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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be annoyed DH is going on a stag weekend to Amsterdam?

926 replies

JinglyJangly · 10/12/2007 18:57

DH is going on a stag weekend after Christmas to Amsterdam and too be honest, I am not too happy about it. I have heard what really goes on and why men go there, i.e. sex shops, brothels, live sex shows etc.

The blokes he is going with are a bunch of knobs. I have heard the majority of them frequent these types of places (only from what DH has said).

DH went on a stag weekend to Edinburgh a few years back and the guy who's stag party it was, was well up for visiting a brothel and guess what? he is going on the stag weekend to Amsterdam .

AIBU to be annoyed about him going? I am feeling a bit down in the dumps today and keep thinking all sorts about what they will get up too.

Whatever happened to guys going for a few beers at the local? It seems the norm for stag weekends to be held abroad nowadays. WHY is that?

OP posts:
GLAMpresentsforMAMAplease · 12/12/2007 16:11

This OP wasn't even about prostitution. As I recall the OP was not happy with her DH going on a stag weekend to Amsterdam. The post was patently about levels of trust in the relationship and alll this talk of exploitation etc is just clouding that issue.
For those that want to help end trafficking of women contact the Poppy Rroject(for eaxmple). For those that would like more trust in their relationships contact Relate.
Peace and goodwill to all, come on everyone, group hug and have a laugh on this thread instead

Elizabetth · 12/12/2007 16:11

Women don't go to the red light district in Amsterdam and pay for prostitutes though, Meeely. There is a huge sex industry in the Netherlands financed by male customers, many of them tourists.

GLAMpresentsforMAMAplease · 12/12/2007 16:12

sorry that should read Poppy Project

Elizabetth · 12/12/2007 16:13

Actually GLAM if you read the first post properly JinglyJangly mentions one of the men going as someone who likes to visit brothels.

Prostitution was the topic here right from the start.

Meeely2 · 12/12/2007 16:14

not all women do no elizabeth, same as not all men do either. (some women like other women you know, so could BUY it if they wanted to)

MotherFunk · 12/12/2007 16:16

Message withdrawn

GLAMpresentsforMAMAplease · 12/12/2007 16:18

It's got personal. Elizabetth I did read the post from the beginning. And so what if one of the mates likes to go to brothels? Is her husband in his pocket? Does he not have a mind of his own?

cestlavie · 12/12/2007 16:20

Gosh Elizabetth, you're right, I'd so missed "pay for sex" off my list of reasons to go places for stag weekends.

I'd completely forgotten that you mentioned you'd been on several stag weekends including a number in Amsterdam. I guess you'll know therefore that one of the key questions we always ask is "Who here would like to pay for sex?" and if we get a majority in favour (as we invariably do) then it's just "Hello Amsterdam!"

Actually, I am curious. Please tell me what you think happens on an average stag weekend? Let's say Friday night to Sunday afternoon.

MotherFunk · 12/12/2007 16:22

Message withdrawn

anniemac · 12/12/2007 16:23

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Elizabetth · 12/12/2007 16:25

I didn't misunderstand you MotherFunk, you were making false claims that you thought no-one would dispute. Fortunately they are quite easily dismissed with facts rather than shouting. I'm sorry you are trying to rewrite what you actually said. Is it really that difficult just to admit you were wrong?

As for what the "real" topic is, I think JinglyJangly has already said that part of her problem with her DH going to Amsterdam would be the exploitation involved in prostitution.

Elizabetth · 12/12/2007 16:27

"I know at least one of his mates going is a serial cheater"

I bet his wife or girlfriend has no clue either and all his male friends cover for him. Taking wild guesses of course, but that seems to be the way these things go down usually.

GLAMpresentsforMAMAplease · 12/12/2007 16:27

If I was a man reading this I would be incensed. Because some men cheat, not all do. Likewise women. This is about whether the OP has reason to feel secure that her DH would not do anything to violate their relationship. Only she and her DP can analyse the reasons and resolve any issues.

MotherFunk · 12/12/2007 16:29

Message withdrawn

GLAMpresentsforMAMAplease · 12/12/2007 16:29

Sorry maybe I missed something. JJ was worried about exploitation of women? Guess I missed that although I will bet that there was one woman she was worried about being exploited, namely herself. Only she and her DP can know whether those fears are groundless or not.

expatinscotland · 12/12/2007 16:30

my ex H, a german, has been to amsterdam several times, including when we were married. we also went together a couple of times.

and you know, it never occured to me about the pay for sex thing.

people can do that anywhere, after all.

it's like cheating. if someone's going to do it, they'll more than likely do it close by.

also, i knew everytime he went, he was going for the hash and was with similar-minded people.

GLAMpresentsforMAMAplease · 12/12/2007 16:30

x posts motherfunk!

PennyBenjamin · 12/12/2007 16:30

"All this "I trust my DH implicitly" crap is asking for trouble IMO... I don't trust anyone but myself"

That is so incredibly sad. I'm not sure I could get out of bed in the morning if I didn't have anyone to trust. I don't know why you would have married someone you didn't trust? It must make every day a trial?

Elizabetth · 12/12/2007 16:30

"It's got personal. Elizabetth I did read the post from the beginning. And so what if one of the mates likes to go to brothels? Is her husband in his pocket? Does he not have a mind of his own?"

JinglyJangly mentioned brothels twice in her first post here and you turned up to declare that this topic has nothing to do with prostitution.

What am I supposed to think apart from you didn't read the first post terribly carefully?

harleyd · 12/12/2007 16:31

if he's got any sense he will just pull some bird in the bar and not even have to pay for it

cestlavie · 12/12/2007 16:31

Ah shame Elizabetth, you didn't answer my question about what actually happens on a stag weekend? Go on, please.... pretty please... you seem to know an awful lot about them...

expatinscotland · 12/12/2007 16:31

there are people who pay for sex, and people who pay for drugs.

MotherFunk · 12/12/2007 16:32

Message withdrawn

MotherFunk · 12/12/2007 16:35

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GLAMpresentsforMAMAplease · 12/12/2007 16:36

Crikey. I did read this post from the beginning and my DP and I talked about it last night. This was not originally a post about the rights and wrongs of prostitution. The OP was about whether the OP should be annoyed that her DH was going to Amsterdam. Meaning she was worried about her DH going to a brothel as one of his friends likes to. Sorry but going to Amsterdam does not equal paying for sex. Maybe for some of the members of the group it will do, maybe her DH it won't. But paying for sex is being unfaithful and as it has been said countless times you don't have to go to Amsterdam to be unfaithful.
I reiterate, this is about trust. Without trust there is nothing.