Should I go back to my maiden name or keep my married name?

[lipglossandblusher]

I’ve decided to come on Munster for some advice so here it goes.

I’m 36 and going through a divorce at the moment, I’ve been married to DH for 5 years, I was 31 when I married him. Once my divorce is finalised should I go back to my maiden name or keep my married name? Neither me or DH have any children.

I’d go back to maiden name. That you have no children makes this an easy decision, IMO.

Not in my experience. Have flown all over the world with DD without DH over the last 11 years, including when she was tiny.

(Both kept our names on marriage, DD has my name as a middle name.).

Never once had any issue at all.

@smoko

When no kids are involved it seems a bit sad to keep your married name. I'd think the person had a lack of identity, struggling to move on & possibly controlling if they kept their married name in those circumstances.

Not “person” though, is it? A tiny, tiny proportion of men change their names on marriage, so you’re perpetuating the utter horsecrap that women, and only women, should be judged and identified by their relationship status with men. Disgusting.

Once my divorce is finalised should I go back to my maiden name or keep my married name?

Which do you prefer? Use that. It's that simple really.

Like Sarah Millican. I wonder sometimes what she and her XH feel about her being successful with his name. It was an amicable split though so maybe neither of them is bothered.

It’s HER name. FFS.

Im in the same position but I have kids with the surname so it's more difficult. But if I didn't have kids I would have reverted back to my old name for sure.

Neither of my kids have my surname (went back to maiden name after divorce, no way I was keeping that name!) and didn’t want my first to be annoyed at my second having the same name as me when she no longer did.

OH wasn’t bothered either way. So there are 4 of us and 3 different surnames. Never been an issue.

Will be advising my girls not to change their names should they marry.

You have no children so don't need to keep your married name to match that of a child. Go back to your maiden name. Why would you want to keep the name of a person you no longer love or who no longer loves you?

It’s up to you, keep whichever you prefer or feels more like you

I’m your position with no kids I’d probably revert back to my birth name, but that doesn’t mean you have to

Keep it or don't - your choice. Do you want to have that connection to him for the rest of your life? Because even though it is legitimately your name, you came to it via him. If that will irritate you, change back (or to a new, 3rd choice).

@BlueSuffragette

You have no children so don't need to keep your married name to match that of a child. Go back to your maiden name. Why would you want to keep the name of a person you no longer love or who no longer loves you?

Because, actually IT’S HER NAME.

Whichever you prefer. Once you’ve CHOSEN to adopt a name and use it then it’s YOUR name. All this “it’s his name” business annoys me.

I genuinely don’t really understand this, I thought it was all ‘I choose to take his name, it’s mine now’ etc etc. But why would you then have to change it if you split, what a massive hassle (for the second time) for the woman!!! Are you just ‘blessed with His Name’ for the time you’re married, like ‘honoured to be borrowing it’ or something and then have to give it back?

But it’s what lies beneath that seems so disturbing- is what some of pp are saying is that it’s never really her name even while she’s married so that she’s really weird if she keeps it? Surely in this instance the op has been using it for five years so is completely entitled to use it if she wants to? Or her birth name, or Regina Bananahammock, should that appeal more?

Like, if you’re someone who changed their name, but already know you’d go back to your original name if you split with no kids, do you really consider your married name your own? What is the thinking behind ‘giving his name up’ upon split?

All this “it’s his name” business annoys me.

Now, I agree that's it is her name to keep or change. But it's not like she chose to change her name to some random word that sounded great. The name was chosen under particular circumstances and very much because it was his name. It's not nonsense that people make the connection.

I'd revert back to your own name and never change it again.

Just watch out for the dafty who put their foot in it and assumes the name change is because of marriage rather than divorce

It’s your choice, but without children I personally would go back to my maiden name.

@smoko

When no kids are involved it seems a bit sad to keep your married name. I'd think the person had a lack of identity, struggling to move on & possibly controlling if they kept their married name in those circumstances.

Well that’s pretty judgemental. It’s her name just as much as it is his once she’s changed it, we don’t lease names from men for fuck sake.

Funnily enough I’ve been thinking about what I’d do if I got divorced. Initially I thought I’d change my name back, but I wouldn’t want a diff name to my kids. So perhaps I’d go double barrelled, but use my maiden name day to day.

@GoodnightGrandma

Funnily enough I’ve been thinking about what I’d do if I got divorced. Initially I thought I’d change my name back, but I wouldn’t want a diff name to my kids. So perhaps I’d go double barrelled, but use my maiden name day to day.

You don’t feel you own the name you actively chose to take and give to your children? Why not?

'Because, actually IT’SHERNAME.'

Yes I'm well aware that her married name is legally hers. I just wondered if she would want a constant reminder of somebody she no longer loves or no longer loves her. Moving back to her maiden name may help her move on with a fresh start.

I’d go back to my maiden name.

I remember discovering a former colleague’s surname was her former married name and being quite surprised, as she had a child with her new partner. She said it was just a hassle to change it. Personally I wouldn’t be comfortable with my child having my new partner’s surname while I still had the old one.

I went back to my birth name. A bit of a hassle, yes, but worth it. Why on earth would anyone keep their married name.. A couple of my friends picked completely new names when they divorced.

In your position I'd change it back. I have children so not sure I would as I'd not want to have a different name to my kids.

Like Sarah Millican. I wonder sometimes what she and her XH feel about her being successful with his name. It was an amicable split though so maybe neither of them is bothered.

Demi Moore and Lucy Lawless also became famous with surnames from their first marriages. I can see why you wouldn’t revert to your maiden name if you’re just getting established in an industry where name recognition is everything. It almost becomes like a stage name.

And it’s not like any of these women were ‘trading on a man’s name’ - it wasn’t a surname that made them successful! Who could pick Freddie Moore out of a line-up?