To have left a 23year old at 3am away from home?

[MinibusLift]

I've nc as outing.

I have a minibus, for the price of the fuel and a Premier Inn room I am happy to collect my children and their friends and drop them at festivals/night clubs/stadiums etc.

I've been doing this for a few years before covid and have started again now never had an issue, occasionally haven't picked everyone I dropped off as they have decided not to come home.

On Friday I picked up 12, with my DD the youngest at 18 and then going up to 25.
I don't get involved in the organising just tell my children how much it will cost (£90 this time) and then I pick them up, drop them where they want to go and then pick them all back up at a pre agreed time. I, and my children are very clear that I won't hang around, like a pre booked taxi I leave at a set time.

Saturday morning 3am I go to pick them all up, one of mine had already texted to say he was staying in the city so I was expecting 11, but only 10 arrive.

I'm told *Alan has decided to stay with my son as he isn't ready to go home, apparently his sister tried to convince him but you can't argue with drunk people.

So I take the 10 back (about 2hours drive) and drop them home. At 8am I am woken up by Alan's mum asking why the fuck I'd left her son in the city and that he is stuck 2 hours from home with no money and needs to be at work at 10am and demanding I go and pick him up, finishing that no mother should leave someone else's son behind.

Was IBU to leave him?

(Before someone asks why I do it I'm studying and a quiet hotel room followed by a couple of hours of silent sleep in a bed on my own more than makes up for the driving)

He paid £7.50 towards the petrol, didn’t he? Maybe a few quod towards the hotel room (not an expensive one).

Maybe Alan's Mummy should drive fir 2 hours only to be told that her precious crotch fruit has fucked off to another bar/is in bed with someone and doesn't want to leave as he's a big boy now

@Isabellabasil

I'm on the fence. On the one hand you definitely didn't have the parental responsibility to go and find Alan, he is an adult.

But on the other, he has paid for you to take him home so it's a bit different from a normal favour from a parent.

This adult paid for a lift, he didn’t turn up, was the OP meant to wait until said adult was ready for his lift? Nah, mate, he was taking the piss.

He wants a lift on tap he rings his mammy.

@nicecheesegromit

This is weird.

Of course Alan's mum is being unreasonable

But I think it's really odd you go and pick up your DCs and their friends at that age. And far enough away from home to need a hotel room. At 3am! It sounds very helicopter parent to me - but with adults! Did you buy the minibus for these duties?

If only the OP had said why she did it in her very first post

*quid. Posted too soon. Meant to say that it’s peanuts, I’m sure he spent a lot more on his night out.

He's a fully grown man, he knew the time to leave so should have been there on time. If he expected you to have waited until he was ready, what about you and the others? Did he believe its reasonable for you all to wait 6 hours for a late person?! No of course not!!! A taxi leaves on time and you're not his mum.

[quote SpookyPumpkinPants]@MinibusLift

Isn't it amazing how many people can't operate a basic function to read (at least) all an OP's posts - then berate her for what they've decided must be the facts!

Oh & for as long as it suits you & your kids, carry on!

Tell Alan’s mother to F'Off -stupid woman he's 23 tucking years old, didn't want a lift. Not a 17yo who couldn't find his way back to the mini bus![/quote]
Thank you, as said in pp I have a minibus licence and I'm insured to carry people, for reward or otherwise. The I 'believe ' comment was separate to my explanation, as friends paying petrol for a lift would unlikely to be considered as running as hire and reward .

I fleshed out my original post as I knew that some would get sidetracked and ask why the fuck was I doing it in the first place. I am not willing to disclose why this arrangement works for me but be assured that this is a welcome addition to my life and something I really missed during covid. And to those that think Premier Inn is a crappy hotel, you obviously move in very different circles to me, I honestly love them.

I do wish I'd posted sooner. Some of the replies have been brilliant and I wish I'd been quicker of thought and been able to reply wittily. I do hope that Alan's mum has read this.

@Cameleongirl

He paid £7.50 towards the petrol, didn’t he? Maybe a few quod towards the hotel room (not an expensive one).

£7.50 for everything, so that's a lift from his home to the city and then back again at 3am, he just failed to turn up for the return journey.

Exactly, it’s peanuts and it’s his fault he didn’t show up for the return journey. His Mum is ridiculous!

No ones business but your own why you do it, OP. Ignore the odd people giving you the third degree!

@Blondeshavemorefun

So your son didn’t come back as was staying in the city. And Alan said the same ?

Then mummy got cross as he wanted to come back and you had gone

Tough titty

How did your son get home

Yes, exactly this.

My son isn't home, I don't know how he is getting home.

Ridiculous behaviour by Alan's Mummy.
Alan's sister said he wasn't coming back in the minibus.
He's 23 years old and decided he wanted to stay in the city. Nobody's problem but his own if he then can't get back in time for his work.

I’m not sure how I feel about this

I think this needs to be a more formal arrangement if you want to be treated like any other private hire mini bus operator that would do a job of this size professionally. But you should know that mixing business with friends/family can lead to awkward situations like this.

I think the lines are blurred because you’re leaving drunk young people in different cities in the early hours when you drive away. Yes, it’s of their own volition, but to a certain extent they are vulnerable and in an unfamiliar environment. I think if this was a drunk 23 year old female, others would be more apprehensive that you left her behind.

I thought Alan was with your son anyway. What happened?

All the lolz OP at your responses! It has got witty & pithy lately!

Alan paid for a tiny share of petrol back with 10/11 others at 3am.

Alan's mum seems to think that should cover your time and petrol for a whole new journey on his own there and back the next day too. Because Alan didn't want to come home last night!

Alan's mum is a CF.

OP if you were on Reddit, there's a whole subreddit called "Choosing Beggars" (CB = CF)- You'd get thousands and thousands of upvotes for this IRL story!!
Upvotes are like little imaginary pennies that buy kudos from your older DCs 

I love CB

All I can say is I WISH I had a parent or friends parent that would do this for me and friends when I was younger. Absolutely love that you're doing it. Alan's mummy just sounds like she needs to get a grip and stop shitting frisbees over how her adult son will get home...

I just want to know if Alan is home safely now.

Sorry Alan, figure it out son!

All those saying taking petrol money is illegal.

Surely any of us who do the driving with a car full accept payment towards petrol?

I always drive as I don't drink and if we were heading for a few hours we split the petrol costs.

@genericuserneeded

Oh my Lord! There's no blurred lines. These aren't children. It's an offered lift to adults going out together and coming back at 3am.

Alan isn't 'vulnerable people that OP drove away from leaving them in different cities'

The horror of it! An adult makes adult decisions and OP is somehow responsible for his adult decisions?

Alan is a grown 23 year old man

• Who decided to get drunk. He's allowed to
• Who decided not to catch back an available lift at 3am

He's allowed to

• who told his sister he didn't want to catch this lift home, he wanted to stay

Even his sister realised he's allowed to

• Who decided to stay on in the city with his friend when out

He's allowed to

I think Alan probably counts as a big boy now whose allowed to make his own decisions

Alan must be the only 23 year old in the world to pick up his Mummy’s call at 8am when he was still out at 3. So all other things aside, I’m impressed by Alan’s Mummy’s leadership skills.

@Boood

Oh dear Alan, you are a very naughty boy. You've made mummy rather cross.

@Comedycook

How pathetic....what is it now with people in their twenties still being treated like children by their mummy and daddy? Decades ago, Alan would probably have been married man with a couple of kids,living his life as a fully functioning adult

Absolutely if this was my adult child I’d say why the fuck didn’t you catch the mini bus when you know your in work the next day . I’d think it’d be bloody embarrassing for this so called adult that his mum has shouted at the mini bus driver . Op I’d have told her to wind her neck in.

Hmm I can see both sides to this, although as he's not your child, YANBU to leave him behind.
My son is 22. Last night we had a call from the police at 2am to say he had been found passed out covered in sick in the city centre. The police would not leave him until we collected him as they were worried about him being robbed ( fortunately still had his phone, wallet etc on him ), assaulted or stabbed. I am grateful they cared enough to do that. Kids/ young people do bloody stupid things. I appreciate people saying parents need to stop getting involved but I am glad the police called us and we did get involved making sure he was safe. I even checked on him through the night as I was worried he would choke on vomit. I may be over involved but sooner that than a tragedy. I woke him at 6am as he had to be at a relatively new job at 7am. We made him get up, sober up and drive him in. Yes he is an adult, but he knows he was totally stupid and is remorseful. We have all done stupid things. I would rather intervene and him be safe and still have a job, than not. I don't mind if people think I am pathetic.
Not sure what relevance this has on the situation you faced as the person was not your son and you had no responsibility towards him. I guess I am just responding to all those who might think I am a pathetic parent treating my adult son like a child.