Another football parent calling my son gay boy

[Porkpiesarespicy]

So I guess my AIBU is, do I pull them up on it or just let it go. Week after week they call him gay boy. "Oh there's gay boy I didn't see him" , "well done gay boy good game". You get my gist. I think it's said in jest, but my god it makes my shit itch.
I couldn't give two hoots if he's gay or not as long as he's happy in himself.
Not sure that I would be over reacting to call them out on it next time?? Hence why not I'm here asking you lot...! If so I need help with come backs I'm not quick witted and tend to think oh I should have said after the event.
Also do I call them out or speak to the manager who is friendly with them? Don't want it to be awks but equally want them to know what they are doing is not acceptable (imo anyway)... thoughts please mumsnetters

[toocold54]

This really pisses me off! Something that’s homophobic, racist or sexist but disguised as banter.

Forget what she was like in school as it’s irrelevant and complain like hell.
I would have complained to her face there and then but I get why you didn’t want to embarrass her son.

[itsgettingwierd]

You need to email the welfare officer.

Something clear and strong and that nips any potential reaction in the bud.

Something like

Dear Welfare officer.

The past few weeks parent X has used the following expressions when addressing my son.

[Werehamster]

For what it's worth, my dad was the Child Protection Officer for the local kid's sports team and this is exactly the sort of complaints he dealt with. Not specifically this, but things like swearing, kids making comments from the sidelines, parents being over the top.

[steff13]

If the coach heard, I would expect him to say something to the parent, or eject her from the field. But failing that, you should say something. Since your son is 15, I might ask him first; kids that age are easily embarrassed and I wouldn't want to upset him further. But someone needs to make her stop.

[Nutsabouttopic]

Has your son heard her. Has he said anything to you
Personally I would ring the welfare officer bypassing the coach. Because of their relationship he may be reluctant to speak to her. I understand your reluctance because unfortunately and unfairly these things can impact on players playing time.
Child bullies don't change they just become adult bullies

[iklboo]

And don't let her try the 'What? It's just a joke. You've got no sense of humour / you're overreacting / a snowflake' bullshit either. Seriously, if she'd have said it about my DS the first time would be the last.

[itsgettingwierd]

But make sure what you say is in writing or any chat is followed up in writing.

The problem is nothing can be proven as happening without evidence

[MrsAvocet]

The FA has an anti bullying policy template on its website. Bullying and homophobia should not be tolerated by any club. If your ckub doesn't have a policy it clearly needs one! I would bring it up with the Welfare Officer.

[LanisHouseLot]

Personally I think I'd focus on the bullying and harassment angle with the fact that the language is homophobic as a secondary point. I can just imagine a retort of "but we know he's not gay, it's just silly banter. How can it be homophobic if he's not gay - if she was attacking a gay person with it as a slur then sure, but this is just joking around". I think it opens it up to be minimised (unless he is gay and they know at the club). Focus on the fact that she is targeting your son. Yes it happens to be with a homophobic slur, but it wouldn't actually matter what slur it was that she chose to bully him with, the fact is she shouldn't be behaving like this with a 16 year old lad.

[Eggsdancing]

I can't believe no other adult has complained or called her out on it, I can imagine the reaction if it was calling a kid 'black boy'. Or if it was a grown man labelling a 15-year-old girl 'dyke girl' or something. Totally inappropriate and yes I'd totally have called her out on it especially with my child.

[Comefromaway]

It is completely unacceptable and you must put a formal complaint in to the Welfare Officer.

[Glittertwins]

@Werehamster

There should be a Welfare Officer that you can talk to.

I've just done a children's sports safeguarding course and this is the first step. Definitely go straight to the Welfare Officer. This sort of thing should not go near the coach.

[GetOffTheTableMabel]

Even if your DS is completely unbothered by it, it is still totally unacceptable. We have no way of knowing how such casual bigotry could negatively affect any of the other young people present.

What if a young footballer on an opposing team is struggling with their sexuality and mental health? What if they’re trying to find a way to talk to the adults in their life? How would this make them feel? The ignorant loud-mouth needs telling.

[trumpisagit]

This is astounding. You need to call her up on. "What did you say?" at the time would be best.
However if you or your son are intimidated by her, straight to the coach or club welfare officer

[Artie30]

Not acceptable and you should speak to manager.

Back when I was growing up it was really common for people to call each other gay or gay boy to gay lord as an insult and no one was really bothered but times have moved on and it's not acceptable!

[Dartsplayer]

@TirednWorried

How old is he?

Absolutely irrelevant how old OP's child is. Disgusting and homophobic behaviour from the other parent although I'm shocked OP even had to ask if it was ok

[Porkpiesarespicy]

@SummerHouse

Are there other parents who will back you up. If I was there I would be right by your side to say "yeah, it's not acceptable, you need to stop that now." Any decent parent would. Just might help to ensure there's no drama, just a united front.

I don't know if they would they all seem quite "friendly" with her but someone said previously they might be cringing at what she is saying and not keen on her either but don't say anything...

[Werehamster]

Just have a chat with the Welfare Officer. For example, my dad had a complaint that a group of lads were swearing at one of the boys when he was playing. The next game, my dad stood behind them and heard it first hand and it was all dealt with. That's their job, so don't worry about complaining.

[Needspace21]

Totally unacceptable bullying and homophobic. Needs nipping in the bud. Speak to the manager.

[MoiraNotRuby]

My reaction would be "gay is not an insult, don't use it as one"

[12LuDo]

I understand why you would feel anxious about voicing your concerns because she is popular, but that's exactly how bullies get away with their insults. My son is the same age and, if it was me, I would talk to him and ask how he feels about it and he would like me to handle it. I really hope you find a way to stand up to her that doesn't cause your son any issues, because this kind of behaviour needs to be called out so that everyone knows it's unacceptable, especially the other young people around her

[Porkpiesarespicy]

[quote itsgettingwierd]You need to email the welfare officer.

Something clear and strong and that nips any potential reaction in the bud.

Something like

Dear Welfare officer.

The past few weeks parent X has used the following expressions when addressing my son.

[Werehamster]

My dad also had to give the coaches a warning about swearing during matches as well. It was not an easy job, but it's an important job and he took it very seriously.

[MeredithGreyishblue]

You're unreasonable for not having stood up for him yet.

[SolasAnla]

Don't approach her directly. The risk is the Club will try to make it a parent on parent spat rather you expecting the club to enforce a code of behaviour on the members / parents

If you go directly to the Club it's not a "personal attack" on the other parent, it's you expecting the club to step up.
So the manager coach etc should not take sides or change the way your son is treated. But if they do it's retaliation