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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Anyone else dread work Christmas do’s?

117 replies

CaveWoman1 · 23/10/2021 13:11

I think I must be missing a trick here. Does anyone else dread the obligatory Christmas do in Dec? I find them so awkward & pressurised - trying to enjoy yourself (or look like you are) whilst still on your professional guard because you’re around colleagues & senior management. And ours is always miles away from where I live so it’s a right hack to get there by public transport. If I drive, I can’t have a drink.

I struggle with the whole “having fun with colleagues” thing…….I’m quite a private person and whilst I’m on friendly terms with my team at work I don’t want to socialise with them! It just feels so forced somehow. I can put a game face on & do it of course, it’s just I don’t want to! And then there’s the issue of being conspicuous by your absence if you don’t go. At least, that’s how it is for our team.

Our work Christmas do is scheduled in and I am thinking of ways to get out of it. Am I a humbug or does anyone else feel like this?

OP posts:

user1471517900 · 23/10/2021 13:13

Nope I enjoy them. And the people who don't simply don't come. Nobody judges them for that as we know some people enjoy it and others don't.

AnyFucker · 23/10/2021 13:15

I stopped going to them years ago

RedskyThisNight · 23/10/2021 13:15

IME people who don't enjoy going to the Christmas do, simply don't go to it. Nobody actually cares, no matter what they might say.
Forcing yourself to do something you hate, is the odd thing...

WowIlikereallyhateyou · 23/10/2021 13:16

Always hated them,forced to socialise with a load of people i would otherwise not choose to do, with mediocre food etc My OH hates them too.
It is now one of the major benefits for me of being self employed! I at least get a quality work do!

Plump82 · 23/10/2021 13:17

I don't like them either. I get on well with my colleagues but the ones I considered friends have since moved on. I'm at a very different stage in life as my immediate team and really have nothing in common. It was nice to get out of it last year. I'm hoping this year's falls on my husbands birthday and I'll have a legit excuse!

WowIlikereallyhateyou · 23/10/2021 13:18

@RedskyThisNight

IME people who don't enjoy going to the Christmas do, simply don't go to it. Nobody actually cares, no matter what they might say. Forcing yourself to do something you hate, is the odd thing...

I thinks this depends on your role, some companies take a dim view of people not going to the xmas do,especially if the individual has a senior role. This has been our experience anyway.

Buildingthefuture · 23/10/2021 13:19

Just don’t go! As an employer I definitely don’t judge the people who don’t come. I ONLY want people to come if they will enjoy it. It’s personal choice in your own free time so do exactly what you want. If you are already dreading it, it’s absolutely not worth it xx

Original poster

CaveWoman1 · 23/10/2021 13:23

Our manager is a very sociable, outgoing person. He loves a festive work do and hopes we all do too…….he likes to arrange regular socials to bond the team. He’s coming from a good place but there is also a professional commitment to go, if that makes sense. Grrrrrrrr

OP posts:

user1471517900 · 23/10/2021 13:26

Just say you don't enjoy them though. I honestly think some people try and play the martyr with these and pretend they're forced to go. Honestly, nobody will care. If you're going and just moaning about it anyway, it's probably nicer for you and everyone else to just stay away!

Libertaire · 23/10/2021 13:29

I’m not a fan of work Christmas dos either. Fortunately, my mum’s birthday is in mid December, and the family celebration often clashes with the work do. Well, it does as far as work is concerned, anyway….

ComtesseDeSpair · 23/10/2021 13:29

I like them and so I go. And those of us who do like them and go honestly don’t care whether our colleagues who stay at home are being honest or lying when they say they can’t come because of childcare / transport / turning into a pumpkin after 8pm.

fussytodd · 23/10/2021 13:37

I used to find it hard to socialise with colleagues in my first job. Now I absolutely love it.

I'm just myself and let my guard down and have a laugh. I try to stay professional/ not give too much personal stuff away, but I really enjoy getting to know my colleagues. Just be yourself and have fun. It doesn't have to be stiff, just because it's work. You're all people at the end of the day and unless you do something completely outrageous, it's fine.

I found the more I let go and let loose with colleagues and management, the better my career went.

When I was all stiff and awkward, I didn't progress !

hollyhocksarenotmessy · 23/10/2021 13:45

It depends on how much I like my colleagues, and the do. Some I've really enjoyed, and others I've been counting the minutes till I can leave without looking rude.

Percypigg · 23/10/2021 13:46

I've never liked them and as a consequence don't go. We have to pay for ours and the minimum spend would be £80 (including taxi back home).

I'm good friends with some of my colleagues but don't especially want to spend time with the entire team in that environment. I know that I won't be happy (£££, awful food) and so won't be that relaxed and fun as a result. Why subject other people to that??

GiantHaystacks2021 · 23/10/2021 13:46

I'm not looking forward to ours, either.
It's paid for by our employers.
I'm also at a different life stage to a fair number of the staff and I have little in common with them.
We have to go to ours.
I'm going to go early and slip out early. It's not a sit down meal, but there'll be plenty of booze and canapes. It should be easy to leave unnoticed.

User135644 · 23/10/2021 13:47

I just don't go to them. Simple.

BarbedButterfly · 23/10/2021 13:47

I never go. I prefer being at home to going out generally and don't drink and get annoyed with the two or three who always hassle me about that.

brittleheadgirl · 23/10/2021 13:47

They're hideous.
I've been at my current workplace for over a decade and haven't been to a single Christmas do

brittleheadgirl · 23/10/2021 13:48

And some of my colleagues are good friends outside of work, so it's nothing to do with the company!

DrSbaitso · 23/10/2021 13:48

I enjoy them. Wouldn't mind in the least if someone else didn't. But I'd rather they just didn't go, than turn up and be downcast all evening and spoiling it for everyone else.

Just say you're busy. Nobody will care.

Bells3032 · 23/10/2021 13:52

I Always hate them. Public sector so have to pay for our own meal and drinks. I'm pretty teetotal and a fussy Eater and I always pay out way more money that what my meal is worth and end up having to buy others alcohol when I'm having diet coke.

We are still working from home at the moment but Christmas do is in person. I'll be 8 months pregnant by then so think I'm gonna use that as an excuse

User135644 · 23/10/2021 13:52

@CaveWoman1

If he's worth his salt as a manager then he'd know not everyone on his team are outgoing extroverts (some will be the opposite). If you don't want to go then politely decline.

I only socialise with work if it's people i'm genuinely friendly with and that i'd keep in touch with if either of us left. I'm civil with my team i'm on now, but i've no desire to spend more than the required 8 hours a day with them.

WhereIsMumHiding3 · 23/10/2021 13:53

I don't go to Xmas Do's - they're really only fun if you drink. Ours are a big drunken evening out - with a posh meal and dancing for £60-80 each + about £20-40 in extra drinks share of a tab. I don't drink so I'm on cola all night. It's always a loud big venue of 100+ people where I can't hear nor sit comfortably (am disabled & wear hearing aids) effectively humouring drunken conversations all night where I've no idea what's been "shouty said" to me over the music.

Also I end up being asked for lifts there and back from close work friends, who don't realise by time I've done round trip to get 4 of them it's taken me over an hour before I even drive to the venue! It comes across harsh if I say no to giving lifts as I'm "driving anyway" )

It's a bloody expensive and long tiring night - I use different excuses every year. But What I really want to say is "ugh it's not fun for me, you all get drunk shrieky and pissed, and I spend each year helping someone crying in the loo to sober up ..."

I happily go out with work mates in smaller groups for meal or comedy show night, and always go to works Xmas meal out at lunchtime each year (less than 2 hours, whole thing is £15 + £10 secret Santa and no round trips to get people)

I used to love work Do's when I was younger!

ilovesooty · 23/10/2021 13:53

@WowIlikereallyhateyou

Always hated them,forced to socialise with a load of people i would otherwise not choose to do, with mediocre food etc My OH hates them too. It is now one of the major benefits for me of being self employed! I at least get a quality work do!

I'm self employed now but I did enjoy my work Christmas dos and rather miss them.

Why on earth do people go to them if they hate them?

Seashor · 23/10/2021 13:53

If you don’t want to go just don’t go!
I always hated them so didn’t go but I’ve found myself organising them and quite frankly I don’t care who doesn’t turn up.

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