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Original poster

Anyone else dread work Christmas do’s?

117 replies

CaveWoman1 · 23/10/2021 13:11

I think I must be missing a trick here. Does anyone else dread the obligatory Christmas do in Dec? I find them so awkward & pressurised - trying to enjoy yourself (or look like you are) whilst still on your professional guard because you’re around colleagues & senior management. And ours is always miles away from where I live so it’s a right hack to get there by public transport. If I drive, I can’t have a drink.

I struggle with the whole “having fun with colleagues” thing…….I’m quite a private person and whilst I’m on friendly terms with my team at work I don’t want to socialise with them! It just feels so forced somehow. I can put a game face on & do it of course, it’s just I don’t want to! And then there’s the issue of being conspicuous by your absence if you don’t go. At least, that’s how it is for our team.

Our work Christmas do is scheduled in and I am thinking of ways to get out of it. Am I a humbug or does anyone else feel like this?

OP posts:
EatSleepRantRepeat · 23/10/2021 13:54

I hate them, but I hate anything black tie and wearing heels anyway. I'd be much happier in a bog-standard wetherspoons where we can wear what we want and leave when we want to.

GADDay · 23/10/2021 13:55

I absolutely loathe Christmas Partes (well any sort of corporate function).

I am self employed now, so it's no longer a problem. When I was an employee, I was just really honest. I would quietly tell my boss that I find large, noisy get togethers extremely difficult to attend and that I would prefer not to go. Followed up with Christmassy Team treats to show that I am not the grinch - I adore Christmas but parties aren't for me.

Mary46 · 23/10/2021 13:56

Not mad on the night! But our meal was very nice. Boss sat beside me ha. Sometimes I dread it but it turns out ok. Some colleagues cant wait to go but thats not me

Mantlemoose · 23/10/2021 13:56

I don't dread them but as a Manager I do go. I'm not going this year though height of stupidity gathering whole workforce together!

CantStartaFireWithoutaSpark · 23/10/2021 13:57

Hate them hate them hate them.
Don’t go, won’t go.
Forced fun with people you probably don’t really like.

Eggsdancing · 23/10/2021 13:57

If I drive, I can’t have a drink

which is safest as when you are sober there's a lot less chance you'll do or say something you'll regret or ''let your professional guard down''.
Reminds me of story of an old friend years ago. A friend was a teacher and out on staff night out got drunk and made a sexual joke in front of the line manager. The next morning friend was called up to the office and severely reprimanded for their 'jokey' comment.

But an important lesson-stay sober on staff nights outs as you don't know who is in earshot or who is willing to run back to mgmt with a recount. The grass is full of snakes.

ilovesooty · 23/10/2021 13:58

@CantStartaFireWithoutaSpark

Hate them hate them hate them. Don’t go, won’t go. Forced fun with people you probably don’t really like.
If you don't like your colleagues I expect you wouldn't want to go.
JaninaDuszejko · 23/10/2021 13:58

I didn't go for years when the DC were small then I went to one a few years ago and had a great time so have been every year since. I've worked for the same employer for a long time and really like my workmates. I tend to drive so I don't drink at them (grew up in the back of beyond so used to being the sober one on nights out).

GADDay · 23/10/2021 13:58

Ohhhh, the horrendous feeling of awkward conversation that tails off, then sitting there all Billy No Mates.

Honestly makes me want to cry.

batmanladybird · 23/10/2021 13:59

@AnyFucker

I stopped going to them years ago
This is how I feel about Xmas school mums' nights out too
DrSbaitso · 23/10/2021 13:59

@CantStartaFireWithoutaSpark

Hate them hate them hate them. Don’t go, won’t go. Forced fun with people you probably don’t really like.
It's not forced.
bluebeck · 23/10/2021 13:59

Oh I love them. I stay sober and listen to all the drunk people telling me their secrets Grin

It's so easy to make excuses at the moment with Covid - if you are going to be miserable, just say you can't go and stay home.

EmeraldShamrock · 23/10/2021 14:00

I enjoyed them years ago.
Now if I've the opportunity for a night on the town I'd rather do it with people I'm close enough with.
Don't go.

User135644 · 23/10/2021 14:01

Covid is a reasonable excuse this year (if you can't think of another one). If you're in a socially distanced office with measures in place, then why be packed together with your office, with however many drunken people in close proximity, on a Friday night in December, when Covid rates (and other viruses) will be off the charts? I'd say it's not a good idea but the hospitality venues need the money.

I just don't reply to the emails and if i'm asked if i'm going I say I can't make it. I don't mind if it's a bunch of people I socialise with through the year (like on previous teams i've been on), but I just can't be arsed otherwise. And all the organising and anticipation for what's always a shit night.

CounsellorTroi · 23/10/2021 14:03

In the dim and distant past before camera phones and social media, Christmas dos were fun as people really let their hair down. But people have to be more careful now lest their antics end up on Facebook!

Eggsdancing · 23/10/2021 14:03

some companies take a dim view of people not going to the xmas do,especially if the individual has a senior role. This has been our experience anyway

this with bells on. I too would be very careful about not going as some managers/bosses/companies do want you there or at school events. My old boss very much liked and rewarded subtly those who turned up at the events he organized especially when parents were there, I am a teacher.
A mole close to the top told me once that was what she looked for and sure enough on an interview, she told me again that was what she admired in me, that I turned up at the events she organized or the school organized.

Magilix · 23/10/2021 14:05

Yes, I hate them and work gives us the afternoon off the evening of the Christmas Party and provides transport so no excuse not to go really. I loved last year when we couldn't have one because of covid. We still got our afternoon off and in lieu of the party work gave
us all a huge hamper each which was amazing.

Pheebs2021 · 23/10/2021 14:07

It's such a coincidence that Dh and I tend to be away that night! What's the chances of that.

User135644 · 23/10/2021 14:09

I too would be very careful about not going as some managers/bosses/companies do want you there

Sod them. Come Monday morning it'll be someone else in the firing line who made a show of themselves at the party. I've even known people to be sacked afterwards.

Orla1970 · 23/10/2021 14:11

I hate the party night type ones. I’ve always felt obliged to go as I’m a manager. One had a total of 400 people there. Super loud. Food poor. Squeezed in like sardines. Queues for the bar and toilet. I always need to buy some outfit that I didn’t really like as I usually dress too casual for these type of do. Most of my colleagues got their make up and hair done too. That was one good thing about the pandemic. Christmas Do cancelled Grin. This year it’s back on but I’m delighted that it’s lunch and drinks at a posh hotel in the city. That feels much better for me although it’s a bit of a trek. I really did hate being pressured to do the slosh! It’s not even an age thing. I’ve always hated the party night ones. Always relieved when they were over for another year Grin

User135644 · 23/10/2021 14:12

A mole close to the top told me once that was what she looked for and sure enough on an interview, she told me again that was what she admired in me, that I turned up at the events she organized or the school organized.

You should be judged on your work, and how you are in the office, not on whether you turn up for parties. That's just infantile.

WhereIsMumHiding3 · 23/10/2021 14:18

Oh I love them. I stay sober and listen to all the drunk people telling me their secrets

Lolz Blue I used to enjoy that aspect too and I'd be "high" on cola, the atmosphere and dancing with the best of them... regailing stories (not secrets though) on Monday morning as I could remember them!

It's not so much as fun 20 years later though as I'm fairly senior now, don't drink & can't dance anymore. And genuinely don't want to know the gossip anymore 🤭

Lostmarbles2021 · 23/10/2021 14:21

I feel exactly the same OP. I can’t get drunk because I have to stay professional. Others do get drunk though because they are in different roles with different professional standards. It’s a long drive for me. It’s so expensive. Especially because I’d need an outfit - that I would never wear again. I’m veggie and the veggie Xmas meal is usually the same price but dreadful quality. I had pasta and a tomato based sauce one year. Worse quality than the weekly one I cook at home. That was the straw that broke the Xmas party back for me. Oh and don’t mention the awful DJs and forced fun dancing. Oh dear god it’s like everything I can’t stand about bad nights out all in one very expensive night. Without any of my ‘I can be myself with them’ friends.

I really like all my colleagues and would happily do a casual lunch with them every week, or go for coffee with any of them at any time - but these big Xmas dos are just not worth the money, effort and my time. I’d rather sit in my PJs, eat dry crackers and watch my least favourite TV show (or worse).

I don’t go and unlikely I ever will now. I’m way past peer pressure.

DrSbaitso · 23/10/2021 14:23

If a manager is going to judge over the Christmas party, you've got bigger issues in your workplace than the do.

brittleheadgirl · 23/10/2021 14:28

@Eggsdancing

some companies take a dim view of people not going to the xmas do,especially if the individual has a senior role. This has been our experience anyway

this with bells on. I too would be very careful about not going as some managers/bosses/companies do want you there or at school events. My old boss very much liked and rewarded subtly those who turned up at the events he organized especially when parents were there, I am a teacher.
A mole close to the top told me once that was what she looked for and sure enough on an interview, she told me again that was what she admired in me, that I turned up at the events she organized or the school organized.

Couldn't and wouldn't work for anyone with that crappy attitude.

As I said earlier, I haven't attended a single social event at work during the decade plus that I have been here.
I have a good working relationship with my colleagues and I'm held in high regard by management.
They're nice people so certainly aren't going to overlook me for promotion because I've never attended a Christmas do Hmm