 minutes you know-) and when I got home there was a huddle of beside themselves neighbours and the child and an upside down disabled dog.

It's funny in retorspect but was not at the time and gave me an insight into what can go wrong in the space of literally minutes.

(Not gotten over it yet either).

Awwwww! 🐾 How's pooch?!
Kljnmw3459 · 25/10/2021 16:44

I think it's fine OP. Anecdotally my own DC was fine being by himself at home for short periods at that age. A lot of people frown upon it but you know your DC best and can assess if they're ok to handle being without supervision for a while.

SevenZebrasDancing · 25/10/2021 16:46

Pooch is slowly winding down sadly. Dh has started sleeping on a blowup bed beside him at nights because he (dog) is afraid of being along and of the dark. So the end is soon, I am afraid.