To leave a 7 year old at home?

[ooft]

In reality, I am not going to, however he is happily reading his book, would be happy for ten minutes while I pick his brother up and both next door neighbours are in. It seems silly that I can't leave him because society says so when I know he would be fine and knows what to do in an emergency. He often stays in the car through choice while I go into a shop - to me that is more risky as we are out and about but he prefers that to being dragged into shops.
So, WIBU to leave him at home for ten minutes while both neighbours are in?

No matter how mature you think your child is, if something happens it's not worth it.
Think of Maddeline .

@HalfShrunkMoreToGo absolutely. It's because of the "what ifs" that I started my post with "I am not going to do this".

Yes, of course you are being unreasonable.

Absolutely not. 7 is way too young! Are you going by car? Traffic, accidents etc could happen! If you are walking - could you get back in a rush? What happens if the door knocks when a 7 year old is home alone? Would he answer it!

Your neighbours might be in but I doubt they are expecting to keep an ear out for a 7 year old.

YABU.

I leave my 8 on occasion. 15 mins max. Maybe once a month. He has a phone, he knows how to use it and he has two adults he can call (as well as lots of neighbours he knows).

Meant to say DS8

Yeah nope! What if you had an accident? Or what if there was a fire in your house? Obviously worst case scenarios, but even many adults panic in a fire. I would not expect a 7 yr old to be capable of been rationale and get them self out of the house safely, so nope!

I wouldn't do it (and neither would you OP as you have repeatedly stated, so people can stop having a go) and probably not until they are 10 or so? I don't think the car thing is that bad, I leave mine in the car if I'm paying for petrol or whatever and I'll leave my eldest in the car if I'm picking the youngest up from nursery. I wouldn't do a weekly shop or a browse round Debenhams or something but at a place where you can see the car out the window I don't think it's a big deal.

I think it’s fine to leave him so long as the neighbours are happy knowing they’re on call and you let the neighbours know when you’re leaving and that you won’t be more than 15 minutes. If you have an accident it would be better he’s at home than in the car with you so I wouldn’t really worry about that.

I wouldn't do it myself but I can't see a problem with a sensible seven year old being allowed to read quietly for ten minutes while their mum runs an errand. Surely the emergency rules would be very simple - don't answer the door, if there is a problem go straight to the neighbour, if that's not possible then call me straight away.

I'm really surprised that a twelve year old wouldn't just ring their dad if they were worried. It might have saved the mum's life to have the brain haemorrhage at the shops rather than at home, as it sounds like the twelve year old wouldn't be able to call for help. Her mum having a medical emergency in front of her and possibly dying would probably have been far more traumatic for her.

@Hoppinggreen

You can’t leave him because it’s irresponsible not because “society says so”

Exactly. Not in a house alone and not in a car alone. Because he’s a little boy and it is irresponsible of you to leave him. Society says so because it is so.

Sorry far too risky because he can't deal with most of the scary things that could happen. These scary things are unlikely to occur but might do.

Think of it in an insurance risk way. Your house is unlikely to be burgled or you are unlikely to lose all your posessions to a huge house fire but these things do happen and that's why most people have insurance.

YOU are your son's insurance policy.

I'd be far too paranoid but my mum left me at home alone, with a 1 year old and a 2 year old to look after, from the age of 8. Usually for an hour or 2 at time. I didn't have a mobile obviously, as it was 1997.

I think it kind of fucked me up though, to be honest. We had numerous things go wrong over the years: injuries; locked myself out while both babies were locked in; broken windows; terrible two tantrums that I couldn't control; nappies I couldn't cope with. I left home a few days after I turned 18 and never looked back. Absolute shit-show.

Not that this bears any resemblance to what you're asking about, just felt like having a chat. It's nice to chat!

You know your son better than us. 7 is young if you're literally just popping out for 10 mins. It's when you get caught up in something unexpected & he's left home alone. I wouldn't do it personally.. 🤷🏼‍♀️

When I was 7 I was allowed to play out all day with friends - park, fields, stream…. No mobiles and just had to be home before it went dark.

But I wouldn’t have left mine home alone (15 years ago!) aged 7, for fear of being judged rather than any real danger

@azimuth299

I wouldn't do it myself but I can't see a problem with a sensible seven year old being allowed to read quietly for ten minutes while their mum runs an errand. Surely the emergency rules would be very simple - don't answer the door, if there is a problem go straight to the neighbour, if that's not possible then call me straight away.

I'm really surprised that a twelve year old wouldn't just ring their dad if they were worried. It might have saved the mum's life to have the brain haemorrhage at the shops rather than at home, as it sounds like the twelve year old wouldn't be able to call for help. Her mum having a medical emergency in front of her and possibly dying would probably have been far more traumatic for her.

I’m not going to tell more of my friend’s story because it’s not mine to tell, but I used this bit of it to illustrate the sort of thing which could result from leaving a child home alone in this (hypothetical) situation.

I didn’t intend it to begin a debate about how a particular (real) child should have acted in this (real) situation. The point remains that you can’t tell how a child will react in unexpected circumstances.

I wouldn't leave my 8yo. Not so much that I don't trust him, more that I think his imagination would get the better of him and he'd be frightened.

I’d rather leave at child at home for 10 mins than alone in the car. Is that really seen as ok?

A very ineresting read! I'm from the UK and grew up there but don't live in the UK anymore. Where i live now the kids are encouraged from the age of 5/6+ to be taking themselves to play-school/school on their own. We live in a small town/village but sometimes the trip for the kids can be 10-15minutes. I've been here years now but still crazy seeing these little groups of kids without an adult wandering through the neighbourhoods. From the age of 10+ kids here take themselves to football/hockey/music lessons, using public transport as well. A lot of trust placed on the children and the community i suppose. I think my DS was alright on his own from 9/10 if i needed to head to the shops and he preferred not to join. He's 12 now and is more than happy having the place to himself for an hour or two. And we have phones as well so can reach each other if needed. Different cultures i suppose and obviously living in such a small place where you know the neighbours helps a lot too.

Why are so many posters seemingly so outraged when the first 7 words of the op are "in reality I am not going to"...?

I’d be very tempted to leave him reading if he was happy to be left too OP. Probably wouldn’t though just in case, which is crazy really as I was allowed to play out alone on my street at that age.

@ooft
I used to send my Neighbour a text that I was popping out and could they be on alert if needed- And I'd text them when I got back. DD knew to call Neighbour if anything was the matter - she could also call me. I would also go and have a cup of tea and a natter with an other Neighbour and leave both DD's at home. Sometimes they would wander over and sometimes they stayed and played at home. It was fine.

Have you seen that episode of Would I lie to you? where Bob Mortimer talks about how he burnt his house down age 7 with a firework.
It's comedy gold but True and one of the things I remember is that he knew he wasn't allowed to go out, so he lit the firework in the kitchen rather than the garden.
7 year olds aren't sensible. They remember some of the rules but are too young for common sense and you can't explain every eventuality.
My sister's lounge window shattered (bird strike) while she was in the room. A 7 year old would be very frightened.
How long does he wait if you don't come back?
He is too young.

We lived a 2 minute walk from a Co-op when my DS was 6-10, so I thought it was fine to leave him for 10 minutes from when he was 7. However, I waited until he was older for any place further away and definitely any journey by car.

@girlmom21

Why are so many posters seemingly so outraged when the first 7 words of the op are "in reality I am not going to"...?

Had she got the backing of the other posters she may well have done though.