To have left a 23year old at 3am away from home?

[MinibusLift]

I've nc as outing.

I have a minibus, for the price of the fuel and a Premier Inn room I am happy to collect my children and their friends and drop them at festivals/night clubs/stadiums etc.

I've been doing this for a few years before covid and have started again now never had an issue, occasionally haven't picked everyone I dropped off as they have decided not to come home.

On Friday I picked up 12, with my DD the youngest at 18 and then going up to 25.
I don't get involved in the organising just tell my children how much it will cost (£90 this time) and then I pick them up, drop them where they want to go and then pick them all back up at a pre agreed time. I, and my children are very clear that I won't hang around, like a pre booked taxi I leave at a set time.

Saturday morning 3am I go to pick them all up, one of mine had already texted to say he was staying in the city so I was expecting 11, but only 10 arrive.

I'm told *Alan has decided to stay with my son as he isn't ready to go home, apparently his sister tried to convince him but you can't argue with drunk people.

So I take the 10 back (about 2hours drive) and drop them home. At 8am I am woken up by Alan's mum asking why the fuck I'd left her son in the city and that he is stuck 2 hours from home with no money and needs to be at work at 10am and demanding I go and pick him up, finishing that no mother should leave someone else's son behind.

Was IBU to leave him?

(Before someone asks why I do it I'm studying and a quiet hotel room followed by a couple of hours of silent sleep in a bed on my own more than makes up for the driving)

@AllTheUsernamesAreAlreadyTaken

but we need to talk about why you have to give people lifts to get a quiet hotel room and a couple of hours sleep

Ummmmm no we really don’t. It’s none of our business and not the point of the thread.

It’s part and parcel of her AIBU. She’s NU to have left Alan, she is U to be carting 20somethings round the country. If she wants to talk about it she can.

Alan and his mum are embarrassing

How sad that a 23 year old man couldn't figure out how to get himself home after a night out and had to ring mummy.

This is nothing. My son went on a sports trip in another country. (All adults)
One of them got drunk and wouldn't get up to get the plane.
He was left behind to make his own way home

@Isabellabasil

I'm on the fence. On the one hand you definitely didn't have the parental responsibility to go and find Alan, he is an adult.

But on the other, he has paid for you to take him home so it's a bit different from a normal favour from a parent.

He has paid and then willingly decided not to go home, his choice

There is always one isn't there. If you are travelling home in a group of 11 or 12 it is totally selfish to expect 10 or 11 other people to wait around for you. Did he really think that 11 people plus driver, arranging to be picked up at 3.00 am would be happy to wait around another two hours for him. Imagine if all the passengers thought they could just roll up at random times. It would be chaos. This type of person would be the first to complain if the boot was on the other foot and they were expected to do the waiting around.

Don't try this on a tour bus with a group of senior citizens. Took my mother away on one for a few days. Heaven help anyone who was even five minutes late for the time the bus was pulling away

Alan's a dick that needs to grow up. Fat chance of that with his mammy fighting his battles for him.

OP your kids and their friends are bloody lucky to have you providing this service for them

And YANBU

I’m 23. And a homeowner. And have 3 children. I cannot even fathom it being someone else’s responsibility to make sure I get home and am ready to go to work in the morning. Or my mother becoming involved at all YANBU. At all.

Obviously YANBU.

Alan is a grown man.

Aw poor Alan. Would love to hear his sister’s take on it.

"Hi Alan's Mum. I didn't insist on Alan coming back with us in the minibus as at the time he was getting a blowie from a woman in the alley opposite, and he gave me the thumbs up/shove off sign so I was rather reluctant to interrupt. DS told me later that he'd had a text soon after from Alan bragging that he'd had the night of his life with the young woman and a friend who later joined them at a local travelodge, so he was quite safe and had a bed for the night, I can assure you. Well, I say "safe"....apparently Alan hadn't taken any condoms with him according to DS so I only hope one of the young ladies had brought one. Well, it was actually 3 they would have needed. By all accounts."

I have no idea the legalities of what the OP is doing but regardless I think this is one of those arrangements where people should be left the fuck alone to get on with things, to be honest.

Different if she was selling her services to the public.

Alan's mother is being unreasonable and ridiculous because he's 23. But, I'd still take this as a bit of a wake up call. You are lucky this is the first issue you've encountered in transporting a dozen under 25s home at 3am after a night's drinking. What if next time its a very drunk 18 year old girl who doesn't turn up? Not your responsibility either, but I know I wouldn't be comfortable leaving without her, and that brings a whole new level of hassle. There's so many ways this could turn into a total PITA OP. You've just encountered the first one.

YANBU. Alan and Alan’s mum need to get a grip on life.

At 23 I'd already lived abroad for a year alone, and was living in London, paying my own way and working full time. This chap is an adult, his mum needs to cut the apron strings!

@MinibusLift

Isn't it amazing how many people can't operate a basic function to read (at least) all an OP's posts - then berate her for what they've decided must be the facts!

Oh & for as long as it suits you & your kids, carry on!

Tell Alan’s mother to F'Off -stupid woman he's 23 tucking years old, didn't want a lift. Not a 17yo who couldn't find his way back to the mini bus!

Sounds like a great arrangement for you. YANBU, what were you supposed to do, kidnap him? He's a grown man

I wonder what Alan's work said when Mummy phoned them up

Out of interest what would you do if it was a very drunk 18yo, last seen with a dodgy looking man, who didn't turn up?

If you were leaving a 15yr old, massively out of order.
But you left a 23yr old adult that made a decision.
You are not at fault here at all.

What the actual fuck? This is hilarious

When I was 23 I got a new job across the country and moved to be with my now-DH. My mum had no idea what I was doing in my spare time.

Alan's mummy needs to wind her neck in and let her grown ass son deal with his own mistakes.

Hes 23, an adult, not a child. Looks like his mother views him as a child too. Yanbu

Tell Alan's mum to get a grip his 23 for gods sake. Let them all sort themselves out from now on

Mumsnet needs a separate board devoted to people worrying about other people’s insurance.

Alan is a full grown adult , he knew the deal and decided to not go home . His mother is being ridiculous at his age he can make his own phone calls