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AIBU?

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Original poster

Do you view someone differently if they swear?

354 replies

Speckledhem · 24/10/2021 10:22

I don’t really mind the odd swear word - I swear myself from time to time, but why do people swear inappropriately as in normal sentences or use the C word? Its not that it offends, It’s just really quite repulsive both spoken or written down, I just switch off and lose any respect I would have had for this person.

Is it a regional thing? People just don’t talk like that in my area

OP posts:
BubbleCoffee · 25/10/2021 20:07

As soon as someone doesn’t swear l think less of them.

I wish people on all sides would be a little less quick to judge.

LakieLady · 25/10/2021 20:33

@Cryalot2

I rarely swear nor does anyone I mix with. If someone swears in my company I will pull them up and ask them to not use such foul language for which there is no excuse.
Who needs a fucking excuse?
FlyingWhistle · 25/10/2021 20:40

Fuck no.

I love swearing but I cannot abide it directed at people, so it would depend on the context.

CecilieRose · 25/10/2021 22:14

This reply has been deleted

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CecilieRose · 25/10/2021 22:17

@BubbleCoffee

Swearing often sounds hard-nosed, insensitive and aggressive to me, or oddly faux-tough if done self-consciously by someone rather middle class. It makes me feel uncomfortable and think of school bullies, aggressive adults, thugs and people who are desperate to look cool and 'edgy'. I rarely swear but probably sound ridiculous anyway due to being a quieter type. I've got used to people assuming I must be boring (I don't like the taste of alcohol either, shock horror!) While I have no interest in being the word police IRL, secretly I'd be happy if swearing was less used.
Yep, 100% agree. It's just unnecessary and not a good look. As someone who grew up in an abusive home with parents swearing at each other and us, I also find it quite triggering. It's very aggressive. For those saying it isn't, that's the entire point of swearing - it's supposed to sound aggressive and offensive. Which is why it's OK used sparingly, to express extreme frustration or to punctuate a dramatic story, but not when it's every other word or used AT someone.
ChocolateToad · 25/10/2021 22:21

Haven’t rtft but I find it odd how many people think ‘they’re just words’ and yet also think it’s horrific to swear in front of children. If they’re just words, what’s the problem with kids hearing swear words and swearing themselves?

AlexaShutUp · 25/10/2021 23:05

@ChocolateToad

Haven’t rtft but I find it odd how many people think ‘they’re just words’ and yet also think it’s horrific to swear in front of children. If they’re just words, what’s the problem with kids hearing swear words and swearing themselves?
I never really minded much if people swore in front of dd because she was intelligent enough to understand that there were some words that you have to be careful about using.

The fact is, it isn't appropriate to swear in all situations, not least because some people find it very offensive, as this thread demonstrates. Others will judge you for it etc. So most adults will consider the context and audience etc before uttering certain words. Few children are sophisticated enough to be able to judge that context and may therefore inadvertently use the words in situations where they wouldn't go down too well. So it makes sense to many people to avoid using those words in front of children so that they don't get confused.

I just used to say to my dd that swear words were OK if they were used in the right context but that children should avoid using them at any time because they didn't yet have enough experience to judge the context. By the teenage years, of course, most kids have it sussed, which is why many kids will swear in front of their mates but not in front of their parents.

Thepennysjustdropped · 25/10/2021 23:10

@CecilieRose
@BubbleCoffee Yep, I agree with you both - it does sound aggressive.

Gilead · 26/10/2021 07:00

how is that relevant? I didn't say all autistic people have them, I said they're typical, because they are.
No they aren’t. They apply to some autistic people. We are as diverse as Allison people.
I say this both as an autistic woman and as a (retired) diagnostic team member.

Iluvfriends · 26/10/2021 07:54

I dont swear, my choice. I don't judge others for doing so.
To suggest anyone that doesn't is pious
and/or po-faced is ridiculous. Cant swearers be the same.

User527294627 · 26/10/2021 08:01

Don’t mind swears deployed appropriately. Even ‘cunt’ has a place now and then. I don’t like it when people swear continuously or thoughtlessly.

Ragwort · 26/10/2021 08:01

I agree with others in that why do so many people say 'of course it's fine to swear ... but just not in front of DC' Hmm.

I pulled a friend of my DH's up once on his swearing, he fancied himself as a bit of 'posh boy lawyer' and every sentence was littered with swear words - I knew he wouldn't speak like that in a professional context - he was a lawyer - eventually I asked if he would swear in front of his DD, he replied 'of course not' but couldn't articulate why it was OK to swear in front of me. Confused

CecilieRose · 26/10/2021 08:27

@Gilead

how is that relevant? I didn't say all autistic people have them, I said they're typical, because they are. No they aren’t. They apply to some autistic people. We are as diverse as Allison people. I say this both as an autistic woman and as a (retired) diagnostic team member.
If enough autistic people have those traits that they are used as a key part of the diagnostic criteria (and they are), then they are considered typical. Full stop.

Perhaps you should consider the context of my comment, which is not that all autistic people struggle with social cues and small talk, but that a lot of people who struggle with social cues and small talk are autistic, and hence bullying someone like this is ableist.

shylatte · 26/10/2021 08:34

I don't swear, growing up it was a really bad thing and I really don't like it being a constant thing in the workplace. In a recent job everyone bar me swore constantly, it came across as so rough and it was so unnecessary. It was noted very early that I didn't swear and someone complained that it spoiled the team dynamic Hmm. In my region it is very much a class thing.

TheBlackArt · 26/10/2021 08:37

In my region it is very much a class thing

Elaborate.

actiongirl1978 · 26/10/2021 08:43

I tell my children I don't mind swearing but if it is directed at me, I do mind.

I swear a lot though try not to in front of my in-laws 😁

shylatte · 26/10/2021 09:09

TheBlackArt in my town it is a very stereotypical (lower) class thing. You won't find parents in the middle class areas calling their dc's cnts openly in public, whereas in certain areas it is considered quite normal. When I first started working with families in this area I was in one house and the grandmother told me that one of the dgc was a "greedy little cnt" as he asked for a biscuit. I couldn't believe it, but realized very quickly that it was definitely a thing.

TheBlackArt · 26/10/2021 09:20

in my town it is a very stereotypical (lower) class thing

Bingo!

AlfonsoTheUnrepetant · 26/10/2021 09:22

@Gilead

how is that relevant? I didn't say all autistic people have them, I said they're typical, because they are. No they aren’t. They apply to some autistic people. We are as diverse as Allison people. I say this both as an autistic woman and as a (retired) diagnostic team member.
Thank you. It is hugely insulting when a non-autistic person tells autistic person how they are.
AlfonsoTheUnrepetant · 26/10/2021 09:23

@BubbleCoffee

I cannot stand people who are "offended" by swearing.

You can't stand people just because their view on this one subject is different to your own? Not the most tolerant approach. I find some swearing offensive but I'm still good friends with some people who swear, some who don't.

I like your style, @BubbleCoffee.
CecilieRose · 26/10/2021 09:46

@AlfonsoTheUnrepetant who is non autistic?!? I'm autistic myself. Stating that having trouble with social cues is not an autistic trait is ridiculous. Sorry, it's plain ludicrous.

RamonaFlowers1 · 26/10/2021 09:54

I very rarely swear out loud, though I do it in my head quite a lot! I'm not sure of the reason why I don't do it out loud, though I'm suspecting my own autism has something to do with it. I only got a diagnosis a few months ago so I'm still working out the ways it might affect me. I do swear a little bit more often when I'm drunk. My boyfriend noticed fairly early on that I'm not much of a swearer. He is, but he has no issue with me not doing it.

I don't judge other people for swearing, except in front of kids, at work etc. I just think there are certain times and places you don't do it. It's very weird to me that my boyfriend swears in front of his parents!

AlfonsoTheUnrepetant · 26/10/2021 09:59

[quote CecilieRose]@AlfonsoTheUnrepetant who is non autistic?!? I'm autistic myself. Stating that having trouble with social cues is not an autistic trait is ridiculous. Sorry, it's plain ludicrous.[/quote]
If you say so.

WhiskyXray · 26/10/2021 10:06

@Ragwort

I agree with others in that why do so many people say 'of course it's fine to swear ... but just not in front of DC' Hmm.

I pulled a friend of my DH's up once on his swearing, he fancied himself as a bit of 'posh boy lawyer' and every sentence was littered with swear words - I knew he wouldn't speak like that in a professional context - he was a lawyer - eventually I asked if he would swear in front of his DD, he replied 'of course not' but couldn't articulate why it was OK to swear in front of me. Confused

I'd venture it was because he didn't think you were a child.
RestingStitchFace · 26/10/2021 10:07

God I love swearing.Grin Clearly I was dragged up...