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AIBU?

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Original poster

Anyone else dread work Christmas do’s?

117 replies

CaveWoman1 · 23/10/2021 13:11

I think I must be missing a trick here. Does anyone else dread the obligatory Christmas do in Dec? I find them so awkward & pressurised - trying to enjoy yourself (or look like you are) whilst still on your professional guard because you’re around colleagues & senior management. And ours is always miles away from where I live so it’s a right hack to get there by public transport. If I drive, I can’t have a drink.

I struggle with the whole “having fun with colleagues” thing…….I’m quite a private person and whilst I’m on friendly terms with my team at work I don’t want to socialise with them! It just feels so forced somehow. I can put a game face on & do it of course, it’s just I don’t want to! And then there’s the issue of being conspicuous by your absence if you don’t go. At least, that’s how it is for our team.

Our work Christmas do is scheduled in and I am thinking of ways to get out of it. Am I a humbug or does anyone else feel like this?

OP posts:
brittleheadgirl · 23/10/2021 14:28

@DrSbaitso

If a manager is going to judge over the Christmas party, you've got bigger issues in your workplace than the do.
Absolutely!
Willowwarble · 23/10/2021 14:33

I am with you OP but I do not go anymore, I politely refuse and tbh people have got the message don't even ask now. I also usually book the week before Christmas off to avoid lunch at the pub, Zoom Quizzes, Secret Santa etc I fully embrace my inner Grinch.

User135644 · 23/10/2021 14:35

They're nice people so certainly aren't going to overlook me for promotion because I've never attended a Christmas do

Yes Sandra your standard of work is outstanding, and your professional qualities are exemplary but we are going to have to pass you over for promotion. What swung it is you didn't turn up in fancy dress for Halloween last year when Clive came in in a full bat suit. This did not go unnoticed with the SMT".

I don't think any firm worth its salt is so superficially ridiculous.

Porcupineintherough · 23/10/2021 14:37

Ours now try so hard to be inclusive of everybody that they are awful. This year's bright idea is to invite our members (we are a charity) along as well, so even less of a chance for staff to lick back and have fun. It's now work with vegan canapes.

I wont be going.

Porcupineintherough · 23/10/2021 14:37

kick back there will be no licking as there will be no alcohol

DrSbaitso · 23/10/2021 14:38

@Porcupineintherough

kick back there will be no licking as there will be no alcohol
Shame, it could have been quite a party otherwise.
ilovesooty · 23/10/2021 14:41

@User135644

A mole close to the top told me once that was what she looked for and sure enough on an interview, she told me again that was what she admired in me, that I turned up at the events she organized or the school organized.

You should be judged on your work, and how you are in the office, not on whether you turn up for parties. That's just infantile.

Schools can be like that. My last Head had someone at the school musical production (Friday evening event) making a list of all the staff absentees. On the Monday he interviewed every absent member of staff to find out why they hadn't gone. He gave one young member of staff a really hard time for choosing to attend her daughter's birthday party instead. Oh - and staff had to pay full price for their tickets too!
User135644 · 23/10/2021 14:53

@ilovesooty I'd take that to the Union, personally.

ilovesooty · 23/10/2021 15:06

[quote User135644]@ilovesooty I'd take that to the Union, personally.[/quote]
Several things like that got taken to the union who would have supported a grievance. When push came to shove the staff caved in. They were almost all too scared of him to take action.

Eggsdancing · 23/10/2021 15:11

You should be judged on your work, and how you are in the office, not on whether you turn up for parties. That's just infantile

I am not condoning it, I am just saying that's what it was. Many workplaces have things going on in them that ''should'' not happen. It's life, sometimes it's easier to best just go along with it for an easier life.

DFOD · 23/10/2021 15:13

I always dread them but always go and mostly don’t regret it - not that it’s brilliant - just that it wasn’t that grim.

Have noticed that everyone is keeping an eye on when the Sr Manager leaves - and then half clear off home and the other half let rip (I am in the sloping off as soon as I can brigade as I will be driving miles back to the sticks often in bad weather late at night)

Flufferty · 23/10/2021 15:13

I hate them. I just don't go

Eggsdancing · 23/10/2021 15:15

Couldn't and wouldn't work for anyone with that crappy attitude

meh to be honest she was a head I very much liked. Yes, she had some peculiar things that would impress her but I have seen pure tyrannical and draconian heads who would look for the impossible so if keeping her happy and turning up at the odd school function then so be it.

Rosebel · 23/10/2021 15:16

I miss having a works Christmas party. They don't do them where I work as we're open 7 days a week so there'd always be people who couldn't attend.
You don't have to go if you don't want to though. I don't think anyone would really care.

Penners99 · 23/10/2021 15:17

Nope, I never attend.

NotMyCat · 23/10/2021 15:28

Ours is optional
You reply to an email which was

Yes I want to go here
No, pick somewhere else (add suggestion)
No, I don't want to spend any more time with you fuckers Grin

TroysMammy · 23/10/2021 15:36

We usually just have a meal out but because of Covid and the risk that it could be caught and all have it, it would mean the surgery closing. They decided to cancel last year and just as well because the Chef and Waitresses tested positive for Covid 2 days later. No one has been jabbed by then. However it's saved the partners cash 2 years running and the stress of me finding a glittery top.

Dancingonmoonlight · 23/10/2021 15:48

I hate them.

I stopped going for years. Then one year there was a really big black tie one including tv personalities. I convincedysekf to go and while it was an ‘experience’, it wasn’t as awkward as previously (probably because there was so much going on) but I can’t say I enjoyed it.
I think the ‘love to party with acquaintances’ gene is missing from me though. I’m too self conscious.

This year there is one and it will be strange as I work remotely and have never met them! Probably won’t go tbh.

CelebrateAndDream · 23/10/2021 16:35

I never go 🤣 It just wouldn't occur to me to care what anyone thought either 🤷‍♀️

CarrieMoonbeams · 23/10/2021 16:45

I was self employed, but I was a sole trader, so my work's Christmas night out was a bit of a lonely affair - sitting by myself with my wee paper hat on, trying to pull a cracker on my own Sad.

Then one year, "the boss" decided that partners could attend, so that was better. DH and I got a bag of chips each and then got completely hammered on cheap vodka. Wink

Sn0tnose · 23/10/2021 17:16

If there has been one massive plus point about Covid, it has been not having to go to these for a couple of years.

I’ve already said no this year and claimed I can’t afford it. I can, but it’s easier to say that than to fall out with people I’m happy to work with but who would take it personally if I said I don’t want to spend £50 on an overpriced, undercooked meal in a pub I don’t like, followed by a couple of sober hours spent in Wetherspoons talking about work because conversation has dried up, while one colleague who has insisted on travelling together and getting her DH to collect us is getting drunker and louder and talking about going clubbing. I like them, but not enough to come back out into the cold once I’m home. And it’s lovely knowing it’s not hanging over me for another year.

Starfish1021 · 23/10/2021 17:21

God I absolutely hate them. I used to go, often late as I had to get the children settled first and then end up next to the narcissistic project manager that nobody liked. She would proceed to make me feel like shite. After three years, and requests from people I liked it still happened. I ended up relocating overseas so haven’t had to go again. But it still gives me a chill thinking about it. Watching everyone else at the sit down dinner having fun.

HalfShrunkMoreToGo · 23/10/2021 17:23

Pre-Covid our place did them really well. Coaches from several different cities to the party location, hotel rooms for anyone who lives more than an hour away, coaches for those who are within an hour, 3 course dinner with a couple of paid for drinks and then some kind of entertainment. Always a good night and a great chance to see people face to face that you don't see all year.

myheartskippedabeat · 23/10/2021 18:11

I hate them
I'm delighted I work for the nhs and they've put an email out boycotting works Christmas parties as they don't want whole departments off

Makes sense

It is a bit sad
For those who enjoy it but I'm secretly pleased not having to buy a dress, pay £40 a head plus drinks and taxis I'd rather spend my money on my family

MrsDThomas · 23/10/2021 18:18

Im looking forward to it! Only 7 of us in the room so we’re all good pals. Seeing we missed out last year and dinasour Drakeford shut everything a few days before Christmas, were going out and getting bloody hammered.