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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have left a 23year old at 3am away from home?

368 replies

MinibusLift · 24/10/2021 16:13

I've nc as outing.

I have a minibus, for the price of the fuel and a Premier Inn room I am happy to collect my children and their friends and drop them at festivals/night clubs/stadiums etc.

I've been doing this for a few years before covid and have started again now never had an issue, occasionally haven't picked everyone I dropped off as they have decided not to come home.

On Friday I picked up 12, with my DD the youngest at 18 and then going up to 25.
I don't get involved in the organising just tell my children how much it will cost (£90 this time) and then I pick them up, drop them where they want to go and then pick them all back up at a pre agreed time. I, and my children are very clear that I won't hang around, like a pre booked taxi I leave at a set time.

Saturday morning 3am I go to pick them all up, one of mine had already texted to say he was staying in the city so I was expecting 11, but only 10 arrive.

I'm told *Alan has decided to stay with my son as he isn't ready to go home, apparently his sister tried to convince him but you can't argue with drunk people.

So I take the 10 back (about 2hours drive) and drop them home. At 8am I am woken up by Alan's mum asking why the fuck I'd left her son in the city and that he is stuck 2 hours from home with no money and needs to be at work at 10am and demanding I go and pick him up, finishing that no mother should leave someone else's son behind.

Was IBU to leave him?

(Before someone asks why I do it I'm studying and a quiet hotel room followed by a couple of hours of silent sleep in a bed on my own more than makes up for the driving)

OP posts:
girlmom21 · 24/10/2021 18:18

I can understand why Alan wanted to stay out Grin

purplecorkheart · 24/10/2021 18:22

Alan's mum has raised the next generation of man child! You did nothing wrong.

CantBeAssed · 24/10/2021 18:26

Not wanting to jump on the legalities of your set up (sounds like a win win for everyone involved) but do double check your insurance. I have known a couple of people who have had this type of set up and have ended up in court. It's not something I would do myself as I wouldn't want the responsibility should you have an accident. As for Alan, lesson learnt for him..

EdgeOfTheSky · 24/10/2021 18:27

@Isabellabasil

I'm on the fence. On the one hand you definitely didn't have the parental responsibility to go and find Alan, he is an adult.

But on the other, he has paid for you to take him home so it's a bit different from a normal favour from a parent.

But he had decided to stay on in the city with the OP’s son Confused
notanothertakeaway · 24/10/2021 18:29

@Fridafever

Mumsnet needs a separate board devoted to people worrying about other people’s insurance.
@Fridafever

I think that's unfair

It's no skin off my nose if OP lost her house because she had an accident, everyone sued her and her insurance didn't cover it

I (and others who raised the point) were only trying to be helpful to OP

OP subsequently confirmed that, due to the nature of her work, her insurance would cover her, but that wasn't clear from the OP

Fluffycloudland77 · 24/10/2021 18:36

It’s a city centre not The Somme so yanbu.

Phobiaphobic · 24/10/2021 18:40

@CremeEggThief

This problem of infantalising and prolonging childhood for adults is getting worse and worse. YANBU.
This. Jesus christ, what next - babying 30-year-olds?
onceandneveragain · 24/10/2021 18:40

@Isabellabasil

I'm on the fence. On the one hand you definitely didn't have the parental responsibility to go and find Alan, he is an adult.

But on the other, he has paid for you to take him home so it's a bit different from a normal favour from a parent.

If he'd paid a normal taxi, or bought a return train ticket, would you have expected the taxi/train to wait past the agreed departure time? Then why should OP? Alan's mum needs to get a grip!
1forAll74 · 24/10/2021 18:43

Poor Mummy,! If that had been my son in the 1980's/1990's. he would have probably hitch hiked all the way home, even a hundred miles or so.

Blondeshavemorefun · 24/10/2021 18:45

So your son didn’t come back as was staying in the city. And Alan said the same ?

Then mummy got cross as he wanted to come back and you had gone

Tough titty

How did your son get home

Chloemol · 24/10/2021 18:53

The mum is out of order

Alan knows the rules, said he was staying, end of the matter

If the mother wants him home to start work she can collect

thinkingaboutLangCleg · 24/10/2021 18:55

How pathetic....what is it now with people in their twenties still being treated like children by their mummy and daddy?

Yes, it's weird. If he'd been 13, different matter. But 23???

ChimChimeny · 24/10/2021 18:55

Don't try this on a tour bus with a group of senior citizens. Took my mother away on one for a few days. Heaven help anyone who was even five minutes late for the time the bus was pulling away

Or a cruise! We were almost ready to leave without 2 passengers until they came pegging it down the quay thing to get back on Grin

Tirediam · 24/10/2021 18:58

Oh Alan…
And oh Alans mother…

Sugarplumfairy65 · 24/10/2021 19:05

@titchy

Ignoring the obvious irony at the notion of Alan being infantilised by his mum coming from a woman who picks her adult kids and their friends up at 3am - yes of course she's being ridiculous.

But tbh the whole idea seems ridiculous to me - at least taxis and night buses are licenced - OP isn't. God help all of them if she has an accident.

This is what I was thinking. Licensed and insured to carry fare paying passengers
JudgeJ · 24/10/2021 19:11

@Comedycook

How pathetic....what is it now with people in their twenties still being treated like children by their mummy and daddy? Decades ago, Alan would probably have been married man with a couple of kids,living his life as a fully functioning adult
You only have to read many of the posts on MN to understand why they're so incapable of looking sfter themselves. The sort of 'Is it OK to let my 14 years old go into town on the bus?' and so on. They're not considered adults at 21 by many parents who are happy to nanny them.
DILevil · 24/10/2021 19:12

@MinibusLift you sound like a legend!
He clearly wanted to stay and then realised at 8am he was fucked with no transport and then panicked about getting back. Mum could send money at any time.

JudgeJ · 24/10/2021 19:14

@purplecorkheart

Alan's mum has raised the next generation of man child! You did nothing wrong.
Heaven help any woman daft enough to marry this mummy's boy!
Iflyaway · 24/10/2021 19:14

he has paid for you to take him home

True that. But same as with a flight or train. You have the ticket but if you don't turn up it's a no-show.

Tough. That's life.

Emmelina · 24/10/2021 19:15

At 23 he can figure it out for himself, and his mother needs to back up.
An 18 year old new to going out drinking I’d kinda get! But many of us had been living away from home for some years by the age of 23 and our parents long disconnected from our every movement.

Whereismumhiding3 · 24/10/2021 19:21

@girlmom21

I can understand why Alan wanted to stay out Grin
 Alan was hiding from his mum. Let out & running free! Alan is now in trouble ....  I may be being unfair to Alan but I suspect Alan the adult man tried to cover and told a few porkies this morning to his overbearing Mum.
MolyHolyGuacamole · 24/10/2021 19:22

But on the other, he has paid for you to take him home so it's a bit different from a normal favour from a parent.

This is like paying for a flight but then missing it because you've gotten too drunk. Airline doesn't care either.

CiaoForDiNiaoSaur · 24/10/2021 19:25

Yanbu. He's not a child. I had 2 children by 23. I can't imagine my mum getting involved in my social life (not that I had one)

nicecheesegromit · 24/10/2021 19:26

This is weird.

Of course Alan's mum is being unreasonable

But I think it's really odd you go and pick up your DCs and their friends at that age. And far enough away from home to need a hotel room. At 3am! It sounds very helicopter parent to me - but with adults! Did you buy the minibus for these duties?

tabulahrasa · 24/10/2021 19:29

@MolyHolyGuacamole

But on the other, he has paid for you to take him home so it's a bit different from a normal favour from a parent.

This is like paying for a flight but then missing it because you've gotten too drunk. Airline doesn't care either.

Not even though...

I mean, yes, he didn’t go get the lift because he was drunk, but he didn’t miss it, he decided he didn’t want it.