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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Anyone else dread work Christmas do’s?

117 replies

CaveWoman1 · 23/10/2021 13:11

I think I must be missing a trick here. Does anyone else dread the obligatory Christmas do in Dec? I find them so awkward & pressurised - trying to enjoy yourself (or look like you are) whilst still on your professional guard because you’re around colleagues & senior management. And ours is always miles away from where I live so it’s a right hack to get there by public transport. If I drive, I can’t have a drink.

I struggle with the whole “having fun with colleagues” thing…….I’m quite a private person and whilst I’m on friendly terms with my team at work I don’t want to socialise with them! It just feels so forced somehow. I can put a game face on & do it of course, it’s just I don’t want to! And then there’s the issue of being conspicuous by your absence if you don’t go. At least, that’s how it is for our team.

Our work Christmas do is scheduled in and I am thinking of ways to get out of it. Am I a humbug or does anyone else feel like this?

OP posts:
Lockheart · 23/10/2021 18:25

I don't really recognise the attitude on MN towards work parties, but perhaps I'm lucky where I work. My office is incredibly social (we even have a social committee), the partners are incredibly generous with the budgets, and all events are very well attended. None of them are obligatory, of course. Our office Christmas party is always something I look forward to! They don't cost us much out of our own pocket beyond buying our own drinks once the tab runs out at about 10pm.

Luxembourgmama · 23/10/2021 18:35

Yes they are Hellish

Pushkinia · 23/10/2021 19:01

We haven't had a staff night out in the last 2 years but I've always tried to avoid them (sometimes without success, manager doesn't approve of lack of team spirit) - I'm really not that good at social chit chat, although I'm perfectly friendly with colleagues in the workplace. I don't drive (the venue is never near a bus route), don't drink alcohol, due to medication I'm on, and the expectation from the manager is that we share costs evenly, regardless of how much everyone is eating/drinking, so I end up subsidising other people's alcohol consumption.

I'm using Covid as a reason to avoid crowded pubs/restaurants every time someone at work brings the subject up.

Banani · 23/10/2021 19:06

I hate them. In my last job I used to dodge them, or go for the minimum time possible. I now work for a really small business (fewer then ten members of staff total) and the owner really prides herself on how friendly and family like the office is. They’re lovely to work with but I’m just not into nights out whoever it is, but not attending would be really awkward given the size of the place.

WickedWitchOfTheTrent · 23/10/2021 19:10

Me, I hate them. I love my job, I also love my boss and work colleagues, I just hate work dp's. I'm always knackered and ready for bed about 11, but everyone wants to go in drinking. It's like trying to pull teeth

Stickyblue1987 · 23/10/2021 19:16

I love an Xmas do, and after the lack of anything xmassy last year I cannot wait until mine.
Op is is general work based socialising you dislike or just Xmas?

cptartapp · 23/10/2021 19:17

I hate them so I don't go. Don't care what people think either. Getting older does that to you.

Grapewrath · 23/10/2021 19:27

Personally I can’t stand them. Have no desire to get pissed with a bunch of people I’d be unlikely to choose as friends. I like my work colleagues but I don’t want to spend more time with them than necessary.
I just say no thanks though, I don’t need to make excuses

herestoyoucolinrobinson · 23/10/2021 19:35

I just say no. I think I might have made excuses at one point but now I just say no. Politely.

MadMadMadamMim · 23/10/2021 19:39

I don't dread them in the slightest. I haven't been to one for years. Quite happy to say, No thanks. Not interested. Have a good time.

Don't go if you dread them.

slothbyday · 23/10/2021 19:40

Hate it!

I work for one of those employers who think it's an amazing thing and make it an all day thing that is mandatory to attend, then it often runs into the evening and it's noticed that you've gone home! They pay for it all(food/entertainment). Prep starts now, already talking about themes, presents, what to wear.

If you don't attend you must use annual leave but those who do can have the next day off.

Everyone gets horrifically drunk, someone cries - honestly it's embarrassing! I loved that we couldn't hold it last year.

Really hoping for a kids Xmas play or some other excuse to come up this year!

AlexaShutUp · 23/10/2021 19:43

I really hate them but I can't opt out because I'm the boss!Sad

I really like my team but I know they probably don't want to socialise with me, they just want to relax and have fun with their colleagues. I have to go, but would really rather not.

If you don't like them, just find an excuse. I wouldn't judge anyone for not turning up!

Mango101 · 23/10/2021 19:44

Covid cases/hospitalizations/deaths are higher than a year ago.

High chance parties will be banned by then ?

Snowdropsandbluebells · 23/10/2021 19:46

I haven't been to ours for 9 years.
I enjoyed the last one but it's a stress and a drain as I am more senior than others. I'm friendly and nice to people at work but when the few drinks go in... the wit goes out and bitching starts.

LucyGrey · 23/10/2021 19:48

I'm supposed to pay the deposit for ours on Monday. I'm thinking up plausible excuses at the moment.

CreamFirstThenJamOnTop · 23/10/2021 19:56

I really enjoy ours. We’re a small team in our regional office and we all get on and the company give us a generous budget for a meal out. We choose when and where between us and always have fun.

Shehasadiamondinthesky · 23/10/2021 19:58

Why the hell would anyone want to go and have dinner with people who are not their friends, I usually make an excuse not to go but was trapped into saying yes this year. I'm not happy about it.

YourFinestPantaloons · 23/10/2021 19:58

YANBU. It's one way to completely undo a year's work. There's always a drama at my one

Siameasy · 23/10/2021 20:00

I love them but I like my colleagues and class some of them as friends. In fact I’m the one tasked with organising this years one. But if someone doesn’t like that sort of thing why go? Just don’t

Ostagazuzulum · 23/10/2021 20:04

Hate them. Use DH shifts and lack of childcare as excuse to get out of them. Without that excuse it'd be frowned upon that I did t go and bond with team.

AcrossthePond55 · 23/10/2021 20:08

Loved them until my small office had to consolidate with the head office. The little office staff was like family and our office dos were relaxed and 'cheap and cheerful'. The head office staff were a bunch of snots and office dos were expensive and pretentious. Attendance was technically not mandatory, but it was 'expected'.

One of the benefits of having been diagnosed with Coeliac a couple of years after we merged, was that I was able to say that I would no longer come to any functions if there was nothing I could eat. Since they wouldn't accommodate they couldn't 'expect' my presence.

I also refused to have a retirement do for the same reason. Can you imagine it? They actually wanted to throw ME a party and serve food I couldn't eat! And they were actually stunned when I refused!

HalzTangz · 23/10/2021 20:20

I stopped going to them a good ten years ago and don't feel I'm missing out, or being missed by those that attend

GoingOutOutNEVER · 23/10/2021 20:22

I don’t want to sit with a lot of them at lunch let alone socialise for hours with them!

Coogee · 23/10/2021 20:24

I love them but I like my colleagues and class some of them as friends

Same here. They are good fun.

Dancingonmoonlight · 23/10/2021 20:32

@GoingOutOutNEVER

I don’t want to sit with a lot of them at lunch let alone socialise for hours with them!
GrinGrinGrin
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