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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Another football parent calling my son gay boy

480 replies

Porkpiesarespicy · 23/10/2021 15:27

So I guess my AIBU is, do I pull them up on it or just let it go. Week after week they call him gay boy. "Oh there's gay boy I didn't see him" , "well done gay boy good game". You get my gist. I think it's said in jest, but my god it makes my shit itch.
I couldn't give two hoots if he's gay or not as long as he's happy in himself.
Not sure that I would be over reacting to call them out on it next time?? Hence why not I'm here asking you lot...! If so I need help with come backs I'm not quick witted and tend to think oh I should have said after the event.
Also do I call them out or speak to the manager who is friendly with them? Don't want it to be awks but equally want them to know what they are doing is not acceptable (imo anyway)... thoughts please mumsnetters

OP posts:
BustedCanOfBiscuits · 23/10/2021 16:22

[quote 2reefsin30knots]@BustedCanOfBiscuits [/quote]
Come join me on the verandah 2reefin30knots. I have a bucket of beer, good binoculars and all the latest gos on who's shagging who at the YC. Christ, they're a hot bed aren't they?! 🤣

IAAP · 23/10/2021 16:26

I’d record and film it (if possible) if not I’d take two witnesses with you - close enough to witness and not seem like they are with you and then I’d report to the league and the police - you absolutely must report it to the police. Doesn’t matter if he is gay or not - this parent is using the term as a form of abuse - please ensure you have witnesses accidental filming ‘the match’ and close enough to hear it and report it to both the league and the police. The only thing that is acceptable is a criminal convection here. This should not be tolerated under any circumstances

Bexxe · 23/10/2021 16:26

Next time she says it, will all up with a big smile on your face and saw ‘awww, homophobia really suits you’ And walk off 😂

CovidCorvid · 23/10/2021 16:30

You need to go postal at her.

I’d be asking her at the top of my voice why the fuck she thought it was acceptable and telling her that she’s a nasty homophobic bully. I wouldn’t fucking care if she’s friends with the manager. Bullies get away with it because they bank on people not being confident enough to stand up to them. She needs putting in her place.

Verbena87 · 23/10/2021 16:31

You are not overreacting and I’d be tempted to start routinely referring to her as homophobe in her hearing.

2reefsin30knots · 23/10/2021 16:33

@BustedCanOfBiscuits Grin Grin I'll bring the bird watching telescope and g&t.

DFOD · 23/10/2021 16:34

Don’t wait for a next time.

Don’t deal with her directly - she will punish you and your son somehow. Don’t do it in public because she is a bully and will demolish you.

Use the official channels - that is why the Welfare Officer is there - that’s their job to do it efficiently, effectively without risking recriminations.

Do it in writing.

Ask that you and your son are not identified as the complainant.

Even if your DS doesn’t want the “hassle” of you complaining - do it because it’s the right thing to do. The other kids will also be distressed by her repeater behaviour as will the other adult bystanders who are also silenced by this bully.

Verbena87 · 23/10/2021 16:34

(Also, using gay as a pejorative term like this is considered a homophobic slur and goes against the 2010 equality act. I’m a teacher and if a kid uses this language in school it’s a suspension. You’re really not being precious, and she really is being a wanker of the highest order.)

flowers141 · 23/10/2021 16:37

This is terrible. Not normal at all. it's teaching other kids that this is acceptable too when she is saying it. please complain. if no action is taken complain to the FA

Oblomov21 · 23/10/2021 16:38
Shock

This is horrendous.

HollowTalk · 23/10/2021 16:38

I don't understand why you didn't pull her up on it the first time you heard it and why you let your son go and deal with that on his own every week. I would have been there as his back up every single week.

Stickyjamhands · 23/10/2021 16:38

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

RealBecca · 23/10/2021 16:38

Id record it, then speak to the coach and say that you expect them to be banned from attending and if they dont you will be reporting their behaviour, and the action they have taken as part of that to the police.

jellybeanteaparty · 23/10/2021 16:39

I think @edgeofthesky has suggested a good approach and wording - they may have started this as banter but they are coming across as homophobic and abusive towards your son and you would like it to stop. Mentioning the team may get into trouble with the FA etc if this has been overhead by other teams etc.

ivykaty44 · 23/10/2021 16:49

on the club website or literature there should be the contact name for the welfare officer - every sports club will have a welfare officer

email the officer and explain what has been happening and tell them you'd like it stopped asap

it'll stop as otherwise they know you'd go further

Original poster
Porkpiesarespicy · 23/10/2021 16:49

@12LuDo

Don't feel bad, it's not you who is behaving in this antisocial way. Not everyone is comfortable with confrontation and it's not always easy to guage how bad someone's behaviour is when everyone around them seems to condone it. You did the right thing getting help from others and you will be supporting, not just your son, but also the other kids in his group by speaking out. Good luck
Thank you
OP posts:
ivykaty44 · 23/10/2021 16:50

Next time she says it, will all up with a big smile on your face and saw ‘awww, homophobia really suits you’ And walk off 😂

and the person will think that its all a joke - it rally isn't a joke

Brefugee · 23/10/2021 16:51

well I'm quite bolshy and i don't care if people hate me or give me funny looks - I'd shout "oi, is that the homophobic mum again?"

And then I'd tell the coach that it is up to him to stop homophobic bullying of his team and that you've contacted the FA to get him some help with it because he obviously doesn't know how to manage it. And i would actually ask the FA to help him.

I'd also give my son the rainbow laces for his boots.

Patapouf · 23/10/2021 16:52

Fucking hell I'd have gone apeshit after the first time he did it.

How dare he tease a child, and how dare he demonstrate to children that it's seemingly ok to be so disgustingly homophobic the utter twat.

Original poster
Porkpiesarespicy · 23/10/2021 16:52

@HollowTalk

I don't understand why you didn't pull her up on it the first time you heard it and why you let your son go and deal with that on his own every week. I would have been there as his back up every single week.
He doesn't deal with it in his own he goes with his dad when I'm there we are separated. I don't know if she does it when his takes him. I've called him today to ask after the game but as yet he's to return my call.
OP posts:
Original poster
Porkpiesarespicy · 23/10/2021 16:53

@ivykaty44

on the club website or literature there should be the contact name for the welfare officer - every sports club will have a welfare officer

email the officer and explain what has been happening and tell them you'd like it stopped asap

it'll stop as otherwise they know you'd go further

I've had a look for that before I posted on here but I couldn't see it, so I will email the man who opens the club and ask him for it
OP posts:
rwalker · 23/10/2021 16:54

She will thrive on attention so don't tackle her go to the manager and tell him to deal with her .

Nc123 · 23/10/2021 16:55

Definitely call her on it publicly. Playing stupid is a good tactic.

“What did you call him there?”
“I don’t understand, why are you calling him gay boy?”
“I don’t get it. What’s his hair got to do with it?”

Make her stand there and try and explain her stupid remarks, feeling more and more stupid as she does so.

Rude cow. NO WAY would I be standing there and letting her call my son names. Statistically someone in the team or spectators will be gay and listening to that homophobic nonsense. And if the coach is tolerating it then I wouldn’t want my kid in that team.

RoseRedRoseBlue · 23/10/2021 16:56

@MeredithGreyishblue

You're unreasonable for not having stood up for him yet.
This. There are times when you have to step up. This is one of them.
AntiMaskersAreTwats · 23/10/2021 16:59

Wtf! I’m shocked that you’ve let it go on without saying something! Defend your child, notify the club in writing and the police.

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